Greg, Justin, and Lollapalooza RaRaRasputin Gorgeslong (a Canadian) were walking down the street when they were suddenly shouted at from an alley.
“Dummeh Hoomins, gib fwuffy homesies nao!”
They looked down to see a blue and purple unicorn fluffy.
The two Americans were about to pull out their guns that all US citizens carry at all times when Lollapalooza pushed their arms down and stepped forwards.
“You heartless, no-healthcare having monsters! How could you possibly abuse this poor creature?!”
He looked down at the disgusting, shit-covered fluffy and bent down.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”
The fluffy looked up, hope filling it’s eyes.
“Weawy?!”
“Yes. As sure as my name is Lollapalooza RaRaRasputin Gorgesglong.”
“Yay! Wub nyu daddeh Wowwapawoowoowoowoo-ghsohfsgdlhDFSDNSGHFNASEFYHNGFUGMAMfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-”
The fluffy suffered a fatal error trying to pronounce Lollapalooza’s name in fluffspeak. There were simply too many “L’s” “R’s” “G’s,” etc.
It’s tongue swelled up and lolled out of it’s mouth, starting to suffocate it due to fluffies being unable to breathe through their noses. Trying to speak through that shattered it’s teeth, the shards piercing through it’s cheeks and clattering to the ground.
It shat itself, as fluffies do when they experience extreme emotions. The force of this extreme bowel movement launched it’s digestive tract back up it’s body like an accordion being squeezed. Due to it’s tongue blocking it’s mouth it’s stomach and intestines instead swelled up and burst, causing the fluffy’s abdomen to expand as if it were pregnant.
The leaking, near-spherical fluffy quickly reached critical mass and exploded like Starkiller Base at the end of the 7th Star Wars movie.
Lollapalooza looked at the gore now covering the entirety of the alleyway, then back at Greg and Justin.
He turned and ran off, accidentally leaving behind the flask of maple syrup and booze with the Canadian flag on it all Canadians carry with them at all times.
Greg and Justin looked at each other. Greg spoke first.
“Are we on drugs or is God?”
Justin shrugged.
