Hello everyone!
It’s been… 2 years? Well, definitely too long.
Before I start explaining myself and why I left the community in the first place, let me first mention the folks I included in my picture:
- Virgil
- Oculusfluffy
- Mr_Owl
- Somethingcheeky
- MunstahMummah
- Carniviousduck
- marakasaya1
- Fluffus
- FallenAngel007
- Guodzilla
- Eded_ted
I would have included more if I could 
Anyways, straight to the point:
Entire explanation here, for those who care
First of all, I left shortly after me and Virgil broke up. It was heavy for both of us emotionally, and I couldn’t bring myself back even to chat. I abandoned everyone, and I ghosted you all.
If you’re thinking there was a deeper reason behind it - there wasn’t. I was just too anxious to come back after I’ve already been silent about everything…
I had a long journey of self-discovery during this entire period. I was diagnosed with autism a year ago, started my degree in psychology, found a new job that I’m currently quitting and moving to a different one (it’s just too exhausting for me), made real life friendships I focused on, started singing with a new band which I’m super proud of, got into a relationship with the most wonderful woman in my life… A lot had happened.
My year of 2024 was particularily heart-crushing of all. In January, my family dog Snap passed away from old age. At the beginning of September my grandma passed away, and 2 months after, on the day of American election, my cat (whom you might recognise from my videos) succumbed to his sickness and died on the vet’s table right after I asked them not to put him down yet (I simply wanted to spend one more day with him to prepare myself and say my goodbyes). I barely passed this semester at uni because of all that… But I’m trying my best to stay strong.
A day after Noxi’s death, I started therapy. During those few months my psychotherapist (cognitive-behavioral) pointed out I might have entered a hypomanic state, because after all my hardships I suddenly started acting super positive again. She assumes I might have bipolar disorder, but I think it’s something close, but different. I read up on cyclothymia by accident while researching hypomania, and found out about the symptoms… and everything clicked for me. If you’re curious about it, I’ll post a screenshot of what it means exactly:
On a different website (Polish) I read that in a depressive state cyclothymic people might fall into isolation. That’s when I realised that this is something that must be going on with me. It explains why I suddenly shut down and never talk to people I cared for again. Why do I feel great for an extended period of time only to suddenly break down and isolate for years on end. It cleared up all of my feelings of worthlessness as a friend and explained why I have such mood swings. I finally know what the fuck is wrong with me - and it’s the most freedom I’ve felt in my entire life. I literally bawled when reading those symptoms, because all of my questions had finally been answered AND I can medicate it. So I’ll be getting in contact with a psychiatrist soon
All of that considered, I just want to apologise. Especially to @Virgil and @Somethingcheeky. I’m sorry I left you hanging. I don’t want to put blame on you, because I told you I might isolate… You just probably thought it wasn’t going to last this long, or that it wouldn’t happen to you, because we were so close. Maybe my warnings weren’t as good as I thought… But I know my silence had upset you. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you in such a way. I remember telling you that I have no idea why I’m the way I am, but now I have a possible explanation… Just know that I never forgot you and everything you did for me, all the love you had for me and all the harships you had put up with me. I still love you, all the same as I did back when we were in touch… I hope we can make it up somehow, even though it will probably never be the same as it used to be.
If you have any personal questions, I’m dropping my current Discord: dragonixa.nixy_08410
Also, my DMs here are open
I missed you all so much, and I hope I can manage to find more time to draw more fluffies, like back in the days ^^
During this entire time, I forgot only one thing - how much joy fluffies brought me. I read a comic by @Rampage yesterday and I burst in laughter… So yeah I think I’m back, I just need some time to adjust back into the community~
@ambitiousleather8309 - took your bait!
Wub you,
Nixy
Carrot will return for sure!
