“Narcissus? Did you shit on the floor again.”
The bright purple Unicorn stallion with a light blue mane turned his nose up at his owner. “Hmph, Smawty nu make bad poopies. Mus be udda Fwuffy.”
“You’re the only Fluffy in the room.”
“Sumwun bweak in wen Smawty sweepin.”
“The door was locked and all the windows are closed.”
“Dey sneek out wen daddeh open the doow.”
“I can see the shitstains on your hoofs.”
“Dat cos Smawty twy tu cwean poopies befowe daddeh see.”
“You wrote your name.”
“Dat am fowgewy.”
“You also wrote ‘Fuck you dad, give me bitches’.”
“Dat am taken out of con-teks.”
“And there’s a self-portrait of you with an erection that’s twice the size of you.”
“It nu am dat bad.”
“You’ve rubbed the shit so deep into the carpet that I’m pretty sure you’ve stained the wood flooring.”
“It nu Smawty fauwt, if daddeh wisten tu Smawty den Smawty nu akt out.”
“I told you if you used the toiler properly I’d get you a fuckbuddy.”
“Smawty nu wememba dat.”
“I told you 20 minutes ago.”
“Daddeh wying.”
“You asked if I could get you a ‘redhead’.”
“Weww it nu Smawty fault, wittabox tuu fah way.”
“The litterbox has been kicked over, so you had to have reached it at some point.”
“Dat happen aftawawds.”
“I have video footage of you kicking the litterbox away and then pooping onto the floor.”
“Dat couwd be anee Fwuffy.
“I can hear you on the video saying ‘I will shit where I want because I am Narcissus, no-one else is as smart as I am.’
“… Weww maybe daddeh can git fuked.”
Later, as he lay in the trash can, his bottom half still smoking from where the match had set him on fire, his penis burnt black and his asshole soldered shut, Narcissus wondered how his daddy saw through such a perfect cover story.
