This winter, unfortunately, was incredibly rainy. Almost every day it rained and rained, with fog mingling on roadsides and forests soaking anything that already wasn’t. It was because of this very rain that I decided to take my beautiful labrador Tucker into the woods behind my house for a walk. Nobody would be in there, scared of all the water and cold.
No human that is.
Almost immediately after I let Tucker loose at the edge of the woods, a toddler-esque wail echoed from further into the woods. Tucker’s ears immediately picked up on it, and he took off chasing after the mysterious noise. “Fucking rats,” I remarked to myself, “I swear to God if they have to cleanse these woods again because of their SHIT–”
Tucker barked. Loud. I ran after him, and came upon a naturally forming pit at the base of a tree, about a hundred feet into the brush. Swimming, or rather, drowning in the pit were a pair of fluffies, one clearly far older than the other. The older one took offense to my dog showing his warranted hatred of them. “DUMMEH MUNSTA GO ‘WAY!! SMAWTY AN’ DUMMEH BABBEH GON’ FIN’ A WAY OU!” Tucker snarled. “EEEEEEEEEEE!! HOOMIE SABE SMAWTY AN’ BABBEH!! PWEE!!”
I looked on in disbelief. It was less than six inches deep, and this little shitter couldn’t keep himself afloat.
*“I don’t think so, little man. That your baby?” *
“*NU DUMMEH hack hack ABBEH ID DUMMEH HAKK GASP MUMMEH!!”
“Interesting! I’ll just take her then.”
The fluffy almost forgot it was drowning, and looked me up and down in disgust. As it moved its head up and down, its waterlogged skin made its cheeks all soggy and droopy. I laughed directly in his face, then kicked him out of the pool of water with a large splash.
“I think I’ll call you Jowls.”
“JAWOW NU WIKE NAMESIES! NAME SMAWTY!”
“You’ll take what you can get.”
With a flick to the nose, Jowls was out cold. I turned and met the foal’s eyes. She flinched as our gaze met. Her ribs were almost poking out of her skin, eyes almost pitch black and sunk so far back into her head it rolled around like the inside of a Magic 8 Ball. She mustered a small utterance…
”…da…dee?”
…that made me want to crush her frail skull right then and there.
”No, sweetheart. Not even close. Do you want your daddy to live with us?”
She shook her head yes, and with that, I placed her in my front pocket, and Tucker grabbed the unconscious Jowls by the hind leg and dragged him all the way home.
After the ten minute walk back, I put Jowls and the sleeping baby on a spare dog bed with no fluff in it.
The slept for hours, and when they finally woke up, the complaining immediately started.
“DIS BEH UNCOMFOBOW FO’ SMAWTY! FIX NAO! NAO NAO NAO!”
I didn’t pay attention at all and kept ironing my shirt for work the next day.
”SKEWS SMAWTY DUMMEH HOOMEN. YU SUPPOS’ TU GIB SKETTIE AND WAWM HOWSIE.”
“Who the fuck do you think you are.”
I barked, still ironing.
“GASP – BAH WOWDIES!! Huuuu-huuuuuu-huuuuu…”
The fucking thing started bawling at the first sign of pressure.
“You get any gross tears or snot on the carpet – your ass is shag.”
Jowls had tears staining his, well, jowls, which apparently was not from the water he was submerged in. His pig nose was dripping liquid snot, some running into his mouth. He sat there for five whole minutes, sobbing. I grabbed the foal, who was just fully waking up, and brought her over to the plastic container I had filled with dish soap and a toothbrush. I got to work cleaning the foal, who was somehow more malnourished than thirty minutes before.
I started at her hooves and ran my index finger along her tibia, fibula, and femur. They were so incredibly small, so incredibly fragile. The entire being was shorter than a lighter, and just as light as well. I massaged her back with the toothbrush, and she curled into my hand with a coo and a smile.
I immediately dug my nail into the gaps between her ribs. She couldn’t utter a word or breathe. I lowered my lips right to her ear.
“I am not your ‘daddeh’. Do not call me that. Do not touch me unless I explicitly tell you to. If you tell your REAL daddeh about this, I’ll stomp you into mush. Do you understand me? “
Through pinprick eyes, she shuddered her head up and down meekly. Her entire body began to vibrate. Her eye cavities, eyes sunken so far back, began to fill with tears like the basin I found her in.
”Enough of that.”
I squirted dish soap directly into her eyes. Her mouth opened into a scream, cut off suddenly by my knuckle crushing her trachea. After a few seconds, she passed out once again. I sighed, finished the cleaning job, and dried her off. I placed her next to Jowls, who had cried himself to sleep. I allowed them a few minutes to sleep, for the memories to forget what had just happened.
I fell asleep on the couch staring at the sleeping fluffies.
I dreamt of their deaths.
Crushed beneath boots.
Cut into mincemeat.
Crucified under the beating sun.
Eaten alive.
Each new dream came and went, each supplying me with an endless list of horrors to inflict on these creatures. I hadn’t always hated them. When they first came out, I got my girlfriend at the time one for Christmas to replace her childhood stuffed animal that fell apart. She fell in love with that fluffy, its pink and purple coat, but after a few weeks, it got her sick. The rise in fluffies across the globe was so meteoric, nobody thought to check if fluffy shit had bio-chemicals from who knows what animal in it that gave humans cancer. Almost immediately, every fluffy in the United States was culled or given up for incineration, and lawsuit after lawsuit followed the companies that manufactured these living time bombs. The settlements were paid, the victims were laid to rest, and after a year or two, most people forgot about what happened. Many forgive the new generations of fluffies (now cancer-free!), but Her ashes still rest on top of the fireplace. I look at the ashes, and without any push, it falls off the shelf, and the moment before it hits the ground…
“WAE’ UP!!! WAE’ UP!!! SMAWTY NEE’ BWEFFIS!! GEH UP DUMMEH HOOMIN!! SKEDDIES NAOOO!!”
I’m awoken by one of the two demons that now live in my home. I grab Jowls by the scruff of his neck and hurl him against the wall. He makes a slight indent, but his head snaps back and cracks against the solid wall. He slides on the wall for a moment and falls to the floor with a thwack. An EEEEEEE!! emanated from down the hall, cut off by the scrabbling of paws against the hardwood floor.
“WAIIIIIIIIIEEEEE BIGGES’ HUWTIES EBA!!! THINKIE-PWACE HUWT OWOWOWOW!!!”
I jolted off the couch, kicking Jowls in the ribs, sending him down the hall where Tucker had backed the baby into the corner of the kitchen. I walked after them, enjoying the sweet whimper of the foal in terror. Jowls crawled over to his daughter, cowering behind her holding his ribs.
“You two SACKS OF SHIT have overstayed your welcome–”
PFFFBBBTPPFHHHHHHHHHHH
Liquid diarrhea spewed from Jowls’ ass, directly into Tucker’s face. His growling stopped, was replaced by silence, then a whimper as he bolted away to try and get the shit off.
”Heehee dummeh GASP –bawkie munsta…gu way…”
He doubled over in pain. My face turned beet red. I grabbed both foal and father by the throat and threw each down the wooden stairs to the basement. On the way down, Jowls’ front left leg snapped in two and tore at the elbow, leaving bloody streaks down every third step. I thundered after them, violently slamming each on the table, one in each hand, crushing their ribs. They stared at me in disbelief, in horror, in terror.
It was too delicious. I had to keep myself from gleefully smiling and ruining the moment.
“Like I said. You two have overstayed your welcome. By FAR.”
The foal had the audacity to squeak out a sentence.
”…ownwy heow one foweba…”
My eye twitched. My grip got tighter.
”One forever longer than the rest of your life.”
I grabbed the now sobbing foal and placed her on a clear shelf right above her father, who would be the first victim.
“You’re going to watch him die, shitspawn. I don’t care how blind you are, you’ll feel it, you’ll hear it, and you’re going to BE it right after he’s done.”
Behind her cavernous cavities for eyes, her tear ducts could produce no more tears. She looked upon her supposed new daddeh with absolute terror. Her ribs still hurt from his nail. Her skin still hurt from the scrubbing. Her eyes still burned from the soap. But yet, she still had the thought…
“…wa’ wong wid babbeh…”
As she was lost in her thoughts, I clamped Jowls down to the table. These clamps hadn’t been used in a long, long time, but the crusted blood was still pooled on the iron pieces. ”Ought to clean that one day.” I thought to myself.
Jowls was almost silent. The only things that came out of his mouth was toddler babble and the occasional “sabe smawty”.
Nobody was here to save him, and nobody would be.
I took a steak knife from the desk drawer, still red with dried blood from the last victim. Jowls’ three remaining legs were splayed out as he was on his back, leaving his stomach and chest absolutely bare for me to ravage.
Jowls looked on silently, mouth agape, as I made the first incision across his stomach underneath his ribs. The second and third followed, horizontal cuts adjoining the initial cut at a 90 degree angle, with the fourth and final completing the rectangle right below his fat stomach and belly button.
He finally screamed as I ripped the skin off his bare chest.
I dug my index and middle fingers together past the enormous fat globules and into his weak core muscles.
Our gaze met.
He saw a wry, toothy smile.
I saw flesh, fat, muscle, and bone spew out as I ripped Jowls’ core muscles and surrounding area out of his body.
”GAAAAKKHHKKKKWWAAAIIIIII!! WUUGGGHJKKDADDEH!!! Haf haf haf haf TUMMIK SKEDDIES NUUUUUUUU!!”
”SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”
I saw his diaphragm wheezing in and out, and with a slam of my finger, it popped like a grape.
Still, his ceaseless wheezing kept going. His daughter looked on from above, horrified at seeing the color red. She shit herself, unsurprisingly, and it dripped right onto her fathers forehead, to which she giggled slightly to herself.
I stepped back from the desk and snatched the foal.
I looked her in the eyes.
“Do you enjoy seeing your father suffer?”
She nodded no, terrified.
”No? Not after his fat ass ate all of your food on the street? I see how hungry you are.”
She looked away. She peered at her father, who looked at her with pleading eyes.
“All you have to do is tell me you want him to have forever sleepies.”
“huuu…nuuuu…wub…daddehhhh…daddeh…wub…babbbehhhhhuuuuhuuuu…”
Her mind flashed back to her hunger pangs, her longing for milk, her lack of huggies.
And the cold.
Daddeh would never give her warm huggies.
“wan…wa…hug…ggeeeeez…”
Her eyes began to tear up more.
”…wa…wan…daddeh…fowe…huuuuuuuu….seeeepies!!”
”Just as I thought. What the fuck kind of daughter are you to wish death upon your father? Disgusting behavior. BOTH of you are gonna die tonight.”
The foal’s jaw dropped.
With that sentence spat out at the rats on my table, I grabbed Jowls by the chest and tore him off the table, severing each leg at the hoof, spraying blood all over myself and the table. His head rolled back in silent shock, while the foal looked on in sobbing agony.
”…nuu…nuu meen ed……nuuhuuuuu nuuHUUUU NU WANN FOABA SEEDES!!! NUUHUUUUUUUUUUUU!!”
I brought the bleeding and sobbing pair outside and threw them on the dirt.
”You two are FUCKING EVIL. You deserve nothing. You will never get another thing. These are your final moments.”
I sighed. I wanted to make it seem like I was giving them a chance. That way, the neutralbox neighbors won’t call the cops.
”You have one decision.”
Their eyes lit up momentarily.
”Who’s first.”
Jowls was fading fast, but he still wanted to live longer.
The foal wasn’t hurt much except her ribs, and still wanted to live.
They pointed at each other.
I sighed again.
I leered at Jowls, and grabbed his jaw. I placed my thumb under his tongue, index underneath the jaw, and pulled. Jowls’ eyes began to water, tears streaming down his bloody and fat cheeks. I placed my other hand on his forehead, and ripped my arm back, severing his jaw from his face.
His bloody jaw was the perfect size for a foal.
The foal was still squirming in the dirt, getting nowhere fast and only digging herself further into the dusty pile. I pinned her bottom half to with my hand, and stabbed her father’s jaws into the dirt around her, immobilizing her.
”Watch this, Jowls. You’re gonna like it.”
I took a step back and looked at the small brown wriggling shitrat underneath her father’s jaw. Chest mangled beyond belief, she struggles to take a breath, her tiny eyes beginning to flutter. She was fading fast, faster than her father. Jowls looked upon his stomach, his bloodied fur, and his trapped child. He glared at the child, undoubtedly jealous of her slightly better condition. Hatred burned in my eyes. A father and daughter who don’t love each other, in the slightest.
What kind of family like that deserves to live?
With a sharp breath, I drew my booted foot high above the ground. The shadow completely enveloped the foal, severed jaw and all.
Jowls’ eyes widened.
With a swift motion, I crushed the bottom half of the foal.
The pressure caused her stomach, intestines, and other viscera up into her chest and out her nose, mouth and eyes. The foal had almost turned inside out. Her exposed stomach tore open as the foal took her final breath.
”DAMN SHE WAS ALIVE WHEN IT WENT THROUGH??”
I thought to myself. Can’t show these creatures too much emotion.
I was getting sick of Jowls. His stupid fucking face, his selfishness, his lack of care for his daughter. Even in this moment, in his final agony, he is still jealous of his daughter for dying first, before him.
”…lulle eyyee aiee eeorr eeee…”
Jowls saw a shadow overcome his face. No matter his condition, he wouldn’t want to die. Ever.
I saw the resistance in his eyes. No mistake about it.
So I left. I’ll wait until I hear those magic words.
I’ll come back tomorrow, I’ll heal his wounds, teach him to speak again. So I can hear what he really wants.
He can remember his daughter, his lack of limbs, his ruined viscera. He’ll live it every day. He’ll live through hell.
I’ll be sure of it.
