Of Fire and Fluffies…
By WumpsofSteel
Be a firefighter.
It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and your station has a call.
"Attention Battalion 2, Engine 4, Ladder 3, Engine 5, County Station 25, and Rescue 9
Respond to 122 West Meadowlands Avenue,
Cross Streets of Lincoln Rd and Davis Ct.
69 Delta 6, Reported Commercial Structure Fire.
You recognize the address immediately. It’s the Old Nursing Home. The building has been vacant for years. Honestly, you are surprised that it hasn’t caught on fire sooner.
“Why do these things always seem to happen when I’m by myself?” you mutter to no one in particular as you climb in the firetruck.
The engine roars to life as someone begins to speak over the radio.
“Battalion 2 on scene. Single Story vacant nursing facility. Heavy Smoke and Flames visible. Battalion 2 will have command go ahead and assign a Fireground Channel.”
“Battalion 2 10-4.
All units responding to 122 West Meadowlands Avenue, Battalion 2 is on scene reporting Heavy smoke and flames visible. All units upon arrival switch to Tac 5.”
You are just about to check en-route, when the radio crackles to life again.
“Battalion 2 to Control.”
“Battalion 2 Go ahead.”
“We’ve got numerous Code 33 exposures. Numerous brush fires popping up. Go ahead start me a 2nd alarm.”
Code 33 exposures, otherwise known as a fuck ton of flaming fluffies running all about while generally freaking right the fuck out.
Which, of course, is a recipe for very rapid fire spread.
“County Engine 225 enroute to West Meadowlands”
“225 10-4”
You could see the glow of the flames from your station, this was going to be a long night.
The radio crackled to life once more,
“Battalion 2 to all incoming units. Use caution upon arrival. There are fluffies on fire all over the place and they are running towards any fire apparatus and any fire personnel they see.”
You arrive on scene to find the Battalion Chief’s SUV surrounded by scorched fluffy carcasses and the Battalion Chief beating the hell out of a still flaming fluffy with an empty fire extinguisher.
“Engine 225 on scene”
“10-4 225” the Battalion Chief responded. “I need you to hook up-OH NO YOU DON’T YOU LITTLE RAT!!!–hook up to the hydrant in front you.”
“10-4 Chief” you reply as you grab a halligan tool from behind your seat.
You start swinging as soon as you open the door.
The first fluffy is on you in an instant.
“SCREEEEEEEEEE!!!’ BUWNIE HUWTIEEEEESS!!! MISTAH PWEASE HEWP FWUF-”
CRUNCH the fluffy’s skull explodes on impact with the Halligan.
You impale the next shitrat before it has a chance to beg.
Steel toe boot to the teeth,
Ads to the eyeball,
Forks to the spine,
MAGLITE to the skull,
By time you get the truck hooked up to the hydrant, you’ve butchered at least 20 fluffies as they desperately sought your “huggies” to fix their “hurties”.
“Engine 4 and Ladder 3 on scene”
“10-4. Engine 225 are you hooked up yet?”
“10-4 chief” I’m hooked up and ready to flow water.”
“Engine 4, take your personnel anr pull an inch and ¾ line off of engine 225 and see if you can fight your way to the structure. Drown as many fluffies as you can.”
“Copy that chief”
“Ladder 3, try to get on the roof and cut a vent hole. Do not use the chain saw on the fluffies, the fluff will clog it and make it unusable.”
“10-4 Battalion 2. Ladder 3 heading to the roof.”
“Rescue 9 and Engine 5 on scene command.”
“Good, Rescue 9, I need each of you to get a pike pole and start trying to drive some of these fluffies back toward the structure. Engine 5 pull a line to the woods and try to knock down some those brush fires the fluffies are causing.”
As the crews go to work on their various assignments you are busy trying pumping the truck while fending off more flaming fuzzballs.
“Engine 225 to command” you say
“Go ahead 225”
“Chief, I’m gonna need some help over here pretty quick. There are way to many fluffies over here. I’ve got 6 volunteers from my station over fighting them but the fluffies are causing a lot of grass fires.
“10-4 225. Engine 9, Engine 6, and Ladders 8 and 19 are almost on scene.
“Battalion 2 to all incoming units stand by for assignments”
“Ladder 8 pull behind the structure and set up your arial.
Engine 6 hook up to the hydrant across the street and standby to supply Ladder 8.
Engine 9 gather up as many portable extinguishers as you can and extinguish as many fluffies as you can. If the burns don’t immobilize them, then bash in their skulls.
Ladder 19 go give the Station 225 folks a hand.”
It took 5 Engines, 3 Ladder Trucks, 1 Rescue Truck, 12 volunteer personnel, a Battalion chief and every man on every truck; but 3 1/2
hours later the fire was finally declared under control.
The scene could only be describe as absolute carnage. Scorched, mutilated, crushed, and otherwise obliterated fluffy corpses littered the ground. The dirt was saturated with gore, the run off water ran red with the blood of the butchered ponies.
Such was the way of things in the fire service in a fluffy filled world.
Now longer did fireman have to simply worry about washing the soot off of himself, now he had to wash the blood out too.
Good thing firetrucks are already red….