Even a smart smarty is stupid (by recreationalsadist)

Martin was happy.

After a long time he finally had been able to get back into dating and had a girlfriend.

And she was about to come over tonight.

Then his pet fluffy Marzipan walked over to him.

“Daddeh, can Mawizpan habe sketties fow dinnew?”

“I’m sorry, but today isn’t skettiday.”

Marzipan looked sad for a moment, then grinned.

“Daddeh, wut am ‘cunt?’”

Martin gasped in shock.

“Marzipan, that’s a very bad word! Don’t say that!”

Marzipan gave an evil grin.

“Daddeh gibe Mawzipan sketties whenebew Mawipan wants ow Mawzipan caww Daddeh’s nyu speciaw-fwiend a ‘cunt’ and sai dat dat’s wut daddeh cawws hew! Mawzipan am su smawt!”

Martin’s eyes narrowed.

“Yu du wut Mawzipan sai! Am Smawty!”


Martin’s date was impressed.

“Wow, your apartment looks great!”

Martin took her coat, which had the extra holes tentacle monster would need if they existed.


His date noticed something.

“What’s with that grinding machine? And why is there a bloody pile of meat, bones, and marzipan-colored fur next to it? With a collar next to it with a tag on it with ‘Marzipan’ engraved on it?”

Martin shrugged.

“Dr. Ricky Guerra says that abusing fluffies is an objectively moral act.”

“Isn’t he the mayoral candidate who bit the head off a fluffy onstage to intimidate his opponent Frederick Peterson at their first debate? And then called Peterson a ‘fluffy-fucking fraud?’”


“I love him! He promised to open new portals to the tentacle monster dimension if elected! Which I support despite not being a tentacle monster! Look at my opposable thumbs!”

She wiggles them. Martin appreciates this.


Meanwhile Marzipan has arrived at the gates of Skettiland, where he was met by Fluffy Saint Peter, the former Queen of Britain, and an incredibly angry man in a horrible colorful costume.

“Yu am bad fwuffy, yu twy to fowce hoomen tu gibe yu sketties. Yu gu to Sowwywand!”

A hole opened beneath Marzipan’s feet and he plummeted into eternal damnation in Sorryland.

“Well at least I don’t have to do the ‘Welcome to Skettiland’ dance,” said Josef Mongola.

Fluffy Saint Peter’s eyes narrowed.

“Yu am happy dat fwuffy gu to Sowwywand?! Just fow dat yu habe tu du dancies aww day!”


“Nao it am twu days! Wan twy fow thwee?”


Josef Mongola and the former Queen of England are fictional characters belonging to @BFM101 .


Now that’s a hot take if I’ve ever seen one


It’s true!

The Queen of Britain’s a mascot like Ronald McDonald or the Burger King.

Britain retired the character after her current actress passed away.


The headcanon that everything is just an eldritch fantasy waiting to pop… I love it.

1 Like

dear god, this is the funniest statement ive ever seen