Good evening everyone, and welcome back to the FUCS (fucked up crazy stuff) podcast and today we’re going to be talking about fluffies (again).
I know they have a lot of haters out there but did you know that people actually care for them!
Crazy right?
Now fluffies as you all know don’t live very long for whatever reason.
Death by dumb, death by diseases, death by in my burger, death by little experiments that went far too far etc etc
All that time that you took to train your fluffy wasted! Well, that’s if you took the time to train it. Learning it manners, teaching it morals and good behaviour, toilet training all of that just gone!
But what if I told you that you could bring your fluffy back to life?
Well sort of.
I’ve trawled the internet and discovered a company that can bring your fluffy back to life!!
Again sort of.
And it’s to do with the fluffy brain.
Fluffies as you all know are simplistic creatures and their small brains aren’t as complex as ours.
But they still carry memory, emotions etc etc enough to speak, remember it’s name, retain its training if it had any and recall experiences.
Well this company can download a copy of your fluffy’s brain.
Storing it and then downloading it onto another fluffy. All because of how simple the fluffy mind is.
Your dead fluffy becomes that fluffy through downloading.
Crazy shit no?
There was a girl, not a scientist or anything just a college kid and she wanted to make money. Her name was Amy.
She had experience in computers and had studied programming and coding.
She also had worked in cybernetics and prosthetics, particularly “enhancing” fluffies.
Fluffies are great lab rats and most everyone in the field has done work with them.
The cybernetic fluffy industry didn’t last long though.
Their “enhancements” often lasted longer than the fluffy by a large margin.
The parts also cost more than the fluffy itself.
Considering the fluffy was originally a billion dollar project, and then it dropped in value quick for obvious reasons.
Amy didn’t hate fluffies, her family had owned a few before but she much preferred the cleanliness of not owning one.
There is so much value and a lot to appreciate when you have your sense of smell and you don’t smell completely like crap.
She had loved fluffies before when she was younger, but felt like she’d outgrew them once she went through the later years of high school.
She loved her Percy the Pegasus fluffy as a child and she wouldn’t love any other. No matter what!
She managed to get a little side gig with a scientist working with fluffies.
In particular, their brains.
What did the work entail?
The sort of shit that could win you an IGNOBEL.
Running fucking DOOM through fluffies brains to prove you could use it as some kind of CPU or something stupid.
It worked of course, Doom can run on anything. It ran in a rudimentary way.
Genuinely, did not benefit humankind whatsoever.
And scientists wonder why the public can have little trust in it?
Is this what sort of work science entails now?
It was like something you’d do just for TV on one of the abuse programmes on FluffTV like that bitch Stacy or even on Twitch or something.
I can do this to them. But why?
The inspiration for her later work didn’t hit her immediately.
That is until she visited her friend Megan.
Whose fluffy had died.
She lamented the amount of money spent on training, products for it etc etc especially as they’re so short lived. All that time and effort and money spent on accessories and food and fancy stuff
and it died trying to eat a cracker without chewing.
The idea hit Amy at this moment.
She had been bitching about her old job throughout her visit of course
What if we can transfer a conscious over to another fluffy?
It would retain all its memories and training, remember its name, no time wasted!!
And with that she was able to obtain funding for her project which would grow into a small company.
Amy was the first scientist (now qualified, thank you college) who was able to download a fluffy’s mind to USB.
The simple brain patterns and structure of a fluffy allowed for this. Memory would truly be saved.
It could only be done with a living fluffy, t their brainwaves died completely with death. As you would expect.
The memory would be stored from a living fluffy onto a USB.
And through her process she would be able to download a copy of the memory of the fluffy into the consciousness of another fluffy.
And just like that, your fluffy lives again!!
And it was cheaper than cloning, cheaper than cybernetics.
And all the memories, all the training, all transferred over.
Hell, everything to do with a fluffy is kind of cheap, even their lives!!
Why waste money on all of that when you can just download an old fluffy into a new one?
It could potentially live forever!
Sort of.
This wasn’t without any hitch of course, especially in the early days.
Amy had saved the mind of a fluffy who was dying slowly from liver failure.
The fluffy was a fine specimen (for a fluffy).
His name was Duke and his yellow fur had an almost golden hue to it.
Add his small horn and it leant him a kind of regality (for a fluffy).
Or more accurately it left a regal impression on his owner.
This led the owner to overindulge the fluffy, feeding him what he shouldn’t eat.
He became corpulent and his liver was unable to function correctly.
The owner had heard about Amy’s company and had paid good money to save Duke’s mind especially if the body couldn’t be saved.
The owner had paid a lot of money towards his training and his breeding.
The guy wasn’t cheap for a fluffy in the first place….and he just loved the little guy’s haughty and dignified personality.
Duke died on the table after Amy had done her save process.
Very lucky not to die during it otherwise the data would be corrupted.
His body would be saved and his sperm would be used for other fluffies. His rarity gave him a value other fluffies didn’t have.
But did the process work?
Amy pondered this. All fluffies she’d completed the process on were still alive.
Duke had been dying and she wondered if this affected his brain.
She had to find out.
She downloaded Duke’s memory into a brown fluffy.
She had a lot of these as test subjects. Not many people wanted these except for lab guys who would buy them by the bulk for experimentation.
The process was complete.
He was already awake. Like he hadn’t been gone.
“Hewwo nice wadee. Whew daddeh? Can haz nummies? Sketties? Pweez Dook iz hungwy haz tummy hewties”
So it had worked.
“Now Duke, you can have your nummies but I just want to do some checks on you while you eat. Okay?”
“Otay” (Duke didn’t even look concerned, though he hated the kibble put in front of him. He was used to better things)
“Duke do you remember where you were?”
(Long pause) “nuu nu membew nu nuu. Whew daddeh? Aw oo nyu mummeh?”
“Do you remember being sick?”
(Long pause) “nu haf tummy hewties nao az Dook haf nummies bu wan Sketties to stawp mo tummy hewties”
(Not a definitive answer but it seemed to have worked.)
Duke began to look at the mirror located in the room.
He took offence to the creature who was in the room with him. Class 1 fluffies, like Duke, are known to have a prejudicial attitude towards lower class fluffies (often encouraged by their breeders)
“Gu way Dummeh Poopie!!! Nu wan gif nummies to poopie!!! Gif sowwy poopies and owies!!!”
Amy raised an eyebrow. Was this guy one of those smarties?
“Duke there’s no other fluffy here”
“Nuu mummeh dey iz poopie. Dey iz poopie hewe”
“But Duke…….that’s you. That’s a mirror”
“Whu………whu is miwwow?”
“It helps you see you”
Duke began to get confused. His face went blank with confusion.
“Bu Dook nu a poopie. Dook iz smawtie. Wub daddeh az Daddeh gib bestest nummies. Am bestest Dook”
Amy picked him up and took him over to what was his body.
She picked up the mirror too. He didn’t recognise his old body.
“Dat nu Dook siwwy wadee. Dat Dummeh tak foweba sweepies”
Duke then decided to shit all over his old body
It was very foul and god knows what was in that food to make it smell that bad.
“hahahahaha!! Dummeh fwaffy gib oo sowwy poopies”.
He treated it with contempt and began to kick at the corpse and kick some more.
Amy then realised that his owner actually wanted the body back.
“Heyy!! Don’t damage it!!! That’s needed by your daddy. That’s you!!!”
“Dat nu Dook, dat dummeh!!!”
“But Duke, you’re in a new body now. You’re in a brown colour-“
“Nu am poopie! Nu am poopie!!! Nu am poopie!!!”
“Duke-“
“Nu am poopie!!! Nu am poopie!!!”
Duke was freaking out. His body froze and it started to shake screaming
And at that Duke began to foam at the mouth and began to shake violently.
He began to smash his head into the mirror then the walls multiple times.
Amy began to freak.
“Nu am poopie!!! Nu am poopie!!!”
And then he was dead.
It looks like he rejected his body and didn’t want it.
Thankfully she had his memory saved onto USB to transfer into another, more suitable body.
It looks like he rejected the brown body.
Out of prejudice? She hadn’t thought that would happen at all. Most fluffies aren’t really aware of their colours except if it’s not pretty. But even then if prejudice is discouraged, most fluffies are happy playing amongst each other without caring at all about colours.
“Racist fluffy huh?”
Fluffies are proud creatures and are proud of their colours or whatever makes them unique. But ultimately it never matters. They don’t have a concept of boy colours or girl colours, and they never really care unless it’s instilled in them.
It looks like he thought the body wasn’t good enough for him and the mind rejected him.
“What an ungrateful little prick. I gave him a healthy body”
She wanted to do more experiments and kept another USB of his mind and memories saved.
The owner came over with another fluffy to download Duke into.
Not golden but at least close in colour and with a horn.
Duke wouldn’t remember a thing of what happened.