“Mummah, Shamuu suu wonewy! Pwease wet Shamuu hab fwen fow pway and huggies!” The little black and white seafluff called up to his owner, Sarah, as he balanced precariously from the lip of his tank. Sarah was a college student living outside San Francisco who was currently resided in a second-floor seaside apartment purchased with trust fund money.
Sarah walked over to the tank and pushed ‘Shamu’ back into his tank, “Don’t climb up there idiot, you’re dripping water.” Before he could protest the accurate assessment of his mental faculties, she continued. “I just bought you that tank after you cried about the last one and now you are making more selfish demands?”
The tank was much bigger than the fishbowl he had had been in and it even had a floating platform for him to sleep on. He was so grateful that mummah bought him one since his gills had begun to shrink and it became harder and harder to breath, and consequently sleep, underwater.
He floated in one spot vertically like a seal as he spun his flipper around to keep his head above water and speak to his mummah. “Nuu, shamuu am guud fwuffy! Shamuu just am hab biggest heawt huwties! Shamuu am hab sad sweepie pikchas ob mummah an daddeh and bwuddahs and sistahs! Miss pwayin wit uddah fwuffies!”
“Fine, I’ll play with you.” She reached in and plucked him out. She held one hand under him to stop water from dripping from him as she carried him over and plopped him down in a shallow water filled clear plastic tub on her coffee table with a small rock in the center.
She went to the kitchen and came back with a gallon of water that she dumped in with him to top it off. The tap water stung his skin a little and was colder than his tank, but he ignored it since he loved playing with mummah.
“Ok, remember what I taught you?” Holding up a ball she squeaked it in her hand. He nodded “Yus mummah. Shamuu wembah!” He really wanted to play ball regularly but the praise he got from mummah made this fun too.
She dropped the ball in and Shamu swam to the far end of the tub where it was. He pushed his nose underneath and began to lift it. It rolled away. “No!” she chided him. The water on his fluff hid any sad wawas he could make so there was no point in crying. He tried again and this time successfully balanced it on his nose.
He held it for a few seconds, then it started to slip again. He tried to reach up with one flipper to catch it. “No Fins!” Mummah ordered. He planted his flipper down; he didn’t want the sorry whistle for breaking mummah’s rules. She had a red dog whistle hanging around her neck like a lifeguard.
He managed to keep it balance a few more seconds. She handed him a shrimp flavored ‘sketti’ snack as a reward. She ran him through the gamut of ‘games’ she taught him, swimming sideways. Spitting water. Anything you might have seen at Sea World before it closed down. Not for the whole animal abuse thing but because of a class action lawsuit after it was found the harnesses on the roller coasters were lined with BPA, a known carcinogen.
He got a treat for each trick he performed and the fullness of in his stomach overpowered the emptiness in his heart. Sarah’s phone began to buzz on the table. She scattered the remaining treats in the water and walked to the kitchen. “Eat all the treats while I go talk on the phone with my friend.”
Shamu quickly scooped them all up and pushed them onto the rock. He had figured out eating them one at a time made the rest soggy and he liked to listen to mummah’s voice instead of swimming around. The splashing and being underwater got in the way of listening after all.
“- is due this Friday. The report is due next month. What did you decide on anyway? Nematoads? That’s such a boring project. Yea, Shamu is really smart. He’s learned a bunch of different things I can discuss for marine intelligence.” Shamu was so happy that mummah was bragging about him to her friends.
“The professor was the one who gave me the idea. He said when he was in grad school he had a pet octopus that he taught. He said it would escape constantly. A fluffy is so much easier honestly.” Octowpus was a bad fwuffy for scapin, Shamu thought.
“But I didn’t know they had amphibian DNA and his gills are degenerating. I really don’t want to get all terrarium stuff so he can… Yea. You get it, it’s expensive. They get old really quickly. No one wants a fluffy for eight years.” Shammuu started feeling heart hurties listing to this. Mummah didn’t want him?
“And get this, he was asking for a special friend. I’m not raising a whole family. The tank would take up half my apartment! … Yea, I think after my presentation I’ll just flush him. Anyway. I got to go to class soon. Talk later. Bye.”
She opened the kitchen door door and walked back. Shamu kept his best poker face. “Mummah nu get fwen for Shamuu?” She scooped him up hoping he hadn’t heard the conversation and carried him back to his tank. “I’ll think about it.”
Shamu sulked in his tank knowing that the toilet monster was going to eat him if he didn’t do something. He stayed on his best behavior hoping mummah would change her mind. He always obeyed her orders and never made any demands. Still, he wondered how the Fluffy named Octopus had escaped.
He looked out of his tank and saw big wawas far away. If he could get there, he would be safe. He knew until he had until whatever ‘the project’ to make a plan. Mummah continued to treat him the same as she had the day she said she would flush him.
As Shamu was playing with mummah in the plastic tub again, her phone rang. She stepped out onto the balcony, leaving the sliding door ajar. “Yea? Oh yea. I’m totally ready to present on the project tomorrow.” She pushed the door closed and continued to talk. Fear coursed through Shamu’s blood. This was his last bright time to escape.
Sarah came back in and looked at her fluffy. Her smile quickly turned to a frown. “Bad Shamu! You pooped!” Shamu looked down and saw the water around him had turned brown from scaredy poopies. She plucked him up and let him drip dry a bit before carrying him to the bathroom.
He began flailing and pissing in fear. “NUUU NUU FWUSHIE SHAMUU! PWEASE SHAMUU SUU SOWWY! NUU MEAN TUU MAKE BAD POOPIES!!” She flicked his nose as she dropped him in the sink.
“You idiot, I’m just washing you.” He looked up and sniffled. “Weawwy?” She rolled her eyes. “Really.” Then she turned on the faucet and rinsed the diarrhea from his fur. “You know you’re a lucky fluffy right?” he nodded weakly.
She carried him back to his tank and placed him on his floating rock. “Mommy is getting dinner with a friend. When I come back I’ll have a surprise for you. Ok?” he nodded, still sniffling. “Otay.”
She grabbed her keys and walked out the door. He was alone now. He worried. What could that surprise be? Surely it would be getting flushies. He needed to make his now. He looked out through the glass of his tank. There wasn’t anything he could use.
He turned to face the sea. Looking out through the open door he stared longingly at the sea. It was so close yet so far away. The open door! Mummah had forgotten to close it when she saw his scaredy poopies. He jumped up to the lip of his tank and hung over as he had so many times before.
He looked down and fell back in the tank in fear. It was such a far way down. A full four feet. He jumped up again and stared down for a minute with indecision. Trembling, he let go with his front flippers and leaned forward. He closed his eyes and pushed his flippers forwards to shield his face.
Plop he hit the carpet hard. His face and neck hurt, and the wind was knocked from his lungs. After laying in pain for a moment to recover. He dragged himself towards the door. The dry scratchy carpet hurt his tummy. Then he made it to the wood floor, it was smoother but still dry. The doorway was the real challenge. A raised metal rail with several sharp edges. He managed to drag himself over with maiming himself, but the rail dug into his skin and hurt all the same.
Now he was on the balcony, this hurt the worst as it was high traction concrete. It scraped his underside considerably as he plopped his flippers forwards and gave him friction burns. He held back from huhuus despite the pain until he reached the metal railing. He climbed over the metal bar at the bottom and looked down, pissing himself in the process.
This was much worse. It was a twelve-foot drop. At least the apartment pool was underneath. In traditional American decadence it was decided an Olympic sized swimming pool should be build a whopping eighty yards from the Pacific Ocean.
Shamu considered going back at this point, begging mummah not to flush him might work. He looked back and saw the six feet of rough concrete he had just traversed and cringed at the though of dragging his belly back across it.
The cool breeze was drying out his flippers now. He knew he needed water, soon. Looking back down, he tried to steel his nerves. It was this or flushies. SCREEEEEeeeeee The jump was successful as he splashed into the overchlorinated swimming pool.
He felt the splash and opened his eyes. He saw water and humans, small ones like the kids that would look at him in the fluffmart. And then he felt the burning, the chlorine got into the scratches on his flippers and stomach and into his eyes. He began to scream again. This time just letting out bubbles as he swam to the surface.
“Did you hear that?” One boy asked. “Hear what?” The other responded. “It sounded like a fluffy.” “Why would there be a fluffy around here retard? They hate water!” He was interrupted by a flipper slapping against his arm.
“Buwnie huwties! Pwease sabe Shamuu!” Shamu had surfaced and tried to find sympathy from the second human he had seen since Sarah adopted him. The boy, of course, was not having it. Being rather surprised, he was shocked, imagine Kevin McCallister on the cover of Home Alone. His arm shot away from him the way someone does when a roach unexpectedly crawls on them and sent the fluffy flying.
Despite not being a Pegasus, Shamu briefly experienced flight as the boy flung him through the air and into the sand just on the other side of the low fence that surrounded the apartment pool. His flight made a quick detour through some privacy bushes which scratched him up even further.
He righted himself and tried to brush the sand from his fluff but quickly realized it was a Sisyphean endeavor. He hurt everywhere. None of this would have to have happened if mummah had just loved him. “Huuuuuuu!” He wailed.
“Hewwo nuu fwen. Nuu cwie.” Shamu looked around. He saw a green fluffy in the bush he had just tumbled through. “Fwuffy name am Cwohee. Wut am yuu name?” Shamu sucked up his tears. “Fwuffy am name Shamuu.”
“Shammu am funny wookin fwuffy!” Chloe giggled. “Am Seefwuffy!” He stuttered. “Aww fwuffies am seein’ fwiffies! Wookies!” She pointed at her sea places. “Nuu am see fwuffy! Am SEE fwuffy!” He pointed out towards the water. The synapses failed to connect in her brain as she did not know any name for the ocean besides big wawas.
He began slowly dragging himself towards the ocean, trying to ignore the dumb mare. Chloe stopped him. “Siwwy fwuffy, hot sandies and wawas am bad fow fwuffy!” She trotted over to him and grabbed him by the tail before dragging him back under the bush. “Nu am go owt wite nao! Hot sandies gib funny hoofsies worstest buwnies and sky munstahs dub wowstest nummies!”
Shamu consigned himself to waiting with her till night. While he stayed there with her, she gave him lickie-cleanies which got the sand mostly off and her saliva helped keep him damp. He heard her sob story about how daddeh said no more babbehs after her third litter and how she gave up a loving home, toys, fluff TV, and special friend.
He tried to explain that she was a dummeh but she just pointed out that he ran away too, ignoring that he was trying to not go forever sleepies. She was kind enough to share food from her nummie pile though, she found egg nummies buried in the sand and had a whole pile, so she didn’t have to search for food constantly. They were leathery and hard to bite open, but the insides were delicious. She asked him to be her special friend but quickly gave up when she didn’t see special lumps.
Soon twilight set in, and she fell asleep. He was tired and very dehydrated now. He began to make his way towards the sound of the ocean wawas. The sand was still warm but nowhere near as hot as it was earlier. He was making good progress with the energy of a full stomach.
He made it most of the way and began to feel the sand underneath him get wet. Unbeknownst to him, the tide had gone out and he had to crawl another forty yards. He let out a cry of relief as the cool moisture soaked into his skin. “Wawas am suu guud!”
“Shamuu! Shamuu! Wewe am Shamuu!” Chloe cried out from behind him. Her voiced got closer and closer as he struggled to flop towards the crashing waves. The furthest reaching waves just barely touched him. “Screeee! Wawas am wowtest fow fwuffies!” Shamu felt a mouth bit down on his tail and begin dragging.
“Nuu! Wet Shamuu guu! Shamuu nee wawas!” He fought and flailed but she would not relent. Soon he was back on dry sand which stung all the more now that his skin had rehydrated. He began flailing his tail and screeching. Her teeth just dug in harder and drew blood. “Pwease Nuu bitey Huwties foh Shamuu!”
The noise drew some attention. Ha-Ha-Ha Seagulls began to circle overhead before diving down and trying to rip Shamu away from Chloe. “Sky Munstahs! Wun way Shamuu Fwen!!” Chloe cried out, releasing her grip, turning, and releasing a spray of shit all over Shamu.
He did not, he was pulled apart limb by limb in the dim orange light as remaining daylight filtered over the horizon. His screams were drowned out by crashing waves. He reached hopelessly towards the freedom of the sea just yards away as this all happened.
Later a fish and wildlife officer inspecting turtle nests would find Chloe digging one up for more eggs and beat her to death with a shovel. She never did find a special friend.
Sarah’s surprise for Shamuu had in fact been a mare seafluff named Namu. She had grown attached to him and decided to reward him for his love and obedience. Coming home to an empty apartment and initially assuming a break and enter through her sliding door, she was a bit alarmed but with a police report and nothing missing except Shamu, Sarah was forced to cope with her loss, never knowing what happened to her precious little boy.
Without Shamu to perform, her final project presentation was lackluster, and she had only a few cell phone videos as proof of her findings. She barely passed the class.
Namu herself eventually got a special friend of her own and lived a long happy life, marred only by an unfortunate and traumatic accident involving one of her litters and the tank filter.