“NUUUUUU! NU HUWT BABBEHS! BABBEH NU NUM!”
“DUMMEH MAWE! GIB FWUFFY BABBEHS! NEE’ NUMMIES!”
“PWEASE NU HUWT BABBEHS! NUUUUU”
The mare was pushed aside as the group of fluffies set upon her foals, their normal contended chirps turning into cheeps and screes of pain and terror as the aggressors began biting and gnawing, their mouths pulling away bloodied. The two lucky female foals, untouched but terrified, cowered in the back of the nest.
“Nuhuhuhu! Wai huwt babbehs? Babbehs nu am fow nummin’!”
“Dummeh mawe! Fwuffy nee’ num wumps fow wumps tu gwow baek! Wan gib speciaw-hugs, wan hab babbehs!”
“Bu’ babbehs nee’ wumps, tuu!”
“Teww babbehs num wumps fow gwow nyu wumps. Bestest smawty towd hewd dat, an’ smawty awways wight!”
“Huhuhu! Mummah am sowwy! Nu coud hewp babbehs!” the mare sobbed once the herd had left.
…
“Wut happen tu babbehs?”
“Meanie hewd huwt babbehs! Taek wumps 'way!”
“Bu’ babbeh nee’ wumps fow be cowts, fow hab babbehs! Wai?”
“Num wumps tu gwow wumps baek! Huwt babbehs tu hab babbehs!”
“Den babbeh jus’ need num wumps? Daddeh nyo wewe wittle mawe an’ babbehs am, wiww git wumps fow babbehs! Babbehs wiww hab wumps baek!”
“Bu’ nu wan huwt odda babbehs!”
“Babbehs nee’ wumps, daddeh gon’ git wumps. Nu wan huwt, bu’ nu wan babbehs tu nu hab wumps. Nu wan babbehs tu nu be abwe tu hab babbehs!”
“Otay, speciaw-fwiend. Mawe am sowwy fow wettin’ hewd du dis, am sowwy speciaw-fwiend hab tu huwt odda babbehs.”
“It am otay. Wub babbehs, nu mind du wut hab tu.”
…
“So tell me, what led you to your Nobel-prize-winning research into fluffy population control?”
“What research? I dunno, man, I just got high one night and it seemed funny. I didn’t expect any of this to happen.”
“You solved the single greatest ecological catastrophe in human history because you got high?”
“Dude, it was some of the best shit I’ve ever had. They don’t make shit like that anymore. I was trippin’ so hard, and I saw this smarty and thought ‘I bet I can make that smarty eat his kids’ balls,’ and, well, everything else just happened, you know?”
“Well, I guess sometimes the heroes we need aren’t the heroes we look for. Congratulations. What are you going to do with the prize money?”
“Umm…I can’t say…”
“Ah, I get it. Thanks for attending the interview.”
“You’re welcome, man. Any time.”
“And that concludes our exclusive interview with Damien Peterson. Next up, the report on the decrease in feral fluffy populations, by state! But first, here are a few messages from our sponsors!”
…
“Num su many wumps, su wai am wumps nu gwowin’ baek yet? Nee’ num mowe wumps? Mowe wumps! Nee’ fin’ mowe wumps!”
This was a horrible train wreck. Thank you?
You’re welcome, I guess. Glad to see someone “enjoyed” this abomination.
I think the problem is, after seeing so many conspiracy theories and alternative medicine scams on Facebook? It kind of hits just wrong. Which is to say, close to home.
Yep. At first I thought “it seems a bit too stupid” but then I realized it was just stupid enough for it to be a real thing. I mean, if people will drink rotting-salted-kale-water (don’t ask) as a cure-all, fluffies could easily be convinced to do something this stupid and destructive.
Nice.
This is bloody brilliant. Well done ( bows ).
Could you put your name in the title please?
I didn’t notice. Thanks.
( looks around in a shifty, scared manner ) [ whispers ] beware the Owl ( scurries into shadows )
The owl sees all. The owl knows all. Fear the owl. Love the owl.
My guess he just gonna get high with that prize money and never going down 
His lawyer said not to tell anyone! You’ll ruin everything!
Wow…what’s scary about this is its complete plausibility. Someone just all fucked up happens upon Some feral fluffs and tells em something completely ridiculous and boom…
Want to be more scared? Try checking out stories on quack medicine >_>
I get fluffies believing this, I don’t get it spreading so widely. Unless humans keep intentionally spreading the idea to more feral herds somehow?
Yeah, it was mostly the case that the one guy spread the idea of convincing fluffies, since otherwise he wouldn’t have been lauded for his “research” because nobody would know, or believe, that some random guy was responsible.
All it would really take is a few trained smarties spreading the lie, since other fluffies tend to believe them unconditionally. There are probably a lot of feral fluffies neutered by shelters that ended up back on the streets and would very much like to regain what was lost.
Fluffies neutered by shelters I see as most likely to not believe humans, while rural feral herds I thought would assume that hurting a baby makes the fluffies telling them this monsters and they’re less likely to believe monsters.
Fortunately, they don’t have to rely on all fluffies doing it, just a few of the worst or, in the case of the parents in the story, the most desperate. The use of smarties to spread the lie is specifically because a lot of feral fluffies don’t trust humans, but would very much like to believe that “bestest smawty fin’ way tu get wumps baek aftew dummeh hoomins taek dem 'way.”
Indeed. It may not last in the long term, but in the short term chaos reigns, at least for long enough for fluffy populations to take a huge hit.
And once those numbers are low enough, well, a little bit more should be enough to drop the fluffy birth rate below replacement levels. Permanently.