Ronald was an average kid, by his own metric. Just a tad quiet. Sure, sometimes he didn’t sleep and ended up resting his head in class. Maybe he even had days where the only food he got was the sack lunch at school and whatever he could beg for from his friends. He couldn’t really blame his mom and stepdad, it’s not like it was their fault. They just disagreed sometimes and would get a little… pushy. But they loved Ronald, he was sure of it, so he did the best he could.
The trouble really started when the school announced yet another series of budget cuts. No one really knew what the problem was, at least none of Ronald’s friends knew, but many of the staff couldn’t be kept on payroll. The result was a severe staff shortage, but the solution was radical and ingenious. Promote the class pets. So, each little fluffy pony was given a brand new job, one deemed non-essential by the state. Soon the halls were starkly different in the school, as fluffy educators and support staff puttered to their posts.
It was only a few weeks after the change when Ronald was called out of his math class on the PA system. “Wonawd Buwgew? Wonawd Buwgew nee go cow-siw-ow office wite now! Tankies!” Ronald frowned as he packed his school supplies into his bag and trudged to the door sheepishly. All the other children’s eyes followed him as he opened the door and slipped out. Ronald had only been to the councilor a few times. It wasn’t scary like going to the front office, but it had its own sort of taboo. As Ronald walked down the hall, he spotted two fluffies from the janitorial team. Both were wearing strange harnesses with loops criss crossing them. One had a pole strapped to its back, which was held by the other fluffy’s harness. She was being pushed around by her partner across the smooth, waxed floor. As Ronald passed them, the one on the floor exclaimed, “Buttew am swiffew!” The pusher bopped Butter with his soft hoof, eliciting a soft squeak, and rebuked, “Nu, Buttew am mop! Wima Bean aweady teww ou!” Ronald simply rolled his eyes and moved on. Butter exclaimed again behind him, “Nu wan be mop, Buttew wan be swiffew!” Then there was another squeak and a frustrated shout of “Dummeh mawe!” before Ronald left earshot.
After a short walk to the councilor’s office Ronald stood nervously outside the door. Upon it was a placard, bearing the words “Councilor Willabell” with a little flower drawn next it in crayon. Ronald knocked meekly and was met with a joyous “Dow open! Wiwwabeww hewe!” He stepped through the threshold, pushing the door open. There, the boy was met with a dull yellow unicorn fluffy mare with a dark brown mane. Her bright orange eyes lit up at his visage and she trotted in a circle atop a large mahogany desk. Beside it was a small set of fuzzy stairs leading to the floor. Willabell pointed to a seat opposite her with her little hoof. Ronald frowned a little at it. It was an old leather computer chair, decorated very messily with colored hoof prints and crayons. The mare pointed insistently at the seat. “Wonawd nee sitsies! Wiwwabeww nee tawk to ou.” Ronald scrunched his face in a small pout and sat, just knowing the colors are pressing into his pants. Willabell strutted around the desk, huffing and pufffing. “Wiwwabeww am ou cow-siw-ow! Am hewe fo teww widduw mummahs an daddehs wike Wonawd how be habby! Hab few-tuw an jobbies an speshuw huggies an famiwy ob ou own.” Willabell stopped and pushed a paper across the desk with some difficulty. When it was close, Ronald could see it was his grade report. All A’s and B’s… except… an F - right next to the word “nummies”. Willabell tapped the paper with her hoof, pointing to an A in math. “Widduw daddeh Wonawd hab nu smeww pwetty gwade in nummies! Why ou nu wan gud nummies? Nu num aww ou nummies wen nummies time!”
Ronald sighed. Honestly he hadn’t been eating much at school. He would take his state subsidized sack lunch with him in his bag, allowing him to ration it out for the rest of the day. He reasoned that his mom was just busy most of the time. She didn’t mean anything by it when she forgot to get groceries or bring him something back after she was out on the town. So his diet typically consisted of whole milk, uncrustables, and celery. The very vision of health. Willabell stamped on the paper as she spoke again, her coat fluffing softly. “Widduw daddeh Wonawd nee nummies fo gwow big an stwong! Wiwwabeww am twaint pow-feh-sinuw. Hab bad fewws? Teww Wiwwabeww wat wong?” Ronald looked down at his hands, twiddling his fingers nervously. He looked back up at the fluffy and opened his mouth to speak.
Suddenly, Willabell hopped into the air, her eyes wide, and sprinted around the table. “Nee make poopies! Nee make poopies now! Whewe steppy fwens?? nu can downsies!” Ronald pointed towards the fluffy stairs on the side of the desk and Willabell darted for them, tripping and tumbling to the floor. She seemed no worse for wear, though, as she hopped to her feet and bolted through a fluffy door roughly cut into the neighboring room. There was a soprano grunt from Willabell and a whining from a different voice, “Huuhuu… Nu wan be widda paw! Dezehway wan wuv an huggies in cwasswoom! Nu wan num poopies! Huuuuuhuuhuuhuuu!!” A soft, squeaky fart echoed through the door as Willabell replied harshly, “Num poopies! Dat am Dezehway jobbies! Dummeh!” Then there were several wet, grainy plops, followed by more flatulence, and muffled sobbing.
Willabell appeared once more through the fluffy door, the sobs still audible behind her. She held her hooves aloft at Ronald. “Widduw daddeh Wonawd, gib upsies!” Ronald looked her over for a second before gingerly picking her up, being careful not to touch anything near her rear end. Willabell pointed at the door to the hall. “Nee gu to widduw daddeh Wonawd’s housie fow wewwnes check!” Ronald’s heart sank. He didn’t want to do that at all. Willabell caught his hesitation and struggled with indignation. “Wiwwabeww am ou cow-siw-ow! Gu Wonawd homsie wid Wiwwabeww now!” Ronald nodded gently and opened the door, walking out into the hall. She was the councilor after all, so he reasoned that probably does give her some sort of authority.
Ronald walked out into the hall, and immediately saw another janitor fluffy. t
This one bore a small scooper in his mouth and seemed to be shovelling refuse and trash into a small metal wagon. When he had scooped up the last of the trash, he proudly dumped the scooper into the wagon as well and hooked his harness to the wagon’s handle. “Weew! Cawuw am gwad aww dun now! Reawwy hungwy, an nee make gud poopies!” As Carl began to trot off, the handle kinked against the wagon at an awkward angle, tipping it and dumping the contents on the ground. Carl stopped and looked behind him for a second, staring at the spill. He then began to stomp his hooves in frustration and unhooked himself from the wagon. As Ronald and Willabell passed him on the way to the door, they heard Carl whine once more about making good poopies as he fumbled with the scoop.
The two walked out into the fresh air, the sun high in the sky. Willabell hummed excitedly, and terribly off-key. She wiggled her stumpy legs with glee as Ronald carried her along the sidewalk. His house wasn’t far. He was never worried about his parents forgetting to take him, because he had begun just going to school himself. Willabell pointed at all of the prim and proper houses along the way. “Wiwwabeww hope Wonawd hab bestest housie when ou gwow up an am big daddeh! An Wonawd can hab fwuffy for huggies and wuv!” Ronald couldn’t help but smirk gently. As goofy as the little unicorn’s words were… it wasn’t far off from what he wanted. He had never really considered owning a fluffy before. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t supposed to have pets. But, maybe… Ronald’s thoughts were interrupted by Willabell. She wriggled gently in his arms and pointed at the house in front of them. Ronald’s house. “Dat housie am ugwy. Gwassies am too taww fo widduw daddehs an mummahs be pwayin!” Ronald flinched a little at the criticism and approached the door. Luckily it seemed like no one else was home. “Dis am widduw daddeh Wonawd housie?” The mare huffed softly as she looked it over. “It nu am big… Whewe Wonawd daddeh an mummah?” Ronald shrugged as he opened the door and walked through.
The house itself was plain, no excess furniture, inoffensive manila walls, boring white ceiling, a linoleum tile floor, a couple of paper bags around, and several empty beer bottles. Willabell snorted and wriggled again. “Dewe nu am toysies! Wewe bwockies an baww fo widduw daddeh? Dis am nu gud!” Ronald walked through the house with her as she gasped at the lack of litter boxes and tvs. She investigated the fridge with Ronald and was similarly exasperated, “Whewe am skettis?? Wat widduw daddeh Wonawd num? Nu nummies in skoow, nu nummies in housie, wat nummies widduw daddeh num?” Finally, at the revelation that Ronald also had no kibble, she had enough. “Widduw daddeh! Wet Wiwwabeww down! Put Wiwwabeww on countew!” Ronald did as he was told, placing Willabell on the counter next to the landline. Willabell kicked the handset off the dock. “Gon teww widduw daddeh pwo-tek-shun bout dis!” She hopped on the dial pad a few times, mashing several buttons each time. She then sat next to the receiver as it rang. After a few apprehensive seconds, someone on the other end picked up.
“Hello, this is Yum-Yum Fluffy Disposal Service and Pet-grade Spaghetti Cannery! Yesterday’s loss is tomorrow’s sauce! My name is Lily, how can I help you today?”
“Miss Wiwy, widduw daddeh Wonawd nu am hab nummies!”
“…Wait is this a fucking fluffy? How did you get this number?”
“Das wite, Wiwwabeww am cow-siw-ow an caww widduw daddeh p-”
“Do NOT call this number again you little shit, go play doctor somewhere else.”
The line went silent. Willabell nodded to herself and looked at Ronald with a puffed up chest. “Widduw daddeh Wonawd undew pwo-tek-shun now! Wiwwabeww bestest cow-siw-ow!” Ronald raised his eyebrows. He was pretty certain that wasn’t how the conversation actually went, but he didn’t want to argue. He carried the little fluffy back outside, who proudly held her head up high. “Hewp widduw daddehs and mummahs! Das wat da cow-siw-ow do!”
Back at the school, Willabell directed Ronald to the office to “Teww big daddehs wat gud cow-siw-ow Wiwwabeww do!” They approached a door with a sign hung over the knob, “QUIET: MEETING IN PROGRESS.” Through the door were the unmistakable sounds of wii sports. Ronald knocked hesitantly, and the sounds suddenly softened as hushed voices murmured behind the door. After a few moments, the door opened slightly, the vice principal sticking his head out. “What? What is it? We’re in a meeting.” He hissed with annoyance. Ronald opened his mouth but Willabell blurted out, “Gud fwuffy Wiwwabeww did wewwnes check on widduw daddeh Wonawd an caww widduw daddeh pwo-tek-shu-” The vice principal cut her off, “Oh, goddammit! Steve! Another ‘Wellness check’!” A voice called back from deeper inside the room. “Just grab another feral from behind the school, have the kid just dump a cheese sandwich in the trap or something. We’ll get one that doesn’t give a shit eventually.” Willabell looked up with alarm and confusion. “Wiwwabeww nu am cow-siw-ow nu mow?” The vice principal shook his head at her, “Listen, the administration thinks your skills would be better served elsewhere. Why don’t you have the student escort you to the cafeteria for reassignment?”
And with that, he slammed the door and the gentle sounds of wii sports golf were audible again. Willabell pouted at the door, but Ronald carried her off to the cafeteria like he’s told. After trading the shocked and crying yellow unicorn to a tired looking alicorn in the cafeteria, Ronald was handed a thick cheese sandwich. Ronald took it and walked alone through the halls towards the back of the school, quietly. It felt terribly lonely without the squeaky fluffy at his side now. He pushed the door open lightly, stepping out among the dumpsters. Among them was a large cage with a door at one end. Ronald approached it and sat down at the mouth of the cage sadly. He hadn’t wanted Willabell to get fired. Maybe if he had spoken up sooner, or hadn’t let her try to call someone, maybe everything would’ve turned out better. He looked at the cheese sandwich in his hand and broke it in half. A small voice called out behind him as he did. “Widduw daddeh hab nummies?” Ronald turned and there stood a small, blue, earthy fluffy, a weaned foal. It shivered, its tan mane fluttering in the breeze. “Fwuffy can hab nummies? Nu hab nummies in fowebah… Mummah say wuv baybeh, buh nu gib baybeh nummies… Tummy owwies…” Ronald looked down at the cheese sandwich and broke a piece off, setting it on the ground for the foal. The little fluffy hopped forwards, pouncing on the piece of sandwich and wolfing it down hungrily. Its deep grey eyes sparkled as it stepped closer to Ronald, rubbing its face on his thigh. “Tankoo nice widduw daddeh. Baybeh su habby, tummy owwies go way.” It then tilts its head curiously at him, still shivering in the chill wind. “Wat am daddeh name?” Ronald paused for a moment as the foal stared at him expectantly. “Ronald.” He replied quietly, his voiced hushed. The little foal hopped excitedly and hugged his knee. “Wuv Wonawd! Tankoo fo nummies! Wuv ou!” Ronald sniffled and picked up the little foal, cradling it in his arms.
“…Love you too.”
(Thanks to Ace and Qwertytf for the idea)