It was a new day. Enough time had passed where I could adopt another sweet senior fluffy and give it forever sleepies. I got to the pet store and made my way to the back room with all the undesirables.
“Huuu, fwuffy memba ou huuhuu ou tak dummeh owd fwuffy an no awmos piwwow fwuffy! Nao hab nu weggies huuuu nu one wike fwuffy eben as piwwow huuuhuuu keeb in meanie sad woom huuuhuuuu NU WIKE HUUUHUUU! WAI TAK WEGGIES HUUU NU WAN BE IN SHEWTEW HUUUU!”
“Whewe am babbehs? Mummah am tu owd nu can see vewy weww. Pwace am tu smoll nu can find way ou’. Cum tu mummah babbehs, fowwow voicey! Hab wots ob miwkies! Whewe am babbehs? Wai nu heaw babbehs chirpin? Knu hab babbehs. Wh-where am mummah? W-wa am habbenen? A-am fwuffy awone? Am fwuffy awone in cagsie wike ba fwuffy? B-bu am mummah! Babbehs nee mummah! Cagsie nu gud fo mummah, babbehs nee miwkies! Fwuffy nu wan be in cagsie id am scawy! Sabe fwuffy huuhuuu nee babbehs huuuu whewe am babbehs!”
“Wai am fwuffy in ba woom? Wuz in happi pen with aww babbeh bwuddas an sissies. Pway aww day wit famiwy. Wai tak fwuffy way an pu in ba woom? Nu wike fwuffy? Nu am gud babbeh? Wan hoomin mummah an daddeh tuu. Wan wub an huggies wike yewwow sissie. Wan woom tu wun an pway. Nu wan be in smoll cagsie huuuu wan gud nummies gain! Wan see hoomins gain! Wan chancies huuuhuuuu wai nu gib fwuffy chancies huuuhuuuuhuuuuuuuu!”
“GASP N-nice mista cum to ba woom? He-hewe tu… hewe tu huwt fwuffies huuuuhuuuu nu one wan ba woom fwuffy huuuuuu mus be meanie mista huuuuuu WUN WEGGIES HUUU MUNSTAH! NU WIKE HUUUUU PWEASE CAGSIE OBEN FO FWUFFY HUUU NU WAN BE MUNSTAH NUMMIES!”
“Huuuhuuu nu wan be in shewtew huuu am ba fo fwuffies. Wai nu wet gu? Wai keeb widdle fwuffies wocked way huuuuu wan wun an pway. Nu wan be stuckies fo’eba huuuuu.”
They were all suffering a sufficient amount for me so I kept looking. Not many old fluffies in the room this time. They were all either traumatized or begging for a new daddy before they die. I had to look for a minute to find my desired fluffy. An elderly mirco with light grey fluff. He was sleeping, wagging his tail, and had a big smile on his face.
“Hey there, cutie pie!”
“Mmmmm wa- oh gud bwite time mista! Wiww ou be nyu daddeh?”
“Well, I don’t know? What can you offer a new daddy?”
“Teeheehee, am bessess fwuffy eba! Can gib wots ob huggies and gib wots ob wub!”
“Anything else? Can you dance?”
“Yiss, daddeh! Fwuffy du besses dancies eben if owd!”
He got up on his hind legs and gave it all he could. He would bounce on them then stick one leg out to the side while singing about loving hugs and dancing. I applauded him and he cheered.
“Wub gibin heawt happiess tu daddeh! W-wiww nice mistah be… nyu daddeh?”
“I don’t know you can’t really do to much. I guess that’s why you are in the bad room.”
N-nu daddeh! Am onwy in ba woom cause owd! Meanie nummie wady sa nu one wike owd fwuffies su owd fwuffy geds pu in ba woom! Dey nu wan hoomins tu see owd fwuffy huuuhuuu dey pu in wonewy cagsie an neba gib huggies or pway wit fwuffy huuuhuuuu! Jus wan wub gain! Pwease nice mistah, pwomise am bessess fwuffy!”
“Hmmmm… OK!”
“Weawwy! Nice mistah am nyu daddeh? Nu weave fwuffy awone in ba woom? Gib homsie an wub an huggies? Pwe- N-nyu daddeh huuu nu weave nu pwease huuuhuuu nu weave owd fwuffy huuuuu heawt can nu take su many saddies huuuuhuuuu wai nyu daddeh sa gun be daddeh an weave fwuffy huuuuu am meanie mistah huuuuu. Am fwuffy ba? Nu wan be ba widdew fwuffy huuuuuhuuuuu.”
“Alright, and you want this one?”
“Yeah, he just so cute!”
“Huuuu nu meanie nummie wady nu huwt fwuffy huuuu am gud fwuffy huuuuu- GASP N-nyu daddeh? Daddeh cum bak for fwuffy huuuhuuuu dank ou daddeh! Fwuffy nu wanned tu be in shewtew fo’eba huuhuu! Wub nyu daddeh!”
The checkout lady got the fluffy out for me and handed it to me. I put it in my breast pocket as I walked to the checkout counter.
“Weeeeee daddeh gib bessess upsies! Fwuffy am su high! Can see whowe wowwd fwom daddeh!”
I paid as he cheered in my pocket. I kept him in my pocket for the drive home. He had his front legs hanging out as he moved his head every which way, taking in all the sights.
“Whewe am nyu daddeh takin fwuffy?”
“Home!”
“Yaayyyyy fwuffy hab homsie teeheehee fwuffy hab su many heawt happiess! Wub daddeh su muchies!”, He turned around and hugged me, sliding down into my pocket but not caring.
When we made it home I had actually forgotten about him. He was deep in my breast pocket and wasn’t moving around so I just got out of the car and went inside. When I closed the front door and locked it he woke up.
“Yawn Teeheehee fwuffy gu sweepies on daddeh! Wh-whewe am daddeh?”
“Right here, little guy!”, I said gently pulling him out of my pocket.
“Whewe daddeh takin fwuffy nao daddeh?”
“Bathroom. We gotta get you cleaned up!”
“Daddeh gib fwuffy wicky cweanies?”
“No, absolutely not! I am going to wash you in the sink!”
“B-bu sinkies hab wawa. W-wawa am ba fo fwuffy! Pwease nu oose wawa on owd widdew fwuffy! Nu wan ba wawa time!”
“I’m sorry but I have to clean you. Water won’t hurt you, daddeh promises! Daddeh would never hurt you!”
“We-weawwy? Daddeh nu wet wawa munstah ged fwuffy? Jus gib cweanies?”
“Yes, don’t worry!”
“Otay, daddeh! Fwuffy twust daddeh! Awways towd hoomin mummahs an daddehs awways knu wa am bessess fo fwuffies! Knu nyu daddeh onwy wan bess fo owd widdew fwuffy!”
“Good fluffy! Now, lie down in the sink and I’ll start the water!”
“O-otay, daddeh. Am bwave fwuffy. Daddeh nu wet wawa munstah ged fwuffy, fwuffy am sabe wit daddeh. Su happiess to hab daddeh! Wub da- SCreeeeeeeeeeee huuuuhuuuuu nu wike wawa huuu wawa ba fo fwuffies huuhuuu pwease wawa munstah am owd widdew fwuffy huuuuuu tu owd fo wawa munstah huuuu nu wike nu wike!”
“It’s OK, little guy! I’m right here!”, I said holding him in one hand and cleaning his fluff with the other.
“Huuuu o-otay daddeh. Dank ou fo cweanies. Neba ged cweanies ad shewtew huuhuu. Cooooo wub daddeh wub cweanies coooooo su many heawt ha-”
“OH NO, WAWA MUNSTAH!”, I shouted, holding his head under the faucet.
“SCReeeblurguhglugurgl DADDEH SABE FWUFFY HUUUHUUuuuu coughhack huuuuu wawa munstah stawp am widdew owd fwuffy huuuuu am su widdew nu gib huwties huuuu am owd fwuffy jus wan huggies huuuuu!”
“I am trying but the wawa munstah is too strong!”
“Nu huuuhuuu daddeh am stwongess huuu sabe fwuffy fwom wawa munstah fwuffy nee hewpsies huuuuuu nu can scape!”
“You have to try!”, I said letting him go right under the faucet.
“Huuuuu fwuffy am scawed nu can mobe huuuhuuu scawedy poopies huuuuhuuuu makin ba poopies huuuhuu sowwy daddeh pwease wub fwuffy huuuu nu be angwy fo scawedy poopies huuuuhuuu wai wawa munstah wai huwt widdew owd fwuffy huuuhuuu nu wike!”
He stood under the faucet while crying, pooping and peeing. He called out to me a few more times and I would respond with a sound of effort or a call for help.
“Huuuuu fwuffy am su scawed! Wai wawa munstah du dis tu fwuffy huuuuhuuuu nu wan be fwuffy fo wawa munstah nummies huuhuuu pwease sabe fwuffy huuuu!”
“There, I got you!”, I said, turning off the faucet and grabbing him out of the sink, putting him in my shirt pocket. He immediately cuddled into my chest.
“Huuuuu dat wa su scawy huuuuuu dank ou fo sabin fwuffy daddeh! Nu wan be nummies fo munstah huuuhuuuu!”
“Speaking of nummies! You hungry?”
“Y-yiss. daddeh! Wa am daddeh makin fo nummies?”
“Skettis!”
“GASP SKETTIS! Am bessess nummies fo fwuffy! Hab nu skettis fo su many fo’ebas! Am bessess daddeh eba!”
He dried off in my pocket as I got everything ready and started the skettis. The little micro had its front legs out the front of my pocket again. He was watching me making the skettis for him, enamored with my hoomin expertise.
“How daddeh du id? Am id majig? How nu fwuffy can mak skettis?”
“It is magic! I am a magic human and I can cast spells on little fluffies! This sketti is also magic and will give you magical properties!”
“Fwuffy wiww hab majig, tuu?”
“Only if you believe! What do you want more than anything?”
“Hmmm aweady hab daddeh. Daddeh gibs wub an huggies. Gun hab skettis den hab own sabewoom. Fwuffy… Fwuffy nu wan gu fo’eba sweepies!”
“What?”
“Fwuffy scawed huuuhuuu am owd an su widdew! Jus wan huggies fo’eba an eba! Wan wub and wan pway huuuuuu nu wan gu sweepies fo’eba huuuuuu! Knu nu skettiwand fo fwuffy am su scawed ob dawkies nu wan fo’eba dawkies!”
He began to sob into my chest and I held my hand over the pocket, comforting him.
“There, there. Daddy is here and is going to make everything better. These skettis,”, I said plating everything, “will make it so you have wakies forever!”
“Weawwy?” He said poking his head out of the pocket, “Yaaayyy, skettis wook su yummie! Daddeh am bessess eba! Gib fwuffy fo’eba wakies teeheehee wub daddeh su muchies! Wub fo’eba an eba teeheehee!”
I put the plate in front of his face and he excitedly jumped on top of it, nibbling at a noodle. The average sized plate full of skettis dwarfed the micro. He was no bigger than a meat ball in the whole of the pasta. He happily chewed on a noodle, slurping it down as he went.
“MMMMM skettis am suuuu yummie! Daddeh mak bessess skettis! Owd fwuffy am tu widdew tu num mo! Wan mo bu tummeh nu can howd mo skettis teeheehee!”
“Oh come on, little guy! You only had, like, two noodles out of all of them!”
“S-sowwy daddeh. Fwuffy am widdew an nu can num muchies. Fwuffy wub daddeh skettis! Dey am weawwy gud an wan num aww skettis bu nu can. Fwuffy am fuww an tiwed. Can fwuffy sweep wit daddeh?”
“Sure, little guy! Come on!”, I lifted him up and held him close as we walked to the couch. I turned on FluffyTV and he watched and laughed as he fell asleep on my leg.
The next morning he would wake on the kitchen counter, in front of the skettis.
“Yawn Gud bwit- huuu wai am su cowdies huuuu wh-whewe am daddeh! Whewe am daddeh huuuuuuu!”
“I right here, little guy!”, I said coming around the corner, “What’s wrong!”
“Huuuu gu sweepies on daddeh an wakies on cowd coundew!”
“Oh, well, you seem OK! Why don’t you num the rest of those skettis and we can play when I’m done over here OK?”
“B-bu dese am owd skettis. Nu wan be ba fwuffy bu nu wan num owd skettis. Can pwease hab fwesh skettis?”
“Those are the forever wakies skettis! You have to num all of them or you won’t have forever wakies and will have forever sleepies!”
“GASP Fwuffy nu knu dat huuhuu! Spen aww dawk time duin sweepies huuhuuhuuu! Nu hab time to twow way huuuuuuuu su many skettis huuuuhuuuu nee num aww dem or wowstest sweepies huuuu!”
He began to slurp down the noodles without chewing. It was slow and you could see him fatten in real time. He would finish one noodle, cry for a bit, then start slurping another one.
“Huuuu nu wan fo’eba sweepies! Daddeh gib chancie tu hab fo’eba wakies mus num aww majig skettis! Su many skettis huuhuu nu tas yummie nu mo huuuhuuu am cowd huuuu! Wai owd fwuffy su widdew huuuhuuuu wan num aww skettis wike odda fwuffies huuuuu nu wan be fuww stiww hab su many skettis! Nu num any ob id huuhuuu!”
He sat on his butt, crying. His fat stomach jiggled as he whined, the skettis threatening to leave his gut. About 5 of the 90 or so noodles were eaten before he passed out next to the plate only to wake in the evening.
“Mmmmm fwuffy hab besses dweamsie! Du daddeh wan heaw fw- Daddeh? Whewe am daddeh? Huuuu fwuffy gu sweepies gain! Id am awmos dawk time huuuuhuuu! Whewe daddeh huuuhuuuu!”
“I’m right here, little guy! Making good work on those skettis I see!”
“Huuuuhuuuu dewe am tu many daddeh! Fwuffy am tu owd an widdew tu num su many skettis huuuhuu bu fwuffy wan fo’eba happiess! Wan tu hab huggies an be wubbed fo’eba an wun an pway fo aww bwite times! Wai su many skettis huuuhuuuu!”
“You have to eat them all! I can’t give you forever wakies if it’s any less. Now eat up!”
“O-otay daddeh. Dank ou fo skettis. Fwuffy wiww num dem aww an hab huggies wit daddeh an see FwuffyTeeBee an hab wub an pway wit toysies fo’eba!”
He continued eating, taking bites out of the plate of pasta rather than going one noodle at a time. It was cute watching him bob his head down and bite them slurp the skettis. It was even cuter that he thought if he didn’t finish them then he would die just like all the fluffies who dropped in front of him in the shelter.
“Huuuuuu owd tummeh hab huwties huuuu wai tummeh be meanie huuu nee tu num mo skettis! Nee tu gu poopies, daddeh! Whewe am wittaboxie!”
“I guess the plate? Yeah you can poop right on that little empty spot where you ate the skettis!”
He turned to look at it and turned his head back to look at me.
“Bu fwuffy nu wan du poopies on nummie pwace. Am onwy fo nummies. Nu wan num negs tu poopies.”
“Well, that’s the only good place!”
“Huuuuu, otay daddeh. Fwuffy mak gud poopies on nummie pwace huuhuuu. Hngh makin gud poopies huuu.”, he said, pooping on the one clean spot of the plate trying not to get any on the skettis and failing, “Otay, gud poopies am dun. Nao nee tu finsih sk- nu skettis! Huuuhuuuu wai poopie faww on sketti huuuu nee tu num aww skettis wai poopies in skettis huuuuuu nu wan num poopie skettis huuuhuuuu!”
He sobbed with his hooves over his face. One of his small poopies landed standing up and fell over into the skettis while he went, smearing a couple noodes with his shit.
“Huuuu nu can num poopie sketti! Huuuu num skettis obew hewe fiws! Nee keeb numming!”, he said, walking over to the other side of the plate and beginning to slurp a noodle that had poopies on its far end, “Huuuu su fuww ob skettis bu nu knu how many bwite times weft! Nu can stawp numming or mide hab fo’eba sweepies befo num aww skettis! Huuu nu wan f- SCreee-gagbleghhurkack huuuuuuu poopies on skettis gu in mouf huuuhuuu nu tas pwetty huuuuu poopies am nu nummies huuuu nu wan num poopies bu nee num aww sketti huuuuuu! Nu tas pwetty huuhuuuuhuuuu am su ba bu nee tu num huuuuu! Stiww su many skettis huuuu! Wan pway. Wan wun. Wan huggies and sweepies with daddeh huuhuuu. Nu can du anyfing tiww num aww skettis huuuuhuuuu nu wan gu fo’eba sweepies huuuuuu nu hab tu gu fo’eba sweepies nao huuuuhuuuuuu nu can du anyfing tiww aww dun! Su many skettis tak su wong huuuu wa if nu hab nuff time huuuuhuuuuu wa if nu dunsies wit skettis befo id tu wade huuuhuuuuuu!”
He would eat the noodles, cry, keep eating, and cry some more. He was much bigger than when I got him. Every sob and bite would cause his noodle filled body to jiggle and bounce. With another small space of the plate empty he did good poopies again. No poop got on the skettis this time but a few poopie noodles still remained.
“K, well, imma go to sleep! You have fun!”
“Nu, daddeh! Nu weave widdew owd fwuffy awone! Am scawed huuuhuuuu! Nee daddeh hewe! Huuuhuuuu nee keeb numming huuuu nu can stawp!”
It was morning and the fluffy was asleep, it’s head resting on a pillow of skettis. Usually this would be a fluffies dream life but for him it was a nightmare. One he’d have to num his way out of.
“Mmmmm? Oh, hewwo daddeh! Gud bwite time! Fw-fwu- fwuffy faww sweep gain huuuhuuuuhuuuuu su much timesies huuuhuuuu am owd nu hab many times weft huuuuuuuu nee num aww skettis dis bwite time huuuu nee tu!”
“You don’t have to fluffy! What if we watch some FluffyTV? I could give you huggies and pets!”
“Huuuuuuu wan wub an huggies su muchies huuuhuuuu! Nee tu num aww skettis fiws huuuhuuu nu wan assidendly gu fo’eba sweepies befo num aww fo’eba wakies sketti huuuhuuu!”
“OK, little guy. Change your mind just call.”
He whined more as he hopped around the plate, taking small bites from all sides. He was days away from death but could still move like a young fluffy. Shame he couldn’t num like one.
“Huuuhuuuu tu fuww huuu! Hngh gud poopies huuu- n-nu ba poopies! Ba poopies! Nu gu on skettis! Fwuffy nee num aww da skettis! Nu hab fo’eba wakies witou skettis! Huuuuuuhuuuuuuhuuuuuuu wai fo’eba wakies sketti be su hawd tu num huuuuhuuuu su many huuuuu! Nu wittaboxie onwy nummie pwace huuuuu wai gud poopies be on nummie pwace huuuuuuuuu!”
About 2 days passed. He would jump around the plate, num some skettis, go poopies, then pass out for a couple hours and wake up scared and upset about the wasted time. He was about halfway done with the plate now, the empty spots covered in poop.
“Huuuu su many skettis. Nee keeb numming huuuuhuuuu skettis nu tas pwetty ad aww huuuhuuu am su cowd an gooey huuuuuhuuuuu! Nee mak gud poopies gain huuuu. Hngh makin gud poopies huuuhuuu. Otay nee tu num mo sk- wa- d-daddeh! Daddeh hewp sumtin am wong wit fwuffy!”
I ran up to him and he was on his side next to the plate and picked him up. He was dying.
“Ohhhh, little guy! I’m sorry but it looks like it’s time!”
“B-bu nu num aww skettis! Pwease daddeh sabe fwuffy! Wet num west ob skettis! Pwease! Num su many spen aww time ou’ ob shewtew numming skettis huuuuhuuuuuhuuuuu! Nu hab wots ob huggies an wub tu num skettis an nu num aww ob dem huuuhuuuu! Pwease daddeh am su cwose huuuuhuuuu wet num west ob skettis! Fwuffy can du id huuuuu!”
I set him down and he weakly crawled to the plate.
“Huuuuu nee num skettis nao huuuuhuuuu id am habbenen huuuu fwuffy am su scawed huuu wa if nu num aww skettis fas nuff! Stiww su many! Fwuffy am su widdew! SCREEEeeeeeeeeeee huuuu scawy! Scawy! Daddeh!”, His eyes were shut tight and he was shaking, “Fwuffy su scawed nu can du dis nu can gu sweepies fo’eba! Pwease fee skettis tu fwuffy! Pu skettis in fwuffy tummeh! Tu scawed tu num huuuhuuuhuuuhuuuhuuuu! Daddeh! Gib huggies! Su scawed!”
I picked him up and held him in my arms.
“Huuuuhuuuuu su cwose tu fo’eba wakies huuuhuuuu! Daddeh gib bessess nummies tu fwuffy an fwuffy nu can num aww huuuhuuuu! Pwease daddeh! Hewp fwuffy! Nee mo timesies fo num huuuhuuu! Nu wet fwuffy gu fo’eba sweepies!”
“I can’t help you. This is just what happens to fluffies.”
“Huuuhuuuu am su cwose huuuuu jus nee widdew mo time tu num west ob skettis huuuhuuuu pwease nu wet sweep fo’eba huuuuuu! Wai num skettis an nu cuddew daddeh huuuu wai nu gib an ged huggies wai nu hab wub huuuuhuuuu wai spen time numming skettis jus tu nu num aww huuuuuhuuuuu! Su scawed! Su dawk huuhuuuu wai am su dawk huuuhuuu id am su scawy! Scawy huuuuhuuuu! N-nu can mobe huuuuu nu can see! W-wa habben tu fwuffy! Nu wan huuu wan wub… wan…huggies…”
I took his body and walked it to my garage where I tossed him at the lid of the open trash can causing it to fall closed on top of the fluffy. Time to prep for the next!