You are simple anon. Bro of bros.
decent job, rented home, no wife or kids
plenty of bros to kick it with and their chicks and their chicks chicks
one day, Broski Numero Uno calls up, says his chick has a friend comin from outta town
Kaitlyn…blondy, fit, body like an hourglass, like a Coke bottle, like a pink barbell, like a life sized Barbie doll…
I say, I say, I say, son… rack was stacked, the ass was fat, the abs flat. And the lord said “damn i’m good”.
you brighten up when your Nabroleon mentions she loves the American pastime of the backyard cookout.
When it comes to that shit, bitches, bow to your master
your homemade barbecue dishes have been rumored to cure cancer, cause a flutter of euphoria, trigger a massive orgasm, and give the ex of whoever is eating them an instant and karmically proportionate case of crabs.
Lebronidas of Sparta also mentions that like yourself Kaitlyn has a distate for the affronts to nature call “Fluffy Ponies”
Goddamn Hasbio muckin with gene sequences for some quick cash
You knew that shit was gonna go south on everyone when you saw the press conference and heard the first public one say “Wan pway”?
Anyway back to Bro Jangles and your convo re: she of the fantastic body.
you set up the cookout for tomorrow, over and out.
Quick trip to the market
(Good cookin secret #4:fresh meat, fresh veggies, the rest is just noise.)
and you get on home, shower n crash
the next day (day off! Oh yeah, fuck the boss!)
you get up and move the patio furniture around and set up a few chunks of wood and kindling in your barbecue.
(Good cookin secret #6: fuck gas and lighter fliud. Wood makes better smoke. Leave it in the sun all day before cookin to dry out all the way. Besides if you can’t light it without needng an explosion why bother.)
you note that your grass looks short and patchy near the fence.
damn, workin your ass off on that lawn
oh well, problem for another day.
sweep patio, rinse patio, gym, laundry, shower, nap time
Wake up at 4
doin the cookin prep process.
the Marauding Horde shows up, respective wenches in tow.
broski numero uno shows with his girly, already chattering broski’s ear off and then you see her…
FINE…FOOOIIIINNNNNEEEE
tanned, heels, daisy dukes and a black plaid shirt tied up over her breasts.
She’s flirty, clever, so gorgeous, knows it, loves it and… and…and…hhhnnngg…
Kay…on with the story…
As your fire gets up to right size, you set out some spiced veggies to grill and open a couple beers and wine.
Then you hear Kaitlyn exclaim “Aw…fuck no.”
“Dummeh hoomin…dis fwuffy wand now!”
shit…its like they HAVE to piss you off instantly
you look down and grimace knowing now why your grass is shorter
A rather large bright blue fluffy is glaring up at you, cheeks puffed, stamping his marshmallow size hooves
“Hoomin weave dis wand, gif vegges and weave now owe git sowwies poopies un owies!”
you look up as Kaitlyn shouts “Fuck off furball! I’ll break my foot off in your ass!” As she leans forward to point in its face, givin you a peek at her cleavage, pure hate fire in her eyes.
Is that…yep…she gave you another hardon.
you look over as the rest of the herd begins coming out from the bushes near your fence
aw man, this is NOT happening!
fuck this, you walk over and yell, “Beat it freaks!” Waving your hands and picking up a mother to toss out.
with a squeal most of them scatter, a couple slip by you and start climbing your brick built in barbecue shouting “Vegges!”. Your bros jumpin in and snatchin up as many as possible.
Kaitlyn gasps in horror an you look back at her, the smarty now aiming his anus at her open toed heels.
"Dummeh! Meh give sowwiest big poopies!
You throw the mare that you’re holding at the smarty sidearm and nail it, sending them tumbling, the smarty explosively crapping all over the mare and completely missing Kaitlyn.
the mare hits the smarty and something snaps, mare going limp
somehow, some of the fluffy shit flies loose of her fluff in the mares limp tumble, arcing over and into the barbecue fire.
with a harsh whoosh the fire becomes an open air blast furnace for a few moments, the fluffies who had made it near the grill caught by the shooting flame
one who’s head is over the grill has his skull instantly vaporized to the bone and the body collapses
the other fluffy bursts into flame and falls to the ground, screaming and hauling ass for the other dayglo colored freaks
“Fiyah! Ouchies! Wowstest owwies! Save fwuffy, nee huggies! Owwwwooo!!!”
The fuffy tumbles into the group and begins attemping to hug other fluffies to make the pain stop, catching them on fire, or spreading it through thrashing and tumbling.
One breaks free of the conflagration running in circles as it wails
NNUUUUUUUUuuuuuuu!!!
one mare with four foals around her screams in horror, "Nuuu, save babbehs! Es Awmahgeedawn!
Another flaming fluffy runs screaming into the utensil tray, a carving knife rattling loose and tumbling down to impale him instanty.
Kaitlyn is laughing her perfectly shaped ass off
The smarty-friend drags himself up, and looks about in horror.
As your reach for him, his mind snaps, eyes going wild. He foams at the mouth screaming “Eeeeeeh!!”
He squeals and runs for Kaitlyn again, mouth open to bite.
just before he reaches her, she squeaks and pulls her tanned legs up onto the chair, and he snaps at thin air
you grab him by his fluff, flip him upside down, shout “Fuck you!” and
SPINNING SITOUT PILEDRIVER!
With a weak crunch, his head disappears into his chest cavity which also smooshes until you’re holding a bright blue puff ball smashed like a soda can.
You stand and toss it aside as Kaitlyn jumps from her chair, kissing you and whispering, “My hero”
Aw yeah… you tappin that shit tonight.
As the final fluffies slowly scatter your bros help them along, dousing the fiery fluffies in piss or punting them over the fence, you sweep the mare and other fluffy remains into the trash and look around.
theres a dead mare with a foal stuck in her mouth, apparently choked trying o save it from “da howwa”
burned, impaled, squashed, fluffies littler your yard.
“Well…fuck…anyone want pizza?”
Everyone nods, except Kaitlyn.
“Somebody else call for it. I need to clean up Anon.” She takes your arm.
“Show me your room Anon? Lets get you out of those fluffed up clothes.”
Awwwwwwww yyyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhh.
