be siamang
move head blink eyes
me do
me do
me do is your motto
it’s complicated in it’s simplicity
many humans may never get it
but it can be best be summarized like this
most chordates from hagfish to elephants have some kind of goal when engaging in activity
these vary in complexity form “I must chase off intruder”
to “I should lie to my wife so she doesn’t figure out I cheated on her”
but not you
you don’t have a reason
every action is done for it’s own sake
there is no good or evil
pain or pleasure
no future, past or even really that much of a present
you do things for the sake of doing things
not that you ponder this
you are probably the only mammal on the planet less capable of pondering than the creature you are about to encounter
stimulus detected
it’s round and a bright red
like a fruit
part of you wants to grab it but it’s too far right now
besides it has legs and is moving
it also has eyes
and a protrusion above it’s head
seeing as this creature doesn’t have a premade sub cortical response in your head
you don’t jump to any action
move head faster
stimulus approaching
if you had an understanding of reality you’d realize you were rapidly cycling through all your options for how to treat motion stimulus. would you lift arm? Scream? Climb wall? Pull? Stay silent and move about?
well decide is wrong, it’s more like you’re in a superposition between those four states unless sleeping and eating not that you can comprehend that.
stimulus makes noise
”Fwed? Pway?”
choice activated lift arm and scream
you are filled with the passion of a thousand suns as you raise your left arm and puff up your throat sack.
every fiber of your being then goes into howling
even if humans could translate what you were saying it’d just be a repeating loop of ”scream!scream!scream!scream!scream!scream!”
there is no hatred there is no malice to it
nor is there any joy not even a hint of fear
to humans this state is called nirvana
if you had a concept of time you’d call this state Thursday
”No pwetty! Stop! Nu like woud munstah”
continue screaming
stimulus creates louder noise
”Staawp! HUuu Huu!”
response
look in other direction while screaming
other siamangs join in
entire siamang exhibit is now a cacophony of hoots and howls
it’s mostly random chaos but occasionally for a brief moment it syncs up
in those moments all of you are one super organism pulled along by the apathetic god known as quantum mechanics
several others stop screaming
stop screaming yourself
stimulus approaches
”Hate poopeh munstah!’
stimulus is now charging at you at its top speed of 3 mph hour
you might move but your brain landed on the stay still and look at things intently setting
the stimulus continues charging huuing between it’s breathy pants
most animals could tell the thing is pissed but you don’t really have a theory of mind for yourself let alone others
it is now several feet from you it’s pitiful excuse for a horn bared
perfectly aimed towards your soft belly
spending most of your time in the trees your stomach is quite vulnerable
it makes contact
there’s a bit of blood now
pain stimulus
not enough pain to activate fleeing.exe but enough to at least spin the roullete wheel that subs in for what would be a prefrontal cortex
you know what you must do, there isn’t any other choice
it has to be done
hoot and grab
not tear, just sort of monotously tug at the creature
”Nuu, Nuu smeww pwetty”
the sound stimulus makes your cries louder as the fluffy tries to escape your vice like grip
of course it has a 5 second window every time you let go but it doesn’t know that
it’s too stupid so it just sort of wriggles
then you make harder content grabbing what Hasbio corporate called a Hoofsie (the ie is trademarked)
this information means nothing to you
nothing means anything to you
the thing is now shrieking as it nashes it’s teeth with all the strength of a month old puppy
”SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
it’s deafening
normally you don’t have anything close to what humans call motivation
but now
at least not one part of you
the one part of you that has motivation and goals which like the average abuseposter’s darkside
is one mostly harmless and pathetic to anything but fluffies
two, is severely overestimated by said side’s owner
three it only comes out on special occasions
well it just came out
stimulus is challenging you
it wans to scream louder than you
this will not happen
you unleash a deafening howl
”SCREEEAAAM! SCREAM!SCREAMSCREAM!SCREA!SCREAM!”
you are looking around in every direction
your head a blur of motion as your arms flail about wildly
the fluffy is so terrified it begins to projectile shit as you occasionally thrash it by pure chance before picking it up
this isn’t due to aggression
mostly because it’s the nearest available object and you’re just dying to move 5 meters to the right
you flail the wildly in the air as you move with no plan in mind whatsoever
it’s horn occasionally scratching you as it’s SCREES reach a volume that would deafen most men
but not you
you continue to run towards the hanging rope as the fluffy is hit against various leaves
the rope is now in reach
you grab it with your right arm
your strength like a coomer who found on model sally acorn nudes
your howling reaches a crescendo, eyes closing from the sheer force
your gurlac sack inflating faster than it can deflate as the fluffy continues to aim for it in a desperate attempt to break free
it even grazed your eye thirty seconds ago as the right side of your vision fills with blood
yet you don’t let go
instead with a final swing the fluffy’s front HoofsieTM (Note the Ie, offbrand biotoys have a y) is ripped from it’s body which goes flying
the fluffy hits the ground hard
but it’s alive
huuing and asking for huggies that may or may not come
you do not care as your bleeding continues, areas of your black fur turning brown
because no matter what your gurlac sack is safe
you are still a siamang
still the embodiment of the pointlessness and unintuitive design that governs our universe
you are the avatar of the force that causes drivers to fall asleep and hit pedestrians
you speak for that which governs who wins the lottery
you are the prophet who preaches the answer to question “why me!”
you hold the answer to it all, the meaning of life and you don’t even know it
and that answer
the very motto of the universe
is simply a combination of “me do” and “who gives a shit?”
you stop screaming letting out a few quieter oos
you’ve sustained some damage
but the rumbling in your stomach soon overpowers any desire to tend to your wounds
stimulus is gone and you need food
you wander off into the simulacrum of a forest which was made possible by the donation of a now defunct Japanese camera company
with only two things on your mind
give me eat give
and me do…
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OOOO OOO O O OOOOOOOOOOOOO
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