Late Night Infomercial: MyPillow
Are you tired of sleeping on a really basic, and boring pillow made by some faceless corporation that doesn’t even hand tailor their products to your specific needs?
Have you given up looking for that sweet, sweet relief from the comfort of a soft, luxurious bit of padding that you just can’t find anywhere?
Well look no more! Introducing MyPillow!
3 Basic options to cover all your comfort needs.
Stuffs Enuff Fluff: Our first creation, crafted from the dream that a fluffy can live on as a part of the family, our basic offering. Any fluffy of your choice completely cleaned and stuffed. Comes with a lifetime guarantee. Only $14.95.
Fluff-to-go: You asked, we listened. Tired of trying to find a comfortable pillow or bolster on the go? Looking for something to give you that extra bit of comfort and warmth? Look no further. These pillows are sourced ethically from last chance shelters. Our technicians carefully seal all orifices to ensure cleanliness. Guaranteed to last one week, it’s the perfect vacation companion. Snuggle up with a warm, plush friend. Comes with free recycling! Only $9.95. Free shipping for subscribers!
The Fluffsaver: Got a fluffy that you wish you could keep, but it just won’t behave? Pillowing hasn’t worked? We’ve got the perfect option for you. Our Fluffsaver package will take any pillowfluff and convert it into the most agreeable companion. Our technicians carefully seal tear ducts to prevent those watery eyes from dripping anywhere. Vocal chords are severed to ensure a quiet, peaceful life for you and your fluffy. With a permanent smile, this loyal friend will be there for you for the longest time yet. Guaranteed to last at least 90 days, these friends can help ease the passage between disappointment and euthanasia. Also good for children. With an easy to remove stopper, and discreet feeding tube port, these pillows are perfect for having the fluffy you wish you’d gotten. Until you get a better one! Only $19.95
But wait! There’s more. Do these options not work for you? Want something special? Our customer service team is here to listen. Custom orders are always welcome. Want to hear the sobs of your pillow? No problem! Want to stuff your current MyPillow product? Say no more! For a nominal fee of $4.99 we can make any of your Pillow dreams come true.
But don’t take our word for it, listen to these testimonials.
‘I was so distraught. The fluffy we got our daughter got worse by the day. She was always demanding things, so bratty. One day she left, came home pregnant. It was a nightmare. We got them aborted but she just cried and cried. Our daughter was so sad. That’s when we saw MyPillow and realised Fluffsaver could really help. After we got her back, our daughter just loved it. She got to sleep with her every night, they cuddled and had the best play time. That fluff is great for sopping up spills too. Never has my little girl had such a clean snack time! After we found a replacement fluffy, our daughter got to bid the old one goodbye. It was heartwarming. To commemorate it we stuffed her. Now she gets to hang out with all my daughter’s other stuffed animals. Thanks, MyPillow!’ - Karen, Michigan
‘It really hurts when you lose a friend. I lost my fluffy, Rufus, last year. He’d been with me for 8 years, always such a funloving little thing. Never had a problem with him, I just couldn’t throw him out. I saw the ad for MyPillow and thought, you know I know he’d love to sleep with me every night instead of being burned or tossed into the dirt. After I got him back stuffed, seeing that happy face I missed, I knew I made the right decision. MyPillow really kept us together.’ - George, Oregon
‘Man, business trips really take it out of me. I was going from hotel to hotel, week after week. The pillows there are usually alright, you know hotel pillows, at least at the business hotels. But boy did I have no way to let out the stress. I saw them adverts for MyPillow and thought, wait they’ve got ones ‘to-go’? Shit, that sounds like the thing for me. Got my first one and realised immediately what I really needed was to hear it cry. Them having the custom options really hit the spot. The sounds of it sobbing and saying it wanted to die really relaxed me. All that rage just melted away as I knew this little piece of shit was there for my pleasure. The best bit too was the return shipping. Just keep the box, and when you’re done, mail it back for recycling. Couldn’t be easier. Been sleeping like a log every trip since! Thanks MyPillow!’ - Brad, New Jersey
Not bought one yet? Well GUESS WHAT!
We’ve got just one more thing…
Introducing… the Hugboxer Special! We realise our pillows might turn off our fluffy friends out there, so we’ve gone that extra mile just for you. Our handpicked rescues are carefully trained, ethically sourced pillowfluffs specially taught to be the cuddly friend you always wanted. Eager to curl up next to you wherever you go, these Huggie Friends have zero alterations or mutilations, guaranteed. And we’re practically giving them away, at only $39.95. We know it sounds a bit more pricey but due to the extra care and training, the value is unbelievable! (Comes with free stopper accessory to prevent accidental discharge, use as directed if desired)
MyPillow™ - Better Pillows, Pillow Fluffs
Disclaimer: Consult your local laws before purchase. Not available in all locations. MyPillow follows all customs and environmental regulations as per law. Recycling standards certified by the State of Washington.
Brought to you by MyPillow™, LLC. All rights reserved.
