Josef Mongola belongs to @BFM101 . This fanfic is canon to his timeline no matter what he says.
…
Doctor-No-More Josef Mongola heard a knock at his front door late in December.
Putting down the bottle of delicious, nutritious Abusehaus beer (Abusehaus: the Official Beer of Abusers. Made from fluffy tears!) he walked to his front door and opened it.
Outside was a small herd of fluffies. Their Smarty was the one who had knocked.
“Mewwy Cwist-mass Misteh Josef!”
Josef stood there in silence a moment, then spoke in the voice of a person who’s not a doctor.
“You know who I am?”
“Yes! Yu am Misteh Josef Mongowa.”
“And you know what I do?”
“Yu gibe fwuffies wowstest huwties and fowebeh-sweepies.”
“And you still came to my house and knocked on my door?”
The Smarty nodded and the rest of the herd closed in.
“We am aww tinking dat da weason wai Josef huwts fwuffies am because yu am habing wots ob heawt-huwties and yu nu can make dem gu away. Su yu gibe fwuffies huwties instead.”
That was entirely true, but Josef was deep in denial about it and also wasn’t a doctor.
“I…”
Two of the Smarty’s Toughies brought over a crudely-wrapped Christmas present.
“Su Smawty and hewd decide tu bwing yu Cwist-mass pweasant. Show yu dat dewe am stiww dose hu cawe about yu and wan yu tu habe heawt-happies eben if yu am meanie sometimesies.”
Josef was forced for the first time in a long time to be introspective. And he didn’t like it. But this time he couldn’t deny it. Was the Smarty right? Maybe he was only hurting himself with his hate?
Maybe it was time to let go of his bitterness and spite and try to find true happiness. Go apologize to those he’d wronged and try to make things right. He’d never ever be a doctor, but he knew so much about hurting fluffies and keeping them alive and in pain that it’d make being a fluffy vet easy. From now on instead of hurting fluffies he’d make them better and keep them happy.
Weeping tears of regret, remorse, and newfound salvation Josef Mongola took the offered present.
He tore through the wrapping paper to reveal the book beneath it. A book with the title-
“THE RISE OF SKYWALKER: THE JUNIOR NOVELIZATION?! AS DESCRIBED BY JAR JAR BINKS!!!”
The Smarty and his herd looked confused.
“Yu nu wike da pwesent? Smawty tought yu wiked Staw Waws?”
Josef had a rage-induced aneurysm so powerful that pressurized blood shot out of his eyes and burned a hole in the ground in front of the Smarty. Then the hole exploded.
…
Ricky stared at Izzy.
“YOU DID WHAT?!”
Izzy shrugged.
“We’re having a prank war, anything goes!”
Ricky’s jaw flapped wordless for a moment before he could think of what to say.
“But isn’t that a bit much?”
“I mean after getting the Ayatolla of Iran to put a fatwa on him there wasn’t much worse to do.”
A serene-looking fluffy with a long white beard appeared in front of Izzy.
“Yu habe fuwwy pushed Josef intu meanie-ebiw. Yu habe ensuwed da damnation ob his souw.”
Fluffy Saint Peter shook his head sadly.
“Am it wowth it? Can yu beaw da weight ob da guiwt ob wat yu habe donesies?”
Izzy laughed and put two of the at least two opposable thumbs he had up.
“Totally worth it!”
Then Josef ran up and started strangling Izzy.
“I WILL KILL YOU AND NO COURT WILL CONVICT ME!!!”
…
The Judge raised his gavel.
“Since the victim did survive and has repeatedly pleaded for mercy on your behalf I am going to sentence you to community service instead of Maximum Security Prison for Very Naughty Boys.”
Josef grumbled under his breath.
The Judge continued.
“I sentence you to 1000 hours of reading a children’s book to fluffies.”
He held up The Rise of Skywalker: The Junior Novelization: As Described By Jar Jar Binks.
“This one to be exact.”
The fluffies that made up the jury all cheered and gave each other hugs.