I had this idea for a Chinese bootleg version of Fluffies called a Máo-Máo . Basically they are fluffies but marginally worse in almost every way. They bleed mercury and speak in that weirdly translated form of English found on the packaging of bootleg products . Claiming to bring “eternal happiness for the children!” Or “ increasing of the handsomeness for all involved!” Also they breed even faster than normal fluffies but can only have one “joyous infant” at a time. Also their legs tend to fall off. When they get excited. Thought the legs easily pop back in place
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I would read a novel about those things. Tell me, does their fur contain dangerous levels of melamine?
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The fur is actually asbestos
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“mahmah bwing dishonah fow nu gib wo mein”
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Ooh! Old-timey fun! I expect their poop high levels of chromium.
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Naw man they poop lead nuggets
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Really? Chromium is so much more toxic.
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“NI HAOW, NICE PEWSON MISTAH. BE NYU FATHEW? CAN MAW-MAW HAB TOMATO WAMEN PASTA NAO?”, the weird looking fluffy exclaims as it approaches you. The area, usually ridden with regular ferals, is now strangely devoid of shitstained fluffies and their noisy offspring.
“I’m sorry, what?”, you ask in confusion. Tomato… ramen pasta? That’s a new one. “Don’t you mean skettis?”
“YES, YES, NICE PEWSON MISTAH. MAW-MAW MEAN SKETTI TOMATO WAMEN PASTA. MAW-MAW WAN NICE HOMESIE TU.”
Something’s wrong about this one. The way it speaks feels artificial. Well, fluffies ARE artificial and so are their speech patterns - but something’s clearly wrong about this one. It’s uncanny, feels more human than other fluffies, but at the same time as far from human as possible.
“Nah, I don’t think I’ll take you home”, you say. Not that you’d consider doing it with any other strays or ferals, but for some reason you feel the nagging need to make sure this one knows it’s not coming. As if otherwise it will follow you home. “You’d shit up the whole place anyway.”
“NUU, MAW-MAW NU GIB BAD POOPIES. MAW-MAW NEE GUD SOSHAL CWEDIT TO HAB WAMEN TOMATO PASTA”, it exclaims with a voice that feels bit too loud for a tiny animal. Its accent is also all over the place, intonation going up and down in the weirdest of places.
“No, no, I can’t take you home. I’m sure someone else will, though”, you say to excuse yourself, before you promptly leave for home.
That night, a loud crash in your front yard wakes you up. You jump out of bed and instinctively try grabbing for a gun, before you remember that your wife is a filthy far left liberal who hates being able to defend herself in case of home intrusion. All those poor burglars deserve life and respect, she usually says. Bullshit, you usually say, while wondering why you married her. Or why she recently bought this new armchair for the bedroom, that’s now facing your bed.
Another crash brings you back to here and now, and you jolt downstairs to see what’s up. Flicking the porch lights on, you peek through the curtains, only to notice that weird fluffy standing in front of your front door. It’s dark inside and it should be blinded with the bright light shining right in its face, but somehow it’s staring right at you. You’re feeling terror building up in your gut.
“Go the fuck away, weirdo. Told you you’re not welcome here.”
“TWANSWATION SEWVICE EWWOW FOUW ZEWO FOUW HOST NOT FOUWND”, replies the fluffy before it skitters into the darkness.
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This is amazing!
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This gives Fluntfy Ponnis a run for their money. lol
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“dishonah on yu, dishonah on yu cow”
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Obviously the chromium is in the milk
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For only the strongest of small child Mao Mao.
I wonder what tone that is?
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Smarty = doctor infant
Non smarty = joyous infant
Poopie = dishonorable infant
Munsta = accursed infant
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They should be nicknamed Fluffie Dreg
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Brilliant!
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I just realized their name translates to “Hair-Hair”. lol
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According to a friend who took Chinese as his language class. Repeating a word twice in a row gives it a cutesy connotation
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You have just made a fluffie make me feel uncomfortable and terrified, congratulations, one more step forward from the uncanny valley.
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Excuse me, sir, but Fluffy Pony™ is a licensed product of HASBIO™ Inc., and is legally distinct from the imitator product known as “Mao Mao”.
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