Gary was playing the newest Bethesda game.
Like all Bethesda games it worked perfectly, updates were free, and had no bugs.
Gary’s character had received his first quest: Kill 10 Fluffies.
And he’d just happened upon a herd of 10 fluffies.
The herd’s smarty trotted up to Gary’s character.
“Hewwo nice Wady! Be nyu Mummah?”
Gary was playing a female character and Bethesda’s fantastic character generator meant she looked like a supermodel warrior and definitely not like an abomination born from a combination of the worst recessive genes and a pile of radioactive waste.
Gary’s character drew her shit bronze sword and stabbed the smarty.
“SCREEEE!!! WAI GIBE SMAWTY POINTY-HUWTIES?! NU DU ANYTING WONG!”
The rest of the herd screamed. Some tried to run, others covered their eyes in the belief that if they couldn’t see danger it couldn’t see them, and one of them died from fear.
One by one Gary’s character hunted the herd down. It took a long time to kill them since she was a 1st level character with the first game weapon even if they were fluffies.
The whole time the fluffies were screaming and shitting themselves and bleeding.
“OWIES! POINTY-HUWTIES AND POOPIE-PWACE HUWTIES!”
Finally only one fluffy was left and he was down to the last of his health.
Shit sprayed out of the fluffy’s ass until there was a pile as big as he was behind him.
With a final swing Gary’s character failed to damage the fluffy.
Gary’s character swung again and again it had no effect.
Finally the fluffy looked down at himself.
“Whewe fwuffy’s hitboxie gu?”
Gary looked behind the fluffy and realized the fluffy had shit himself so hard he’d shit out his hitbox. The hitbox was now in the middle of the pile of poop.
Not wanting to have to use Bethesda’s fun and not at all horrid minigame mechanics Gary chose to have his character go look for other fluffies instead of shoveling the poop.
The last surviving fluffy heaved a sigh of relief.
“Teehee, odeh fwuffies am fowebeh sweepies, but nu dis fwuffy. Am su smawt.”
Then the game glitched and he fell into nothingness forever.