“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T BUY A SNAKE AND FEED IT FLUFFIES?” Yells the skinny hoodie wearing creature whose pale white skin is broken up by patchy facial hair and ample acne. The gaunt though comparitively normal looking pet shop worker sighs putting a hand to his face, “Because sir that would be animal abuse .” It was obvious to tell that one the Cashier had dealt with stuff like this before and two, a few more visits would send him into the threshold where any attempted homicide would be treated as manslaughter. The creature hisses as he holds the small King snake in a plastic container the thing is clearly terrified and balled up looking at this scene in pure uncomprehending horror. “FLUFFIES AREN’T EVEN ANIMALS YOU FAGGOT!” Showing just how manly his 90lbs soaking wet ass is with casual homophobia. “Well in Oregon they’re livestock, and it’s because you run way too high of a risk killing the snake.”
The creature’s glare intensifies as it shows it’s yellowing teeth reeking of shitty cigarettes and cheaper alcohol, “Bullshit snakes are fucking evil! They eat anything.” The cashier gives a dejected puff once more having to clear up a common misconception, “Alright sir, you said you wanted to purchase a ‘talkie baby’.” He hated using that terminology but the pet store demanded he use those terms. To be fair babbeh is more accurate than foals because fluffies don’t have much equid in em. “Yeah! I wanna hear it scream.” He sniggers as the cashier puts his hand to his face clearly intimidated by all that edge. “Alright well one, we want people who will actually want to enjoy their pets and not use them as a fetish item.” The creature’s eye twitches, unhappy that his life pursuit is being called a mere fetish! “Two, live food is super dangerous for snakes, because most domestic snakes aren’t used to food that fights back.” The creature who the author is now deciding to name Kyle grimace grows stronger before returning to a smug smirk, “So what it’s not like a snake has a brain or anything.” ‘With that knowledge of anatomy I doubt you do’ ran through the cashier’s mind as the poor snake was still huddled up.
The cashier raised himself up with his hands, “Can I demonstrate something for you?”, Kyle shrugged as if saying ‘yeah I’m too cool to care’. He pushed the snake away from the two of them as he pointed at Kyle, “Alright imagine you’re a snake and I’m a fluffy.” Kyle nods getting smugger before the cashier raises himself up and begins to scream, “HOLY SHIT LIVING FOOD THAT I WANNA EAT HOOOLY FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE FOOD THAT I INSTINCTIVELY WANNA EAT, LET ME JUST TOOUCH YOU ALL FUUUCKING OVER!” Several animals are now screeching in fear, though luckily it was late enough that only freaks and weirdos were currently shopping. The cashier felt bad for scaring the snake but it still needed to be said.
Kyle shook off his fear before pounding the table, “FINE! So the snake is a little bitch! Do you have anything here that will eat these shitrats?”. The cashier is now once again stoic as ever though now just a bit more smug, “Besides other shitrats?” Kyle gets closer, “Listen fucker! You better give me something super fucking mean! Cause if not me and my friends will fuck you up I’m a psycho! I’m twisted!” It is after the fifth synonym for suffering from psychosis that the Cashier snaps, “Actually we have one, new species of snake revived from extinction we have one on display actually in the reptile section.” Kyle looks unimpressed, “Really all I saw was a big statue!” He says waving a noodly arm at the Cashier unaware that reptiles don’t move much unless eating. “No our girl Bouina is very much alive, only Titanoboa on the west coast, course she’s laid eggs so that’s gonna change soon.” There is just a subtle hint of menace to the Cashier’s voice “SO! GIVE ME A FUCKING EGG!” Yells Kyle. The Cashier looks to the side, “It’s not exactly legal…” Kyle is now even more fed up, “I DON’T CARE FUCKER GIVE IT TO ME!” He pulls out a shitty pocket knife presumably purchased at pharmacy, “Alright but it’s a lot of effort. maybe you should get to know her first, spend some time with her y’know. Just see if you really want to get into this.” He smiles as he walks off to the reptile section bumping a stubby man whose basket contains way too much animal lube. Then the sound of a man climbing with great effort and a loud thump, followed by very loud agitated hissing.
The Cashier moves over to the king snake and begins to gently stroke it, very thankful for two things. That there are no microphones on the store cameras, and that suicide is very legal in Oregon.
15 Likes
Why is this kid bothering with something that can eat him? A 4foot ball python would do the trick just fine. Besides, he’s just buying his death ticket.
6 Likes
Doubtful, Ball Pythons are wusses and a talkie foal is a bit too big and loud for it.
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I doubt that. I mean, if ball pythons don’t do the trick, then large burmes pythons will. They can swallow whole children.
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It was originally gonna be a burmese, but the reason I changed it is that life is meaningless, that’s why.
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I don’t know man, talkies are as squeky as rubber ducks. Their high pithed screams will probably give the snake a brain damage XD
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Real shit giving adult fluffies to potentially aggressive animals as toys is a bad idea. Seeing as how that can lead to them getting aggressive with kids.
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I have to say, i would never feed an animal a fluffy. You don’t know for sure whats in a fluffy, you don’t know what it will do to your animal. Don’t do that shit.
6 Likes
For starters, its full of shit
5 Likes
Said the 13 years old who still thinks incognito mode actually makes his edgy porn searching completely impossible to track.
6 Likes