A new dawn has broken over the fluffy preserve outside Cincinatti. The sun rises over the sovereign domain of the local Smarty, Applebottom. The dark red unicorn is already walking around with his two best toughies, surveying the herd.
“Smawty hungwy. Nee nummies wite nao.” He turns and looks at the pegasus next to him. “Gu fin sweety nummies fow Smawty!” He puffed his cheeks and stamped his hoofsies to show how powerful he was as his lackey sighed and walked off to find berries.
“Nao dat dummeh gone, Smawty an bestest tuffy Bwyce gunna gu hab funsies.” The two trotted off towards the area where dummeh and poopy fluffies lived. It was shitty. Bare patches of earth between insufficient and malnourished grass patches. Grass can’t grow outside of northwestern Europe and parts of New England, so without constant maintenance the grass will die.
Smarty didn’t know that.
“Otay dummeh poopies! Smawty hewe! Ou dummehs make gud gwassy pwace yet?” The poopy fluffies had been awake for hours. They only sleep in shifts. Smarty had tasked them with repairing the ecosystem in “dummeh poopy pwace” so the herd could have infinite nummies forever. Every few days he’d check on their progress. Every few days he’d be disappointed.
“Dis gwass stiww wook poopies! Hu fawt?” The couple dozen poopy fluffies sputtered and mumbled, unable to provide meaningful answers. "Smawty nu wan ask gain! Hu fawt dis?" Several poopy fluffies shared glances before the least afraid one spoke. “Chokwit. It…it Chokwit fawt. Nu gif gwound gud nuff huggies…” Instantly, the three legged brown unicorn named Chocolate flipped out. “Nu! Wiaw! Nu Chokwit fawt! Chokwit nu hab bowf back weggies! Nu faiw!”
The Smarty and his toughie approached. “Whewe ou speciaw fwend?” Chocolate bristled. “Nu…nu hab. Nubuddy wub Chokwit.” The toughie laughed, but Smarty wasn’t amused. He kicked Chocolate in the face and asked again. “Huuuuu nu waaaan…”
“Dis takin fowebba. Tuffy? Bwing babbeh hewe.” The toughie cocked his head. “Wat babbeh Smawty wan?” The frustrated unicorn again puffed and stomped. “Nu cawe! Jus bwing dummeh babbeh wite nao!” The toughie shrugged and waddled over to a nest where a soon mummah was sleeping, surrounded by assorted poopy babbehs that the herd had dumped here after their mummahs gave birth to them. He plucked a dark green wingie colt and carried him to Smarty. As he did so, the peeping woke up the soon mummah who started hollering.
“Nuuuu! Nu take favwit babbeh! Dat mummah wastest babbeh! Nu huwties!” The toughie ignored her as he deposited the babbeh in front of Smarty, who roughly kicked it towards Chocolate. It rolled three times, making soft “oof” noises each time. The clearly dizzy babbeh didn’t like being dropped, and really didn’t like being kicked. He slowly sat upright and made huggy weggies. When he wasn’t hugged he nervously became a dancie babbeh.
“Num babbeh.”
Chocolate closed his eyes and exhaled, a sob escaping despite his best efforts. “P…pwease. Chokwit wiww twy hawd-” SMACK.
Toughie blindsides him. Smarty repeats his demand. "Huuuu am onwy wittwe babbeh, nu am fow nummies! Nu can num babbehs! Peez!" The Smarty stepped forward and Chocolate about jumped out of his skin. He didn’t want hurties, but this…this was wrong! Babbehs are not nummies! Babbehs are babbehs! Babbehs need milkies! Milkies only come from nummies! If babbehs were nummies, they wouldn’t need milkies! Chocolate was so afraid and confused. He hated when the Smarty made someone do this.
The chubby happy colt by this point had gotten way into his dance. He was really vibing, jamming right the fuck out. Chocolate reached down and gingerly lifted the babbeh between his hoofsies. “Am…am su sowwy, babbeh. Nu wan du dis, but Chokwit nu get tu make gud choozies…” The colt was still blind to the danger. He barely understood words at all, he just knew that being a babbeh was the best thing ever, and now he was getting upsies which were the other best thing ever! He started cooing and nuzzled against Chocolate’s soft smooth hoof pad.
Then Chocolate brought him to his mouth and put him in. He wanted to be quick, no suffering. His daddeh had taught him that crushing a babbeh’s thinky place was the quickest way to give them forever sleepies, and the least painful as well. He never had to use that information for THIS though…
The peeping foal was growing concerned as his head was placed on Chocolate’s bottom row of teeth, and his peeping grew more frenzied as the top row drew in to meet him. He couldn’t move his head! It was getting meanie huggies from teefies! He impotently batted his hoofsies at Chocolate’s lips and chin, pissing and shitting himself in fear. It ran down Chocolate’s tummy as he cried, trying to bring himself to finish it. All he had to do was bite down and the poor scared babbeh wouldn’t be afraid anymore.
Wouldn’t be anything anymore.
The soon mummah could no longer contain herself. Fear of retribution had stayed her tongue, but the panicked screeching of her terrified offspring brought out reserves of bravery she didn’t know she had. “Meanies! Ou huwt gud babbehs! Ou nu Smawty! Ou am Dummeh!” Smarty just laughed. He hadn’t looked away from Chocolate.
Chocolate was slumped over, a wriggling screaming babbeh in his mouth. The soon mummah was hurling insults and abuse at everyone and everything, and he could feel the foal struggle against his bite. Several times it would place both front weggies against his teeth and try to push and escape, but it only succeeded in tuckering itself out. The Smarty was staring at him, a sick joy in his eye. Chocolate just wanted this to be over. He just wanted the Smarty to leave.
So he bit down. He expected the babbeh head to pop like a grape, but it didn’t. The skull wasn’t strong, and he did feel it crack and split, but the mix of tears saliva and blood was slick and the babbeh slipped out onto the ground.
It’s skull had been crushed, just not by enough. The colt had one eye fully dangling from the optic nerve while the other had, ironically, split like Chocolate thought the head would. The babbeh was chirpijg, but it was…wrong. Too deep, too warbly, Sounded like he was chirping so hard it had torn muscles. To make matters worse, it started running around in a panic. All four weggies were unharmed, so it was pretty mobile. The jaw was a different story. It had been folded in on itself, like a trauma induced cleft palate. When he moved his jaw to scream, it flexed in seemingly random places. His developing snout drooped like Squidward’s nose.
“Nuuuuuu! Baaaaaabbeh!” Hearing his mother call out, the agonized colt trundled towards her. Chocolate was sobbing, and the Smarty was laughing his tits off. “Teehee! Dat weawwy funneh Chokwit, Smawty wike ou. Ou a gud Chokwit. Smawty gunna weabe nao, ou betta hab gwassies next bwite tiem.”
The Smarty turned to leave, but paused to add one more aside. “Nu wet doze nummies gu tu wasties.”
Chocolate looked over at the suffering foal trying in vain to latch onto mummah with his exploded jaw, and cried.