>Be Clog.
>Well… whatever this Green Thing is, it’s certainly friendly. And despite the smell, rather adorable, in a retarded fashion.
>But she’s taken your 10.am napping spot and shed like crazy over it…
>It smells like her now. Not quite so bad as you thought, it’s actually a rather sweet smell under all the muskiness and sweat, but still. Your spot.
>So you sniff her, sniff her babies and lie down, grimacing as you see the Green Thing shake her body again, and coat the ground with more of her odd green hair.
>Ugh.
>Still … she lies down on the other side of the small hollow, and starts to hum softly, which makes her offspring all stagger upright and waddle as fast as their stubby legs can carry them to her side, where they burrow into her belly-fluff and cuddle up to her teats.
>Okay, you know, technically, that the Management wants you to deal with Rats and Mice. But he smacked you the last time you brought him a dead bird out of pity for his atrocious hunting skills.
>You’ll let the Management deal with the Fluffy Things. This is way, way above your pay grade.
>"EDWARD SHIN-CLAWER! YOU HAD BEST NOT BE GETTING DIRTY WITH THAT VILE ABOMINATION! COME OUT WHERE I CAN SEE YOU! EDWARD! EDWAAAAAAAAAARD!"
>Oh, mother…
>Be Chip.
>Be violently sick again.
>Vile, evil, tricksy nummies!
>At least the flying light balls have left you alone.
>And the ground has stopped trying to shake you off.
>Thank Fluff for your wingies. If they hadn’t worked relentlessly to keep you on the ground, you’re sure the ground would have bucked you away and you’d be…
>be…
>Wait, what the poopies? You could have flown! YOU COULD HAVE…
>Ah Special Huggies it, you just don’t care any mor… oh no, your belly is sending the bad nummies baaaaaa~
>“Waaaaaaaaaaaaawph!”
>Oh… oh that’s revolting …and when did you eat carrots?
>Today can’t possibly get any worse. Your so-called Special Friend gave birth to an entire Herd’s babies, she wouldn’t dig a burrow with you, then you found a back-yard to take her into for nummies …
>She claims that her fabled ‘Mummy’ lives next door. You’ll believe it when you see it. Stuuuupid Domestic…
>But there was a Kitty-Munsta, and the Dummy Mare hid behind her hooves rather than running like a Smarty
Fluffy should, and now… now…
>Wait, where the fluff are they? Your dummy green Unicorn Mare and that Fluffy Kitty Munsta?
>Giving a wide berth to the fluorescent green puddle of vomit, you creep into the back-yard, sniffing the air and looking around for your Mare, and most importantly, the Kitty-Munsta, when you hear it, coming from beneath the stairs.
>Happy cheeping. Baby noises!
>Dark. Safe. Easily hidden.
>By the First Fluffy, she’s done it herself! The Dummy actually found a burrow on her own!
>She’ll never want to leave now! She’Il stay, raise her babies and forget she ever had a Mummy! She’ll be your Special Friend forever now!
>YOU WILL NEVER NOT HAVE SPECIAL HUGGIES EVER AGA… aaaaaaaaaaaaaain?
>In your rush to get over to the new ‘Burrow’ and reinforce your relationship with the Dummy-Mint, you weren’t looking for the Kitty-Munsta.
>But you’ve found him. Oh, you found him.
>Lying on the other side of your Special Friend’s burrow, sleeping in your spot, with one of her babies, the grey baby, curled up against his broad… manly… fluffy…
>No. No nono.
>No no no no no no no no no.
>It only happened once. You’re a real Stallion.
>But this is the Worst. Possible. THIIIIIING!
>While you were bravely fighting off the Flying Light Balls and being sick to your stomach, this horrible Kitty-
Munsta has put the moves on your Special Friend and claimed her as his own!
>UNACCEPTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHL.gif!
>You’re more than willing to cede him the dummy babies, but your Mare? Your Mare? After all the poopies you had to go through to get into that Stuuuuuuupid Herd in the first place, and then to never even get a turn with the Mares, and then having to run around as a scout, and then still never get a turn with the Mares?
>You waited and endured, plotted and planned, till you could find a Mare dumb enough to follow you without question, helped her run away with you, and now she’s decided to choose a Munsta as a Special Friend?
>Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…
>Blinded by rage, you stomp over to the Kitty-Munsta’s sleeping body and raise a hoof.
>Oh, he’s going to regret stealing from you…
>Be Clog.
>Be asleep.
>Be dreaming of being a kitten again, being cleaned by your mother and being played with by the Management.
>Except you don’t remember the Management ever poking your back legs with a… a…
>What the hell?
>Waking up, you crack your eyes open, wondering what’s tapping at your back leg.
>If it’s that senile old squirrel trying to bury his acorns under your tail again, screw the Management’s ‘turn the other cheek’ approach.
>And no, that’s not a euphuism. The dumb-ass actually tries to bury his food in your hair.
>“Dere! Now stuuuuuuupid Kitty-Munsta can haf de Wongest Sweepies!” A familiar voice snaps. Ah, the Pink Fluffy Shit-Machine … “Speshaw Fwiend! Get up! We is weavin’!”’
>“Mmmrph? Oh, Chip? Wha’ yuu yewwin’ ‘bout? Is nu guud fo’ baybehs, yuu scawe dem!”
>“De babehs? Yuu tink Chip gif one poopies ‘bout dem Dummeh Baybehs? Dey is nu Chip’s baybehs! Dummeh Mint nu gif Chip his guud smawty bestest-pwetty baybehs!” The pink, winged Fluffy Thing snarls, stomping on the ground, his tone making you whiskers twitch.
>Sounds a lot like that Human across the street who is always yelling and screaming about something. Angry and vicious, likes to throw stones at you when she sees you in the front yard.
>The little grey baby that toddled over to sniff you is peeping in obvious distress, burrowing deep into the long hair on your chest, and the other two babies are making similar noises and hugging their mother’s teats in fear.
>“YUU STUUPID MAWE! CHIP TAKE YUU ‘WAY FWOM MEANIE HEWD, AN’ DIS HOW YUU SHOW YUU WUV CHIP?” The Pink male screams, shuffling forwards and delivering a kick to the Green female’s belly, which sends her teats wobbling and dislodges the two babies that clung to them, and the female shrieks in pain and fear. “SHOUWD HAF WEFT YUU AS SPESHAW HUGGIES MAWE! WET MEANIE HEWD TAKE YUU BAYBEHS AN’ GIF DEM TU SMAWTY MAWES! DESE DUMMEH BAYBEHS, YUU If DUMMEH MAWE! SHOUWD WISTEN TU CHIP! CHIP IS SMAWTIEST, PWETTIEST AN’ BESTEST FWUFFIE EVAH!”
>Okay, he’s getting really, really loud, and the fear-filled cries of the babies and the Green female are very high-pitched. It’s like one drill going in one ear, and one drill going in the other, and they’re meeting in the middle!
>It’s annoying, and up until now, the female and her offspring have been decent, if slow-witted, company. Time to assert your authority as the owner of this back yard!
>“Hey! You! Stupid Pink Thing!” You say loudly, getting onto your paws, the grey baby still clinging to your chest.