Jared isn’t much of a… wasteful, person.
That was how he was raised. Don’t waste an ounce of food, his mother said, even if you don’t like the veggies. We’re saving this for later, dad said, you never know when we need it.
Growing up he become accustomed to that economic and frugal lifestyle. Which resulted him into saving him enough money to buy a small house in the suburbs. Sure, the neighborhood could be better and the neighbors could be a bit quieter. But at least he has a roof over his head with a steady job.
However, it’s a break day for Jared. Which gives him more time to unwind. Waking up later in the mornings, getting to laze around on the net a bit. Ironic that a unwasteful person likes to waste time on personal entertainment, but one does need enjoyment in their lives after some hard weekdays of work.
That being said for THIS morning however, when he was playing a mobile game on the couch… he heard a knocking on his door.
That’s odd, he thought. He doesn’t know the neighbors well enough for any of them to come knocking. Nor that he has ordered anything online recently. And if it is a family member wanting to visit, they would’ve called him in advance. It would be a polite thing to do.
Curiosity overtaking him, he went to the front door and opened it.
“DUMMEH HOOMIN! DIS IS SMAWTY LAND NAO!”
Ah. It’s a fluffy. A whole herd of them too. Maybe seven of them total including the baby blue unicorn Fluffy he dubbed himself “Smarty”. Seventeen if you count the foals. However Jared does notices a few being malnourished. Must be because of their colors of being a “poopy baby”.
Jared was never exactly into the craze or hate of these… things. Never found the appeal of them. Due to their grating child-like babbling and even more grating child-like intelligence. Thus being bratty and entitled when they are given even an inch of generosity.
He pitied the pathetic creatures than having the desire to enact violence upon them with extreme prejudice. It’s not their fault that they are being neurologically hardwired to be overly dependent and intellectually stunted by the eggheads at Hasbio.
Then again, getting a dog or a cat is preferable to adopting one of them. While they can be noisy and demanding… but it’s the reliability and personality of them that puts them a step about a Fluffy Pony. A Fluffy Pony, according to Jared, you can’t rely on them for shit.
Well. Maybe except one thing.
“'EY! AM DUMMEH HOOMIN WISSENING!? GIF SMAWTY AND HERD HOUSIES! AND TOYSIES AND SKETTIES AND-”
“Ok.” A word let out of Jared’s mouth.
“Wh- Weally?”
Jared steps back into his home, “Just give me one sec. And then I will bring you inside.”
“Ou 'ea dat hewd!? Smawty fouwd new homesies!”
Even when Jared closed his door, he could hear the incessant cheers and babbling.
“Fiawwy! New homesies!”
“Bestest Smawty ever!”
“Mummah wiww get best nummies to make bestest milkies fo bestest babbeh!”
They have no idea what was in store for them.
Jared went into the room where he washes his clothes to find a something to carry all those fluffies in. A plastic laundry basket will do the trick. While an average fluffy is a ten pounder at best and a twenty at the absolute worst, due to him working in a local butchery, it is a little of a problem with him.
Jared comes out with the basket. “Alright, just stay still so I could put you in here.”
“Wai nyu daddeh put fwuffies in sowwy box?”
Ah. They starting to call them their new dad. Grand.
“Because I want to give you a surprise. The biggest and bestest bowl of sketties. And I want all of you to see it all at once.”
Sketties. A word that sets off the mind of every fluffy alive.
“Sketties!?”
“Fwuffy wuv sketties!”
“Right, so keep calm as I take you all to your sketties.”
Not many will be willing to have “bad upsies” and be put into a “sowwy box”, but with the propect of getting spaghetti as a meal a fluffy would might as well jump through flaming hoops for it.
Jared grunts he picks up the basket full of fluffies. Trying to ignore the yelps and shrieks of “bad upsies”, as he carries them to his backward and sets the basket down on the grass.
“Wai Dummeh Hoomin nu take Smawty to housies!?” Their leader exclaimed, expected to go inside of Jared’s warm home.
Jared sighs, “Because, the Surprise Sketties is too big for my house. You will stay in here until I bring it out. So you best wait.”
“Nu wan wait! Smawty wan sketties NAO!” He shouted, as the rest of his herd follows.
“This is way to early for this shit…” Mutters Jared before replying, “Oh you will get sketties. It will be in a moment.”
Once he reenters his house, he began to work.
He pulls out a large pot, filled it with water and set it on the stove as turns on the heat at full blast. He pulls out a drawer to retrieve a sharp kitchen knife. But it is not for making sketties. Oh no. As a reminder, Jared isn’t a wasteful person. When there is an opportunity to save a bit of money… he sure will take it.
Bringing out the pot full of scalding hot water and sets it on the grass a bit of distance away from the basket of fluffies and foals… well, now adding their fecal matter painting the stark white basket brown. Jared sets a stool and a plastic bin before it.
“Dummeh bwing sketties! Wet Smawty out NAO!”
“Ok.” Jared complies by picking up the Smarty by the back on his head.
“EEEE! BAD UPSIES!!!”
Jared feels the fluffy wriggling in his grip as he grabs the base of his neck with his other hand.
“DUMMEH HOOMIN! WET SMAWTY DOWN AND GIVE SMAWTY SKETTIES NAO! NAO NAO NAO NAO NAO-”
Those was his last final words before Jared twists the Smarty’s head with a resounding -SNAP-. And the herd watches through the holes on the basket in horror as Jared drops the lifeless twitching body of the Smarty into the boiling water.
Finally. Silence. He thought. Well. For a few moments at least.
“SKREEEE!!! MUNSTA!!!”
“MUNSTA GIV SMAWTY FOREVAH SWEEPIES!”
“WUN!!!”
The herd tries to get out of the basket. But to no avail. Jared truly pities them, they couldn’t think to even climb out or tip it over. Not even the foals thought to get out of the opens holes on the sides. No, they scrambled inside of the cramped basket. Stepping over each other. And their own foals.
Shame, he thought. He would sure use some of these foals. But no matter. He has a task to do. He picks up another, snap their neck, drop into the pot, repeat.
There was one pregnant mare he picked up and he held her over the steaming water full of the scalded remains of her kin. Screaming and shrieking for help as she yells,
“B-BIGGEST POOPIES!!!”
She gave birth. Then and there. She DUMPED her newly born foals into the boiling water.
“NUUUU! BABBEHS-”
Neck snap.
Best not to make her suffer than she already have at the moment. And he drops her in with her screaming and chirping foals. Now Jared doesn’t exactly enjoy hearing the cacophony of the anguished voices of an abused fluffy. That’s why he made it quick and painless for them. He can’t help but tear up inside seeing those newborns. Being brought into the world just to be boiled alive.
But he has to put those feeling aside. After the adults, now it is his turn for the foals. …well. what’s left of them anyway. He picked one up. A foal fatter than the rest. Which he was a bit surprised for this ones survival due to its… bigger frame.
“DUMMEH DADDEH! WET BESTEST BABBEH DOWN NAO! OWH EWSE BESTEST BABBEH GIVS WOWSTEST HURTIES.”
It’s amusing, he thought, that this little thing could ever hurt him. He pressed his thumb into where the skull connects to the spine, hard. Cutting off the nerve that operates its motor functions as it dies instantaneously. And plops it into the water.
Some foals later, he stands up went back into his house. They need time after all.
Once he comes back out, he carries a cutting board, two buckets, a large cooler, and his knife. Sitting back down as he dunks his hand onto the now lukewarm water, and pulling out a deceased and waterlogged fluffy and plops it down onto the board.
Due to his job in the butchery, he learned a few things. Which meats to cut, what type of meat there is to cut, and how to properly butcher an animal.
Putting an animal in boiling water helps a lot with getting the fur out, especially the fuzz of a fluffy pony. Plucking until he was left with a dead fluffy in is completely naked form. Thinner than it looks without all that fluff. Jared takes his knife, and slices open the abdomen to reveal its organs.
Being infamous for its… “quirk” for letting out a, well, “shitton of shit” for its small size, the waste in the intestinal tract is discarded. As he does so, cutting out its guts and squeezing the feces out into the mound of refuse he has in the corner. Which he drops it into a bucket filled with water, so it will be cleaned and sanitized later to be used as sausage casings.
The stomach, and the other organs? Will make for a decent haggis… but he isn’t Scottish. So puts them in an empty bucket to be discarded.
Once the fluffy is hollowed out, he cleaves away the hooves and head for them to be tosses in the discard bucket. Jared is satisfied with his handiwork as he opens the cooler to put the prepared fluffy meat inside.
One down, many more to go.
…
In his kitchen, he wrapped the meat one by one in plastic cellophane.
Jared isn’t a wasteful person. He used the discarded parts; fluff, organs, head and all, to be used as compost for his vegetable garden. The intestines to be used for casings if he wants to make some grounded fluffy and foal sausages.
Finally wrapped the last of his newly acquired meat, he opens his freezer. Revealing cuts of fluffy that he had butchered in the past as he places the new cuts in.
No part of the fluffy has gone to waste.
