Re:We’d Love To Hear Stories About Your Sporries!
I appreciate the interest in my work, but I’m not exactly going to reveal my secrets to your readers. I’d be willing to sit down for a digital interview, and can give you the basics here so you can come up with some questions in advance.
So you remember that rich dude who bought a ghost town in Skelton, Ohio, converted it into a kinda doomsday prepper bunked, and created a new organism that made Fluffies into zombies? I’m not sure how old you are, if you’re too young then look up Nier Duckman.
The zombie thing was a modification of Massospora Cicadina, the cicada sex fungus. Again, look it up.
People freaked the fuck out at first, there was a Fluffy holocaust like there is basically anything Fluffy related happens. But eventually things calmed down once people read up on the facts, aside from the W-Alias nuts who are still spreading bullshit that fucking Fluffies makes you immortal and that Fluffy crotchfungus is what Fizzy brand COVID-Golgotha vaccines are made from.
I thought the whole thing was interesting as hell, so I went and captured some of the infected ones from the hills where they’d been chewing on shrubs. The K-nuts had already shot ND by that point and in typical cop fashion the authorities had just kinda left all his Fluffies to die. The ABCU hadn’t shown up yet to take samples and torch the site either, and back then it was still the FCD branch of the FDA meaning they had to grovel before all the politician kingmakers and metaphorical nobility before they could wipe their own ass.
Pretty sure I did nothing wrong since I was nowhere near his property.
My grandpa worked a Fluffy mill way back in the day so I got him to help me set up my operation. After a few years of screwing with them as a hobby I had figured out how to breed them, and gave a few to some friends. One passed his onto his cousin right before she hit it big with “Cannibal Kiss”, and since they made the little booger into an iconic album cover I’ve been in big business ever since.
So assuming you aren’t familiar, here’s the basics:
- People want Sporries because they’re easy to take care of and are “badass” since they’re skinless freaks with huge visible bones, mostly symmetrical growths, and they never stop shagging. They’re mostly sterile aside from breeders since they need to be carefully reared to stay fertile, and they don’t beg beyond basic needs and companionship of others of their kind or of Fluffies, and the former sells even more since chances are if you want a Sporry you don’t want a Fluffy. Their patience plus lack of curiosity means they can actually sit still for awhile without wandering off. They’re strong enough to fend off a cat. All in all, they’re the Fluffy for the hardcore crowd.
- They’re still the visual mascot of Pop Metal, and a lot of wannabe musicians on Kik Kok start by buying one. Sometimes before an actual instrument. Its not the big hit it used to be, but the kids still want to be part of it.
- They’re difficult to breed because its hard to create the perfect conditions, but once you get everything set up you can produce a fair number a month. More importantly I have never heard of one occurring naturally in the wild. Demand stays higher than supply, but without the bullshit that Alicorn breeders deal with.
- Skinless means no colors or patterns. Meaning no coat bullshit. Its almost impossible to actually curate their growths, and trying usually just kills the thing or causes them to hate you, so all your product is viable.
- That aforementioned supply shortage means they all sell. There’s certainly popular ones, Pegasi and Unicorns sell the best as do any with interesting horn or winglike growths. Since the mothers don’t reject the Alicorns and Pegasi with horn growths or Unicorns with wing growths scratch people’s uniqueness itch its only the real pinky-out rich types who want them but aren’t really in competition with the rest of the public, so they aren’t the winning lotto ticket their Fluffy cousins are. On the flipside I can pretty much name a price for a Sporrfy with anything abnormal growing on their cheeks.
- They don’t pack bond, so there isn’t the tears when you separate them, and their parent/child bond really has an age limit. Which is why I don’t sell Foals, they let me know when they’re all ready to part and I never have an issue. They are easy to train because they have strong ass muscles. By which I mean strong muscles in their ass. Not sure if its all the fucking or something to help them spread spores, but they’ll hold it for ages.
- They are toxic as fuck, but naturally produce phenmetrazine in their bodies. We’ll come back to this one.
How I breed them successfully is a secret. My labor is mostly marketing, feeding, cleaning, and working in the biosheds where the food for me and the Sporries comes from. I spend all day in the nursery and nursery office, nobody sees my workshop. Some folks figured out the trick too I think, or just discovered another way, but I haven’t seen anyone online spread it around so its still an industry secret right now. I can’t exactly copyright it since I didn’t invent them.
Now, many folks were wondering about that image that leaked of a mixed Sporry/Fluffy litter of babies that looked like they were giving oral sex to a male Sporry. I got a lot of shit for that, so I’d appreciate if we cleared this up once and for all through your publication. The big one was a female, folks who own them can tell you that Sporry fems don’t have big sagging udders, their bone overdevelopment results in their back ribs overtaking the mammaries. Half of the tit is beneath the bone, and when they stretch out on their back like that then the mammary above the ribs flattens like all tits do. The small udders don’t make them produce less milk, just like humans. But the fact that there is a divide between the ribs and half the milk ducts, and the fact the inner ones get squeezed when they run around, means I have to take a lot of effort keeping them from getting mastitis since the infection can kill them, and at the same time ensuring they have enough for their own young since they starve way faster if the fungus zombifies them before its life cycle completes, or it dies too soon and leaves them with a crippled immune system.
Pumps don’t really work with them since it doesn’t really build enough pressure to get the ducts in the back that are the problem. Can’t hand express for the same reason. Mothers have a damn fine birth survival rate thanks to the mutations on top of the existing bloodline enhanced healing, but not so much on the Foals since there’s so much that has to happen to get that fungus to enhance them then go dormant. Like almost all Fluffies the mothers produce milk for six, or three fatties. As much as I’d love to shift orphans to grieving mothers, I just don’t usually have any to go around and when I do my luck usually means no stillborns.
It gets worse. Remember when I said they are full of chemicals? The fungus makes their bodies full of toxins, mostly stuff they kept producing in the dormant colonies or in some cases as part of their messed up lymphatic system. Phenmetrazine is the biggest one, its a drug that’s been illegal for like a hundred years. Makes you happy, makes you horny, gives you some very mild sitting hallucinations. Sporries are full of it, if it weren’t for all the other toxic shit in them as well as their price tag they’d probably be raised for it. Far cheaper to make the stuff the old fashioned way, or smuggle it from places where its legal.
Long story short, if I stick little Fluffy babies on those flat Sporry tits you get some high as fuck Fluffies with melting insides and damaged nervous systems, which is enough to freak out the mother and make her refuse to feed her own. Same for humans if they tried sucking a Sporry.
Sporries can actually express their own milk. A good clench the right way and they spray everything in the back ducts out as it squeezes into the ribs. But they need to learn and practice with those muscles, and strengthen them to get it all the way empty without breaking a rib or causing internal bleeding. I did that early on, but I’ve got too many now for that much solo care. As it is if they don’t rest on their back while nursing they can drown their young, and when they walk around they leave rot trails all over the place. Which I have to clean up on even numbered days since it rots into an acid after a week that’ll eventually give them hoof sores that don’t go away.
That female in the photo was one of my breeders, Nyx 73. “Lost” two of her Foals in birth, the fungus nodes detached in the womb and took the programming bulb right with them. Two perfect Fluffy babies, both born breathing but mostly braindead and only kept alive by the modified nervous system.
Nyx 73 is descended from my best and was a young mother. I was worrying quite a bit about her getting a boob infection, but the next morning I saw she was nursing the stillborns. Thank Grok I didn’t take them out. Those two are basically zombie Fluffies, with even less brains since they mostly just suckle and shit. Every so often they do odd stuff too like kick themselves in a circle with one foot or make odd noises like a tiny donkey, but never anything intelligent. I call them Hypnos and Thanatos. If I could make more I would, they’re damn useful for suckling off Mares but as adults they can only really make up for sixteen or so Foals and I gotta be careful making sure the actual Foals are done first before they drain the Mare. Not really moving around much by themselves means weight gain issues, but some mild electric shocks via pins directly to the muscle every once in a while can help stimulate some movement at least. I have a rig to place them in between “feedings” to “work it off”. Thing is they never gave Nyx 73 the sign they were ready to leave. She told me she reminds them all the time, but since its not mutual I gotta return them to her every day to keep her happy. Its fine since she does most of the work caring for them. The biggest issue you’d think is other Mares being fine with two fat unmoving adults attached to their tests, but they seem to accept it most of the time. I guess it could be that they still have a “baby smell” or Fluffies and/or Sporries just have different standards of creepy behavior.
My only real worry when Nyx or the twins die. Sporry Foals need a lot of special care that only the mothers provide, they’re not like Fluffies which tend to survive unless you actively fuck up. The twins are probably closer on the Sporry side, especially when it comes to the time I’d need cleaning their waste since there’s no brain to make them stop. Even worse if they die, Sporries forget their adult babies quick but they seem to never forget the dead ones. Mills cull mothers with too many stillborns, Sporries do it themselves.
But hey, they’re six years old and she’s seven. If all goes well she’ll be licking their asses for me for another twenty three, Grok willing.
Not a whole lot else directly related to Sporries I’m willing to share. Hit me back with whatever else you need.
-Hal