I was just about to start closing down for the night. My assistant Anna is eager to head home and im eager to get away from the shop and all these fluffies.
As i’m about to give Anna the go ahead to go home, i hear some rustling coming from the back alleyway.
“Please not another feral herd…” Anna groans impatiently, she has late night plans and wants to leave as soon as possible.
“Wait here for a minute, i’ll check it out.”
I make my way to the back door and look through the peep-hole, surely enough Anna was right a rather large feral herd of fluffies is scavenging for food behind my Fluffy Emporium.
I’m about to kick the door down and scare them off when i see the fluffies themselves. There are a lot of duds, but there are two pregnant mares with beautiful colors, 3 mothers with foals clinging to their backs and a few other serviceable fluffs with decent colors…
“I smell a pay day…”
I slowly open the door. The creaking of the metal hinges causes the fluffies to freeze in their tracks and look in the direction of the noise. Theyre unsure if i mean them harm, but before i can say anything i feel i tap at my boot.
“Dummeh Hooman! Dis smawty wand nao! Weave ow smawty gib’ biggest owies!”
A typical Smarty friend looks up at me, puffed up cheeks and a glare in his eye. Despite his best effort to look intimidating, hes actually rather cute. His silky mint green fluff and light blue mane could fetch a decent price. Shame…
Smarties don’t sell.
Normally i’d stomp the little bastard’s head before grabbing any good quality fluffies i could. But i didnt wanna risk damaging or letting any of them get away so i come up with an idea.
“Ok little smarty. I’ll let you have my land bu-”
“Das wite! Weave nao!”
Patience… be patient…
“You didnt let me finish. Your herd can live in my shop if you win a little game. But you need to offer me something in return if you lose.”
“Smawty nu wose! Am smawty! Wuh hooman wan? Nummies?”
“No no. I have plenty of nummies. For the herd! If you win that is…
I want something big, something important. I want all of your soon mommas, your babies and their mothers as well.”
The smarty looks shocked at my request. He looks deep in thought for a moment before giving an answer.
“Deaw! Smawty am gon’ win and you wiw weave!”
Gotcha you little prick…
“Awesome! Now come with me into my shop, but be very quiet. You wouldnt want to wake any of your potential new friends would you?”
The fluffies chatter among themselves saying things like “Nyu fwens?” “Nummies?” And “Nyu housie!”
I lead the herd through my shop and to the backroom. Anna sees all of this and gives me a look that says “What the fuck are you thinking!?”
I mouth the words “trust me” back at her.
As i lead the herd through the shop, the fluffies see all the things i have, ranging from kibble, canned spaghetti, toys and all the other fluffies i have for sale.
“Nyu fwens! Toysies! Nummies!”
A few of the fluffies silently express their delight at the possibility of living here. The mares sing about how their babies will finally have a good home and about how good of a smarty they have for finding this place.
Anna sees the fluffies in the herd and is pleasantly surprised at the good colors within it. She catches on to what i have planned so she tip toes to the backroom door and unlocks it for us.
We enter the backroom and i turn on the lights. After i lead all the fluffies inside, i address them.
“Ok fluffies, this is where the game will be played! Remember, if your smarty wins you will all be allowed to live here!”
The fluffies cheer and sing the Smarties praises, the little bastard has a smug smile on his face. He has to be getting one hell of an ego boost. But credit is due, he leads an obedient herd.
“Just wait here for a moment, i’ll be right back.”
I step out of the room and close the door behind me. I turn to Anna who has a big smile on her face.
“Get the tower. Its time we test it out”
Anna nods and goes to retrieve “the tower”. Some time later she returns, wheeling a tall structure to the backroom. We both enter and address the herd, who are getting impatient.
“Nyu daddeh gib nummies?” “Pwetty nice wady am nyu mummah?” “chirp cheep babbeh hab tummie huwties…”
“Ok fluffies! We’re gonna show you the game your smarty will play!” Anna announces. She seems excited to finally test her creation.
Anna pulls the tarp off of the structure revealing a three level tower with obstacles of varying danger on each level. Anna carefully designed that the floors of each tower can not only be easily cleaned and customized, but also act as trap doors leading to a large empty bowl that can be filled with anything we wanted.
“Anna, get the coals and lighter fluid please.”
Anna runs off to get what i asked. I then turn to the smarty, who all of a sudden looks uneasy.
"Now smarty. As you can see, there are three levels to this tower with various traps, Let me explain them:
- Floor number one has simple glue traps. The glue isnt very strong, but if you get careless you’ll get stuck and you will lose.
- Floor number two is the barbed bed. You must balance on a small bridge and avoid falling in the barbed wire below you. Falling in results in an instant loss.
- Floor three and final floor is the guessing game. You must step on pads that are rigged with a sound board. If you step on a pad and it dings, the pad is safe and you can move on. If it buzzes then you lose. When you make it to the end, ring the bell and say “Smarty Wins!” To declare your victory… Did you get all of that?"
The smarty blinks a few times before nodding his little head.
“Smawty undastann! Smawty am gon’ win game fow hewd!”
He really is smarter than he looks. Anna enters the room as the smarty approaches the first floor. She fills the tub on the bottom of the tower with coal and douses them in lighter fluid. She warns the herd of what shes about to do next, which is set the coals ablaze.
“HAWT HAWT NU WAN!” The smarty panics briefly before regaining his composure. He has to look strong for his herd…
The smarty observes the glue traps in front of him. The trap is one big glue sheet with small platforms to step on. The smarty lifts his tail and carefully steps across the trap using the pads. All the while keeping his tail raised to keep it from getting stuck in the glue. He keeps this up until he makes it to the end. Much to the delight of his herd.
“Yay smawty!” “Wuv Smawty!”
"I’ll admit smarty, that was very impressive. But you still have more floors.*
“Dis easy! Smawty gonna win!”
The smarty approaches the second floor, he examines the barbed wire and the beam allowing him to cross. Its a round, cylinder shape and due to his soft leather like hooves, he’ll be prone to slipping…
The smarty lowers himself onto the beam and hugs it close to his body, instead of walking across the beam, hes opting to shimmy across it using his hooves…
“Holy shit. He might just do this…” Anna says, baffled.
“Lets just wait and see. He still has another floor.” I respond.
The Smarty reaches the third and final floor, the guessing game. Up until now the smarty has been using his wit and strength to progress. But now, its up to lady luck…
The Smarty carefully views the floor in front of him. He looks uneasy again and hes starting to sweat due to both nervousness and the rising heat due to the coals below him…
He takes a step onto a pad…
Ding!
And another…
Ding!
And yet another…
Ding!
And finally…
Ding!
The Smarty quickly bolts to the bell and rings it while bellowing “SMAWTY WINS!”
The herd is going crazy cheering for the smarty. He has just secured them a new home and a chance to be bought and adopted into loving families.
“Boss… the little shitrat actually did it… what should we do?” Anna asks absolutely gobsmacked.
“Well Anna… i’m a man of my word. The herd will live here now.”
“And we’re just gonna fucking leave!?”
“Oh fuck no, gimme a minute…
Ahem
Huge congratulations to the bestest smarty in the world!”
The smarty is doing a dance while chanting and cheering for himself.
“Smawty win! Smawty am bestest! Smawty am smawt!”
“Congratulations fluffies! You may now all live here with your new friends! Anna, can you show our new friends where they will be sleeping and come on back? I need you for something.”
Anna nods and takes the whole herd to the temporary pens. Feral fluffies sleep there until its time to get their shots and get processed so they can mingle with the other fluffies for sale.
Afterwards, she comes on back.
“Whewe dummeh wady take hewd? Smawty win! Dummeh hoomans weave!”
My demanor changes to a more serious and mocking tone
“You didnt pay attention to what i was saying in the beginning did you? I said if you won, your herd can live here. I didnt say anything about you…”
“Yu… yu… Dummeh hooman wied to smawty!?”
“He didn’t lie shitrat. You just didnt pay attention before agreeing to his terms.” Anna chimes in.
“Gib bacc hewd! Gib bacc babbehs! Gib bacc mummahs!”
"Sorry little fluff. Id keep you around, but unfortunately…
Smarties dont sell…"
With that final sentence, Anna presses a button on a small remote. Causing the floors of the tower to open, dropping the smarty all the way down into the tub of piping hot coals. The smarty thrashes and screeches in agony.
“SCREEEEE BUWNIE BUWNIE NU WIKE!! WHY HUWT SMAWTY!? NUUUU!!!”
I slide the lid shut, sealing the smarty inside to roast on the coals. His muffled screeches can still be heard from inside.
“Gotta say anna, you did a fantastic job on the tower. You’ve earned a raise!”
“Thanks boss! So what should we do with his herd?”
“Let them rest until tomorrow morning, then give em their shots, tag em and let them onto the main floor so customers can see and buy them.”
“Got it. And the babies?”
“Let them stay with their mothers for a bit before seperating them and adding them to the foal section. When the pregnant ones give birth, make up a story about how they were all bad and take them to the milkbags. With those colors we can make some serious money.”
“Got it. Well boss im gonna head home, its been fun but im exhausted.”
“Im gonna do the same. We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow and we need rest.”
I hand Anna some bonus cash for staying late before we lock up shop. But before i leave iook back at the new haul of feral fluffies. All sleeping and blissfully unaware of what happened to their smarty friend.
I laugh to myself and lock the door.
“I love my job.”
(This was my first attempt at writing a fluffy related story! I hope you enjoyed! And i hope i tagged it correctly!)
