Skypuff was a fluffy.
A pegasus fluffy.
A pegasus fluffy who had each of her legs tied to a different firework on a single fuse.
And an even bigger and more explosive firework tied to her middle.
A pegasus fluffy who had all her foals glued to her.
All her foals except for one.
A greenish brown alicorn.
Skypuff hated her poopie munstah babbeh. Why couldn’t the dummeh poopie munstah have chosen to be pretty and normal like her other babbehs?
The poopie munstah babbeh was lucky Skypuff didn’t give her fowebeh-sweepies, instead graciously allowing her to num Skypuff’s poop and exist near her and her good babbehs.
Skypuff refusing to let her least favorite foal near her meant that when a pair of humans had grabbed Skypuff and her foals for use in a fireworks display they’d missed the alicorn.
Bruce Springsteen’s music was blasting out so the humans couldn’t hear Skypuff yelling.
“Sabe Mummah, wowstest babbeh!”
The greenish brown alicorn flopped on the ground.
“Untie Mummah’s weggies ow wiww gibe wowstest sowwy-hoofies!”
The alicorn smacked her lips.
“Wai nu hewp bestest Mummah, dummeh poopie munstah?! Yu am wowstest babbeh! HATCHU!”
The alicorn spoke
“Babbeh wan miwkies.”
“Mummah wiww gibe miwkies, Mummah pwomise! Just hewp Mummah!”
Skypuff’s other foals started objecting.
“NU! Aww miwkies am fow Bestest Babbeh! Need dem fow be Bestest Smawty when gwow up!”
“Nu wan shawe miwkies wit poopie munstah!”
“Poopie munstahs onwy get tu num poopies! Poopie munstahs need gu fowebeh-sweepies!”
“Babbeh agwee wit sibwings and mummah, but feew dat dis nu am gud thinky-pwace pwan tu sai aww dis out woud when dummeh poopie munstah can heaw fwuffies insuwting hew.”
The alicorn trotted over to Skypuff and took advantage of the fact her mother was tied up to start suckling. This entirely reasonable intake of nutrients infuriated Skypuff and her other foals.
“STOP DAT! Skypuff gibe yu fowebeh-sweepies when Skypuff am fwee!”
“Does am Bestest Babbeh’s miwkies! Gibe dem back!”
“Dummeh poopie munstah am bad babbeh!”
“Babbeh nu tink dis am ending weww fow us.”
Once the alicorn drained one teat she slid off it with a satisfied belch.
Skypuff’s fury was barely-contained.
“Nao hewp Mummah su Mummah can punish yu! Yu am gunna get wowstest sowwy-hoofies!”
The alicorn instead started suckling from Skypuff’s other teat.
After that she walked right up to Skypuff’s face and belched into it.
“Tank yu fow miwkies, Mummah.”
“NUUUU!!! BAD SMEWW!!!”
The alicorn then turned around and sprayed shit from her anus onto Skypuff’s face.
“WAI GIBE SOWWY-POOPIES TU SKYPUFF! Skypuff nu du anyting wong! Am gud mummah!”
The alicorn instead shit all over Skypuff, ensuring her and her foals were all covered in shit.
“Poopies am bad fow Bestest Babbeh! Gibe wickie-cweanies nao Mummah!”
Skypuff considered this. A good mummah WOULD give her Bestest Babbeh wickie-cweanies.
She made a decision.
“Skypuff nu wan num poopies, yu nu am Bestest Babbeh nu mowe. Skypuff nu wub nu mowe.”
Skypuff’s former Bestest Babbeh sobbed and shit himself. The shit also went on Skypuff.
That’s when the fuse for the fireworks was lit.
Skypuff and her foals begged the alicorn to do something, threatening to torture and murder her and then wondering why she was refusing to help them.
Finally the fuse burned down, the fireworks were lit, and Skypuff’'s limbs were all ripped off by fireworks. Then the biggest firework went off, yanking Skypuff into the sky where it exploded.
Since time works differently the further you get from the ground Skypuff and her foals experienced years of agony burning up and exploding in the sky before their charred remains fell to Earth.
On the ground the Americans cheered as their Fourth of July celebrations once again ensured that all deceased British Royal Family members would remain imprisoned in Hell for another year.
A tear rolled down the alicorn foal’s cheek.
“Sky-Daddeh bwess Amewica, da gweatest nation dat ebeh was ow ebeh wiww be!”
USA! USA! USA!