Part Four
[Note: Decided to rewrite this part for better continuity. Also, to those of you who might’ve been wondering where I’ve been: long story short, got injured at work, haven’t been up to doing much recently. I’m (mostly) okay now, just been a very difficult time.]
“Am daddeh otay?”
“He’ll be fine, probably. He’s pretty tough. I’ll take care of it. Listen, Dusk. Do you still want to stay here?”
“Nu wan wose nyu famiwy!”
“Ever after everything we’ve done to you?”
“Mummah, Dusk…Dusk nu am gud fwuffy. Dusk du bad fing, wowtest ting. Bu’ mummah an’ daddeh sabe Dusk fwom smawty, gib nummies an’ wawm nesties. Nu cawe dat Dusk am wowstest fwuffy,” he began to sniffle. “Dusk nu wan gu. Nu wan be aww awone. Dusk undastan’ dat mummah an’ daddeh nee’ huwt Dusk, bu’ Dusk nu desewbe anyfing ewse. Pwease, nu maek Dusk gu.”
“Dusk, you aren’t bad, you don’t deserve to be hurt.”
“Mummah nu nyo wut Dusk du. Dusk am sowwy, Dusk nu teww mummah, bu’ Dusk nu wan mummah tu haet Dusk! Dusk nu hab wub fow su wong, jus’ wan mummah an’ daddeh tu wub Dusk.”
“I don’t care. Whatever you did, I can promise you that I’ve done worse. But if you want to stay, you’re going to be hurt a lot more. There’s nothing else I can do.”
"Wiww mummah wub Dusk? Wiww Dusk nu gib mummah mowe heawt-huwties?’
“You never hurt…look, it’s more complicated than that. Let’s ignore that for now. Dusk, I’m telling you now, this will be much worse than what I’ve already done. You might die if we go through with this.”
“Dat am otay. Dusk…aftew Dusk wose ebewyting, Dusk tink mebbe it am bettew tu gu fowebah-sweepies. Nu mowe huwties, nu mowe bein’ bad fwuffy. If Dusk gu fowebah-sweepies, nu can huwt mummah nu mowe.”
“Dusk, what did you old owner do to make you hate yourself so much?”
“Owd mummah nu du anyfing. Dusk du bad fing tu owd mummah.”
“Okay, we can unpack that later. For right now, there’s a lot I need to do.”
…
Engineers… Sunset sighed internally as she worked. All of this equipment designed to be usable even with her…eccentricities, yet they never even considered making the water hose out of something more durable? Obviously, being able to use the emergency medical equipment was more important, but even still…
That wasn’t important right now. Ian was going to be okay…probably. IV fluids, a boatload of sedatives, and a stem-cell serum that was probably illegal and unethical as hell to manufacture, all being wasted because he was a moron. Better than him dying, of course, but it would have been better if he could’ve thought things through for half a minute before he did stupid bullshit.
For all her irritation, Sunset had to admit that she appreciated what he’d done, though. She probably wouldn’t have done the same for him, if their positions were reversed. She couldn’t risk everything, not like that. But as much as it hurt to admit it, she recognized that she couldn’t risk both of them, and had to set priorities as such.
This wouldn’t have been an issue though if she had just held it together a little better. No! No use thinking like that. That way of thinking would only make things worse. Better to move forward. Learn from mistakes, not dwell on them.
After she got Ian’s treatment underway, it was time to finish what she’d started with Dusk. Fortunately, what she needed to do was actually simple, even with her limitations. The rudimentary AI in charge of the gene-editing system would be able to do it alone, it just needed the orders. Shame it wasn’t sophisticated enough to work on the cure alone.
The problem there was that she was almost entirely certain that Dusk wouldn’t make it. The fluffy’s self-loathing would make it virtually impossible for him to keep the tight grasp on life that he would need. If he went through with this it’s only be a complicated, wasteful, and prolonged form of suicide. And even if he did survive, Sunset had no illusions as to the truth of the process, even if she tried not to think about it. That being said…
It was his choice to make, and his consequences to bear. That’s what she tried to tell herself, anyway. This wouldn’t be necessary if…if only she was stronger. If only she could fight the cruel compulsions. But that was also a useless thought to have. She was what she was needed to be, good and bad.
…
“Last chance. You don’t want to do this, Dusk. You’re going to die.”
Dusk looked up at her, flinching slightly as his subconscious screamed at him to run. He quashed that urge. She might be frightening, but she had saved him twice. He knew better than to be scared of her.
She didn’t seem to understand. He didn’t care if he died. It was better than being all alone again. Better than dwelling on what he’d done. Better than what he deserved. After what he’d done…anything was better than what he deserved.
“Mummah,” he said, trying to remember what he’d rehearsed in his head so many times. “Dusk nyo mummah nu wan huwt, nu wan Dusk gu fowebah-sweepies, bu’ mummah nu undastan’. Dusk nu can be awone, nu ‘gain. Dusk nyo Dusk am bad fwuffy, nyo nee’ change fow mummah, su Dusk nu mind if huwt, nu mind if gu forebah-sweepies.”
“You should just go. I’m not worth it.”
"Mummah nu wowf it? Mummah am stwong, sabe Dusk, am smawt. Dusk…fwuffies nu am wowf nuffin’. Wut fwuffies du? Nuffin’ bu’ num, enf, an’ gib huwties. Fwuffies nebah du anyfing! Dusk nebah du anyfing gud. Onwy du bad fings. Onwy wet speciaw-fwiend hab wowstest huwties fow su wong, nu eben hewp.
"Mummah, wen Dusk speciaw-fwiend gu fowe-wen Dusk kiww speciaw-fwiend, Dusk undastan’ somefing. Wowd nu cawe ‘bout fwuffies. Fwuffies wewe nebah fow huggies an’ wub, fwuffies wewe onwy fow huwties an’ fowebah-sweepies. Fwuffies onwy hab gud tings ‘cuz mummahs ow daddehs. Fwuffies nebah gib, fwuffies onwy taek.
"Su wut? Mummah gib huwties? Wut ewse am fwuffies fow? Biwdie-fwiends an’ buggy-munstahs an’ doggy-munstahs aww gib wowse. Fwuffies…fwuffies am twash. Wowd tink fwuffies nu am gud fow nuffin bu’ be nummies. An’ Dusk tink dat tuu. Dusk were awways wowfwess, onwy ebah hab gud fings 'cuz Dusk am gib gud fings. Dusk nebah du nuffin to git gud fings.
“Owd mummah wub Dusk, an wut Dusk du? Dusk…” he stopped.
“Oh Dusk…you shouldn’t think like that.”
“Mummah sae were fwuffy?”
“I was.”
“An wut mummah du?”
…
Sunset froze. The question bit deeper than she’d expected. What had she done as a fluffy? What choices had she made? Thinking back on it, she realized something. She’d only made two meaningful choices in her life. One to go with mother when she was offered an escape from the Hasbio labs. And the other when she agreed to become what she was now.
She’d never actually made a difference all those years. She’d never touched a life in a positive way. She’d just gone through the motions, the same pointless bullshit that all fluffies did. Had mother even loved her? Had she improved mother’s life in any way? Or had mother just taken her in out of guilt?
“Nothing…” she whispered.
…
Dusk regretted saying that. He couldn’t read mummah’s emotions well, but even he could tell what he’d said hurt her. He hadn’t meant it like that! He’d just wanted her to understand!
“Dusk am sowwy. Dusk nu wan be meanie tu mummah. Dusk am gwateful fow mummah an’ daddeh, jus’…Dusk nu nyo wai mummah an’ daddeh cawe 'bout Dusk. Dusk nu am wowf anyfing.”
“You aren’t worthless, Dusk.”
“Mummah?”
“What is it?”
“Pwease jus’ wet Dusk choose.”
“You’re going to die!”
“DUSK NYO! DUSK WIWW DIE IF GU, TUU! DUSK NU WAB NUFFIN WEFT! PWEASE WET DUSK DIE HEWE, NU WAN DIE AWONE!”
“Okay. That’s your choice to make. I’m sorry, I wish it wasn’t this way.”
Dusk’s tension eased, slightly. He wasn’t going to have to leave! He wouldn’t have to die alone! As he walked to the sterile white room he’d never before seen, his only regret was not being able to say goodbye to daddeh.
Part Six
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