Grim shit. Enjoy.
“Babbehs fowwow mummah! Smawty fin bestest nyu hidey-sweepy pwace fow fwuffies!”
You were so excited. You and your bruddas had been walking for so many forevers, but now you would finally be able to sleep in a pretty warm nest! Your soft purple fluff and your grassy green mane are dancing in the wind as you skip along, singing your happy song.
"Babbeh am happies, doo doo dooooo
Babbeh am smiwes awwwww da time
Mummah an’ bwuddas am happies tuuuu
Cuz awways hab wotsa huggies!"
Mummah could hear your singing and sang along with a few more ramshackle verses you were making up. Your bruddas sang too, but they don’t sing as pretty as you!
“Shaddup! Aww dummeh fwuffies nu make singy noisies nu mowe! Smawty twyin’ tu consentwate!”
The smarty didn’t like your singing. He didn’t like mummah either because mummah wouldn’t have special huggies with him. “Mummah awweddy hab wotsa babbehs! Hab twee an twu! Su many! Nu wan mow babbehs.” It was pretty straightforward, and the tuffies in your herd were meanies, but they weren’t munstahs. They wouldn’t let the Smarty give bad special huggies and he knew that.
The remaining forevers it took to reach your destination drug on and on. You couldn’t make good singies, and that meant you couldn’t do pretty dancie walkies neither. Mummah was carrying three of your bruddas. One had been born too small, but you loved him anyway. He was your babyest brudda! Another had hurt his little hoofsies stepping on a really meanie flower, and then Nu weggie brudda. He is your oldest brother, older than all of you. Mummah had babbehs before, when she lived with her hoomin daddeh. But her daddeh was a meanie, and always gave hurties to her babbehs! So one day, mummah took your brudda Jerry and escaped from the yard. She had to leave your other bruddas behind because her daddeh had them in his owwie room.
Jerry had already been to the owwie room. When he went in, he was mummah’s bravest babbeh, and a bright green alicorn. Daddeh was cruel, and Jerry had taken the punishment meant for one of his other bruddas, one of the too little ones. When daddeh returned from the hurties room, Jerry had no weggies. Daddeh had taken his weggies and even his pointy place! But mummah said the worst part was when daddeh set her screaming terrified boy in front of her and told her to turn his wingies into nummies or “aww babbehs wudda had wostest stompies an fowebba sweepies.”
Jerry didn’t talk much anymore.
You arrived at the burrow. It was so nice! There were so many rooms inside it! More than enough for every fluffy to have their own nesty room! Even holes in the top for light! There were a couple bunneh fwends that lived there already, but your herd had learned long ago that bunneh fwends would gather nummies and share them with you.
“Smawty!” A shout came from the tunnels. “Whewe make gud poopies?” You hadn’t thought of that, but Smarty had an answer. “Dummeh tuffie! Nu wowwy bout poopies, make poopies whewebba!” Mummah sighed. “Howd on babbehs, mummah hafta gu hewp hewd nu get sickies.”
You heard bits and pieces of the argument. Mummah told the smarty he needed to decide on a poopies place or there would be poopies everywhere and they’d all get sickies. After some yellies, he relented.
“Otay. But nu wan fwuffies faww in poopy howe. Poopy howe hafta be wittwe su fwuffies nu get stuckies.” Mummah nodded. “Dat am gud finky pwan.” She made hard eye contact and talked in her serious voice. “Smawty du gud job findin’ nyu howsie fow hewd. Am gud smawty. Fankyu fow wissen tu Pwincess.”
A few forevers later, the smarty returned to your burrow with two tuffies and a couple poopy babbehs. You didn’t say that though. Mummah says it’s meany to call babbehs poopy. Smarty still did, though.
“Nee babbehs!” He shouted. “Babbehs gunna dig howe fow gud poopies! Babbehs am wittwe, su babbehs make wittwest howe!” He wasn’t wrong.
Mummah was nervous. “Nu knu, am makin’ diggies gud fow babbehs?” Smarty puffed his cheeks and snorted. “Nu cawe! Dummeh mawe make smawty hab poopy howe, su wet Smawty bowwow a babbeh wite now!” Your mummah’s nervousness was palpable now. “How…how wong babbeh nee be 'way fwum mummah?”
"Onwy cuppa bwite times, nu be scawedy fiwwy bout dis. Gib babbeh nao!" You stepped forward without being asked. “Nu yeww at mummah. Babbeh wiww hewp make gud diggies wif udda babbehs.” Smarty nodded and turned to leave. You followed, looking over your shoulder at mummah as you went. She was sad. You would be too in her position.
You arrived at the main room. Smarty had left some tuffies digging a big hole and it was just deep enough that you couldn’t quite step down. You had to straddle the edge and sorta roll in. The smarty explained your task to you.
“Diwt am squishy. ‘Ou am diggin howe stwait down, su mostwy gunna make stompies an’ kickies wif hoofies. Gu dig poopy howe!” He smacked the smallest of your fellow diggers as he said it and you all waddled into the center.
He was right. The dirt here was soft and could be compressed easily. Perfect for fluffies to dig in. Usually their hooves would be annihilated after making only meager progress, but since this is such soft earth you’re able to work fast! But after a few forevers, you notice that you’re deep enough that you can’t quite reach the lip to climb out. “Hewwo? Smawty? Babbehs hungwy, nee upsies fwom howe!” You didn’t hear any response, but soon grassy and flower nummies rained down. You looked up and could see one of the tuffies kicking nummies in the hole for you. “Fankyu fow nummies!”
Your fellow diggers were nice! You became friends so fast. They all like to run and play too! And they even love your favorite nummy, sketties! None of you have ever had it, but you all know it’s the bestest.
"Diggy diggy diggy
Babbehs wub tu dig
Huwwy huwwy huwwy
Untiw poopy howe am big!"
…
…
…
You don’t remember falling asleep. The hole was really deep now. The three of you put together wouldn’t be tall enough to climb out now, so the hole must be ready! You called the Smarty, who came back and declared “Finawwy, dummeh poopy babbehs nu make fastest diggies wike smawty say, onwy make stoopi swow diggies an make smawty gu poopies ousside! Smawty teww hewd howe weddy.” He turns and leaves. “Wait! Smawty, hewp babbehs get out howe! Tuu taww! Babbehs du wotsa diggies an wan gu back tu mummah!”
Your response came a few minutes later. You could hear the smarty talking to the herd, and shushed the other babbehs to listen. “Aww fwuffies in hewd! Dis am poopy howe! Make poopies in poopy howe! If nu make gud poopies in howe, tuffies gib wowstest stompies fow make nesty pwace nu smeww pwetty. Su onwy gu poopies in da poopy howe!” A chorus of cheers answered him and you saw a couple fluffies lean over the edge. It was dark at the bottom and they couldn’t see you. “Smawty? How make big howe?”
“Smawty hab dummeh poopy babbehs dig howe fow hewd su howe tuu smaww fow gud fwuffies tu faww in.” You’re about to object to what he called you when you see more fluffies lean in.
Backwards.
Poopies began falling from above. “Nuuuuu! Nu make poopies on babbehs! Babbehs am stiww in poopy howe!” Now you heard mummah. “Babbeh? Babbeh! Smawty, wet babbeh out poopy howe su babbeh back tu mummah!” What you heard next chilled your blood.
"Am poopy babbehs. Onwy gud fow num poopies. Das wai dey in poopy howe, dummeh mawe!"
Oh.
Oh.
The other babbehs were confused and sad, but their mummahs already treated them like poopy babbehs so they just quietly started numming poopies. You couldn’t follow suit. You began screaming for help. “Mummah! Mummah! Hewp babbeh! Babbeh stiww in howe! Babbeh nu wan num poopies! Nu wan be poopy babbeh!” You started desperately scrambling against the dirt walls to climb up to no avail as more poopies fell down and landed on your lush green head. "Huuhuuuu babbeh nu smeww pwetty! Babbeh hab poopies in fwuff! Hab poopies aww ovah pwetty gwassy! Wet babbeh owt! Wet babbehs gu!"
You could hear your mummah yelling, but your shouting had upset the other two diggers who joined in. You wanted them to stop so you could hear mummah, but they were far too scared.
…
It had been quiet for like a forever and a half. Your holemates had made a smelly fluffpile, but you couldn’t sleep. Then, suddenly, something landed on you. Something that wasn’t poopies.
Bewwy nummies! You were so excited you started bucking! Looking up, you could see mummah. “Nu wowwy babbeh, mummah heaw ou. Mummah wiww sabe aww babbehs? Nu be fwaid nu mowe.” You started crying. Your mummah is the best mummah.
You’re about to thank her when it all falls apart. She suddenly disappears as if she was drug back. “Nuuuuu! Owwies! Nu huwt pwetty taiw!” Mummah was in trouble! “Weabe mummah awone!” You shouted from the deep. “Mummah am twyin tu hewp babbehs!”
You heard screaming. Then crunching followed by more screaming. Then mummah’s voice, distorted by pain and fear. “Nuuuu! Nu huwt babbehs! Nu huwt mummah’s babbehs!” She was cut off by the Smarty. “Nu! Dummeh mawe steawin’ nummies! Dummeh mawe wan whowe hewd tu hab tummeh huwties fwum nu hab nummies! Tuffies! Gu get aww dummeh babbehs fwum nesty.” Mummah offered a particularly earsplitting "NUUUUUU!" before she was cut off by what sounded like a kick to the mouth.
Your throat hurts from crying. You’re trying to num as many berries as possible before poopies start falling on them, but the next thing to fall isn’t poopies.
Jerry survived the fall, but only by landing on your two friends. Now they aren’t your friends anymore. They’re smashed and already their booboo juice is mixing with the mud and poopies. “Bwudda? Bwudda, izzatchu? Jewwy scawed…” You waddled to your brudda and gave him a hug, hoping he doesn’t notice what he landed on. Jerry is sensitive.
“Nu cwy, big bwudda. Mummah gon hewp sabe aww babbehs.” As you lie to him, you hear a “plop” in the poopymud behind you. Jerry sees it before you do. It’s your wounded brudda, his hoofsie still bleeding. But he’s landed face down and he’s stuck all the way up to his front weggies.
You spring into action to save him, pulling at his tail with your teeth. It’s no use. You pull and pull and pull but it’s as if the harder you pull him the more stuck he is! Before long he stops kicking at you while you pull his tail. Then he starts twitching. Then he shits himself, and the twitching stops entirely.
You and Jerry sob into eachother. He noticed his victims, but this ordeal is already so fucked it doesn’t really move the needle emotionally. You were both basically in shock when Wittwest Bwudda landed. He survived, but he was badly hurt. He gurgled and cried as you gave him your warmest huggies. Before long, he too was gone.
“N…nu wowwy, wittwe bwudda. Wast bwudda gunna sab-”
CRUNCH
Jerry was cut off mid sentence by your last brother. He didn’t survive. Hell, it looked like he’d been stomped to death before they threw him in. Bits of him had been torn off, too. His special place and see places were gone, as were his tongue and tail and one weggie.
Then you realized Jerry wasn’t making noise.
He wasn’t breathing.
He was gone.
You were alone. Crying in a dark hole, surrounded by the foulest substances imaginable mixed with a healthy serving of dead family members. You fell asleep in it eventually. Not sure for how long. You can hear mummah crying weakly from above, but you lack the strength to call to her.
You hear the smarty. He yells, she cries, he stomps, she cowers.
“Nu! Ou am meanie! Ou kiww aww babbehs! Nu am mummah nu mowe! Nu eben hab speshaw fwend!”
But the smarty was done talking. The next words he said took a while, but they told you what you needed to know.
“Gud feeeews!”
…
Over the next several long forevers you get weaker and weaker. You aren’t even eating now. Nummies make you sad. But then you hear mummah again.
“Huuuhuuuuuuu bigges’ poopies!”
You start hearing chirps and peeps. Mummahs new babbehs. That meany Smarty’s new babbehs. But you didn’t hear them for long. The Smarty spoke up in anger. “Dummeh mawe! Onwy make poopy babbehs! Smawty onwy wan gud babbehs! Nu wike dummeh poopies, twow dem way!” Mummah is begging and pleading but it’s no use. She’s just given birth. She’s weak. Barely able to move.
Chirpy babbehs start dropping one at a time. You lose count at four, but they keep coming. Then, the smarty yells a command. "Otay fwuffies, dummeh mawe get bad poopies aww obah big woom! Hafta cwean woom! Ebbybuddy push poopies and yickies into poopy howe! Wet’s gu!"
Poopies start flowing down. Soon you can barely touch solid ground with your hoofies. You have to lift your head to not be below the surface. To not suffocate in shit.
You hear mummah again. “Nu! Pwease, mummah babbehs am down dewe! Nu wan babbehs dwown in poopies!” One of the tuffies rebuffs her. “Dummeh mawe, aww ou babbehs aweddy poopies. Smawty onwy wan gud babbehs fow hewd gwow stwong, su dummeh mawe nu make huhus obah dummeh fowebba sweepies poopy babbehs. Gu make poopies su can gu tu Smawty woom fuww ob enfie mawes.”
You try to yell, but you can’t. It’s more of a weak moan. “Huuu nu pweeeeze, babbeh stiww hewe! Nu gu fowebba sweepies yet! Babbeh stiww awive!”
Mummah can’t hear you. She leans herself over the edge and shits. She starts crying as the morass slowly rises, and you hear the tuffy from before. “Nu cwy nu mowe. Gu make mowe babbehs. Nu put nu mowe nummies in howe ow tuffies gib ou fowebba sweepies. Ou babbehs nu down dewe nu mow.”
You hear your mummah’s weeping grow more distant. She wouldn’t save you even if she could. She believed him. He said you were dead already and she believed him.
So you lowered your head and made him right.