The Intricacies of Fluffy Courtship
Also known as:
The Bad Touch
Nothing but wholesome content ahead.
As the doctor known as Dre once said, bitches ain’t shit. In this context he is not degrading women, but the piss-pants among us who cry whenever one of these entries go live. They’re nothing but hoes and tricks. That’s an honest diagnosis from a doctor, right there. I could get more vulgar with this bit, but that would be too indecent for even my tastes. Do not mistake my restraint for giving a fuck about anyone’s feelings or cherished headcanons; nothing has changed in that regard. However, we will be delving into the nitty-gritty of how fluffies give the fuck, so that’s going to be a trip. For those of you who actually have a chance with getting intimate with a partner of the opposite sex, don’t be like a fluffy – be safe and be smart. For the rest of you: I’m sure your headcanons will keep you company at night.
NOTE: This entry will assume fluffies are simplistic, heteronormative creatures, with the understanding that they were designed to be profitable living toys that could make more of themselves. If you have gay fluffies in your headcanon, more power to you. I will be covering the exceptions to this assumption, but I would hope that no one in their right mind would actually consider the exceptions positive LGBT representation. But then again, this is Fluffy Community and people will bitch about the sky being too blue.
Fluffies are for hugs and love;
The default state of a fluffy’s regard for others of its kind is a blissful and unconditional enjoyment of their company. Fluffies will while away the hours playing clumsy games of tag, song-singing, hugging, and whatever general cutesy hugbox bullshit you can imagine them doing. It is a pretty simple arrangement that fluffy friendships aren’t actually built on mutual interests or depth and this is probably why the notion resonates so well with some of you, hahaha.
When a fluffy comes of age… nothing much happens at all, in truth. With people, sexual awakening is an awkward and stressful time, but fluffies don’t struggle with complicated topics like that unless someone decides to make them an allegory for LGBT struggles. As stated in the introduction, more power to them, and best of luck wherever they are. In contrast, the standard fluffy is content with maintaining its usual frolicking, carefree behavior, until it meets another fluffy which makes its groin region feel tingly.
As with most aspects of fluffy motivations, copulation is a simple affair. Do the potential couple like each other? Do they both want to mate? There will be no need to ponder these burning questions, the panting banter of two horny imbeciles will be self-evident of the answers. Owing to their intended nature of being innocent and child-like, fluffy courtship is usually quaint. How involved the process is relies, as always, on headcanon, though the throughline lies in the propositioning of “special huggies”.
Fluffies are normally overjoyed to be asked to partake in “special huggies” with their chosen partner. Yet, rejection is a specter that lurks about fluffy-kind the same way it does in human relationships. If a fluffy’s advances to its fluff-interest are not reciprocated at first, it is expected that the two will remain on cordial terms in most cases. With some persistence, perhaps the two of them will overcome the difficult start.
The ever-present shadow of fluffy stupidity always looms, though. Just as how some people don’t know when to take a hint in real-life, there are fluffies who take the idea of persistence and shit it all up to no one’s surprise.
Consent is a funny ‘suggestion’;
Fluffies are frequently shown raping each other. This section will not dwell on this facet of fluffy behavior, but it is here to acknowledge it. The reasons for why a fluffy would subject another of its kind to this humiliation are numerous. Some say it is just an unforeseen quirk of animal instinct manifesting in disturbing ways, and in truth, animals do display some disturbing tendencies in nature when it comes to sexual violence.
Looking at you, dolphins. You bottle-nosed CIA lapdogs. You smooth-skinned FedBoi narcs. You buttheads.
Others believe fluffies lack the mental capacity to realize the moral objections of rape. Again, one does not need to look far into the animal kingdom to witness instances of forceful copulations. In fact, for some species, the act of mating is inherently violent. For example, male giraffes will brutalize a female by bashing their heads into her hindquarters until she urinates, at which point he will smell the resultant sample for the pheromones signalling that she is in breeding condition. This may be disconcerting to us as humans, but this behavior is a product of natural selection which allows the giraffe species to continue as it has done for a million years.
This baser instinct for fluffies to reproduce may be steeped in as much reason as giraffe mating habits, which is to say very little to none at all. Those poor giraffe-ladies, though.
Dolphins are just horrible all around because they display enough intent in their actions for scientists to conclude they are aware of their raping ways and they do not care. Fuck those fucking things.
This foal is making me question my allegiance to Rome;
Get it, because Rome was in Italy and Italy is the origin of spaghetti –
Yeah, there’s no getting around this special corner of fluffy behavior. I’m not even going to look to the animal kingdom for this one, either.
Fluffies rape foals. It’s just a thing that happens. I don’t care how much you protest the enfie babbeh tropes, and the people who depict fluffies raping foals don’t care, either. Your tears probably motivate them.
Foal-rapists are depicted as smarties whose only concern when targeting a foal is how quickly they will achieve orgasm. The survival of the foal, or foals, never enters their thoughts. Likewise, stallions that are generally denied sexual intercourse with of-age mares will seek out foals for their gratification.
Foal-fuckers may never face retribution. Sometimes a foal-fucker is only in a story to justify the extreme prejudice of retribution.
The exception to the heteronormative behavior of fluffies is the propensity for stallions to rape other stallions. This includes male foals. From smarties asserting dominance over their defeated foes, critical sexual frustration reaching its unfortunate conclusion, or plain fluffy stupidity, the reasons for same-sex transgressions are all paltry justifications for the behavior which results.
It is with this consideration that content which depicts these tendencies are not counted as works which support the LGBT cause. For obvious fucking reasons, I would hope. Hahaha, no pun intended.
As much as I enjoy shit-talking this community for its faults, I just spent an hour of my life writing about how imaginary shitrats get down to fucking each other so let it be known that I am taking the unequivocal L today, Fluffy Community.
FOOTNOTE: There are some works which depict fluffies as sex-toys or sex slaves for people. As cursed as that sentence is, this is only a footnote because there’s not really any nuance about how a fluffy is meant to react when subjected to this treatment. “Fwuffy nu wan’ mistah no-no stick!” doesn’t really have a whole lot of mileage. Besides, fluffies raping each other is one level accepted horribleness – people raping fluffies goes into the controversial section.