Inspired by the abomination that is Kidz Bop and trash reality TV.
Hey, fluff enthusiasts (and everyfluffy joining their mom and dad for movie night),
Do you find yourself unironically hating the mindless babies’ music that your fluffies listen to even as they age out of foalhood and turn into a fine adult fluff? Do you think that standard fluffy media is doing nothing except make your sterilised little friend beg for the foals they can never have?
(Shows recording of a human, Gem, and her pet fluffy pony Wendy sitting in front of a TV listening to FluffTV music hour. The TV screen shows a fluffy mummah moving her hooves around haphazardly as she sings ‘‘Good fluffies make poopies in da wittawbawks’’ on repeat. In the background an orchestra of classically-trained Forever Foals is chirping to the beat of the song.
Half a minute into the ad, Gem screams and changes the channel. She cannot take one more minute of the asinine music that is supposedly meant to ‘enrich the mind’ of her little fluff.
But lo and behold, the new channel that she just switched to is having a 1-hour long ‘mummah-song special’ which is even worse than the first song and Gem sighs even louder as after listening to the mummah-song, Wendy is repeatedly asking for babbehs despite her obvious lack of a uterus.)
Well, we have been told frequently on good conscience that our original music is so bad even the Milkbags want to protest.
(Shows a milkbag-wall at a Happy Mare Farms franchise where the milkbags have all been arranged meticulously and strapped into place on the wall to spell out the words ‘boring’ and ‘wan die’)
Well, yeah, we know that the lacklustre fluffy entertainment in the market right now is technically our fault and all. But let it not be said that Hasbio does not own up to their own mistakes.
Presenting FLUFFTV FOR ADULTS, with mornings entirely dedicated to our all new band, the sensational FLUFFZ BOP.
With our all new music group you can let your fluffies enjoy the fluffspeak versions of over a hundred award-winning classic songs originally written for human consumers.
(Shows clip of a FluffTV headquarters recording room where a pretty fluffy mare with a curly black mane is swaying slightly and singing “Ou go back to mawe an’ fluffy goes back to bwack - BWA-AA-ACK!”
In another room, a fluffy with a poofy pink mane is singing “Dummehs be mean, mean mean, mean, mean, mean. But fwuffy-swift gonna shake-it-off! Gonna shake-it-off)
Sounds like good entertainment for your adolescent little friend, doesn’t it? And not only that, we also have the adult-hour hosted by the fluffy adult band The ‘Big Wed Machine-Munstah’.
(Shows another music room where an XXL fluffy wearing sunglasses and an oversized men’s jersey is singing “Main doggie-mawe out of ou weague, ah! Side doggy-mawe out of ou weague too! Yeah, fwuffy am a mummah-enfing stawboy! Am a MUMMAH-ENFING STAWBOY!”)
Just perfect for your aging fluffy who is tired of years of foal entertainment! Please note that Hasbio is not responsible for your younger fluffies or children in the house accidentally discovering the adult hour as well and adopting the vocabulary used, therefore we warn you to avoid playing the adult hour show in a household with foals or even human children as fluffies have no restraint.
(Shows a clip of a tired fluffy mummah tapping her hooves to the lyrics of ‘Stawboy’ while her babbehs who are in another room have unfortunately picked up a lot of words from the song. The stud, presumably the babbehs’ father, is stomping his hooves to get their attention “Dummeh babbehs! Humin big-mummah wivv put ou in sowwy box if ou say dat in fwont of widdow-mummah!”
In response, the eldest and bestest talkie-babbeh, a possible smarty, says “Bestes’ babbeh hate chu! Mummah-enfew wumpshead daddeh!”)
Yeah, that might happen.
But fear not, even without Big Wed Machine-Munstah your adult fluff can have plenty of entertainment without all new FLUFFY REALITY TV. Featuring our two newest flagship shows Sketti Nightmares and Saferoom Hell hosted by FluffTV celebrity , Smarty Fwuffdon Wamsea!
(A scene of a kitchen plays out, a blonde fluffy with a thick accent is screaming and pointing to a plate of spaghetti. “Ou caww dis SKETTI? Dis am nu SKETTI! Dis am dummeh-sandwich food! Da sketti noodwes awe ovewcooked an da sketti sauce am BWAND!”
Cue another scene, with the same fluffy roaming around a saferoom dressed in a custom suit with a human woman leading him around, another fluffy, a Princess Celestia variant, is murmuring. “Cewestia fwuff hope dat Chef Wamsea fix safewoom, humin mummah am meanie an nu give Cewestia fwuff a big enough wittawbawks ow mowe kibbwe becoz she wikes widdow-sissie Woona mowe.”
“ou caww dis a WUXUWY WITTAWBAWKS?” Wamsea screams “Dis dummeh wittawbawks too smaww fow an ENFING CHIWPIE-BABBEH to cwap in! Of couwse Cewestia fwuff nu make good poopies with DAT! Cewestia, dawing, wan enf in bushes watew aftew show? Wamsea need speshuw fwen an babbeh to incwease viewews of show becuz dummeh humans wike watching babbehs an cwop on da tee-bee!”)
And that’s it! FluffTV for Adults, coming now just in time for summer break! Buy FluffTV cable today and get three months free and the entire first year for just $100 compared to the usual $300!