Racecar’s official canon origin story.
Wacecaw am dummeh nu weggie piwwow. Nubuddy neba wub Wacecaw nu mow 'cept daddeh, an daddeh awways make Wacecaw saddies! Nu wan fink bout weggies! Jus wan watch teebee wif daddeh! Ow gu tu pawkie pwace and wide awound in daddehs wittwe stwappy pouch! Mabbeh…mabbeh hab sketties?
Huuuuuu
Wacecaw nu was awways Wacecaw. Was Stuawt! Had weggies, tuu! Stuawt had wawm housie wif bestes’ fwuffy mummah an bwuddas an sissy! Eben had Big Mummah an Big Daddeh! Wacecaw was suuuu happies…
Huuuhuuu Wacecaw mean Stuawt happies. Wacecaw nebba happies. Wacecaw onwy ebba feew wowstest saddies, scawiest scawedies, an…
Weww
Sometimes Wacecaw nu feew bad. Nu hab saddies ow angwies ow eben scawdies an hungwies! But Wacecaw nu feew good tu. Wacecaw wemebew happies, so Wacecaw knu am nu hab happies in su many fowebbas.
Wen Wacecaw was Stuawt, Big Daddeh come home fwom wowk and cwy and cwy. Daddeh made su many huhuhus dat Stuawt amd famiwy twy gif daddeh huggies!
Wacecaw weawwy miss huggies…
Daddeh was tuu saddies fow huggies! Teww mummah nu can “awfowd” famiwy! Onwy can hab one an’ one fwuffies. Den daddeh say dat onwy haff ub famiwy! Teww Stuawt mummah tu choose! Mummah cwy an’ beg, bu daddeh nu get angwy. Daddeh jus say dat “times awe tuff.” Nu knu what times awe. Mabbeh times come sabe fwuffies?
Mummah towd daddeh to keep mummah an’ sissy. Sissy was wittwe, an mummah wan sissy be safe.
Den daddeh towd Stuawt an’ bwudda to weave. Open doow and set fwuffies ousside. Stuawt was suuu scawed! Gabe stompies tu meanie doow fow shut behind fwuffies, but meanie doow onwy make mow daddeh huuhuu noisies! Su scawy!
Big Bwudda am su bwave an stwong. Awways twy hewp Stuawt whiwe in nu housie pwaces. But hoomins nu wike. Hoomins am meanie munstahs tu fwuffies! Teww Big Bwudda tu gu way! Nu hab nummies! Nu wan fwuffies awound!
Big Bwudda twied expwain dat fwuffies am saddies and scawed and aww awone. Meanie mistah nu cawe and gib bad upsies…to Stuawt!
“Hewp bwudda! Bad upsies! Bwudda! Sabe Stuawt!”
Meanie mistah took Stuawt thwouh doow. Smeww wike wotsa nummies inside. But booboo juice too. Big Bwudda am stiww behind, tewwing mistah tu nu gib upsies tu Stuawt! Mistah dwop Stuawt in sowwy boxie. Boxie hab weggie howes su Stuawt put weggies in, but nu can make walkies! Weggies nu touch gwound! Den meanie hoomin munstah put bwudda on tabwe in fwont of Stuawt. Bwudda wook scawedies wike Stuawt, onwy bwudda hab bigges’ maddies tu.
“Dummeh hoomin! Nu huwt wittwe bwudda Stuawt! Stuawt am gud fwuffy! An su am…su am…”
…su am…
Huuuuuuhuuhuuhuuuuuuuuuuuu Wacecaw nu wemembew bwudda namesie nu mowe. Nu wememba sissy ow mummah name tu. Wacecaw miss famiwy…
Meanie munstah hoomin put meanie stwaps on Big Bwudda. Tew bwudda am “dewi cassie.” Bwudda nu unnewstan! Stuawt nu unnastan awso! Munstah teww Big Bwudda dat Big Bwudda am nummies.
Nu…
Huuuuuuuuhuuhuhuhuuhuhu
Bwudda…bwudda stawt scweamin. “Nuuuu! Nu huwt fwuffies! Fwuffies nu am nummies! Nu wan be nummie fwuffies! Nu huwt Wittwe Bwudda Stuawt ow ###### gib wowstest huwties!” Munstah teww Big Bwudda dat Stuawt nu am nummie babbeh, an Stuawt feew wess scawedy.
Munstah teww bwudda he nu taste pwetty. Teww bwudda dat bwudda need hab wowstest heawt huwties fow bestes nummie tasties. Bwuddy cwy and yeww.
“Nu! Nu wan be nummies! Pwease, wet fwuffy gu! Mummah teww fwuffy tu pwotec wittwe bwudda! Pwease wet fwuffy gu! Nu wan bwudda get huwties!”
Meanie munstah onwy waff. Su meanie! "Oh? That’s interesting. So if I do…this," an hoomin fwick Stuawt smeww pwace! Weawwy huwt! “How does that make you feel?”
Bwudda get angwy maddies, but den bwudda nu can move. Bwudda stawt cwyin.
“Nu cwy, bwudda! It otay! Am onwy huwties! Stuawt am…am bwave! Wike bigges’ bwudda!” Den bwudda nu was saddies as much.
“You’re right. It is only hurties. Tell me Stuart, do you like to run?”
"Absowutewy! Stuawt wub wun and pway! Wub huggy tag, wub pwetty noisie bawks, wub bwockies, BAWW!" Stuawt wubbed baww. Huuuuuuu…
“Alright. I’ll give you a deal.” Munstah wook at bwave bwudda. “I’ll let both of you go free and not eat either of you, but only if I get to cut off Stuart’s legs.”
“W…wha? Wai? Wai mistuh wan bwudda weggies?”
“I don’t. I’m just going to throw them away. I don’t want them or have any use for them.”
Bwudda wook scawed. Weawwy scawed.
"Den…den wai?"
“Because I want to eat you. And if I let you go, I want to make sure you remember me.”
Bwudda made finky face. Stuawt su scawed! Nu wan wose bestes big bwudda, am onwy fwend Stuawt hab! But nu wan wose weggies…
“Nu.”
“No? No to what?”
“Nu make deaw wif hoomin. Nu take bwudda weggies. Weabe bwudda awone. Onwy……onwy huwt ######…”
“Bwudda! Nu! Nu wan bwudda gu fowebba sweepies! Stuawt wub bwudda! Stuawt need bwudda! Pwease nu weabe Stuawt!”
Munstah waff again. “Didn’t expect that. Huh. Alright then. Guess that makes this part even more upsetting for you.”
Munstah pick up big scawy shawp fing an big nu su scawy hot fing. “Nuuu! Pwease mistuh, tuwn Stuawt! Nu make Stuawt watch bwudda gu fowebba sweepies!” Bwudda cwied at munstah.
“Shut up.” Was aww munstah say. Den…den munstah take fiwst weggie fwo Stuawt.
“NUUUUUUU! WEGGGGGIE! SCREEEEEEEE! HEWP! HEWP STUAWT! NU WAN WOSE WEGGIES! BWUDDA SABE STUAWT!”
Bwudda yewwin tu. "NUU! MEANIE MISTAH NU HUWT BWUDDA! MISTAH CAN HAB FWUFFY NUMMIES, BUT NU HUWT BESTEST BWUDDA STUAWT!"
Meanie hoomin gif buwnie huwties tu nu weggie pwace. Babbehs beg hoomin stahp, but meanie hoomin nu eben stahp! Hoomin su meanie an scawy!
“Wow, you did such a bad job protecting him. He’s not gonna have any weggies soon.” Stuawt jus cwy an cwy an huuhuu an nu an pweeeease. But nu bwudda. Bwudda nu du dat.
“Stuawt! Bwudda sowwy Stuawt! Huuuhuuu bwudda twy sabe Stuawt, but nu can!”
Meanie munstah take many fowebbas but den Stuawt nu feew any weggies! Huuhuuhuu! Den take Stuawt out of boxie and put by bwudda facie. Bwudda twy hug Stuawt, but tuu faw away an nu can move! Stuawt twy hug bwudda, den wemembew nu hab weggies to move.
Den wemembew nu hab weggies fow hug ow pway tuu.
“Huuuhuuuuuuu Stuawt nu can weach bwudda huuuuuuuu wai huwt gud Stuawt!” Bwudda weawwy cwyin nao. “Am sowwy! Sowwy! Am bad bwudda! Mummah nu wet stay in housie! Hoomins chase bwuddas, be meanies an gif huwties! Nao Bestes’ wittwe bwudda am nu weggie dummeh huhuhuhu su sowwy Stuawt huuuuu.”*
“Well. That was fun. Now for the cooking.”
Bwudda got scawed. “Nu! Nu num fwuffies! Hoomin say if wet take bwudda weggies, nu num fwuffies! Wemembew?”
“What I remember is offering that deal and being turned down. Sorry. You had your chance. From the sound of it you had several. You weren’t good enough babies to find a home, and you’re such a bad brother that not only are you going to leave your brother all alone, you even got his legs removed! Now he can’t run, or find food.” Munstah gwab Stuawt by pwetty taiw.
“He can’t even hug his brother goodbye.”
An…an den bwudda gone. Meanie mistah teww udda hoomin to bwing Stuawt tu shewtew. Shewtew wite next doow. Huuuuu…
Stay in Shewtew wif wowstest saddies fow many fowebbas. Sweep aww da time. Nu can pway ow hab fun. Then nyu daddeh come. Daddeh take Stuawt pwetty name away. Stuawt wub name. Fwuffy mummah name Stuawt aftew hew owd daddeh. Nao Stuawt nu am Stuawt.
Stuawt nu am fwuffy.
Am onwy dummeh Wacecaw…