HASBIO “FLUFFY PROJECT” NOTE #3904
While we all hope consumers follow the directions drafted for the day to day care of their biotoy to allow the intended timeframe before replacement, it should stand to reason a fairly high amount of consumers may forgo these orders either out of negligence or in leu of their own judgment based on how irritable these things can be. The Financial Department requested my team’s assistance in seeing what may or may not constitute a viable warranty regarding feeding as it’s the only variable without observation due to the the Floor’s policy regarding feeding time and quantity.
To this end we have set up two identical rooms with all the amenities a fluffy may need in terms of entertainment, comfort, and sanitation with the only difference being quality, quantity, and frequency of feed provided. Room One will be fed by Mummah’s Bestes’ ™ spaghetti flavored, multivitamin kibble which will be filled in one hour intervals, where as Room Two will be half filled with standard kibble at a rate of twelve hour intervals. Tests will continue until product mortality after which an autopsy will be performed and results will be sent to the Warranty and Product Damage Assessment teams for signs of warranty voiding biotoy mistreatment.
Room One Summary and Post Test Assessment
B-35, a pale pink pegasus mare, took to the relocation well, commenting on the “pwetty waww cowows” and “su many toysies!” And spent the first hour exploring her new environment and playing with the toys provided. Subject only noticed the food provided when her stomach audibly grumbled and took incredibly well to the feed calling it the “bestes skettie nummies” and finishing her bowl in a single setting before returning to her play with noticeably more energy than before. As the day went on subject remained polite to feedings saying “fanku fow bestes nummies nu-can-see daddah” with every refilling of the feed bowl.
Physical changes were noticeable on the second day of testing with subjects coat becoming visually healthier with better consistency and color and putting on increase in weight. At approximately 17:00 subject found the remote to the installed entertainment system which, after a long period of fumbling, activated it playing a trial run of the FluffTV program HR produced to which she became enraptured with (calling it the “pwetty cowow box wif nices fwuffies”) and supplemented her feeding with watching and completely disregarding the provided toys. From this point forward subject would exhibit difficulty breathing and increase in pulse with physical exertion.
At day five subject, now (to the best I can tell) obese, made the decision to relocate her bedding and litter box next to the feed bowl and water dispenser which took around 3 hours despite being only being 1.5 meters in distance and only breaking to feed and release her bodily fluids. It should be noted subjects bowel movements have become surprisingly frequent likely due to high vitamin content of the given feed.
On day seven of testing subject became completely immobile becoming obese to the point her legs no longer touch the ground. Subject now complains of difficulty breathing at resting (“nu haff can bweafies kaff kaff”) and keeps a consistently dangerous blood pressure and pulse rate (“heawt huwties”) and shows complete apathy towards the refilling of her bowl and the television. Subject would be declared inoperable at 22:35 where they were extracted and prepped for examination.
Initially notes of the autopsy shows subject’s final weight to be approximately 35 kgs (nearly triple the size of the average biotoy) and bursting of the capillaries in the eyes and snout attributed to high blood pressure and near constant coughing. Upon opening the subject the heart and liver were notably enlarged and surrounded by a thick layer of fat. Upon further assessment of the heart, valve failure was noted in the left side multiple spots of dead tissue were found along the surface. Lungs were compressed due to body weight and filled with fluid. Cause of malfunction was deemed to be congestive heart failure leading to respiratory arrest.
Room Two
Q-25, a brown earthy stallion, entered the room with the same level of excitement as the previous subject and explored for a similar amount of time before complaining of hunger. The subject made his way to the food bowl and, upon seeing it empty, looked at the feed chute expectantly for approximately 5 minutes before growing annoyed and returning to play with his toys. Upon activation of the feed chute the subject, now notably fatigued, quickly made his way to the food bowl and fed veraciously despite his complaints of “nu taste pwetty…” before stumbling off and laying down.
Subject remained more active than Room One which is assumed to be in a bid to stave off boredom and hunger. At day three subject was visually emaciated with bones being able to be seen through his coat and much lower energy than when the test started. Subject found the remote on this day and, when finally turned on, an episode of Cookie Mummah’s Cookin’ Tiem! ™ played which caused the subject to salivate and press his face into the screen. Upon seeing the meal being prepared given to another fluffy the subject appeared to suffer a brief psychotic break resulting in the subject mumbling “it nu am faiw… am gud fwuffy… wan nummies… it nu am faiw… it NU AM FAIW…” before attempting to break the remote. After an (obviously) failed attempt, subject kick the remote out of view and cowering under his hooves and crying himself to sleep. This behavior continued for multiple days in a row.
On day six, subject attempted to stack blocks; however, was too weak to do so causing one to fall on his right front leg resulting in obvious deformity. Subject screamed for a short time before reverting to chirps and peeps, at that time (as luck should have it) the feed chute opened and the subject attempted to walk to the feed bowl. Subject appeared confused as to why the mangled leg wouldn’t function (“wy nu wowk weggie… nee’ nummies…”). When this failed subject attempted to drag himself with the one good leg which did get him there but with several complaints of “Buwnie tummeh huwties.” Upon feeding, subject flinched back from the bowl complaining of “wowstes’ mouf huwties!” Subject then propped up against the food bowl for the remainder of the night.
At 0027 subject made complaints of “wowstes weggie huwties” and the room being “tu spinny am’ su su hawt” before closing his eyes. Subject was pronounced inoperable at 0947 of day 7 and prepared for assessment.
Initial notes of the autopsy showed the subject showed signs of severe malnutrition with sunk in eyes and skin around the body being almost adhered to the bone, multiple broken teeth, and underweight. Signs of infection were noted on the broken leg with open fractures being noted on the upper and lower leg which were oozing pus at this point and necrosis of the soft tissue. Upon opening the subject shrinking of the stomach, large, and small intestine were noted to be shrunken in size. Subject’s skeletal structure was incredibly brittle (more so than the average biotoy) and nearly hollow. Cause of malfunction was determined to be sepsis originating in the broken leg.
Final Notes
While they may be persistent in their need for food, the feeding guidelines set by Hasbio Inc. are held by years of experience to produce the healthiest possible product. Appropriate research notes have been sent to the Warranty and Product Damage Assessment teams. Memo has also been sent to Sales and Marketing to advise potential distributors of the hazards of over feeding and to advise customers that may be out of the home for extended periods of time to invest in an autofeeder. While we may see this as an obvious, multiple undue warranties due to negligence and/or over indulgence leads to worsening of our representation and (although some would rather see it as otherwise) is inherently unethical due to these being functionally living and feeling things.
-Dr. Abigail Cassidy, PhD of Biology and Psychology
