Abstract
A field observation study into a ten claims of fluffy pony religion developing in feral herds. Of the reported claims, four herd phenomena were unable to be located, two were determined to be behaviors learned from owners, two were located but were unable to be observed, one was determined to be caused by human, not fluffy behavior, with the final one exhibiting group behavior that could not be explained via other reasons. This study sheds light on emergent fluffy pony theological social phenomena that warrants further research.
Introduction
Fluffy Ponies developed by the Hasbio Corporation have significant cognitive and social abilities compared to many house pets. While certain reasoning skills are underdeveloped compared to more traditional house pets which results in the general belief that fluffy ponies are unintelligent, they are capable of communicating some abstract concepts via their primitive spoken language.
Many fluffy ponies are raised in households with religious or superstitious families and quickly learn positive concepts like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny as well as negative concepts like Krampus and the Boogyman. Many are able to comprehend the concept of God(s) as a âSky Daddyâ when interacting with owners that pray regularly.
However, there has been a growing trend of unverified reports on social media of feral herds practicing strange rituals. These range from herds holding group prayers or celebrating holidays they once did as domestic fluffy pony to cultlike behavior like speaking in âtonguesâ, worshipping inanimate objects or performing strange rituals. The purpose of this paper is to evaluate these claims and determine if religion as an emergent phenomenon among fluffy ponies is developing.
Methods
We looked at social media platforms, Facehoof, DikDok, Peeper, and Instragraph were collected and evaluated. Of 135 claims of fluffy pony âcultsâ, 75 were immediately discarded as falling outside the scope of the study. These reasons included hoaxes like âPoopy Herdsâ posted by clout farmers to deceive the elderly, documented novel behavior among fluffy ponies like âsmartyâ harems, and insufficient information to justify committing resources to investigating further.
Of the remaining 60 instances, 23 were determined to be cultural and/or holiday practices or behavior conditioning from non Hasbio fluffy pony training resources. Examples included avoiding certain foods, babbling broken prayers that were determined to be derived from Latin, Hebrew, and Arabic, and fearing punishment from the âMonster Manâ for bad behavior which fluffy ponies learn from the controversial Forever FoalTM product.
The remaining 37 instances were evaluated, and the final 10 candidates were chosen based on proximity to the researchers for study and likelihood of locating the feral herds based on information located in the social media post.
Material preparation for the study involved training 10 nearly adult fluffy pony colts purchased from the last chance sections at Fluffmart, due to budgetary concerns for research and for their dull colors which tend to be more common in feral herds. 10 miniature GoPros cameras were also procured for the study.
The training consisted of acclimating the fluffy ponies to other fluffies(primarily each other), getting them used to wearing their camera collars, and simulating an outdoor environment for them to more easily forage while searching for the herds in question.
Commencement of the study involved the research team driving the prepared fluffy pony subjects to locales near reported herd phenomena, establishing a base of operations at a hotel, and releasing the fluffy ponies into the woods with instructions to find other âfluffy friendsâ with promises of rewards for success.
Findings
Subject 1, Bud, was released in the rural upstate Virginia. After 7 hours, he encountered a feral fluffy pony preaching âpeace an wubâ and was brought back to the herdâs nest. It was determined their primary source of food was an illegal cannabis farm on federal land. Bud befriended the Herdâs leader, a mare named Harmony, and was indoctrinated into the cult. It was determined that Harmony was a stray that escaped her owner at a music festival and was returned to her owner. The owner of Harmony held many new age beliefs, and these were passed on to the fluffy pony. The cannabis farm was reported to Virginia Fish and Wildlife officers.
Subject 2, 5, 7, and 10, Max, Cooper, Sheldon, and Jay, were released in various sites in North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, and Maryland. After 7 days of observation, 3 of the fluffy ponies were recovered with no contact. They suffered from minor malnutrition and social withdrawal. Sheldon was hit by a car and found dead.
Subject 3, Charlie, was released in West Virginia, he made contact with the herd 3 separate times over the week but was unable to befriend them or follow them back to their herd as they were wary of distressed and solitary fluffies. Charlie appeared traumatized and remarked that he was scared of dark times. Reviews of his recording found faint crying of a far away fluffy calling for help over several nights. It was determined social isolation and the empathetic nature of fluffies had caused psychological distress.
Subject 4, Jax, was released in north Georgia, after 2 days he encountered the herd in question. Close to the location of their nest was a well-manicured clearing kept maintained by the herd with many small mounds marked with smooth rocks they deemed pretty. Jax was informed this field was âSkettilandâ where fluffies that died went after passing. Jax attempted to dig up one of the mounds only to uncover the remains of a dead fluffy pony. He was killed by the herd for defacing a grave and buried. During recovery of Jax via GPS, the researcher was able to interrogate the fluffies who were defensive of the mounds and was able to determine the old herdâs leader was a runaway whoâs owner had buried his other fluffies in his yard when they passed away.
Subject 6, Leo, was released in rural West Virginia. He was not recovered. His camera was found smashed near his last logged GPS location. The collar it was attached to was unbuckled and the damage was inconsistent with an animal attack. Memory on the camera was damaged but what was recovered included Leo encountering crude sticks ornaments tied together with fluffy pony fluff, his distorted crying throughout the night, what appeared to be cairns made of fluffy skulls, and a single frame of what appeared to be a horse skull in the dark. It was concluded that a local hunter in the woods likely hates feral fluffy ponies and hunts them down, destroying and discarding the collar after discovering Leo was not a feral fluffy. The incident was reported, and footage was provided to local law enforcement for vandalism of private property.
Subject 8, Gizmo, was released in the western half of Pennsylvania. After 4 days of searching, he encountered the target herd and was inducted into the herd. The herd was found to engage in multiple religious behaviors unlikely to be acquired from human owners. Among them was the belief that airplanes which they referred to as âsky place vroomy friendsâ created pegasus fluffy ponies and provided âgood watersâ to faithful worshippers. Additionally, unicorns were mistreated in the herd and viewed as the most disposable in dangerous circumstances like raiding farms for crops. After recovery of Gizmo, the herd was interrogated at it was explained that long ago there was what was likely a forest fire where the herd was surrounded and faced certain death because their unicorn smarty led them into a ravine. It was concluded that a firefighting plane dropped water on them saving them from the blaze while the smarty drowned resulting in their cargo cult reverence and developing caste system.
Subject 9, Orion was released in Southern Ohio, he made contact with the target herd once but experienced a similar rejection to subject 3. Orion experienced similar isolation trauma and review of footage found animal calls indicates he was stalked by an owl two nights in a row. Cries of fear and pain indicate the owl caught and ate another feral fluffy pony.
Results
While inherited human religious traditions passed on to fluffy ponies play a large impact on fluffy pony culture. Novel and emergent beliefs such as those found by subject 8 shed significant insight into the potential development and origins of early human religion.
Discussion
There were difficulties in conducting these studies within and in areas surrounding West Virgina due to the mountainous terrain and lack of infrastructure. Rural communities are more hostile to fluffy ponies as well and most subject losses were likely related to this.
Further research should be conducted in more developed areas where observation of fluffy ponies is easier and human development and intervention can result in artificial cataclysms that disrupt fluffy pony social structures.
The discovery of a cargo cult and creation myth among fluffy ponies is an exciting opportunity to research further. Using data collected we can review the original sample group to determine locations for further observations as well as expand the scope of subjects to search online rumors for potential candidates. Presently, one of researchers is establishing trail cameras to passively observe the Pennsylvania herd more in depth.
References
It was revealed to me in a dream a.k.a. Divine Prophecy
Git Gud
Lol who reads this section?
