Apricot strode up to the front door of the housie confidently. His herd close on his heels as the cold wind whistled through the suburban streets. With a firm tap, Apricot knocked on the door loudly.
“Hewwo? Dummeh hoomans open doow fo’ Smawty an’ herd! Right nao!”
He stared petulantly at the front door for a few moments, utterly assured that it would swing open. Any second now…
Any… second…
The door stood silently.
“Dummeh door! Outta Smawty’s way!” Apricot screamed as he gave the door the worstest sowwy hoofies he could.
The door remained unchanged, if mildly scuffed on the bottom.
Apricot huffed in annoyance, delivering a few more absolutely thunderous blows to the cruel barrier before turning around.
“Meanie door…” He delivered his utterly scathing commentary before hopping off the porch and returning to his herd. They looked his way with hope before realizing he was not, in fact, returning upon a golden chariot of sketti.
Burrito, the herd’s toughie, shivered heavily. His tan coat and brown mane utterly inefficient to ward off the onrushing winter. The ground still remained clear of snow for now, but gray clouds loomed high in the west with the promise of a very hard winter.
“S-smawty. What we do now?” His complete faith in the guidance of his flawless leader had never led Burrito astray.
Apricot only shook his head softly, light orange mane flopping over his neck in a solid, matted sheet. “Nu know… Hab to find wawm nestie!”
Burrito nodded resolutely at the truly visionary leadership on display. “Yis! Fin’ nestie!” He turned and began to tromp off down the sidewalk confidently, utterly aimless.
Apricot huffed and turned to look at the rest of his herd. Snow, ‘Ayjay’, and Ayjay’s babbehs. “Otay herd! Buwwito an’ Apwicot wiw fin’ nestie. Fowwow Apwicot!”
He began to stride after Burrito quickly, Ayjay lumbering behind him with the weight of both her chirpy babbehs and tummeh babbehs. Snow took up the rear, ensuring none of the babbehs fell onto the concrete and were left behind. Though if the poopie babbeh was missed he surely wouldn’t be blamed…
Apricot crunched through another snowdrift and shivered mightily. The frost plastered to his fur refusing to yield as he continued to lead his herd aimlessly without any cover through the first snow of the winter season.
Finally, Ayjay had enough and called out with a huff. “Too cowd! Nu pwetty fow babbehs!” She veered off the sidewalk and scrambled up onto a porch, trying her best to hide behind a flower pot to stave off the worst of the wind chill.
The rest of the herd quickly congregated upon the porch as well. Apricot may be the smarty, but ultimately the only mummah of the group has final say in where to find rest. That doesn’t mean he can’t take advantage and make the two others form a living wall between him, Ayjay, and the biting wind.
Snuggling into Ayjay’s side, Apricot raised his nose to the two others. “Hewd pwotec’ mummah and smawty fwom meanie windies!” Snow grumbled softly, but complied at a stern glare from Burrito.
Ayjay carefully transferred all five babbehs from her back to lay between her and Apricot, pushing Poopie away from her breast to allow Fern and Grape to latch on.
The easily recognizable ‘tune’ began to sound through the frigid porch as the number one and two bestest babbehs nursed greedily.
“Mummah wub babbehs, babbehs wub mummah…” The abysmal tune continued well after Fern and Grape had taken their fill and given way to Cranberry and Blue.
Poopie, at least, was finally allowed a meal as Apricot dropped a fat steamer right in the fluff pile. The much maligned brown plopped into the foul mass without a second thought by his sire. Though, Poopie was far more likely to receive positive interaction from the siblings spawned from his father’s bowels, rather than from his testes.
The snowstorm continued to wage brutal war upon the concept of comfort just beyond the porch. All that laid between the fluff pile and certain hypothermia was a flimsy awning and three walls of brick facade.
All five babbehs finished their respective meals, and the sound of gentle, sleepy chirping slowly wound away as dreams claimed each in turn. Their sire and mummah swift behind.
Soon the entire fluff pile was a mass of filthy Fluffies snoozing softly.
The next morning Apricot slowly stirred to wakefulness in the embrace of Ayjay. The mare, who would be quite expensive were she to be picked up by a human, stirred as well.
Snow no longer fell, but the entire world was blanketed in the frigid substance. Apricot nudged Snow and Burrito roughly, ensuring they had no cowd-burnie hurties before pointing out into the blanketed wasteland.
“Wet’s go. Apwicot find nestie fo’ hewd!” None of his compatriots mentioned that he had already promised such the previous day and failed. None of them remembered.
Poopie emerged from his cocoon of feces, owing his survival once more to the high-fibre grass diet of Apricot providing a remarkable quality of thermal insulation for the shit-fluff to make use of.
Once more the herd found themselves trudging through comparatively massive snow drifts. Each step sending a flurry of white powder puffing up into the face of the fluffy behind. Snow took up the front, acting as a trailblazer for Burrito, who himself flattened the way for Ayjay and Apricot to cross comfortably.
They passed at least two fowebahs of abject poverty and suburban decay. Despite the low quality of maintenance on display, there was not a single easy entrance into a home to be found.
Snow perked up and pointed off into the distance excitedly, babbling over his shoulder. “Wook! Housie wiff open gawage!”
Without wasting a moment, the fluffy began to blaze a new trail towards the open garage. The white of the snow almost indistinguishable against his coat.
As the vanguard made it closer to the garage he stopped cold, staring with wide eyes ahead. “Hu hu…”
A hoofful of technicolor corpses laid in various states of decomposition and dismemberment in the prospective shelter. Three red scan lights sweeping back and forth from atop shelves made the scene all the more reminiscent of some form of Fluffy hell.
The blood soaked robot vacuum cleaners in their charging ports stood silent sentinel over their master’s domain. Some had already failed, built-up blood and gore rusting their charging ports and systems beyond operation.
Apricot pulled up short behind his vanguard, staring over Burrito and Snow’s shoulders as he thought for a moment. “Hmm, meanie munstahs. Nu gud nestie.”
Turning to address his herd, the smarty shook his head. “Hewd keep goin’. Fin’ difwent nestie.” Snow and Ayjay ‘hu hu’ed softly at the thought of continuing to walk through the endless snowdrifts, but turned to oblige anyway.
It wasn’t until the herd encountered the edge of human civilization that something finally changed.
The trees loomed high over the road. The sidewalk had terminated dozens of yards back, and the road continued far into the distance without a building in sight. Apricot slumped softly in defeat. He had heard stories of unprepared herds trying to survive in the forest, and they never turned out well.
Just as he was about to turn and deliver the bad news to his charges, a bush rustled softly.
Snow let out scawdie poopies and jumped away as fast as possible. Burrito, to his credit, took up position in front of the herd as the rest backed away from what was most probably a predator of some kind.
Though, to a Fluffy, even a particularly hungry squirrel could constitute a threat.
Just as Burrito’s morale began to flag, a bright blue hoof emerged from the thick foliage and stepped into the light. Quickly followed by the rest of a massive body covered in softly clanking, scuffed plates.
The Fluffy before them was nearly twice as large as Burrito. His fluff was the thickest Apricot had ever seen, perhaps even being able to be called actual hair. In fact, Apricot was certain that this strange fluff could certainly survive the cowd time without the strange plates layered over his body.
Those same plates clanked and rasped softly as the large Fluffy tilted his head. Aluminum and iron can salvage strapped and bent into shape to offer protection from all manner of threats.
The blue unicorn’s words were simple. “Hewwo, am Hannibaw. New fwends?”