New Friends In Slow Places: A Racecar Tale By Stwumpo

Racecar was contented. He wasn’t happy, happiness was a fleeting state. A goal only briefly attained when he saw a very good teebee show, or smelled something very pretty. The only consistent source of it was his weekly trips with daddeh to the Big Fun Slide, where daddeh slipped little leather booties over his stumps, greased his belly, and let him go down huge wood slides all day. Some even had jumps! It was so much fun, and it was one of the one things that both Racecar AND daddeh enjoyed. Not only that they both enjoyed, but that they both enjoyed it in the same way. It was the one spot in his life where Racecar was allowed to be happy, because the thing that made him happiest made daddeh happiest too. The cold times combined with daddeh’s increased business, so trips to the slide had gotten few and far between.

Daddeh never wanted Racecar to be able to fully relax, and thus had been entrusting Racecar’s suffering to a diet of exclusively Grape Nuts. Racecar realized this, and though he’d long since grown used to (even fond of) the dense and dry cereal, he still made a point to huu and huu about it not tasting pretty, or hurting his teefies. He knew to switch them up, or daddeh would change it in a way that made it unpleasant again.

“Hey buddy, enjoying the tv? Sorry, microwaved pudding is your dessert again, I didn’t make it to the ice cream place on time.” Daddeh had returned home. He’d been compensating for the time away by actually being kind of thoughtful to Racecar. He had to admit as much when Racecar fearfully asked why daddeh was giving sweeties every night. It was an easy thing he could do that felt nice and they could enjoy together. He said something about that being important for “it” to “feel like anything at all” but Racecar was unclear on what it was and why it made daddeh love him, but he was pleased nonetheless. Dessert had become a comforting ritual. Even though he liked it, Grape Nuts were about the toughest thing his fluffy teeth could handle. Sweetie nummies were always soft and daddeh liked to make them with minty stuff that made his gums tingly. Made the hurties better.

“Das awwight daddeh, Wacecaw wub puddin. Ou knu dat. Betta den dummeh nummies daddeh make Wacecaw hab, huhuhuuuu…” He was careful not to lay it on too thick. He knew the rules. He knew daddeh needed to think the Grape Nuts made him sad. Otherwise, maybe he’d give him hurties! He’d never really been much of a hurties meanie daddeh, and Racecar got the sense that daddeh didn’t think highly of people who pillowed fluffies for fun. He didn’t mind being mean, but he always said that he thought those guys were weird after they walked away and it was just daddeh and Racecar.

Daddeh spent the evening on the couch with him eating big bowls of warm pudding. When all the delicious pudding was gone, he took Racecar to his big soft bed where he slept by the small teebee in the corner. Daddeh tuned it to Pillowfluff Public Television and went to go set up his work stuff for another night of…whatever he did? Boring stuff with music. Racecar wasn’t sure. Racecar hummed softly to himself while he watched the teebee, being careful to occasionally huuu about “teebee tuu kwiet” so daddeh wouldn’t turn it down again.

After a few shows, daddeh walked back in with a big glass box full of pretty flowers and plants. He set it next to Racecar, and before Racecar could decide if it was safe to ask about, daddeh picked up his bed and set it down inside of the box. It was actually REALLY nice! He almost made a whoopsie and said so. “Huu fankyu daddeh, wub scawy fwowa boxy.” He sat the box down where the bed had been before. Racecar could still see, and the acoustics actually made the teebee easier to hear. Not louder, just more easy to isolate. It wasn’t scary at all!

“Save it bud, I know it’s not scary. You’re allowed to like it. I figured if you’re gonna be bedridden I can at least vary up your environment. This seemed like an easy way to do that, and I love you little guy.” He bent down, and lightly ruffled Racecar’s head. Racecar teared up. He was genuinely touched. He hadn’t cried for reasons other than saddies in so long!

Daddeh went back to the kitchen, but to Racecar’s surprise, he heard his steps approaching again. “One more thing buddy, I wanted you to know…”

Racecar felt multiple small writhing blobs drop onto him. Then more. Then dozens.

“I noticed you can’t fake cry. Must mean you like the Grape Nuts. Am I right?”

Racecar was trying not to think about the icky feeling of all the moving blobs. Were they munstahs? Meanie hurties from daddeh that he was too dummeh to feel? “Huuuu nu wan huwties, Wacecaw teww twoof. Gwapenuss nu bad nummies, am gud nummies dat Wacecaw wub huhuhu…” Daddeh chuckled, but not the scary one he does before being mean. The real one. “Really? Huh. Well on the plus side, that means we can add mealtime to the times we share. I love Grape Nuts. You don’t have to pretend they hurt anymore.”

His conversation was the only thing distracting him. The slithering masses were damp. He could feel it. They were slimy and damp. “Huhu feew weewd…Gwapenuss tuu dwy, huwt teefies. Stiww wub, dey gud nummies. Wacecaw wan.” Daddeh laughed that warm laugh that Racecar knew meant he was safe. Daddeh might be mean, but he wouldn’t be cruel. “No worries bud, I’ll just soak yours in warm milk a bit. Should soften it right up for you. We’ll mess with it next couple meals to find the recipe you like best.” Racecar giggled. Despite the terrifying gross mystery on his back, he was feeling pretty good about the day.

“But just a heads up, since I know the Grape Nuts aren’t working anymore, I’m gonna be leaving slugs on you all the time now.”

“Huh? Swugg? Wat swugg meen? Huuu am doze munstahs in Wacecaw pwetty wed fwuff?”

“They’re little buggies with no legs. Like you! They can’t hurt you, but they’re gonna crawl all over you.”

He poured a small tub of slugs into the already crowded terrarium on Racecar, who was now weeping in a sort of low level dread. “Huuuu nu wike deez swuggies… Weabe Wacecaw awone! Twyin’ tu watch teebee!”

“Yep! Slugs are as smart as fluffies, they’re just slow and can’t talk. Just be nice to them. They’re your friends now and I want you to ask them nicely.”

“Huuu…wiww nyu fwends pweas stahp be on Wacecaw facie? Nu can see teebee!”

“Keep asking. I’m sure he’ll listen. See ya.”

“Huuuuuu wai swuggy fwen nu wissen tu Wacecaw huhuhuhu nu tutch stumpies huuuuuu…”


Old art by @InfraredTurbine

18 Likes

I’m broke and not commissioning things these days but I’d feel my heart warmed by any pictures of any quality depicting Good Pillow Racecar sad and covered in fucking slugs.

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Happy whatever to you, or not if it’s not. Capitalism is a fuck, we must make total destroy, throw used bubblegum at Racecar.

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he kinda looks like the fluffy on the site logo

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Indeed he is the fluffy on the site logo. Dearest Bestest Pillow Racecar.

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Courtesy the intrepid @infraredturbine

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My weekend is occupied but I’ll see what I can do

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I love the weird way that raceway adapt to his daddy by putting on a show.

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Fun fact: slugs and snails are deaf

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I have a feeling the dudes who pillow for fun find this guy weird

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