This has been an awful past few months, ok? First off my name is Wilde, I’m 38, a man of many talents including paranormal research and handling. But mostly I’m just unemployed taking on any odd job from yard services to discount therapist. Thankfully my husband Ryan’s position keeps us housed.
My current odd job I’m at has me at a “haunted” house in Milwaukee to provide an exorcism. The majority of these exorcisms usually have me removing raccoons, possums, the occasional drifter, or fluffies out of the walls. Mostly fluffies which for this job it is, again.
“Nu nu! Pwease, nee wawm housie! Pwease!” The filthy sky blue Pegasus begged from the box it waited in. I ignored the pegasus’s cries as I grab hold of a fat pink leg in the crawl space and slowly pull. " Screeee! Stawph Dummeh Hoomin! Smawti Mummah Nee Weggie!“ I feel a torrent of hot fluid slap onto my gloved arm as I pull out a VERY pregnant smarty mare.
Her bulk acted as a sort of a pipe cleaner and as with the smarty I drag with it large deposits of various filth including her shit, urine, and about eight half formed foals. Between the smell and the sight this causes me to loose my lunch.
After painting the inside of a trash can with my breakfast I return to my work. There, a smarty mommy being assisted by two other mares absolutely covered in fat little unicorn foals screaming their displeasure and another male sky blue pegasus, All trying to push her back into the crawl space.
Chaos erupted as I grabbed the male making him scream and shit, causing his brother in the box to scream and shit, the two nurse mares to flee and shit, the babies to cry and shit, and the smarty to bellow commands… and shit.
In the panicked confusion the mares crash into one another and drop five smarty babies between them before quickly disappearing behind the house, the mother shrieking in disgust demanding they return.
As I dump the Pegasus with his brother and carefully scoop up the dropped fat babies I notice the smarty has these mares on a very short leash as I spot both frozen in terror only just around the corner of the building. I drop the foals in a sperate box as I lift smarty momma off the ground by her scruff.
" Dummeh hooman! Wet smawti mummah down! Nu nee bad upies onwi nee sketti an Babbehs!" I shake her a bit as I toss her in the box causing a scream of pain as she likely landed on one of her special friends.
I advanced on the two mares but they quickly shake free from the babies and vanish into the brush giggling happily. " Huh, well you fat little monsters really must be hell for them to sacrifice you like that." I chuckle picking up the other six babies.
An extra fat fuschia unicorn begins cheeping it’s protest . " Dummeh hooman chirp! bestest nu munsta peep! Bestest Am bestest cheep! An bestest Am smawti peep ! An SCREEE!" I dump her in the box of foals with her siblings before she can prattle on.
I finished scooping out dried feces, rotting food, and a ton of dead babies. Most half eaten almost all colors fluffies hate, about four alicorns, and other more vibrant babies which likely belonged to the nurse mares put to death so smarty momma can have more food for her and her brood.
“I called for an exorcism! And you charge me for an extermination!?” The harassed elderly man huffed as he took a drag on his cigarette. “This is one of Milwaukee’s most haunted houses, the stench and the demonic sounds were a ghost I swear!” He gave a lively flourish with his hand to better make his point.
After a heated argument I received my payment after threatening to return the fluffies to the porch nest. Fluffy control arrived and takes the adults of the family and I stopped at a fluff mart with the foals and pocket some more cash.
" Hey hunny bun, I hope you’re having fun at your leather event, I made us some grocery money. Can’t wait to see you tonight." I send off the text and head off to go eat. On my way I see many families out and about with various combinations of dogs and fluffies.
I stop and watch a family play fetch with their Weiner Dog and a little yellow and orange earthie. Everyone looks so happy. My thoughts are cut short as my phone buzzes in my pocket. Surprisingly it’s from a friend of Ryan’s: Penny, an mechanical engineer.
“Hi Penny how have you been, what do you…” before I can finish an excited voice cuts me off. “Wilde! Hi, ok I got some super cool news! First are you still unemployed?!” after a second of shock I then confirm that I still am looking. “Great! Well not great, but still remember back in July we were talking about tv shows and you told me a fluff tv idea?!” My stomach drops out as my skin goes cold with anxiety. “Yes…”
"I pitched it to the entertainment section of D’arc and they want to talk to you about it! My mind is now going into overdrive with excitement and the possibilities of ridicule and scrone for putting myself out there. “Hello, Wilde? You there?” I’m snapped out of my mind and start asking her many questions.
“Penny geez, shit, ok. That’s a lot to uh take in. But I’m not an animator, I have no capitol to put forward. No voice actors, No…” I spit out several other necessities for a television program when Penny stops me. “Hey big guy, it’s ok. I thought ahead. I got an AI program to make a very simple animation of that fancy unicorn picture you made for Crystal’s birthday.”
“AND, I can definitely find or make a program to voice it. We’re in this together, as for capitol? With all these AI programs cutting out animators and voice actors they’ll likely cover the pilot episode at least. It’s for fluffies it’s going to be ten minutes MAX!” Her sincere words put me a bit at ease but I still had reservations about the whole thing.
After about a minute of silence. “Wilde, this is going to work great. I swear.” I bite my lip and finally agree. “Alright Penny I got this! But wait, shit I don’t have a script, I can’t let an AI do that” I hear Penny chuckle. " Oh just give it time…" I glower at my phone. " Remember that story Donkey Skin? Just make that fuffy friendly and BAM! You’re good."
“Alright, you’re on. When do I need to be ready?” My phone pings with an email. “Those are the dates that the script needs to be done and in, I also sent the animation clip and a title card for the episode. The interview is in two weeks so you got time to emotionally prepare.
" Penny how, how can I ever thank you?" I say teary eyed. " Oh I’ll tell you how when you get here, but until then relax, write the script, and give Ryan and Rigby a hug from me." the call Ends. My brain is swimming with excitement and my stomach, oh shit. I rush to a trash bin and wretch my already empty stomach.
I text my husband about what Penny told me and all the info about the job. and as I walk along I come across a pair of men filling a vending machine. “Yo Louie what we doin wit all des extra pony soda things?” A grubby in-eloquent man in work overalls was addressing an equally grubby though much thinner man.
“We toss em in the truck til we need to restock Mahty, but dey won’t last dat long. Neva do.” He kicked the wooden crate which caused a cacophony of muffled peeping. I walk forward I spot a few dozen foal-ina-can tubes. Each printed with a label to resemble various soda flavors showing what type of fluffy and their color you’d get.
“Hey, guys?” I address to two workers, eyeing a tube showing what would be a grape soda unicorn. “Can I buy one of the ones in the crate to lighten up the load?” I try not to sound to desperate or nervous. 'Nah." My heart sank to the pavement. " But we ain’t gonna stop ya if ya take one. Company don’t give two shits and we don’t needer." They turn back to finish setting up the vender, I grab the tube and can feel the fragile life stir and peep.
“Thank you.” They absentmindedly wave me off as I head back to the hotel we’re staying for the weekend. My stomach in knots, not only am I trying to take on a producer job I just learned about, I’m also going to take on fatherhood.
" Ryan ok more news, uh don’t hate me, but…" I send the start of a very long text.