Your name is Freddy
Well actually its Federico, but you use Freddy because most people can’t even pronounce your name and it sounds similar.
You’re what they call a “white latino” which just means that everybody but white people thinks you’re white so you don’t get any POC benefits because ‘fucking white male’ and whites call you a spic so no ‘white privilege’ either.
Also your family wasn’t rich and couldn’t afford college, but luckily you were able to learn some coding stuff over youtube. Dumpster diving behind a bestbuy got you your first rig which was enough to do some freelance work from home. You saved enough to move to a nice apartment which is not bad given how many people from your generation are stuck living with their parents well into their 20s and even 30s.
Unfortunately all you could afford was a shitty one-bedroom with a fucking bus stop right in front of your window and the train only a block away meaning it was noisy as hell and you couldn’t get any sleep or work done due to the constant noise.
Art by @gr1m_1
“That explains the low price given the location…”
You moved to another shitty small apartment, this time on the not-so-nice part of town on an older building and at street level. Your only windows has a view…of an alley…with dumpsters.
“Well at least its pretty quiet, and besides I’m on my PC all day so…whatever” you say to yourself trying to make the best of this shitty situation while at the same thinking this is only temporary.
And indeed at least you got sleep and could get some work done…until that night.
Mummahs wook! nummies!
It didn’t bother you it at first since they weren’t making a ton of noise. They came to that alley because it was the only one in miles that still didn’t have a small anti-fluffy fence to keep shitrats from breaking in and throw trash around looking for scraps. Though the biggest problem is that when they find a source of food like that you also get nests built around it. And after municipal fluffy control got privatized now you have to pay to get shitrats removed.
Now a scrawny red earthie stallion with a yellow mane and his two mares found the place. One was a neon purple pegasus with a brown mane (terrible conbination) that was heavily pregnant but still able to walk. The other a unicorn mare with generic cyan fluff and a faded pastel pink mane, formerly an easter foal that got thrown away a week after being purchased because the kids got bored of her and the other foals that came in that “egg carton” lookalike-box bought at Fluff R’ Us, though at least they gave her a name before dumping her: Cunty, a joke name but still she was the only fluffy in their group with a name and in the fluffy world that’s a sign of status, sort of. On top of her were 6 sleeping chirpie foals, eyes still closed, in different types and color though none of them valuable which is to be expected when the parents have such shitty hues.
To make things worse the dipshit oxy-addict that lives in the third floor and is too lazy to walk down threw a paper bag with a half-eaten burrito and nachos that he had left laying in his coffee table for over a week, the result of one of his painkiller trips. But for the semi-starving fluffies a moldy tortilla and chewy old nachos were like mana from heaven, and best of all it was right there because the bag exploded on impact. They didn’t even have to topple the dumpsters over or tear through plastic and paper.
Cue generic hardcoded fluffy speech.
Speshul fwend wook! nummies!
Yaay! mummah make bestest miwkies fo’ bestest babbehs!
Cheep cheep!
An’ wook! boxies! daddeh make housie fo’ speshul fwends and babbehs!
It’s not until 4AM that the things really get noisy: after the shitrats got their fill the cyan mare Cunty decided to wake up her foals so they could feed.
Wakies babbehs! Cunty nao haf miwkies! babbehs gwow big an’ stwong!
And then the racket from tiny chirpies that had gone a full day without food.
CHIRP-CHIRP!
PEEP!
WUV!
CHEEP!
And so on, then the stupid mummah-song…
Mummah wuvs babbehs, babbehs wuv mummah - went for about half an hour, on and on.
After that you were wide-awake, couldn’t go back to bed and since you had a few deadlines you decided to get to work even though you barely got like 3 hours of actual sleep.
As you feel a migraine starting the racket outsides continues.
You couldn’t see it but Cunty had placed their foals to sleep in the brand new nest, a piss stained microwave box left there like a month ago.
Still new to these fluffies…
Nao dat babbehs hav miwkies an’ dere awe nummies an’ nestie fwuffies can make mowe babbehs! - said the stallion, red rocket already visible.
Yus! Cunty wan speshul huggies! wan mowe babbehs!
As you were looking through thousands of lines of code written by some shithead all the way in dumbfuckingstan trying to see why the fucking app still didn’t work the sounds of fluffies fucking began.
Enf enf enf…
Enf enf enf…
Enf enf enf…
It went for like 10 minutes, and then a scream
GUD FEEEEEEEEWS!
“Fuck my life…”
But that was just the start, you were going to get even more metaphorically fucked. Just this week a pregnant mare found the alley. Soon enough she popped more foals and now with with over 20 fluffies (though only 4 were adults) it was no longer a family.
It was a herd.
And the stallion thus became a smarty.
One day when walking outside to the store you open the door, there’s nobody there.
You look down…
HOOMIN! DIS AM SMAWTY WAND! NEE NUMMIES AN’-FUCKING KICK
EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!-CRASH
It crashes against a parked car’s door, not dead but shocked at facing the unimaginable vast strenght of a 70kg hispanic nerd…when compared to a fluffy’s.
The wannabe smarty didn’t even dare to look at you after that, but it did keep trying with the other residents. Apparently the smarty caught the addict from the third floor during a bad trip and he fell for the whole act and gave the shitrat the brown paper bag with 2 burgers he got from McD.
That evening the fluffies got a party going, non-stop blabbering, shitting and the now grownup foals were fucking around. All right next to your window.
At this point you were barely getting any sleep, you were mising your deadlines at upwork and losing clients.
If shit kept going like this soon enough you wouldn’t have enough money for rent.
Your name is Jesse.
You are a half-black half-asian guy with a bit of an addiction problem.
Just a tiny bit…
Well not really, you’re seriously going down the drain with your oxy addiction.
“But at least I’m not injecting heroin” - is what you tell yourself.
As you’re going down fast after your last trip you’re splayed on your floor staring at the ceiling with old peeling paint that went from white to sort of beige in the last 50 years since it was painted and already feeling the “bugs” crawling under your skin when suddenly…
Ding-dong
“Huh? what? oh shit its the popos?!”
You quickly stand up and silently walk towards your door. Your “plan” is to not say a word and go out through the fire escape if the cops are there. Of course odds are there’s another cruiser down there watching the alley, but it beats going to pound-me-in-the-ass prison and getting ass raped by a hood nigga with a thing for scrawny light-skins like you.
As you look through the peephole you calm down a bit.
‘Huh, is that spic nerd from the first floor’
************************
Be Federico, aka: Freddy.
You were seriously considering to go medieval on the shitrats just like you seen in videos at kaotic. However when asking around in some forum called ‘Fluffycommunity-Reloaded’ you find out two things.
One, a bunch of ferals in the region could be carrying lyme disease from ticks they in turn get from approaching wild deer near the suburbs while looking for new owners.
Two, some hugfag managed to get the major to curb cruelty against fluffies. Rumors say its all bullshit to force people to pay for the municipal fluffy exterminators.
Since you don’t want a fine nor can pay the exterminators you need to find an alternative.
And that’s when it hits you: just get someone else to do it.
“But who? and how?”
************************
Freddy: “H-hey man, how you doing?”
Jesse: “Sup homie” - he says while eyeing the nerd and thinking if he could shake him for some pill money.
Freddy: “S-so I wanted to ask” he said trying to look normal while fearing that he might get stabbed “do you have any uh-oxycotton?”
Jesse: “Wut?”
Freddy: “Y-yeah you know, oxy pills, f-for sale?”
Jesse: “Nah man I’m out, looking for some too”
‘Yes!’ - thought Freddy
Freddy: “Oh man bummer, like you see those shitrats outside? I had a pack you k-know? sealed and everything. It f-fell out my pocket and one of them ate them”
Freddy stops talking for a second. He can’t tell but at this point Jesse’s starting to sweat real bad.
Jesse: “Shit really? which one?”
With sudden confidence Freddy is finally able to stop his stuttering.
Freddy: “Don’t know man don’t remember the color, think it was the red one or the purple bitch dunno” -he says trying to look convincing enough.
Luckily for him Jesse’s brain is going haywire from withdrawal so he can’t tell how fake Freddy’s story is.
Freddy: “So whatever I’ll try to score oxy, see ya”
Jesse: “Aight” - he says as he closes the door.
************************
Be Jesse.
Holy shit you can’t believe your luck! a free bag of oxy just sitting around inside a stray shitrat. He didn’t even bother to wonder why this nerd wouldn’t try to get them back after all the things are fragile as fuck.
‘Must be one of dem hugfags’
You have dealt with the little fake horse shits before. Back when you worked at McStarbucks the fluffy fucks would get under the wooden deck in the patio and make their nests there. It was ideal: they got paper trash to make their beds and all the muffin and cinnamon roll scraps they could wish. But then as always they would start popping out foals by the dozen, their shit would pile up and the fumes scared the customers away who would cram inside the store or go somewhere else. As the scraps ran out the little idiots then had the nerve to go out from under the deck and waddle inside the fucking store. You remember this dark blue mare full of shit stains hauling like 7 or 8 foals on her back who in turn where shitting on her. She would pester the clients for food, zero fucks given.
Mummah nee nummies! gib nummies!
Cheep!
Peep!
Then the fucking smarty went inside.
DUMMEH HOOMINS! DIS AM SMAWTY MAC-STAWBAKS NAO! GIB CINNAMUN WOLLS AN’ CAKE NUMMIES!
Some honky that worked with you took a broom and started shooing the things.
Unknown artist
EEEEEEE! NU SOWWY STICK!
MUMMAH ONWY WANTS NUMMIES FO’ BABBEHS! HUUHUUU!
BABBEH NEE MIWKIES!
Most customers just kept browsing social media shit on their iphones but then this fat cracka bitch with hot pink hair started screaming and yelling at the poor fuck with the broom calling him an abuser. Bitch didn’t help the fluffies, didn’t gave them a home nor even took them to a shelter. She did stream herself walking around the store and insulting the guy while virtue signaling. The fluffies took advantage of the situation and started moving through the customers’ legs looking for food scraps and laying some fresh turds on the way.
Later that night after closing time the manager Mr.Patel went ballistic on the whole staff for letting this happen, then told you to get rid of the things.
‘Fucking dot face fat motherfucka, I ain’t getting payed for this’- you thought
“Uh yes sir” - is what you actually said. Still it beats having to join the broom honkey and that asian girl who were stuck cleaning the piss and shit the fluffies left inside.
You werent into drugs at the time so your brain still kinda worked. You got the idea of making a hook with some wire and then duct tape it to a broom handle. After the fluffies went back under the deck you knelled near the ‘entrance’ and went fishing.
NU WAN SOWWY STI-SLASH-SCREEEE!
NU TUMMEH HUWTIES HUHUUU! - said the mare as the hook stabbed her in the gut and then dragged her outside.
On the other side were you waiting for them with a big black plastic bag where you simply shoved the fluffies inside to avoid touching them.
“That bitch curry faggot didn’t give me no gloves, smh”
Last one was a filly. You had actually fished a foal through its tiny neck.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MUMMAH! GRURGL!
Cum to mummah babbeh! cum to-EEEEEEEEEE! FACIE HUWTIES! Y BABBEH GIB HUWTIES TU MUMMAH! - the mare screamed as the hook burrowed into its face.
“Fuck! finally the last one!” - however you couldn’t see that the fat cunt from before was recording everything from the parking lot. She uploaded the video to every fucking social network out there.
FWUFFY WAN OUT!
HUUUHUUUU!
DUMMEH-
SMASH
You just grabbed the bag tight with all the fluffies inside and smashed it against the concrete floor.
GURGLE
REEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Nu mow huwties-kaf-pwease mistah
FUCKING SMASH
And now the bag was silent…
Next morning you and your coworkers were surrounded by an army of hugfags. One fat guy with a MLP t-shirt was yelling at your face with a fucking megaphone, you keeping a poker face while using all your willpower to not beat the shit out of that brony.
Long story short the manager fired your ass. Between becoming unemployable and the harassment you got from hugboxers on twitter you went into opiods to cope.
Fast forward to the present: you’re now walking down the stairs.
With a kitchen knife…
Because no hugfag hipster would even think of taking a walk through this neighborhood there are zero chances you will get caught again.
“And fuck it, what I got to lose now anyway?”
But just to be sure you wore a hoodie.
As you approached the alley…
DUMMEH HOOMIN! DIS AM SMAWTIE-GACK!
SLASH
In just a second you grab the red stallion and shank it. The smartie didn’t even register it until…
SCREEEEEEEEEE! TUMMEH SKETTIES AM OUTSIES!
“Where the FUCK are the pills!”
You just start chucking the guts of the smartie into the floor, shaking it to get all the intestines out, the rest of the herd too shocked to run.
EEEEEEEEE-kaf-EEEEEEEEEEE!
“Fuck this nigga is empty! what about-” you said while scanning around.
“-YOU!”
NU WAN HUWTIES NU WAN-yoink!-REEEEEEEE! - screamed the mare as you grab it by the scalp
SLICE
BLERGH!
You keep tearing the adults open, then the young adults colts and fillies.
“FUCK! WHERE IS IT?!”
So you go for the foals: you grab a yellow filly…
NUUU! NU WAN FOWEBA SWEEPIES! MUMMAH! MUMM-
RIIIIIIIIIIIP
EEEEEEEEEEEEE!
…and just tore them in half one by one to see if the pills would fall out of them.
“FUCK FUCK FUCK!”
You was losing it, why couldn’t you find the pills?
And then just across the street.
Huuuu, soon-mummah nee nummies, y mummah nu wan no-mo? Eli jus wan babbehs…
'That fat one has the pills! ’ - you think after seen the random ballooning feral
“HEY FLUFFY!” - you yell at it while crossing the street
Huh? mistah am nyu daddeh? gib nu-
STOMP
BLARFFFFF! - is the last sound the mare did as your knockoff timberlands stomped it right in the middle of its back, Guts and blood exploding out from the unicorn’s mouth, eyes bulging out, and shit and half-baked pinky foal fetuses out the back. The tiny things are wiggling in the quickly cooling mix of amniotic fluid, blood and shit, trying to breathe with undeveloped tiny lungs.
“FUCK THIS ONE ITS EMPTY TOO!”
Then you look into the alley…
[PWESE PUT BABBEH INTO SLOT AN’ FWUFFY GET SKETTIES!] - said the robotic voice
Nuuu nu wan! nu wan!
Sowwy babbeh bu’ mummah nee sketties fo’ miwkies fo’ pwetty babb-
KICK
SCREEEEEEEEEE!
Nu mummah! hewp babbeeeeeee!-yelled the brown colt as it fell down the slot
[FANK OU FO’ BABBEH! PWOCESSING BABBEH…]
grinding noises
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Plop! - A small pile of fake sketties with strands of blue fluff fell out of another slot from the foal-4-sketties machine.
HUUUUUU! y gib huwties tu mummah? mumm-
SHANK!
You gutted the mare…nothing again. Heard some ‘scawedy-peepies’ from a box nearby.
5 foals.
You went to town on them tearing each one to pieces looking for your oxy.
Nothing again.
And then you heard another group of ferals near some dumpsters…
************************
Be Freddy.
Everything went according to plan.
Well sort of: you didn’t expect your junkie neighbor going insane.
In fact you didn’t see him again. Later on you heard the story about some crazy black ninja who goes around tearing fluffies to pieces.
Anyway, all that matters is that you are finally getting some decent sleep. You also managed to get your landlord to install that fluffy fence near the dumpsters so no more shitrats going into the alley.
The End