Fitzgerald Mongola hit his son Jonathan Mongola with a stick with “Racism” written on it.
“Be more racist! Use your opposable thumbs for evil!”
Jonathan winced and rubbed his head.
“Ow! Just you wait, one day I will shoot you with a gun and you will be dead!”
Fitzgerald laughed.
“Silly boy, you could never kill me! Especially while I was lying in bed. Now be more racist!”
…
Jonathan woke up in a cold sweat, remembering the abuse his father had subjected him to.
Then he realized he had to get back to work. Also he’d shot his father dead in his bed.
…
Jonathan was sitting at his desk at the fluffy-murdering business he worked for when a dark green unicorn with a grey mane entered through the front door. Somehow.
Jonathan recognized that fluffy. The ultra-capitalist smarty named Dollar Bill.
Jonathan and his fellow fluffy-murderers had forced Dollar Bill and his herd to leave the bank they were staying in even though Dollar Bill had tried to bribe them with money.
Jonathan craned his neck to try to see the front door.
“How did you get in here?”
Dollar Bill shrugged. Somehow. Despite standing on all four of his legs so he didn’t really have shoulders to shrug with. Fluffy bodies are weird.
“Pew-son-aw ass-is-tant opened doow, Dowwaw Biww wawked in.”
“Personal assistant? Wait, what-”
Dollar Bill just pointed and Jonathan turned to see a teddy bear on the desk next to him.
Jonathan decided to ignore that.
“So what are you doing here? Come to get revenge for us driving off your herd?”
Dollar Bill looked offended.
“Wut? Nu, dat wuz just bu-see-ness, Dowwaw Biww nu howd gwudges fow yu du youw job.”
Jonathan shrugged.
“So if it’s not revenge you want, why are you here?”
“Dowwaw Biww wan hiwe yu. Gibe yu wots ob pwetty papews fow du job fow Dowwaw Biww.”
“You’ve got money? Okay, where-”
There was a thump. Jonathan turned to see a pile of money next to the teddy bear. It was laying on the table in such a way that it looked like the teddy bear had dropped it in front of him.
“Okay, you’ve got money. What do you want us to do?”
“Dewe am meany hewd ob meanies dat steaw Dowwaw Biww’s hewd’s nyu wand! Dowwaw Biww am bestest smawty, nu wet anyting bad happen tu hewd if Dowwaw Biww can hewp it. Yu get wid ob fwuffies fow pwetty papews, su yu make bad fwuffies gu away.”
Jonathan couldn’t believe he was about to take a job offer from a fluffy! His residual bigotry caused an unkind thought about the Irish to flit through his head but he ignored it.
“Okay, so where is your land? How many fluffies are there that you need removed? How much information can you give me, because the more you give the easier it will be to-”
“Pew-son-aw ass-is-tant habe de-taiws. Wiww ansew aww youw qwest-chuns.”
Jonathan turned to see a piece of paper taped to the teddy bear’s paw.
“Am I high? I knew I shouldn’t have opened that letter from Izzy, next-”
Jonathan realized Dollar Bill was leaving.
“Wait, where are you going?”
Dollar Bill didn’t turn around, answering as he trotted towards the door.
“Nu am gunna wait hewe da whowe time, need gu teww hewd dat hewp am coming!”
“I didn’t even agree to take this, you-”
Jonathan ran after Dollar Bill, but by the time he got outside all he saw was a limo driving off.
When the rest of the fluffy-murderers he worked with arrived Jonathan told them what had happened. They agreed that since the money was good they might as well check the job out.
They arrived at the area Dollar Bill’s paper had told them to and got out of their van.
Jonathan Mongola, who was mentally ill and missed some of his dead family members.
Artemis Jackson, the head of their group.
Taylor Harrison, who was there and also did stuff.
And Scarlett, the evil cannibalistic near-hellgremlin daughter of Crimson, an evil cannibalistic hellgremlin rapist podcaster fluffy who’d raped her mother. She had issues.
Also Zomples, the whacky comedic member of their group who won’t be appearing in this story. Instead Taylor will be taking up his role of spouting the classic catchphrase “CAZOOGLES?!”
The fluffy-murderers looked around to see where the fluffies they’d been hired to exterminate were. The area was huge, so there was no telling where they could-
“HEIW SMAWTY HITWEW!” shouted out a herd of brightly-colored fluffies.
“MASTEW WACE FWUFFIES WIWW HABE AN AWW-DA-BWIGHT-TIMES WEICH!”
“Bestest mastew wace soon-smawty most-speshuw babbeh wan mowe miwkies” screamed a light blue pegasus foal with a yellow mane, certain that this time he’d get a happy ending.
To be continued in Fluffy Killer Business: Like a Bad Penny, The Return of Dollar Bill 2: The Fluffy Killers vs the Nazi Fluffies in another world except it’s actually still in this one…
Most of the characters in this are OCs belonging to @BFM101 . My characterization of them may be a bit off, but I believe I’ve captured their essential spirit like a fanfic-writing Ghostbuster.
The light blue pegasus foal with a yellow mane belongs to @FallenAngel007 .
