Hasbio safari incident report 1 by (that1hugboxer)

This is a continuation of Project safari by(that1hugboxer)

This is a report submitted by Makenzie Berbank ,Big game hunter and professional Guide for the Hasbio Safari.

Despite numerous warnings the guests refused to treat the fluffhemoths as an actual threat.

Ms Stacy Duval was adamant that she had hunted water buffalo in Africa and “don’t fear some over grown fuffies”

Ms Duval had her trakea skewered by an enraged mummah after a “.577 nitro express “ struck one of her foals.

I would like to remind the quartermaster that while “exceptionally humorous” , the act of telling our guests that the warnings given to them are not to be taken seriously , it is not good for repeat clientele. If one more guest arrives with a .223 rifle courtesy of quartermaster Winston, I will personally shove the rifle straight up Winston’s ass!

The fluffhemoths are the size of hippopotamus not fucking coyotes!!!

These things can literally bite a human in half .

Update.

One of the safari guests just informed me that they paid to hunt Fluffgoyles , “what in the name of god is a Fluffgoyle ?!!! “ I asked.

Apparently Hasbio has expanded the species available to hunt within the park , Can Nobody be bothered to tell me anything !? Did it not cross anyone’s mind to tell myself or anyone else on the park team, “oh by the way we introduced a new subspecies of batfluff in to the safari, also it has 52 foot wingspan.”?!

The Fluffhemoths are by far more dangerous but the concrete walls around the safari park keep them contained.

How do these people expect the 20 foot high walls to keep flying creatures the size of small aircrafts from escaping!?

The patrol on top of the walls are armed with XX2T pump action shotguns. For the higher ups that don’t understand why this is a problem let me explain.

These are so shoddily designed that they material used in their construction start melting , cracking and or jamming when you fire it more than 2 times in succession, I reiterate Your only line of defense keeping giant batfluffs from escaping into the wild are 20 foot tall walls and people armed with shotguns of such abysmal quality that shooting them is more hazardous to the user than the target.

Emergency update.

I’m done with even attempting the guise of civil conversation at this point.

What the Fuck did you release in this park last night!!!

That thing is not a fluffy, not by a long shot, Some kind of Sasquatch centaur thing!

Red skin , hunter green fur, yellow eyes and yak like horns!

You Can’t miss it , the infernal thing is galloping across the park,shoulder firing a God damn 8 gauge !

“Where the hell did you get an 8 gauge and Why is that abomination carrying it ?!!!”

Those were the questions running through my mind as I watched it knock 2 fluffgoyles out of the sky like he was enjoying a round of skeet.

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You know, if they need to relocate, Isla Nublar is supposed to be lovely.

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Imagine how much chaos one of the fluffgoyles would cause if it made its way into a small town

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Like Tremors, but with death cuddles from above.

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I was thinking jersey devil mixed with gyaos

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The SNUGGLERS

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Hasbio: Common sense, what’s that? Now back to making moose fluffs and honey fluffs (a fluffy fusion between a honey badger and a fluffy)

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I love this, but you may want to scale back the fluffgoyles’ wingspan just a tad. The largest pterosaur yet discovered had a wingspan of 11 meters, or just over 36 feet. That’s roughly the same as a Cessna four-seater. 52 feet is kind of pushing suspension of disbelief, even taking biotoys into account.

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They are exactly the size Cessna four-seater . Just so I’m understanding you correctly. You can suspend your disbelief that Hasbio can genetically engineer life pre programmed with the ability to speak like a toddler but you think an additional 8 feet for each wing is pushing the limits of what they can do?

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Parrots can talk, but they can’t defy the square-cube law. Anyway, like I said, it’s just a minor thing I thought I’d bring to your attention, I wasn’t trying to force you to do anything.

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Ok in hindsight my last comment was unnecessary and passive aggressive.

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Don’t worry about it. I’ll admit, “suspension of disbelief” really isn’t important in a fluffy story, so this whole thing was my bad. You did great, this is a fine piece.

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I think teratorns had wider wingspans.

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I appreciate it. At the end of the day this is all just a creative outlet .

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