No such thing as a bad baby (By L.A Vaught)

you’re currently waiting on your fluffy dam Chewie to give birth

yes you didn’t know she was a girl at the time

and she was brown and sorta husky even for a earthie

but it worked out well, and now you’re hoping for foals

being the paranoid ocd fuck you are you made sure all stops were pulled

foal safe toys

padded the safe room even more
removed any potential choking hazards

but that wasn’t all

while she definitely would love the poopie baby for obvious reasons you really didn’t want her to reject any of her kids

it took a bit with Alicorns, and while she still seems a bit nervous you can tell she’d probably be a good mom to one even if she’d be a little hesitant at first

no the real problem was runts

runts were unusually common and unfortunately the whole runt scent idea was not really used in a smart way

small size variations

minor mutations

or just no reason whatsoever

it’s gonna be hard because the assholes at hasbio literally programmed in a hate chemical towards their own kids but you think your idea is gonna work

”Chewie I need to show you something.”
chewie looks up from her kibble bowl as you hand her a plushie she loves

”See mr huggie?”
”Yesh daddeh.” She says in between numming bites of kibble

you spray some runt scent onto him and let him sniff

she looks disgusted but also sad

”Mistew huggie am- am bad?”

it helped she loved the shit out of mister huggie so she had enough positive memories with him to question the scent

”Buh wub mistew huggie buh bad.”
she begins to huu as you cup your face

”Wai mistuh huggie bad nao?”
she asks crying
”Chewie I’m telling you this so you can be a soon mummah, but a certain kind of monster likes to make soon mummahs into bad mummahs.”

she gasps spitting out food

”That try to put an evil spell on you that makes you want to kill your babies.”

”Yep these monsters cover your babies and make them think they’re bad. Some are in this can right now!”
you spray some runt scent into the air for emphasis

”Wai daddeh wet munstah in housie!?”
she’s even more distraught

”Well so you can tell daddy and he can get rid of the monsters from the babies!”
she’s awestruck as you rub it down with gentle medical wipes and the scent is gone

”So if you think you have a bad baby just tell daddy there’s a monster on the baby.”
she nods nervously before giving an otay

it’s also clear that she pissed the bed but she’s one immobile

and two confronted with a combination of every dams worst nightmares, being a bad mummah and munstahs

she looks down embarrassed

”Sowwy daddeh…”

she whines

you sigh and take her to the bath

you still think you might need to due some drills and have extra reminders

Pov switch

You are chewie

you’re super happy to have babies

but you’re also super scared that munstahs may be attached to your babies

killing a baby would give you worstest heart hurties the minute the munstah was done tricking you

you asked daddy to put the magic paper in the saferoom just in case so he could do it extra fast

you repeat to yourself over and over that there are no bad babies just monsters trying to trick you into think your babies are bad

and daddy says that if you do that he’ll give you sketti

then it happens

your no no places feel a seering pain as you cry
you wait for your daddy to come but he doesn’t

it feels really hurty and ouchie but you grit your teeth for the babies

and with three loud splorts the pain goes away and your fear subsides

you pant before the peeping causes you to turn around

you have three babies

a two wingie babbehs one brown one red and a earthie brown babbeh

you can’t tell if they’re boys or girls but you don’t care

you give lickie cleanies to the earthie first

no monsters on it

two to go

next the brown wingie

no monsters either as it peeps

finally the red one

you go down to sniff it when a wave of disgust and anger comes over you

part of your mind is telling you this is a bad babbeh and you should get rid of it

and then you become afraid because that’s what evil smell monster wanted you to think

you had to act fast before the evil meanie smell monster turned you into a bad mummah and gave your red wingie forever sleepies

you scream but he doesn’t come

you go towards the impenetrable gate and scream again

no response

oh enf

you back away from the babies so you don’t hurt them as they peep and chirp in confusion

you don’t want to hurt them, and what if the monster gets on your other babies and tries to trick them

”DUMMEH MUNSTAH NU TWICK MUMMAH” you shout but the yicky smell doesn’t go away

right you needed the special things

but you didn’t have not hoofs like daddy

all you could do was lickie cleanies?

you feel the bad evil munstah thoughts inside you and bolt towards the box of special cleanies as you tear it to bits

they don’t taste pretty but it leaves you no choice

you have to num the special cleanies so you can save your baby and your immortal soul!

you chow down on two as you begin to feel a new feeling in your tummy

the thoughts of hurting your baby subside

did it work

is this a new kind of love only the bestes mummahs get to experience


your tummy does not feel good


you come home from the Italian place to the sounds of peeping

and loud wretching

you figured the first one out

sorta sad you missed it

you really wanted to be there when she gave birth

but uhh the second sound

yeah best put that spaghetti to the floor and check on Chewie

you bolt to the saferoom calling your name only to be greeted by a very bizarre picture

two foals both cleaned

one slightly smaller foal still damp with fluid

and Chewie puking up a storm in the corner luckily away from the babies

foals come first and Chewie is a big girl so you go to get some wipes for the foal you assume is the runt

maybe that’s why she’s vomiting

actually kinda impressive she’d know to wait this out and go back intermittently

then you see the state of the box of wet wipes

yeah, not as clever as you thought

the box is torn to shreds and covered in drool as you pick up some of the few remaining wet wipes to clean off the runt foal’s bitter fluid

what did she do?
Chewie has stopped vomiting

”Hewwo hurk… daddeh… huff… munstah am on wed babbeh and urk Chewie twy and hewp. Sowwy fo bad pukies!”
yeah the chunks of cardboard and paper kinda paint that picture

you pat her on the back

”It’s okay, you were a good mummah, even if you are kind of a dumbass.”
”Wah dumbass?”
nvm you go get some of the formula you bought in case it took a little too long for the training to stick
while the wipes are non toxic, you don’t know how they’d effect her milk so you decided to give her a few hours to get it out

still you’re impressed with her even if you overestimated her intelligence

she did her best to fight her base instincts and be the good mother you knew she could be

you also wait an hour before giving her the spaghetti and letting her feed them herself, making sure that you do most of the feeding while she hugs them and sings to them.

you eventually give her the pasta to much celebration and she thanks you profusely for “Bestes nummies fo bestes miwkies!”

eventually you let her feed the foals on her teats as they chirp and peep

you’re just about to make dinner for yourself when you hear chewie vomit again

before you turn even turn towards the noise you hear her shout

this is followed by slurping, a minute of silence and more vomiting

yeah you definitely overestimated her intelligence


I still hold that the average fluffy is dumb but sweet.


You know, as stupid as hell as she is, Gotta give her credit for doing her best.
Even if her best is kind of dumb.


This is story is like a real elaborated joke and I love it. I can imagine, in a world with fluffies, just going around: “Stop me id you heard this one before, the one about an owner trying to get rid of the fluffy reject impulse and the wet wipes!”


I mean I imagine that this happens often seeing as it’s a good way to explain to a fluffy not to reject it’s litter. Mentioning the wet wipes is important because there are probably cases of the mother tearing the foal apart to get the monster out.


Yeah pretty much my view too. Most of their bad habits are due to stupidity or bad/degraded programming. Very very very rarely is it due to actual malice


A good example of dumb but sweet is a person my mom knew, there was a guy who was holding a sign saying will work for dog food as a show of desperation. Said person said she felt so bad for him and always wanted to buy him a big bag of dog food.


It’s not that you’re lying to her but you’re constructing a narrative that even Q would be proud of just to save the runt babbeh.

100% good and creative parenting


I mean I imagine this becomes common assuming your mare can accept she can make mistakes, and has some sense of morality and obligation.


Morals and obligation can only come from good parenting.

I’ve seen in a few headcanons, and I’ve kind of included it in my own, that mares view being a parent as “the Mummeh game” and view the foals as possessions or toys for them to play the game with.

Raising your fluffy well or not allowing your mare to have too many would mean that they treasure and value the foals more as opposed to letting them have as many as they want.

I do think they do want to be good parents and good Mummehs but their internal wiring prevents them from doing so.

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The one thing I’d add to this is that they’re children’s toys with a childish mind and they’re expected to behave like real animals or adults when it comes to having children.

I’d definitely say they’re ill-equipped but learning good habits and morals from a human would allow them to be better at it than without

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So realistically a chill small dog would make a better mother for most foals than the average fluffy mummah? That also plays more into my realistically they should all be euthanized feelings.


You could say that lol emotionally and certainly mentally they plateau early and there’s nothing really they can learn past that peak. Certainly in my headcanon.

I don’t consider them the ideal choice to raise their own kids myself. Be kind of like a slightly older child looking after their baby siblings.

If it’s not for long and very limited it would work. But anything beyond that is inviting trouble.

A chill small dog in fairness could have natural maternal instincts, know how to forage, protect their young and even clean them and would 100% make a better parent. I always think that fluffies mimic animals unconsciously but don’t do that good of a job at it.

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I really like your taste/smell if it’s a runt part of your headcanon and that’s one that goes well with my own.

They pick them up, lick them clean and they’re able to determine which is the best ones and which are unhealthy/poopies/runts etc

It’s not a problem domestically as fluffies are meant to love all their Babbehs and there’s shelter and comfort and food.

But once they’re abandoned and feral, the kid gloves come off

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Well because runt rejection never happens to this extent in anything, most runts die due to evolutionary pressure of getting beaten out by their siblings. So there’d have to be a compound to do so, I think of it as sort of an immune response to mutations in the placenta seeing as the amount of possible things that could go wrong triggering a scent to come from the disabled foal seems harder to believe than a mild autoimmune response.

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I think you’re right there, there will always be one out of the litter that just won’t make it without artificial means or human assistance. Regular Runts would die anyway but I think with fluffies they usually find a way to death off before they’re actually meant to anyway such is Sod’s law.

I like the idea that fluffies are borrowed parts from other animals like pigs, horses, rabbits etc so they have instincts and then they also have conflicting programming which are incompatible with the other.

In my own, they have a very good of smell but that can be used against as they don’t like the smell of crap as it hurts their nose and they’re able to smell relatives in faeces just like rabbits can.

Using their taste and nasal abilities just opens up all sorts of ways they can suffer.

When we see them act more like animals and more natural, we see it as them being unnecessarily cruel.

I agree with them acting jarringly like animals but still most social animals don’t do that, they just don’t get involved with inter sibling competition. Rather than outright rejecting any of their children, if a dog can’t get to the teat at a certain point it’s on them but the mom won’t try and stop it from getting milk unless there’s a resource shortage. In a way natural evolution is less cruel than the rules made by Hasbio.


Yeah, that part of mine there was just to make them more wimpy and a lot more likely to suffer if they’re not kept in a very specific way.

I think with fluffies, there are definite social rules and I think they’re made to be social and need companionship (Hasbio made them a lot more dependent on others to encourage more fluffy sales etc).

I wanted to do a story a while ago in which fluffies had a kind of lifespan limit they weren’t aware of which explained why they died off in dumb ways but I couldn’t make it work. I think with fluffies, as they’re so visual, if something doesn’t look healthy it’ll be shunned off and left to die rather than supporting it.

I can easily see their being a lot of Cain vs Abel type scenarios amongst foals, if they complain loud enough and the mom likes them then they’re going to be favoured and the other rejected permanently

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It’s sad they’re dependent on love but they’re really more fickle in giving it than the animals made by nature red in tooth and claw.

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I think fluffies have such a strong perception of themselves, that they’re for love and Huggies and play and being pretty that there’s a strong conformity to it as they can’t even think about anything different beyond themselves and if it is different it’s dummeh.

Yeah these guys have to be given a lot of tough love to give love and they’re such mean spirited things.

I’ve noticed in a lot of stories the Babbeh if adopted by a human away from the herd isn’t exactly sad to leave them.