Butch again, and this time on “From the Desk”, we’ll be discussing one of the banes of fluffy owners everywhere: Smarty Syndrome. And just to get things out of the way, no, I don’t want to hear about your preferred means of dealing with smarties, if for no other reason than I like to think that my readership consists largely of responsible pet owners as opposed to armchair experts and wannabe Torquemadas with a penchant for interior decoration.
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What is a Smarty?
In fluffspeak, “smarty” is (or at least began as) shorthand for “smarty friend”. As the name implies, they have more brainpower than the average fluffy, and in feral herds, they usually hold a position of leadership. Smarty syndrome, meanwhile, is another beast altogether— based in personal observation, the condition is best described as a form of delusional narcissism, sometimes accompanied by psychopathic tendencies.
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What Causes Smarty Syndrome?
Despite popular belief, being a “bestest baby” is not the root cause of smarty syndrome (though it does seem to be a contributing factor). Much like with NPD in humans, it appears to be caused by a mixture of genetic and environmental factors such as trauma and neglect, which may explain the condition’s disproportionate representation in mill-bred and feral fluffies. Despite the affected fluffy’s insistence that they are smarter than their peers (or in particularly bad cases, even their caretakers!), there does not seem to be any real correlation between the presence of the disorder and increased intelligence.
On a side note, some of my colleagues have documented cases where a previously “normal” fluffy managed to develop the disorder well into adulthood; upon doing some further digging, it appears that these cases were primarily the result of brain trauma (and in one instance, a tumor).
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How do I treat smarty syndrome?
Considering that fluffy psychotherapy has yet to take off, your best bet is to ask your veterinarian about prescribing fluffy antipsychotics. Apart from that, I also recommend finding a reputable fluffy rehabilitation expert and following their advice.
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I actually like Smarties!
Personally I think they are good pets.
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Okay, here me out.
They are Sassy for one (And I enjoy a good bit of sass), and I am in the belief you can train their ‘Dummeh hooman this is-’ ways. They are psychopathic and self entitled, and if they think their land is in danger, they will fight to protect it!
Guard Fluffies! Promise it love and the occasional sketties and you have a bestest child that will keep you safe from the stupidity of other fluffies (not counting its own stupidity) scare away all the ferals from bothering you! As an abuser, you also get the good show of a Smarty hurting ‘good fluffies’, plus some Smarties (to some peoples headcanons, not all) are actually good smarties who learn how to defend and keep their herds safe. For the right price (love), you gain a good sidekick, or a stolkholmed bestest child 
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Ok, I can see that. I’d prefer a couple of brown fluffs myself, but every has their own taste.
Can you write that as a story? It could be rad as hell.
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An interesting take on the topic- though the author is clearly leaning hard into the ‘hugbox’ side of dealing with smarty syndrome, its noticeable that he fails to properly alert fluffy owners to the obvious peril of having multiple fluffies if one has begun demonstrating smarty syndrome.
It is very important that a smarty is never left alone with other fluffies, as they are little terrors that will inevitably attempt to bully their peers, and even stronger fluffies can be caught off guard by the sheer psychotic fury of a full blown smarty. This author usually recommends immediate euthanization of a smarty if you are keeping multiple fluffies, for the safety and serenity of the herd. The reason against simply removing the smarty is simple- smarties can and will do everything they can to return to ‘their’ herd so keeping him* is still courting mayhem, and rehoming a smarty is both unethical to do without disclosing the syndrome and all but guaranteed to attract abusers if the syndrome is known.
*Another topic is the overwhelming disparity in smarty syndrome to manifesting in male fluffies- there have been documented female fluffies with the syndrome but there are literally hundreds of male smarties to every female smarty. But that may be a discussion for another time.
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I like torturing them cause they deserve it
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