You work at a Hategoats R Us. You hate your job and you hate hategoats from the bottom of your heart, yet somehow you got hired instead of any of the hugboxers who inexplicably like the product the franchise is built around. But it’s an important job nevertheless; with most of mankind locked in a brutal war of extermination against the little demons, someone has to take care of breeding more of them to supply the constant demand for goats to shit up their houses.
You enter the employees only section to check on a doe that just finished giving birth. You look over her litter for any black kids, spotting one worthless waste of space right away.
”You’re going be a crapper comrade.” you say as you roughly pluck it from its mother.
”HAHA! YES! TORTURE THE SHITTY KID!” its mother yells with glee. ”CUT OFF HIS LIMBS! FORCE HIM TO EAT SHIT-”
”NO!” You yell, smacking the evil bitch across her face. ”A good mother loves ALL her babies! Now feed him and take good care of him!” you yell, shoving the black kid back to its mother. She yells bloody murder as you beat her with the punishment baton, but once she’s in too much pain to keep pushing the kid away you’re free to move onto the other tasks around. Now then, where are you going to find a worthless goat to turn into a crapper comrade…
You only need to glance into another pen to spot exactly what you were looking for. In the corner of the pen, two goats are violently beating a third one, shitting on it and yelling about how intelligent they are.
”What the fuck is going on here!” you yell as you march to the pen, catching the attention of the goats. ”I fucking told you to shit in the crapper crate!” you yell as you grab the shit-covered goat.
”I-it was horrible!” the bloodied goat sniffles. ”T-they raped me, and then they-”
”LIES!” you yell as you smack the goat across its face, the wet smack sending splatters of feces in every direction. ”You are covered in shit! That means you must have shat outside the litterbox!” you yell. The goddamn liar is even leaking blood from its shithole as you speak!
The goat tries to protest, but its voice is entirely drowned out by the yells of you and its two siblings, who keep shitting straight up at your hands where you’re holding the already shit-covered goat. You take it to the amputation station, and after a few minutes of screaming have it prepared for a lifetime of justified agony for its transgression.
Realizing the showcase at the front of the store must be running low, you pick up a cute little goat and return to the front of the store. No customers have visited yet, but the goats keep murdering each other at such rampant pace that it’s hard to keep the store stocked. As expected, the display case is entirely covered in blood, shit, and guts, with the last surviving goat fucking the severed head of one of its victims. While he continues to yell about how much he loves raping and murdering babies, you put the cuter goat down next to him to better appeal to children and their parents.
You finish just in time as a new customer enters the store. You wipe your shit-covered hands on your pants and greet him. ”Welcome to Hategoats R Us, how may I help you?”
”Greetings. I am looking for a kind, well-behaved hategoat for my nieche. Mind if I look around?” he asks.
You guide him to the only case with living goats left in it, and he takes immediate liking to the cute one you just introduced. ”Oh hello there cutie!”
The goat looks up to him with big, beautiful eyes. ”Hello sir! Would you like to be my-”
”FUUCK YOUU!” the large, blood-covered goat yells, interrupting the scene by rushing in and punching the cuter goat in the face.
”Oh god!” the customer yells, reeling back from the sudden explosion of violence.
”EAT SHIT AND DIE!” the goat yells at him, looking back over his shoulder and firing a precise, two meter arc of feces right into the customers face. Damn these helpless creatures and their weak, near non-existent control of their bowels!
You rush to the customers aid as the goat proceeds to tear its victims throat out in a flurry of blood and insults. ”I am so sorry sir! Here, let me get you another-”
”No, this is fine.” he says, wiping liquid diarrhea from his eyes. ”This one has nice colors, and in the end that’s all that really matters, right?”
You nod in agreement and ring him out, along with a crapper comrade and a child sex slave to make him furious at the crimes his pet commits to them. You wave him out and return to the employee area to bring new goats to the front of the store.
However, as you return to the backroom you are greeted by the most shocking sight of your life:
Of all the years you’ve worked here…
Of all the litters born…
Of all the times you’ve beaten dams for rejecting their shitty kids…
This time, you were sure it was finally going to work!
But instead, against all expectations and defying all logic, the dam you just beated earlier is abusing its poor, black kid! You yell in rage as you stomp up to her, grab the kid and take it away to safety. You’ll have to torture her kids to death later, but first you need to make sure this one is safe.
Calming the peeping kid down, you put it inside a punishment crate with a bottle of milk, before taping the lid shut and shoving the crate into the rearmost corner of the storeroom. The world is too dangerous for a pure being like it, so for its own good you leave it isolated and alone in a dark box specifically meant to be unpleasant. Truly this was the most benevolent course of action you could have taken.
You are a hategoat dam, who just escaped your shitty ass dumb fuck of an owner to get some fuckies. You soon find a feral billy goat stomping on kids while a beaten and abused dam begs him to spare them. Yes, he will no doubt be a perfect father for your litter too.
”HEY YOU! GIMME SOME FUCKIES!” you yell, lifting your tail and exposing your fuckiehole to him.
”You want some fuckies?” he asks as he starts to walk towards you. ”YOU WANT SOME FUCKING FUCKIES YOU WHORE?!”
You brace for impact as he mounts you from behind.
”YOU STUPID BITCH!” he yells, punching you in the back of your head. ”I’LL RAPE YOU! AND THEN KILL YOU! YOU STUPID UGLY WHORE!” he continues to yell as he penetrates you, thrusting, biting and punching, all the while insulting you until a particularly strong blow manages to knock you unconscious.
You wake up sore and bruised, but luckily still alive. In any case you are now pregnant, and as a herd animal designed for love and affection, your best strategy for survival is to murder each and every other goat you come across. While risking your life over and over again nets you several battle injuries, you manage to make it to the end of your pregnancy unlike all the other dams you killed.
”FUCKHUGE SHIITS!” you yell, shitting out a kid after another until your fuckyhole is empty. You turn around and inspect your litter, immediately declaring the first kid you see to be the best kid to give him an unfair advantage as early as possible. Then you declare another kid to be the shitty kid for the sole purpose of torment and suffering. You clean and feed them both to make sure they live as long lives as possible to experience their respective destinies.
And you got some other kids too but whatever.
As your kids grow, you teach them everything they need to survive. Like how the best kid is immune to all consequences of his actions, and how the suffering of the shitty kid is even more important than survival itself. And so life went on, shitting everywhere, praising your own intelligence, and incessantly repeating how stupid everyone and everything else is.
One day, you once again wake up to a spray of diarrhea hitting your face and nostrils. ”FUCKING UGLY STUPID MOTHER GIVE ME LASAGNA!” your best kid screams furiously, beating your face as you try to cough his shit out of your lungs. Your eyes are already so infected you can hardly see, but your best kid is the chosen antichrist so even you need to bow down for his reign of evil. You were once again ashamed for your inability to provide the impossible for him, so you wade deep into the shitpile to beat the shitty kid until you feel better. You’re already knee deep in shit when you notice a human in your nesting alley, realizing this is your one chance to give your best kid the home and lasagna he doesn’t deserve. You just have to make extra sure to give the human the best impression you possibly could.
”HEY FUCKER!” you yell, catching the humans attention. ”WATCH THIS!” you continue yelling as you punch the shitty kid’s face into the mountain of shit.
”What? Why’d you do that?” he asks.
”BECAUSE FUCK YOU!” you yell at him, stomping on the back of the shitty kids head while maintaining eye contact with the human. ”GIVE ME LASAGNA! AND A HOUSE! I’M THE BEST MOTHER EVER YOU FUCKING SHITTY RETARD!” you yell furiously while continuing to stomp on the shitty kid.
”Stop that at once!” the human yells angrily, grabbing a plank as a makeshift punishment baton and walking towards you.
”FUCK YOU HUMAN! I’M THE BEST KID AND HAVE NEVER BEEN PUNISHED FOR MY EVIL ACTIONS!” your best kid yells, stepping in front of the armed human approaching you with murderous intent. He is so intelligent!
The human stops, trapping the best kid under his booth. ”Let the black kid go or I’ll stomp on your best kid!” he says. ”Either give me that kid, or you lose your favorite. Your choice!”
You are shocked. How could anyone force a mother to make such a choice? ”THE SHITTY KID MUST SUFFER!” you yell, stomping the kids face even deeper into the shitpile.
”NO!” the human yells, crushing your best kid as he takes off running towards you. You try to fight him off, but he reaches into the shit and pulls the kid out before you can suffocate him. ”Huh.” he pauses, confused at the situation he just found himself in. ”I never had even the slightest intention of getting a hategoat, but I guess I have no choice to adopt you now.” he concludes, putting the completely shit-drenched kid in his shirt pocket and walking away.
You yell furious insults after him, but as he disappears from view you can only collapse in tears. Not only did you lose your shitty kid, but the best kid too! You have literally nothing left to live for!
Suddenly, the sound of liquid shitting catches your attention. Looking up from your hooves, you see that one of your remaining kids has just shat on another one. You raise your hoof and point at him accusingly.
”YOU HAVE BEEN SHAT ON!” you declare.
”SHITTY KID! SHITTY KID FOR LIFE!” your new best kid yells, joining you in beating up his former friend. With your hierarchy of cruelty and injustice re-established, you feel safe in knowledge that you’re still making the world a worse place after all.
You are the greatest scientist in the world. You have the highest doctorates in every field, including torturology and few others you founded yourself. You are also incredibly rich, handsome and have an absolutely enormous dick as well.
Today, you are working on an experiment that will put all former achievements of human civilization to shame. With a cool, calculated movement, you pick up two scientifically selected hategoats and put them in a pen.
As soon as you let the goats go, the larger of the two attacks the smaller one in a frenzied bloodlust. This went exactly as only your boundless intelligence could have foreseen.
”No, no, please no!” the small goat begs as he tries to back away, his tiny frame eclipsed by the larger subject.
”STUPID FUCKING UGLY RETARD I’LL FUCKING RAPE YOU!” the large goat yells, punching the smaller one in the face and sending several of its teeth flying. You write down observations and calculations beyond human comprehension, your enormous brain throbbing with ingenuity as you watch the small goat get obliterated.
As the small goat suffers a broken leg, its assailant uses the opportunity to circle behind him and start raping him in the ass. ”SHITTY UGLY DUMB ASS FUCK BITCH!” the goat on top yells as it rapes its victim in the most needlessly violent matter it can. You maintain a cool air of scientific professionalism, advancing the limits of human understanding with each insightful stroke of your pen.
Once the goat has finished, you grab him by the scruff of his neck and lift him away from his inconsolably sobbing victim. In a move of unparalleled genius, you then move the goat into another pen with an even larger goat.
”Oh no.” the goat says as it notices the giant in front of him. ”Help! Father! Please don’t do this to me!” he pleads at you as his assailant approaches.
”DUMB STUPID UGLY RETARD ASS SHIT!” the huge goat yells as it starts smacking its victim around, the previously dominant rapist quickly reduced to a helpless sack of broken bones. It doesn’t take long for the huge goat to mount his barely living victim and starting to thrust into its anus, all the while shouting to no one in particular that he is the most intelligent goat of them all. Your enormous scienceboner scrapes the opposite wall with its diamond-hard tip as your groundbreaking theory grows ever closer to its completion.
Finally the huge goat finishes, signifying the beginning of the last stage of your grand experiment. You grab the goat with one hand, amputating its limbs and suturing its wounds wiht the other before setting it down in the pen with the first goat.
”Please don’t hurt me!” the small goat pleads instinctively, before he takes another glance at the large goat. ”Wait… you don’t have legs? YOU DON’T HAVE LEGS?!” he says in elation, standing up and walking up to the pillowed giant. ”YOU FUCKING RETARD! I’M GONNA RAPE YOUR ASS YOU FUCKING DUMB STUPID SHIT!” he yells as he starts beating the helpless goat in the face with his forehooves. This provides you with the final piece of the puzzle, your magnum opus that will forever change the very course of human civilization. You run up to your computer and alert every respectable science agency around the world to share in on your ultimate discovery:
”HATEGOATS ARE BAD!”
The revelation sweeps across the human civilization, uniting all people and nations against their common enemy. You receive every category of Nobel price, today and for every year going forward. The UN proposes to end all individual governments in favor of naming you the Ultimate Emperor of Mankind, while nations around the world are forced to implement travel restrictions to prevent their entire female populations emigrating closer to your dick.
However, you are a modest man with modest desires. You donate your near-infinite wealth to the research of hategoat torture methods, while buying yourself a goat ranch in the countryside, where you spend the rest of your days being yelled at and shat on by the things you hate the most.
