Howdy all,
Been hitting down a story for a little while now between the typical nonsense buying a home, a new car and moving to the other end of the country can bring. Things have finally calmed to the point where I can settle down a little more frequently and update the thing. Currently it sits at around 11 pages of mostly character introduction, some motivations and currently an impending death for one of the characters.
I’m at a crossroads however, as I’m not certain exactly how to proceed: I’ve intentionally left the Setting vague outside of “Fluffies must survive a scientific enclosure filled with biological creations designed specifically to hunt and eradicate them.”
Think Hunger Games/Maze Runner meets Jurassic Part with hints of Lovecraftian overtones. With fluffies.
Anyway, I’m at a crossroads for exactly how to present the first threat the Fluffies will be facing along with how the POV should be split between.
The current scene is one fluffy is trying to convince a pair of Smarties to flee with him instead of eating from what is clearly a bait station. Shortly before, the technicians who monitor the Enclosure used a Drone to simulate the call of one of the experiments, warning an intruder is in its territory.
One of the Smarties triggers a trap and is now unable to leave the bait station, but neither Smartie notices as they are busy trying to stuff their own face and ward away an annoying “Dummeh fluff” respectively.
That is when, in all its preening glory, one of the experiments enters the small clearing this is all taking part in.
Here is where I’m at a crossroads: I love giving POV’s from the various characters and fully intend to give one almost every fluffy at the time of their demise. However, as I plan it out I believe I may have “too many cooks in the kitchen” as it were when it comes to the various POV’s the scene will play out in.
Here is a summation to the scene:
As the Experiment enters the clearing I was going to give some light banter between two currently unnamed technical staff who are watching this all unfold. This would serve to show that there are actually humans out and about here and they are watching as well as give some minor exposition and a name to what the creature currently entering the scene is, in this case a raptor-like creature based off of a Deinonychus, the Moore Raptor.
I was thinking about potentially giving us a POV into the mind of the Raptor as he is overseeing this blatant violation of his territory along with keeping his fledglings, which are currently with him, in check or if he should allow them a chance to go and “Play” with the intruders.
The POV would swap to the Free Smarty, now looking for a way to free its trapped special friend, as it notices that coming towards him and his Special friend are a trio of capering honking birdy monsters with no wings. He tries to stand up to them and begins to “beat them back” (See: The Fledgling have been playing with him up until now) until one of them rears back, flairs out a miniature hood, makes a gargling noise and spits a bitter glob of noxious spittle at the Free smarty, hitting the side of his face but not getting any of the gunk in his eye. That’s when the burning starts and the fur begins to slog off his face like butter running from the heat of a hot pan. The others begin to dog-pile and attack the smarty, who begins to beg for help and mercy, when the Fluffy from before arrives.
POV change to the Savior fluffy as he manages to wards off the Fledglings just enough for them to switch targets to the Trapped Fluffy who managed to make enough noise to draw their attention. The Smarty and its savior make a break for the forest when we hear the trapped Smarty scream.
POV change to the Trapped Smarty as they are desperately trying to get away from the monsters clawing and biting at her, begging for her special friend to come and help her when suddenly the little monsters run off and a big one is now looming over her.
POV change to the adult Moore Raptor, who scornfully looks down on the bleeding prey before him before he hacks up a noxious bile on the creature, covering most of its left side and rear. As it stands to shuffle away, the Raptor lobs another shot of bile at the Smarty, this time largely covering most of its body and the back of its head. It opens its mouth and reaches down.
POV change to the trapped and doomed smarty as we get a vivid description of the agony they are in and how their fluff is falling off their body. Suddenly they feel teeth and are thrown across the clearing by the adult Raptor, to which we then are treated to its vivid demise as the fledglings swarm, slowly blind the fluffy with their own bile and eviscerate the poor creature.
POV Change to the surviving smarty who wants to help his special friend but knows it can’t and is consoled by its savior. They make it to the treeline without further molestation as the Adult Raptor is too busy watching its young hunt and feed.
POV change to the Techs again who give exposition on the Moore Raptor and how it has toxin that acts as a sort of de-fluffing agent along with a abrasive skin irritant so the creatures can kill and eat fluffies without the possible threat of ingesting any sort disease, parasite or sickness clinging to their fur.
POV change back to the Smarty and its savior as they rejoin the Herd and the Smarty is comforted for his loss. The others of the Herd now fully believe what the Savior fluffy told them before, that this place is not safe and full of monsters that can and will kill them without hesitation. They decide to rest for now and move after they’ve all formulated a plan and where to go from there, closing the first chapter.
Now does that sound like “Too many cooks in the kitchen/Too many POV’s for the scene” to you all ? Should I strictly keep the POVs to the Fluffies and leave the staff and creatures an ultimate enigma until later chapters? Would that hamper the understanding of the what the creatures are in the long run or would they benefit from some obscurity?
