The curtain rises to reveal Dr. Redacted in the center of a laboratory. He stands behind a bellybutton tall table that presently holds a shit brown pillowfluff.
“Hello Everyone, and welcome to fun with fluffy physiology episode 2: Fluffy switcheroo!” Dr. Redacted announces, gently stroking the ear of the pillowfluff as he speaks. “I’m Dr. Fred Redacted, and since we covered fluffy limb amputation and restoration last episode, let’s experiment with what we can do with this knowledge. “
He gestures to the pillowfluff restrained with a single leather strap in front of him. “Here we have an adult female pillowfluff. Her name was stupid and I’ve forgotten it, so let’s call her Stubby.”
Stubby looked up and told him, “Dat nu Cawamew nameie. Cawam-” She was cut off as Dr. Redacted slapped a piece of duct tape over her mouth.
“Nobody cares Stubby” He says to the pillowfluff before turning back to the audience, “Stubby here has a surgery appointment right now, but first we should find out if she wants anesthetic, or if she wants to feel every little thing I do. Let’s ask her- Stubby, do you want to feel all the pain from your surgery?” Stubby starts shaking, wiggling, and screaming, but due to the duct tape, her screams of NUUUUU, while obvious, are not crystal clear.
“Well, I can’t tell what you’re saying, so I’ll just do nothing to you.” He says, and Stubby majorly calms down. “Before the surgery that is, so you’ll feel everything.”
Stubby barely has time to scream again before Dr. Redacted has sliced off the leathery skin flap from where her front left leg used to be. “Now, because Stubby here was not pillowed with any intention of restoring her limbs, the technician made a real mess of her shoulder and nearby internals, as you can see.” The exposed ball and socket joint is mostly still there, with random bits of bone visible everywhere. Stubby keeps screaming as Dr. Redacted points out each part by poking it with his scalpel, with much louder screams each time he makes contact. “You can plainly see both the ball and socket of the joint have been mangled beyond simple repair. We absolutally could repair it if we really wanted to, but that’s kind of a waste given that the blood vessels are partially shreaded, and the nerve cluster is nowhere to be found.” With that last point, he stabs the scalpel into the center of the exposed stump tissue.
“I don’t really feel like cleaning up that mess, so lets put a pin in it for now.” He releases the leather strap holding Stubby before walking around behind the pillowfluff, and uses a harpoon gun to propel a harpoon through Stubby, whereupon the momentum carried the harpoon-fluffy combination forward to stick into a dartboard that was slightly off screen.
“Still missed the bullseye, dang”
Dr. Redacted then reaches down and pulls out an anesthetized blue fluffy pegasus, limbs removed, and skin not closed, but with the limbs all having their internals neatly separated and labeled, ready for limb restoration. “Here we have Dasher, the fastest fluffy ever, at least according to her. I’ve already removed her legs, so now we need donor legs. How about some from a foal.”
As he says this he holds up a lime green foal, who immediately addresses him, “Wime am aww weady tu hewp da doktah!”
“Now, I could remove Lime’s legs and graft them onto Dasher” Lime looks at him terrified before he continues, “Or I could use these pre-prepped donor limbs from some other foal. Which would you like me to use Lime?”
“Nu use Wime weggies! Use da odda weggies!” The foal desperately cries, wiggling its legs as if to better convince the doctor.
“Well, if you’re sure, then I’ll use these other donor legs, but that means I don’t need you anymore Lime.” While Lime is still trying to process what Dr. Redacted just said, Lime is carried over to Stubby, and shoved up her vagina, which Dr. Redacted staples shut. Lime can be heard begging and screaming as she tries to escape, but in the end, she only manages to push a single hoof out between the staples before she perishes. Stubby, still very much alive and still muffled, also begs the ‘tuu biggies babbeh’ to leave, but it is ineffective.
“Now, for the slow boring bit, so we’ll fast forward through the surgery” Dr. Redacted explains, before a brief montage of him sewing miscolored limbs onto various stumps plays.
“Excellent, now as you can see, we have a few fluffies that we have modified. On the far left here, I’ve grafted foal legs onto Dasher, near left I’ve grafted adult pegasus wings onto a weanling foal, on the near right I’ve grafted adult fluffy legs onto a weanling foal, and on the far right I grafted chopsticks onto an adult fluffy’s stumps for no real reason.”
All of the fluffies were unconscious, and they all looked ridiculous, either proportionately mismatched, or with chopsticks for legs.
“We’re going to skip forward a week so that all the limbs will be fully functional, thanks to this episode’s sponsor, Medi-gel for fluffies.”
Dr. Redacted faced a camera to his right, holding a jar in front of him to give the ad read. “Do your fluffies ever get injured? Have you played Mass Effect? If so, then you need Medi-gel for fluffies, the only product guaranteed.”
“Guaranteed to do what?” Someone shouted from off camera.
“Like I said,” Dr. Redacted replies, “It’s the only one that’s guaranteed.”
Turning back to the main camera, there’s a fade-out/fade-in and all four fluffies are awake and moving.
Dasher is trying desperately to even stand up with her tiny foal legs, and is becoming very frustrated.
The foal with adult legs, who is labeled onscreen as Bigfoot can’t stand up at all because his adult sized legs are too close together on his tiny frame and they keep bumping each other out of place.
The foal with adult pegasus wings, labeled Maverick, is buzzing his wings furiously, but achieving very little for his efforts.
Chopsticks, who has chopsticks where her legs should be, has been balanced up on her ‘legs’ and is actually managing to walk, albeit very very slowly.
“Let’s examine each fluffy individually, starting with Dasher.” Dr. Redacted says, heading over to the blue pegasus. “So Dasher, how do your legs feel”
“Widdah weggies am tuu-” The struggling fluffy starts before being interrupted by Dr. Redacted using a nail gun to drive a large nail through the top of her mouth to pin the bottom of her mouth closed while also pinning her to the table by her face.
“Yeah, I actually don’t care. Lets move on to the next one.”
Bigfoot is on his belly, legs spread eagle, sobbing in frustration and hunger. There is a large plate of sketti (read: dry ramen noodles with ketchup on top) five inches in front of Bigfoot being consumed by other foals of similar size, but since he can’t stand up, the food might as well be a legend dreamed up by drunk hunters.
“So Bigfoot, I’ll bet with legs that big, you always get to the sketti first, right?”
Bigfoot opens his mouth to respond but is stopped by Dr. Phetamines, who grabs Bigfoot and runs out of the room screaming, “I’m gonna make a fortune taking pictures of this dude in the pacific northwest.”
Dr. Redacted holds up a finger angrily and opens his mouth to tell his colleague to fuck off, but then he remembered that he didn’t care, and just said, “Yeah, that’s fair. I have been shitting in his bulk foal formula vat.”
Dr. Redacted then walked over to Maverick, who was beaming with pride as he moved his giant, for his size, wings.
“Maverick,” Dr. Redacted started, “I have an important mission for you from the President… of my homeowners association. She needs you to use this fluffy catapult” He indicates each part of the plan in sequence. “To launch yourself into the air so that you can deliver this package,” The package is the size of a microwave. “To the Prime Minister of the Overthereistanian homeowners association. The world is -cough-not-cough- counting on you. Can you do it?”
“Maverick nu wet yu down doktah!” The foal announced.
“Excellent!” Dr. Redacted said before setting Maverick onto the catapult.
“Are you ready Maverick?”
“Mavwick wa bown we-” Was all Maverick managed to say before Dr. Redacted pulled a pistol and shot him in the head.
“He didn’t make it, what a shame.” And with that, Dr. Redacted pulled a steaming hot cup of ramen from a microwave, picked up Chopsticks the fluffy, ripped her legs off, and used them to eat his lunch.
“Come back next time for more fun with fluffy physiology!” Dr. Redacted signed off between slurps of noodles, tossing what was left of Chopsticks into the microwave and setting it to run for an hour before he walked out of Dr. Phetamine’s laboratory.