Megaherd Memories: Eyewitness accounts of the Megaherd Crisis of 2020 (Part 1) [By BillBudapest]

Name: Elliot Watts

Age: 24

Occupation: cook

I was working the Iowa State Fair as part of a crew running a food truck called “Mama Peron’s.” It’s operated by a restaurant with the same name in Saint Paul and let me tell ya, there isn’t another place I’ve had so much fun cooking for. The owners are wonderful, the pay’s great and I’d be hard pressed to find friendlier co-workers.

I’m prattling aren’t I? Sorry.

We were on our way back to the restaurant and had to travel on some stretches of long, empty road. Our truck reeked of mozzarella and parmesan cheese, tomato sauce, burnt bread and everything you’d think if you had to pick out the smells that gave away an Italian restaurant. You could’ve picked us out from a mile or so off if the wind was right.

Which is how I think the shitrats found out where we were in the first place. It was windy all day and the scent of our truck must’ve been blown their way. I was in the back of the truck chewing the fat with Craig, another one of the cooks, when all of a sudden I smell something like a burst sewer pipe. My first thought is ‘oh god, the grease trap is leaking.’ But a quick check showed that there was no breach.

Our driver Latrelle lets out a ‘what in the son of a bitch’ and we ask what’s wrong. But before we can finish asking we hear what sounds like thousands of kindergartner’s shouting “sketties” and “nummies” at the same time. All of a sudden we start swerving and I’m struggling to stay up. I manage to hold on long enough to look out the window and my jaw dropped so hard it could’ve punched through the floor. There was an endless tide of those midget ponies surrounding us and trying to keep pace with the truck. Shelby, our third cook, got splashed with fluffy blood that made its way through the open window.

We kept on swerving and every so often I could see the blood spraying from a fluffy that found its way under our tires. Eventually, we killed enough fluffies and splattered enough blood on the road that we hydroplaned and fell down a small hill. I hit my head against the wall when we flipped over. Hard. Things were still hazy for a few minutes but I could see the shitrats start climbing into the kitchen section through the now open rear door. The last thing I remember before blacking out was a mare with three foals on her back talking to me, asking me to give her spaghetti because she ‘ne’ make da bestest miwkies fow bestest babbeh." She had a fucking smile on her face and everything. She didn’t even notice I was flat on my ass and bleeding from a head wound.

I came to at a hospital early the next morning. From what I’d heard, the owners of the restaurant in town feared the worst when they got news that ‘mega herd’ was sighted to be congregating on the road we were traveling on. When they called both the phone in the truck and our personal phones without getting a response, they called the police who’d already been alerted to our situation by some fairgoers. Apparently, they were driving back to their motel when they saw our truck flipped over and covered in fluffy shit. Paramedics arrived on scene not long after. There were still a lot of fluffies trying to make their way into the truck and the paramedics had to chase out the ones who didn’t immediately flee upon hearing the ambulance’s siren and seeing its lights.

None of us died, thank fucking god. But we needed to go to the hospital because of our injuries from the crash on top of making sure we didn’t get any infections from any of the germs the fluffies had. The truck was covered in piss and shit. Latrelle nearly got an infection when a fluffy panicked and ‘made bad poopsies’ on a deep gash in his arm.

The incident was reported on the local news and the fair set aside enough money for Mama Peron’s to get a brand new truck. The herd made its way out of the county over the next few days. I’ve been told that what we ran into was just a splinter group of the main ‘megaherd’ that’d set out from Illinois and was spreading through the Midwest. That ‘splinter group’ still numbered over twenty thousand. If we ran into the main portion, we’d have died before help could reach us. I’m sure of it.


can you even fight it without a military?


It’s almost impossible.


a killdozer perhaps?


Effectively, it’d be hard… You’d definitely need to organize a number of volunteers for one.

Your best bet might be a bunch of folks with off road vehicles / bikes and directing the herd like a cattle drive via honking, small weapons fire (or melee weapons) and firework sized explosives. If you can find a suitable piece of terrain like a cliff or something you might be able to force them over like Indians stampeding buffalos off a cliff. Or force them into a river / the ocean or something similiar to drown them.

But wherever you intend to end it you need to have a plan to deal with the environmental impact of hundreds of thousands to millions of corpses depending on the strength/willingness of the government to come down on you over something like this. ex: If you use a river you need to make sure it wont effect damn damns etc.


The Mississippi could work but trying to fish out the corpses to prevent them from reaching the sea might be a problem.


Greedy, sociopathic pieces of shit, all of them. Fluffy selective ignorance at its finest.

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Exactly. You’d probably need some boats with trawler nets prepared ahead of time but some would likely slip through the cracks.

Or maybe convert a series of cargo barges with something on them as bait to lure the fluffies on/inside so they think they have a place to escape. Then you remove the gangplanks and seal up the barges and tug them to a floating rig where you can pump methane to a refinery on the mainland.


Not without the massive amounts of gas/other flammable materials but that might do more harm than good

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Im too late but remember to put your name on the title UwU

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I dont care if I’m late Killdozer deserves attention. Dude built a tank in his garage, happened not far from where I am actually.

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There was also an old movie from like the 70s or something called Killdozer, I forgot about the killdozer incident were someone was like “fuck it! I’m drive this through everything!”

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That thing was gas proof, bullet proof, explosion proof that thing was only stopped by getting stuck in the wreckage of a building it was killdozering. The original builder had his buisness taken from him so he enacted his vengeance by destroying the property of every person that wronged him. Killdozer was insane!

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I can imagen when a rampage goes that far it is the most insane thing to witness. At least when the guy destroyed all that stuff he made sure to avoid harming anyone.

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