Another poor baby was crying in an alley and I was the lucky one to pass it.
“Huuu sniff babbeh nu wike wonewy. Babbeh wan mummah bak. Nee huggies. Wai nu wuv? Babbeh am pwetty an fwoffy. Babbeh am tuu widdew tu be by sewf. Nu wan be scawed babbeh. Wan be happeh babbeh. Wan wawmsies an nummies. Wan heawt happiess an huggies. Wan wuv huuuuhuuuuu! Am gud babbeh! Gud babbehs nee wub!”
“You aren’t a good baby.”, I said, showing myself to the small ball of fluff.
“Sniff Nu huuuuhuuuu! Mistah am wong! Babbeh am gud! Babbeh neba du nuffin ba! Awways gud huuhuuu! Wai am mistah meanie?”, he was laid on his stomach, holding himself up on his front legs to talk to me.
“Nah, I don’t think so.”
“Huuuhuuuuuu babbeh nu ba! Babbeh am gud babbeh! Onwy dwink widdew miwkies so aww babbehs can num! Awways du gud poopies in poopie cownew! Huuuhuuuu wub gibin heawt happiess tu ebewybodee huuhuuuu! Am gud am gud huuhuuu!”
“Why are you alone then?”
The fluffy whined and cried, taking my words in. It shook and struggled on its front legs, trying to stand up against the bad man and failing.
“WAAHHHH!”
“Yep, that’s what I thought.”, I said, walking away
“N-nu! Mistah pwease wate!”
I stopped and turned around.
“P-pwease mistah. A-am gud babbeh. Pwomise. C-can nice mistah gib h-h-homsie tu babbeh? Pwease! Su wonewy an scawy hewe! Babbeh nu wan huuhuuu! Nee mummah ow daddeh! Babbeh nu can be aww awone! Tuu scawy huuhuuuu!”
It was like a heaving sponge on the floor. He would die if I left him out here but that wouldn’t be any fun. I walked up and held my hands in front of him.
“Hop on.”
“D-dank ou huuhuuuu! Dank ou nice mistah! Wiww be bessess babbeh fo nyu daddeh! Babbeh pwomise!”
He sniffled and crawled into my hands. He curled up and looked up at me as I lifted him up and carried him home.
“W-wub daddeh. Wub daddeh.”, he muttered as he fell asleep in my hands.
Once home I put a rag on a high barstool and gently placed the fluffy on top of it. He slept for about ten more minutes before he woke up on his new home.
“B-babbeh gu sweepies. Nu mean tu be sweepies fo daddeh. Daddeh wan pway ow wan babbeh tu du dancies? Am bessess babbeh! Wiww du anyting fo bessess daddeh eba!”
“You don’t have to do a thing! Everything will be taken care of for you. Why don’t you check out your new home!”
“Yaaayyyy! Babbeh su cited fo nyu homsie! Dank ou daddeh! Gun spowe whowe housie! Wan see ebewyting!”, he said, standing on the barstool, “Dis am dah bessess! Babbeh hab whowe housie nao an nu cowdies ow scawdies nu m- Wa? W-wai am babbeh su high? Babbeh n-nu wike! Babbeh nu wike high pwace! Wa ef faww? W-wai am nu way down? Huuuhuuuu daddeh! Babbeh scawed! Hewp babbeh! Babbeh wan downsies huuhuuuu PEEP scawy! Nu wike babbeh CHIRP scawed! Nee huggies daddeh!”
It had walked around the whole circle of wood that would be his house. He would get close then stumble and back off. He would do this around the whole stool until he got too scared and curled up in the center. He begged me to take him off and put him down where he could run the house and get into trouble.
“Did you have fun exploring the house?”
“Daddeh! Babbeh nee downsies huuuu! Wan see housie! Nu wike high pwace! Sabe babbeh daddeh!”
“What do you mean? This is your house!”
“B-b-babbeh scawed! Wan downsies! Nee huggies!”
“What are you scared about? This is your home! There is nothing to be scared about in your home!”
“D-d-dis sniff dis am homsie?”
“Yep! I gave that to you! It’s all yours!”
“D-daddeh? Babbeh su su sowwy huuuhuuuu! Dank ou su muchies fo own housie bu babbeh nu wike huuhuuuu! Babbeh am scawed ob high pwaces huuhuuuu! Pwease pu babbeh downsies! Nu wike upsie housie! Babbeh nu speshul nu nee own housie! Pwease daddeh!”
“That’s a bit ungrateful after, I don’t know, everything over the last thirty minutes. You’ll get used to it I promise. I’m going to get you some milk so stay put.”
“B-babbeh sowwy huuuhuuuu! Wub nyu homsie! Wub nyu daddeh! Babbeh am wier! Wub nyu homsie su muchies huuuuhuuuuu!”
He shook and sobbed on the once dry rag as I poured milk onto a large plate. I walked to the stool and tried to put the plate down. The plate took up most of the stool and the baby was dead center.
“Hey, little guy! It’s OK! I got milk for you right here! Just move for me an I’ll put it down for you.”
“Sniff O-otay daddeh. W-wub daddeh.”, he said as he tentatively stepped forward with shaky hooves, “A-am dis enuff?”
“No, you barely moved. Go over to the edge there and I can put it down.”
“B-bu id am scawy on dah edge! Nu wan be cwose to edge!”
I started to walk away with the milk.
“N-nu! Babbeh sowwy! Babbeh mobin! Huuu scawy! Nee be cawefuw babbeh. N-nu wan faww. Wan stay on housie. Wan wub daddeh an nummies. Nee tu be cawefuw huuhuuuu.”
He had finally moved and I set the plate down. He was very close to the edge and had no room to move. I thought I had pushed him off by accident but he just panicked and nearly fell back.
“Sniff huuuu. D-dank ou daddeh. M-miwkies am b-bessess nummies fo babbeh.”
He carefully moved one hoof onto the lip of the plate and then the next one. He made a small jump and did not move forward. The front half of his body was splayed out on the plate and his back half was hanging off.
“Oof. Nee mi- PEEP Ba-babbeh swippin! BABBEH SWIPPIN DADDEH! HEWP BABBEH SCREEEE HUUHUUU NU WAN FAWW! WAN WUB FO’EBA! WUB HOMSIE! WUB DADDEH! JUS HAB NU WAN WOSE YED!”
His dramatic performance did not match what was happening. He was flailing all around as his body slowly slipped around the lip of the plate. He began slipping to the right and would fall on the stool.
“BABBEH SU SCAWED! DIS AM SCAWIESS! NU WIKE! JUS WAN MIWKIES! SCREEEEE GUN FAWW! NU WAN! DADDEH SABE BABBEH! PWEASE BABBEH GUN FA- PEEP! B-babbeh am otay? Nu hab f-fo’eba sweepies? Huuuhuuuu dat was tuu scawy! Nu wan nu mo! Pwease daddeh! Wet downsies!”
“Everything is fine. Nothing is wrong with your home. See? You were safe about it and are OK. That’s all you have to do is be safe about what you do.”
“B-bu am babbeh. Babbehs hab assidends sumtimes. W-wa ef babbeh hab ba assidend? D-den babbeh gu fo’eba sweepies an nu be wit daddeh nu mo. Dat am wowstest an su scawy!”
“I’ve gone my whole life without falling to my death and so have you. What are the chances, right?”
He was shaking really bad now. A near death experience matched with not being able to move away from the edge was destroying him. He kept his head turned toward me not daring to look anywhere else.
“B-babbeh nu can mobe! Tuu scawed! Wiww daddeh pu babbeh on miwkies? Pwease!”
“Come on, you can get to the milk yourself. Did your mom just shove her tits in your mouth she was still around?”
This struck a chord and the fluffy was full force sobbing again. He was laid straight along to one safe spot on the stool, heaving. I waited for him to cry himself out and stand up on wobbly legs.
“O-otay! Babbeh am gud babbeh! Can ged tu miwkies! Can num wit nu hewp! Am big babbeh!”
Using the same procedure as last time he slowly pushed himself up with his back legs. He made it up and slid down the small lip and into the milk.
“B-babbeh mak id! Babbeh mak id tu miwkies! Yayyyy! Gun num aww da miwkies! Su hungy!”
He stood in the middle of the plate and lapped up all the hard earned milk around and under him. Once he licked up all the milk he fell on his butt and waggled his front hooves around. His legs and belly were soaked in milk and it dripped from his face.
“Dat was da bessess miwkies eba, daddeh! Dank ou su muchies fo nummies! Wub ou, daddeh! Wan gib huggies an kissies!”
“Haha, no thanks! Go ahead and get off the plate and I’ll take it away!”
He was so happy. He was cheering and flapping his legs around. His tail whipped around in a blur. When my words hit him he fell silent.
“B-babbeh nee tu gu bak tu edge? D-daddeh pick babbeh up an mobe pwate den pu bak downsies? Babbeh nu wan gu tu edgsies gain.”
“Sorry but you gotta do it. The sooner you get used to the space you have the better.”
He whimpered and slowly walked to the edge of the plate and looked down. The plate wasn’t too high up but enough for the fluffy to not see the edge of his home very well. He peeped and backed away.
“Nu can huuu! Scawy high pwace! Wiww faww ef gu tu edge! Nu wan swip off! Pwease hewp babbeh daddeh! Nee daddeh!”
I simply stared at him and he went back to the edge of the plate, defeated.
“Sniff huuuu! Huuuhuuuu dis am da scawiess! Wai am dis fo babbeh! N-nee be su cawefuw! O-otay fiwst fwon weggie d-den segund fwin w-weggie. Nee du widdewest wawkies. Otay fiwst bak weggie d-d-den segund b- PEEP SCREEE! Huuu nu wike su scawy! Nu wan dis! Wan nowmaw homsie! Wan be nowmaw babbeh!”
He pulled himself almost completely off when his last back leg slipped and he fell on his side on the slim bit of stool, nearly scaring the life out of him. He shook and cried as I took the plate away. Once I came back to him he opened his eyes and quickly made use of the free space, planting himself right in the middle and curling up.
“This is a bit ridiculous if I’m being real with you.”
“S-s-sowwy daddeh! Am jus widdew babbeh! Widdew babbeh hab wowstest scawdies ob high pwaces! Nu sposs tu be up high! S-s-sposs tu be on gwoun! B-babbeh migh hab assidened on high pwace! Nee babbehs tu be safe! Pwease wet babbeh be safe! Awmoss gu fo’eba sweepies tuu many times huuhuuuu! Babbeh nu sposs tu hab su many scawdies! Nee heawt happiess fo gwow big an stwong!”
“You can be as happy as you want to be here. Life is what you make it. You got all this space. Make the most of what you got.”
“W-wiww daddeh gib babbeh huggies? Nee huggies fo scawdies an heawt saddiess! Wiww be bessess happi babbeh ef hab huggies!”
“That wasn’t part of the deal of me bringing you here. This was just because you wanted a new home and didn’t want to be alone. As far as I’m aware you have both of those things.”
“B-bu babbeh wub daddeh! Wan gib huggies an hab daddeh hug babbeh! Babbehs nee huggies! Aww fwuffies nee huggies! Pwease gib wub daddeh! Babbeh nee!”
“See, I had no idea about that. Sorry but no deal. You have everything you need to live. You don’t need anything else.”
“BABBEH SAD! WAAHHHHH!”
He cried in the middle of his home and didn’t stop until he fell asleep. He looked at peace in his sleep. As if the terror of today never happened. I gently pushed him close to the edge with his face pointing right off. His head limply hung over the edge after I let go of him and he awoke.
“Hmm? B-babbeh feww su tiwed. Nu c- SCREEEEEEEEEE! PEEP PEEP SCREEEE CHIRP WAAAAHHHHHHH! NU WIKE SCAWY HOUSIE! NU WIKE NU WIKE! PEEP WUN WEGGIES CHIRP! WUN BABBEH FWOM SCAWY PWACE HUUHUUUU!”
He had scrambled around the edge and managed to push himself back. He got up and with eyes closed he pranced away the danger and right to the next.
“PEEP SCAWY! WAI AM HOUSIE SCAWY! NU GU SWEEPIES NEGS TU EDGSIES! NU CAN SWEEP NU MO! BA FO BAB- SCREEEEEEEEEEEE ack! PEEP PEEP CHIRP PEEP PEEP! SCAWY! HUWTIES! NEE HUGGIES FO FEWW BEDDEW! NEE NAO! SU MANY HUWTIES HUUUUHUUUU! OWIE OWIE! BABBEH HAB SU MANY OWIES! NEE WUN FWOM OWIES! NU WAN NU MO HUUHUUUU! WEGGIES WUN BABBEH ‘WAY! WEGGIES! BAK WEGGIES PWEASE WUN! HUUHUUUU BAK WEGGIES NU WUB BABBEH NU MOWE HUUUHUUUU! BAK WEGGIES GU BYE BYE WEN FAWW! AM BA BABBEH! HUUUUHUUUUUU WAI! WAI DIS HABBEN TU BABBEH! WAS SU CAWEFUW BU STIWW FAWW! HUUHUUUUU WAI BABBEH HAB WUNNIE SCAWDIES! NAO NU HAB BAK WEGGIES! NEBA WUN AN PWAY! NEBA SEE DADDEHS HOUSIE! NEBA HAB FUNSIES WIT TOYSIES OW DANCIES! CAN ONWY GIB HUGGIES BU DADDEH NU WIKE HUGGIES HUUHUUUUU! BABBEH AM WUSWESS! NU GUD BABBEH NU MO! NEBA GED TU BE GUD BABBEH! DADDEH! WAN DADDEH! NEE DADDEH!”
I walked over to him and looked down at him. His body was angled in a way it shouldn’t be and he was crying up a storm.
“Oh man, it looks like your broken!”
“B-babbeh huwt! Babbeh scawed ob huwties! Bak weggies gu bye bye! Pwease daddeh! Nee huggies tu mak beddew! Wiww figs bak weggies an stawp huwties! Jus dis one time daddeh! Neba nee huggies gain! Pwease jus gib huggies fo mak beddew! Nee huggies nao!”
“There’s no fixing this. You’re broken.”
“W-wa am bwogen mean, daddeh? Wa am id mean huuhuuuu!”
“It means what it means. Fluffies are just toys, right? You’re broken so you have no use anymore. You could be one of those huggy fluffs that just gives hugs all day!”
“Babbeh am huggy fwuffy? Wiww gib an ged huggies aww fo’ebas?”, he said, looking hopeful.
“Yeah, but that’s what you want. For me that means wasting gas, signing paperwork and probably spending money since you’re a feral. I’m just gonna give you forever sleepies instead. It’s just more convenient.”
“B-babbeh nu wan fo’eba sweepies! Hab wowstest owies bu ef hab huggies den nu hab owies nu mo! Mak babbeh huggy fwuffy! Pwease daddeh! Nu wan daddeh tu wose nuffin bu babbeh wan be huggy fwuffy! Pwease daddeh! Babbeh can be babbeh gain! Babbeh can hab nuthew chancie! Pwease daddeh! Nu gib fo’eba sweepies!”
“You had another chance when I took you in and you ran it off the edge, literally. Let’s go.”, I said picking him up as he ‘SCREEEE’ed.
“I’ll let you choose how you go. If you had to go forever sleepies, which you do, how would you want it to go down?”
“N-nu wan! Nu wan ad aww! Pwease mak huggy fwuffy! Wiww be bessess huggy fwuffy ob aww! Gib bessess huggies wit fwon weggies! Gib aww babbehs biggess heawt happiess an gib bessess wub!”
“How about being the bestest at listening to your daddy and making a choice?”
“WAAAHHHHH HUUHUUUUU SCAWY SCAWY! WAI DADDEH DU DIS TU WIDDEW BABBEH! BABBEH NU BWOGEN! BABBEH CAN STIWW GIB HEAWT HAPPIESS! CAN STIWW GIB BESSESS HUGGIES! NU NEE TU GU FO’EBA SWEEPIES! AM STIWW AWIVE! CAN STIWW BE BABBEH! DADDEH! WUB BABBEH!”
“I ALWAYS choose! Come on! There are so many ways this could happen! Think for the first time in your short life and make a choice! You could drown or I could even just spike you into the floor and end this right now!”
“Babbeh am scawed, daddeh! P-pwease gib huggies! Nee nao mo den eba huuhuuu!”
“Death by huggies? OK!”, I said, hugging him gently and slowly squeezing until the end.
“W-wa!? NU DADDEH! JUS NOWMAW HUGGIES! JU- sniff d-dank ou daddeh huuhuuu! Daddehs huggies am su nice! Su wawmsies in daddehs fwon weggies. Wub ou su muchies! Babbeh feew aww beddew nao. Can babbeh be huggy fwuffy nao? Daddeh? N-nu daddeh! Pwease! Tawk tu babbeh! Nu du ba squeezies! Huggies am tuu tigh! Nu daddeh pwease! Wet gu ob fwuffy! Nu wan huggie fo’eba sweepies! Scawy! Scawy! Nu can mobe weggies! Twapped in daddehs fwon weggies! Pwease wet weggies gu daddeh! Nee fo wen huggy fwuffy! Nu! Daddeh! B-babbeh-BABBEH NU CAN DU GUD BWEATHIES! DADDEH BABBEH IN TWUBBEW! PWEASE WET GUUUU! BABBEH NU WAN! NU WAN! DADDEH BABBEH NU WAN HUGGIES NU MO! SOWWY BABBEH DU BEGGIES FO HUGGIES! GASP BABBEH SCAWEDddd huuukkk! Wheeze NU DAddeh! BABBEH STiww gud! wub daddeh! nu huwt babbeh nu mo! am su sowwy! wheezegasp BABBEH WUB DADDEH! DADDEH PWEASE WUB BABbeh! nee daddeh tu wub! nu can gu fo’eba sweepies! nee tu gib huggies! nee tu … gib heawt happiess! wheeze d-d-daddeh! babbeh wub ou! nu gib fo’eba sweepies! babbeh am sowwyyyyy!”
He quickly stopped struggling at first and settled in. He didn’t panic again until he was tight against my body and unable to fight against it. All he could do was beg and cry. He so badly wanted to be a huggy fluffy. It was his last lease on life. Everything was taken from him twice and he could have another chance. If only he had a choice. He got squeaky towards the end and eventually all the air drained from him. I held him tight for a few more minutes, giving all the hugs he ever wanted. After I was sure he was gone I tossed him in the trash and began thinking about what to do to the next poor baby.
