“Friendship Problems”
“Part 9, Interaction”
Author:It_that_watches
CONTENT WARNING: Passing mention of “Enfie-Fluffies”.
The glass door to the house opened, the sound of the weather seal breaking a familiar and pleasant noise to Twilight, but an alien and threatening to Briar. Warm air drafted out, carrying with it the scent of rice and the peeping of foals, but also the weeping of the pair of fluffies already inside. She worked her way upright but hesitated to cross the threshold inside.
“What’s wrong?” Don’t you want to come inside?
Briar shifted side to side uneasily as she looked up at the human in the doorframe. “Weww… Brwiaw nu am shure. Wai mistah be nice an’ wet Bwiaw gu in housie?”
Matthew smiled and sat on the floor, where Twilight crawled onto his lap and leaned into him.
“I like you already.” He said, running fingers through the colored divides of Twilight’s mane, “You don’t trust easy. I can’t say I blame you. You’re different than most of them out there, in the yard. You’re not a feral, you’re a stray. You had a family.”
Briar looked away.
Twilight tried to assure her, “It’s okay. Nobody in here is going to hurt you.”
“Bwiaw heaw cwying fwom inna housie. Fwuffies cwying.”
“Oh. Them.” Matthew suddenly realized, “I’ve gotten so used to the noise I just tune it out.”
Briar was not comforted by this and took a step back.
“Yu… Yu make fwuffies cwy? Wai? Wai hewt fwuffies?”
Twilight butted in, obviously not happy with the conclusion that she was coming to. “ACTUALLY DAD, she makes a good point! Why uh… Why are Mossy and Muddy crying?”
Matthew, like always kept things like this clinical.
“Kid’s dead.”
The muffled sobs grew louder as Twilight and Briar both suddenly took that information in.
“What? How? Please? Dad?” Twilight pressed, increasingly more agitated.
“Herd killed him.”
Briar took a step closer to the door this time.
“Wuh? Wha’ fwuffy take foweva sweepies?”
“Their kid.” Matthew at this point again lying on the hardwood floor responded by lazily pointing at the newly nuclear family, “A toughie or two dragged it off into the forest and…”
Matthew glared at Twilight, and upon catching her gaze wrapped her head in an enveloping, but more importantly, deafening, hug. He whispered above her frenzied giggles to Briar.
“They tore him to pieces, made him into an enfie-fluffy. They only have two left now.”
Briar quickly looked out into the yard and sidled towards the door with her back to the wall. “Nu wan be wif bad fwuffies. Bwiaw can pwease cum inside housie now? Pwease?”
“Please do.”
Twilight broke containment.
“DAA-HA-HA-HA-AAD! Stop it! I’m supposed to be regal and scary!”
“Nope! If you’re bringing a courtier into the house; she gets to know what a goofball you are!”
“Stooop! Nooo!” She giggled herself to a pause. “What’s courtier mean?”
He kissed her on her little purple nose. “Royal friend.”
Matthew formulated an intake spiel which he recited to the fluffies now dwelling within his home, the major points of which were orientation, sanitation, and law.
“The litterbox is in the laundry room; It’s at the end of the long hallway, there is no door, I’ll leave the lights on. The middle level of the house is of free reign to you, but I’d advise you to keep your babies on the hard floors. If they do wander onto the carpets, they better not make a mess. If they do make a mess, you better as hell clean it so well that I never find out. You, unless otherwise indicated, will sleep on the middle level. I sleep upstairs with Twilight.”
“If you wake me up at night…” Matthew pinched his temples and exhaled heavily, “Sleeping is the only break I get from this ugly world, and I’m never happier than when I’m curled up with Twilight so deep in dream I don’t remember who I am. If you drag me out of that, and I find out there is no emergency, I’m gonna throw you off of my balcony.”
He held his right index finger up and spun it in a circular motion. “While within my hallowed walls, you will maintain your hygiene; keep yourselves clean. If you offend me in any way, sound, sight, or smell, you better have a good fucking reason, and you better already be fixing the problem. I will decide if you are responsible for the actions of your children on a case by case basis, but it’s safe to assume that I’m going to blame both of you.”
“If you go upstairs, I recommend you have Twilight with you. Stay out of the playroom unless she is there. That door should be closed, if it isn’t and I’m not already in the room, let me or Twilight know. There is another pony like Twilight living upstairs, I will introduce her to you when she wakes up. She’s got an alabaster coat and mane like the best parts of a rainbow. If you haven’t met her yet, and you see her wandering around find me as soon as you can, even if you have to wake me up.”
“If you somehow manage to get into the basement, don’t fuck with the boxes or anything in them. If the door leading back upstairs is closed, cry and bang on it. With any luck, you will be set free before you fuck up my carpet and earn yourself a death sentence.”
“My anger might seem arbitrary, and I’m not gonna waste time trying to justify my decisions to your kind. I’m not gonna lie, the level of punishment you receive entirely depends upon how much you have inconvenienced me with your ignominious existence, and whatever mood I happen to be in when I catch you.” He paused for a moment. “Or the moment you get narc’d on, I guess.”
“Do not forget where you are, or what you are. You are here to serve Twilight,” Matthew indicated Mossy and Muddy. “You two moreso than others.”
His voice became stern and cold. “You will follow our rules and heed our orders without question or hesitation. Do not forget who is in charge here. I’ve dealt with fluffies for years. I know what makes you tick, and I know how to make the ticking stop.”
“Dismissed.”
Matthew turned to Twilight. “There is a one-hundred percent chance that they didn’t understand most of what I just said. You dumb it down for them. In the future though, fluffies, if either of us use a word you don’t understand, you can ask us what it means. We won’t get mad at you for trying to learn. Aight, I’m headed to the garage to get twine.”
Twilight’s ears perked up. “Twine? Why do you need twine?”
As Matthew started towards the garage, the fearful fluffies scattered out of his way.
“There was a fluffy outside the perimeter wall, and he never got a chance to get a job from you. You don’t have to worry about finding one for him though sweetheart, I’ve already got an idea of what he’s going be.”
He turned just enough when he spoke that Twilight could clearly see the unhinged gleam in his eye.
“He’s going to be an example.”
It took her a while but given that she had the time, Twilight was able to much more clearly explain the rules of the house to the fluffies. Fluffies are by design not subtle and, try as she might, the air of uncertain anxiety she exuded was almost thick enough to grasp. Mossy and Muddy had been in the house for about half a day and didn’t know where everything was, so she brought them along for the tour. Their foals, Rock and Leaf looked around in stunned wonderment, having never seen a human, let alone a human dwelling until very recently.
Most of the places they visited were mundane, though fantastical to narrow perception of her audience.
“Whewe am pwaywoom? Fwuffies can pway?” inquired Mossy, both foals leaning forward in anticipation, “Yu daddeh say fwuffies haf pwaywoom!”
“No, Mossy, I have a playroom, and it has some… something far more valuable than toys in it.” She watched their faces sink as they backed away. For reasons that she could not pin down, she felt bad looking at their dejected faces.
“But I’ll get you some of my old stuff to bring downstairs. If you promise not to break any of it.”
The fluffies started to get worried after she disappeared into the dark room filled with spinning stars; she was gone far longer than she needed to be to collect toys. They could swear that they could hear her talking, but to who or what they didn’t know, and besides, they didn’t have much time to ruminate on. She appeared in the doorway, startling them with her sudden hiss of “Be quiet. Don’t say anything.”
She produced a small plastic tub packed with plastic alphabet-blocks, patches of different textured fabrics, and various spheres ranging from superballs to stress balls. Perhaps it was her grim countenance overwhelming them, but she heard not a peep from the lot of them. She was almost proud of the little bastards, especially the foals, for managing to not cry out after seeing toys for the first time.
Almost, anyway. After all, they were expected to follow orders.
The house toured and rules set, Twilight watched as the family of ferals exploded into rapturous joy. “They’ve never seen toys before, have they?” She mused softly, “Why else would these old baby toys make them so happy?”
For a time, she just watched, enthralled partially by the genuine happiness she was seeing, and partly by how rehearsed it sounded. It was like watching a rerun on TV. She had seen this exact scene play out with fluffy families allowed to grow in the enclosures of the lab. “That’s where these toys had come from after all.” She thought.
She felt an uneasy tingle creep up her spine as she recited Mossy’s dialogue about a quarter-second before she could, and likewise precognized Muddy’s replies.
“Look special friend, I’ve made a two-block tall tower.”
“Wook spechaw fwiend! Mossy make two-bwockies taww piaw!”
“Wow, special friend, you are so smart.”
“Woahw! Spechaw fwend, yu am have su many smawties!”
“Muddy can play with blocks too?”
“Muddy can pway wif bwockies tu?”
“Yes, I’d love to play blocks with my special friend.”
“Yus! Mossy wub pway bwockies wif spechaw fwiend!”
“Yaaaaay.”
“YAAYY!”
There was a brief moment of devoid of dialogue the still heavily bruised and limping Muddy waddled over to his mate. After sitting down in front of her, they both leaned in for a warm hug.
“Love special friend so much.”
“Wub spechaw fwiend suuu much!”
It slowly dawned on her as to where she was pulling this script from; she’d heard these same sentences a hundred times before, from a hundred different litters. Even with the minor permutations, the moment left her looking at them with an emotion she could not identify. They seemed to be no more complex than talking plushies playing out a scene.
Her eyes glassily glided over to the two foals, who had decided to roll a rubber ball across the kitchen’s hardwood floor. She looked out the window to see that the families that weren’t searching for their appropriated offspring were locked in a similar ritual, using small stones and pinecones. She quietly muttered once again, an echo coming from the foals in the kitchen behind her.
“Love play with ball.”
“Wuv pway wif baww!”
“Love play with brother.”
“Wuv pway wif bwuddew!”
“Love play with sister.”
“Wuv pway wif sissie!”
“I’m very happy.”
Weaf hav su many happies!”
She shuddered. What was wrong with them? They weren’t doing this before; something must have changed to spur this creepy behavior. She knew where to start though. Daddy’s little scientist was going to get her notebook and look for patterns, one of the first things that she was taught to help her understand the chaotic world around her.
She remembered what her dad had said to her a few times before. It explained why he never played with the fluffies at work.
“Everything, and everyone can be predicted; nothing exists without a pattern. If you can’t see the pattern, you’re probably a part of it. Not even the finest thread can see the tapestry in which it is woven. Scientists have to remove themselves from the equation sometimes.”
She stopped a moment to think. “It’s a wonder that I’ve managed to learn anything from dad, with the way he talks sometimes. I think he told me that when I was… four?” She scratched at her head, considering how fluffies learned, and how she learned. She remembered that she wasn’t alone.
“Hey Briar.”
The sooty mare jumped in place, startled out of her daydream.
“How old are you?”
“Uhhh… Bwiaw hav tu many bwite times tu teww.”
Twilight wondered, “Did she mean days? Who the fuck counts their age in days?”
“No, not… Bright-times. Years.”
“Nice mistah teww fwuffies tu ask when nu knuw wowdsies. Wha’ am ‘yeaw’ mean?”
She considered giving a definition but doubted that even the smartest fluffy could count past the number 10, let alone to 365. Perhaps it was better to settle on similar terms.
“Have you ever eaten a cake? No? Okay hmm… Do you know what a school is? Did your last owner have kids? What about… Christmas? Really? Not even New Year’s Eve? With all the fireworks?”
Just as she was starting to get exasperated, she made a breakthrough. Even if she reached it less than optimal conditions.
“Jesus Christ, were you locked in a box all day? Did your family just not do anything during the winter, or are you just fucking with me? For that matter, why don’t you flinch when I swear at you?”
Briar stifled her tears as best she could. Were her fluff not bunching up and darkening from the added moisture, Twilight would have easily missed it. The effects of her emotional discomfort was dulled however, Twilight was growing more and more convinced that fluffies were just meat robots.
“B-Bwiaw wemembaw owd daddeh… (hic) owd daddeh say he hate wintaw… Bwiaw wuv dawk cowd times… Owd housie was wawm an’ hav fiawpwace…. Su pwetty tu wook at… Nu wike dawk cowd times nu moaw when nu hav housie.”
She shifted uneasily and broke eye contact.
“Bwiaw am… Bwiaw am used tu be cawwed meany wowds. Owd daddeh fowget Bwiaw namesie and onwy caw Bwiaw meany wowds… Bwiaw keep tewwing owd daddeh dat namesie am Bwiaw… Owd daddeh awways fowget.”
The keening call of a power-tool, probably a drill, cast itself down the hallway leading from the garage and into the kitchen. Briar’s composure broke.
“Owd daddeh fowget dat daddeh am Bwiaw daddeh… Owd daddeh frow Bwiaw away wif twashies.”
Twilight looked down at the sobbing ball of fluff on the ground before her. She didn’t even ask that last question. But looking at her genuine heartbreak, the hole that had been left in the heart of this fluffy, she couldn’t help but smile. She felt relieved.
They had to be alive… probably… This wasn’t rehearsed or programmed, it was real suffering. Perhaps fluffies enter this state of creepy predictability when conditions were right. Perhaps she could coax them into a new state of existing where they had to adapt. Like when they lived in the forest. Twilight swiped up her notebook and scented markers, slunk into her freshly washed labcoat, loaded up on important scientific supplies, and left the fluffies to their devices, playing and weeping respectively.
Getting up onto one of the couches, she was better able to hear and observe through the huge family room window. She noted the families playing their games. She noted the couples wandering aimlessly whilst jabbering inanely. She noted the other couples; the ones that were running around in a panic.
Interesting.
She watched as Lump approached one of the frightened couples and began conversing with them. She watched as he made demands of them, and eventually backhanded the stallion as he tried to defend his partner. Rolling her eyes, she hopped down from the couch and finished her recordings. This issue might require an interview or two.
As Twilight wandered over to the door leading to the woodpile, she could more clearly hear what was going on in the garage, even if she couldn’t understand what he was saying. He was using words from that fake doctor-language.
“Sis reus, Fluffy! Longus dolor ante mortum!”
“Whatever.” She thought, rearing up to open the door, “If talking like a wizard makes him happy, then he should do it. Dad really does needs to smile more.”
She pulled and the door swung inward, the weather seal making its familiar lurching noise, startling awake fluffies hiding amongst the stacked firewood. Perfect! These fluffies weren’t playing with their families, in fact, it looks like most of them were alone.
“You, orange fluffy! What are you doing and why are you doing it?”
She didn’t have a lot of social experience with fluffies and tended to sound be perceived as accusatory to them. Predictably, the fluffy panicked and shrank away, shielding its face with trembling hooves.
“Fwuffy nu am bad fwuffy! Pwease nu gif bad hoofsies!”
“I never called you a bad fluffy. I asked why you were here.”
Startled from sleep, trapped in a corner, and being accused of… something… didn’t really help out its mental state. The adolescent pushed its mind in a desperate attempt to understand what was being asked of it.
“Fwuffy nu knu!”
“You… Don’t know what you’re doing? Right now?”
Twilight looked aside at the now spectators, expecting to be let in on some sort of joke. When this didn’t happen, she began to grow suspicious of him. She narrowed her eyes.
“It looked like you were sleeping, but now I think you were hiding. What did you do?”
“Fwuffy nu du anyfink! Pwease wissen tu fwuffy scawy munsta, nu be scawy nu mowe!”
As she scanned him up and down, his pleading quickly devolved into hiccups and sobs. She wing-checked him on the top of the head as she turned around, driving his sensitive snout into the concrete. She heard something crack, and she was pretty sure it wasn’t the concrete.
“What about you two.” She jabbed a hoof at a nearby pair of orange and yellow coated stallions. “What are you doing? Are you a family?”
The pair glanced at one another; the answer seemed obvious.
“Fwuffy am Biggaw, and bwuddaw namesie am Wittow. Fwuffies sweepy fwom pway su wong, su cum hewe to sweep. Dis pwace am have gud-cowd, and gud-dawk. Pewfect fow sweepies.”
“Thank you for actually answering my questions, Bigger.” She kicked sharply behind herself as she spoke his name, painfully catching the frightened orange fluffy in the ear, “I’ve noticed the that other fluffy families are stacking rocks and playing with their babies. Why aren’t you playing like that?”
Again, he shot a look at his brother before answering.
“Nu haf spechaw fwiends; nu haf babbehs. Biggaw onwy famiwy am wittow bwudda.”
“That right?”
She turned her attention to Little, and was about to speak when Bigger interjected, and shielded his brother from conversation as he tried to shrink back into the wall of logs behind him.
“Pwease nu du tawkies wif bwuddah, bwuddah am haf scawdies aww time. Bwuddah nee’ stay hewe wif Biggaw pwease.”
From the squashed space behind the elder emanated a muffled, timid, barely audible, “Pwease.”
“You have good manners, and you aren’t too dumb either.”
She made another quick kick but unfortunately missed the quivering idiot behind her. She pressed further questions.
“Out there, I see lots of fluffies doing the same thing. Is it normal for them to play like this? Did you do this with your parents when you were young?”
The fluffy almost seemed to deflate as he replied.
“Nu haf mummah. Nu eva haf mummah ow daddeh. Hewd take cawe of fwuffies tiww gwow up big an’ stwong. Hewd awways movin’ awound, nu haf time fow pway wif ova babbehs.”
“Interesting.” She noted, scribbling away in her notebook, “So broken families don’t behave the same way, and you don’t try to copy normal behaviors. Your only concern beyond your own life is protecting your brother… What does he do for the herd? I don’t know since you felt something was more important than my sorting game.”
He could practically see the spiteful embers in her eyes.
“Wittow am… Wittow du… Wittow…” The fluffy trailed off, his concern growing more obvious by the second, “Umm…. Wittow am gud at gif huggies an’ wuv? Onwy tu Biggaw tho, haf scawdies fow ova fwuffies."
A solid argument for a fluffy, he actually put some though into it. She could see the spark within him to protect his sibling. She carried the same fire with her. Twilight stepped out towards the yard and turned back to face them, spreading her wings to block as much sunlight as possible from what little already trickled in.
“I’ll come back to see how soft you are later.” She smiled, teeth glowering terrible in that small, dark space, “See you soon.”
She walked down the concrete steps and onto the lawn, tilting an ear back and flattening the other to better hear the aftermath of her introduction. She had expected crying. She stifled a giggle as she heard the heavy breathing and sputtering indicative of a panic attack. “Even better.”
Ahead of her was a frantic pair, mare and stallion searching through the overgrown grass. She recognized one of them from some prior engagement. She recognized one of them as a mother.
“You! Pig lookin’ motherfucker, what are you doing?”
The dappled pink and white mare recoiled upon hearing both the casual insult and swearing.
“Nu say meanie wowdsies! Pwease stop oaw babbehs be scawedies an’ nu cum back!”
“Wow. So lemme guess, your babies went missing and that’s why you aren’t playing with them. What would you be doing if your babies were here?”
“Wuv!” she replied earnestly, “Gib wotsa wuv an’ huggies an’ be happy famiwy!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, and the cinnamon colored stallion spoke.
“Pwease scawy Pwincess nu huwt nu moaw, onwy wan’ have babbeh back! Nu wan huwties…”
“Wait,” Twilight interjected, “Aren’t you together? Why are you only looking for one baby?”
“Wed tawkie babbeh am bestest babbeh! Onwy wan hav’ bestest babbeh back if nu can find ovas.”
“NUUUU!! DUMMEH SPESHAW FWIEND! Pwease Pwincess, mummah haf two fiwwies an’ two cowts! Aww babbehs am gud babies an’ nee’ huggies an’ wuv! Babbehs haf wowstest scawdies wifout mummah!”
Interesting, the stallion was willing to sacrifice all of the other babies if he got his red baby back? Twilight looked around the lawn at the entranced fluffies, noting that they all had at least two babies each. This could be a worthwhile… What did dad call it? A trial? Test case? A trial case? In the end, what she chose to call it was irrelevant, so long as the data was recorded.
“I can help you. I know where your babies are, but I can only bring you the red one, or the other three. Nothing can be done to fix this. So which-”
“Wed babbeh!”
“Most babbehs!”
Looks like they had a disagreement. Perfect.
“Well, when you come to a decision, come and let me know.”
They repeated their cries.
“Wed babbeh!”
“Most babbehs!”
“No, you need to give me only one answer. Then I can rescue your babies.”
The two fluffies scowled at one another.
“Mummah nu gif miwkies tu wed babbeh! Wan save aww babbehs!”
“Nu can save aww babbehs! Bestes’ tawkie babbeh nu nee’ miwkies anymoaw!”
“I’ll let you get things settled.”
She smiled and walked away, and just in time to hear voices atop the big-toy. Slinking stealthily, she approached her prey… and recognized a voice. It was the stallion who’s special friend had gotten the colors of her babies wrong.
“But yu am nowbaw, wight? Pwincess make yu nowbaw fow be gud fwuffy?”
An unfamiliar voice replied.
“Yus, am nowbaw, but nu knu. Nu am shure… Dun wan make Pwincess have maddies at Stwawbewwy.”
“Pwincess am gud smawtie! Pwincess wiww unnastan’ an’ wissen tu fwuffies, jus’ nee be tugevaw.”
The fluffies, as is inherent to their kind, were startled by her sudden introduction into their conversation. They turned to see her leering at them from the top of the staircase ascent.
“Winus wan’ make deaw wif Pwincess.”
She flashed her unsettling, fake smile at the fluffies as she reared up and grabbed something shiny from a ledge behind a big plastic steering wheel. It was a granola bar.
“Do go on, Linus.”
“Winus wan’ babbehs back. Wan aww babbehs back.”
She chortled.
“I’m not letting your idiot wife anywhere near those babies.”
“Winus knu dat. Winus fix pwobwem awweady.”
The very appropriately named fluffy “Strawberry” sported a red coat with yellow spots topped with a bright green mane. She stepped towards and spoke.
“Stwawbewwy wan be mummah tu babbehs. Stwawbewwy haf tummeh-babbehs but… Stwawbewwy nu haf tummeh-babbehs nu moaw. Owd speshaw fwiend say nu moaw speshaw fwiend nu moaw.”
“Oh? Old special friend? Lemme guess, all of your babies ran away, and that’s why your old special friend dumped you? That-”
“Nu.” Strawberry curtly interrupted, cutting off Twilight mid-sentence, “Nu. Babbehs nu wun way. Babbehs cum out too soon and nevah get tu be chirpy babbehs.”
Twilight closed her eyes and focused her energy, trying to keep the conversation on topic, and keep the rage from swelling up within her. She actually felt kinda bad for Strawberry.
“So what’s your deal then, why do I need to be here.”
Linus gazed off into the distance at a yellow mare with her head in a fern.
“Winus nu wan hav cowow-dummeh spechaw fwend nu mowe. Winus wowwy fow babbehs, dummeh-speshaw fwend fowget tu gif miwkies tu some babbehs fow fink dey awweady get miwkies. Awso, dummy-speshaw fwend am peas-ant, an Winus am nowbaw.”
It clicked.
“Oh! So you want to dump that yellow idiot and raise your babies with Strawberry here! (Ahem) Yeah, I can see that working out. I will allocate… two babies to you.” Her eyes widened as she realized her slipup, both having just casually referred to babies as a resource, and letting slip that she already knew where they all were. “Prove that you are good parents, and I’ll… Uh… Find the rest of them.”
They didn’t notice.
“Tank yu su much nice Pwincess! Winus su happies tu hav babbehs back!”
“Wuv Pwincess Twiwight su much! Swawbewwy can giv huggies tu Pwincess?”
Twilight considered the request.
“Well, these ones don’t smell too bad… and they seem to have good enough intentions and reasoning and I did say that they could touch me if they got permission so…”
“Sure. You can hug me. Just this once though.”
Strawberry slammed into her chest, as much as a fluffy can, anyways. She let off a cloud of substance, but it smelled of flowers, not decay. She smelled like flowers and those lush plants around the pond. Twilight suddenly remembered this fluffy from her first day of observations. She was a “nummies-gatherer” before all of this and must have been constantly running through the underbrush accruing pollen. She was starting to feel accomplished, tying all of these small points together to make a bigger picture.
Twilight wrapped her wings around Strawberry and reciprocated her hug.
Her running theory was that in order to make fluffies act with agency, they needed to exist in an environment of strife. She needed to impel constant change. She thought of royal decrees to announce, new laws and quotas to create, and new battle lines to be drawn.
Dad’s gonna be so proud!
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