Rumors and disturbing videos surfacing online…
A shaky cellphone vid of a brown fluffy waddling around in a vat of gravy, saying ‘Sawisbuwy wub gwavy!’ is presented to the audience at home. Ominous music plays in the background.
What are they feeding YOUR children!?
In this special CHANNEL 8 ACTIONS NEWS EXPLOSIVE DOCUTAINMENT SERIES, step into the dark world of public school cafeterias.
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“I mean, it’s pretty obvious they’re serving kids fluffies as food.” Opines one teenager with her face blurred out. “Half of the time they’re still alive.”
footage cuts to a student at lunchtime holding what’s obviously a shaved talkie-babbeh squeezed between a hotdog bun. It’s nibbling on the bun and giggling
“I’ve heard of these disgusting rumors. There was an isolated problem, relegated to a supplier we’ve since cut business with.” A rather sweaty looking man listed as being the principle of Creekview High School laments as some reporter catches him out in the faculty parking lot, shoving a microphone in his face.
“An issue with suppliers.” The narrator of this docutainment news segment questions. Before a menu is displayed on screen. “Is questionable.”
footage accredited to being filmed at the same location shows multiple fluffies happily walking up a ramp in the cafeteria loading dock, cheering about being taken to Skettiland
“Do you need more proof, viewers? We sent our award-winning undercover journalist to give you everything you need.” The narrator continues on before the video turns to a man who isn’t undercover at all just walking around a lunchroom, obviously being followed by an entire crew.
“Hey, you’re not allowed in here!” A lunchlady protests halfheartedly as the reporter busts into the kitchen area and begins just pointing out obvious violations.
“Look. Right there. That’s a fluffy slider.” He said, pointing to a chirpy peeping and cheeping under two buttered buns.
“And there?” He points to a sink filled to the brim with different fluffies. Most were dead but some were waggling out their limbs asking for good uppies and a nyu housie.
The reporter boldly walks over to a walk-in and slams the door open. A bunch of fluffies run out, squealing and babbling. One stays behind to munch on a head of lettuce, looking quizzical.
“Oh my God.” He had gotten to a row of ovens, flipping one open. A bunch of fluffies baked whole into flaky pie pastries. “Pillow pies!”
The footage cuts off there, though a scrolling list of other violations follow:
No sign telling employees to wash hands
No mats on the floor
Feces covering a fair deal of the room
Dead fluffies stored next to fresh, ready to serve produce
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Channel 8 ACTION NEWS has interviewed parents about this disturbing situation:
‘First I had to worry about ‘dem dere schools turning my CHILLUN gay ‘n queer with books and now they’re feeding them fluffies!?’ Offers up one unemployed father.
‘Fluffies are friends. They aren’t food!’ A portly middle-aged woman in a sweater that has ‘Fluffies are for wubs n huggies!’ on the front.
‘Hell, I don’t pay for it. They get the free lunch program.’ Offers up the honesty of local cigarette mom, Kandy Hoobersnortch.
