I walked to the pet store and I’m so glad I did! Not a block away and I pass an alley.
“Huuuuhuuuuu scawy huuuuuu mummah hewp huuuuu!”
I look over and see a grey fluffy shuffling to a trash can, hiding behind it. It was still crying as I quickly walked over to where he was, swooping him up in my arms.
“SCreeeeeeee screeeeeee huuuuhuuuu nu huuu munstah ged fwuffy! Mummah hewp huuhuuu am sowwy huuuuuu!”
“It’s OK, little guy! I am a friend!”
“W-weawwy? Nu am munstah? Nu huwt fwuffy?”
“Not a monster and not gonna hurt you! What’s wrong?”
“Huuuuuuuu am wost! Nu can fin nummies! Hab wowstest tummeh huwties huuuuuu! Mummah neba wet fwuffy hab tummeh huwties huuuhuuuuhuuuu!”
“Where is your momma?”
“Huuuuuuu ad homsie! Fwuffy wun way huuuuu!”
“But, why?”
“Fwuffy heaw mummah tawk wit fwuffy doctuh! Sa gib fwuffy fo’eba sweepies huuuuhuuuu! Nu wan fo’eba sweepies! Wun way! Huuuuuuuu wai mummah wan gib fwuffy fo’eba sweepies! Wub mummah huuuhuuuu sabe fwuffy mummah fwuffy sowwy huuuuuuu!”
“Well, where is home?”
“Huuuuuhuuuuuhuuuuuhuuuuu nu knu huuuuuuu fwuffy nu wememba huuuuuuuu!”
“Hmmmm. What if I be your daddeh, huh?”
“Sniff mistah be nyu daddeh? Tak cawe ob fwuffy?”
“Of course! Let’s go home!”
“Yaaaayyyyyyy su many heawt happiess! Wub nyu daddeh!”
“Do you have a name?”
“Teeheehee fwuffy namsie am FwoodWoob!”
“Fr-FruitLoop?”
“Teeheehee yiss daddeh! Fwuffy hab pwetty wed fwuff an bwue mane befo hab pwetty gwey fwuff!”
I carried him in my arms all the way home. When we began he nuzzled into me and almost instantly fell asleep. He must have been wore out. A fluffy belonging to a loving owner it’s whole life now on the run. I see what ‘mummah’ was talking about now. I can feel his rib cage as I hold him. He is sick. Very sick.
“Wake up! We are home!”, I said placing him on my kitchen counter.
“Wa- fw-fwuffy ad nyu homsie? Hab daddeh an wub an nummies?”
“Yes you are! Hungry?”
“Yiss! Su many tummeh huwties daddeh! Nee nummies su ba!”
“Alright!”, I said, pouring cheap kibble into a bowl and putting it in front of him, “Here you go!”
“Da-daddeh? D-dank ou fo nummies bu can hab miwkies wit kibbew? Am owd fwuffy. Teef nu feew gud wen num dwy kibbew.”
“Sorry I don’t have any milk! Enjoy!”
“O-otay daddeh. Dank ou fo nummies an nyu housie daddeh!”
I watched him as he ate. He would go one piece at a time and chew slow. It was like chewing and swallowing glass for him. He ate about half of it before giving up.
“Huffhuff Huuuuuu su many mouf huwties huuhuuuu! Nu can num mo kibbew bu am stiww hungwy huuuu pwease tawkie pwace! Nu hab huwties! Knu am owd fwuffy bu stiww nee nummies! Huuuuuu daddeh! Fwuffy nu can num nu mo huuuuu!”
“Done? Alright, I’ll get this out of your way!”, I said, grabbing the bowl and dumping the rest in the trash much to his dismay, “Wanna play?”
“FwoodWoob n-nu can pway vewy weww. Am owd fwuffy an hab huwties wen pway tu muchies.”
“That’s OK!”, I said picking him up and taking him to my living room, sitting on the couch and placing him on the floor, “Now let’s play!”
“W-wa daddeh wan tu pway?”
“Let’s play ‘Where’s The Skettis’!”
“D-daddeh gib fwuffy skettis!”, his tail began to wag and his eyes lit up.
“That’s right! BUT only if you win!”
“Teeheehee fwuffy am bessess ad gamsie!”
“Alright, then! In which hand… are the skettis!”, I said holding out both closed fists.
“Teeheehee dat am simbew! Dis one!”, he said grabbing my right hand with his front hooves.
Neither hand had skettis.
“Oh, sorry buddy! You lost!”
“Huuu bu fwuffy wan skettis.”
“That’s OK, we can play again but first you need to take your punishment for losing!”
“F-FwoodWoob am ba fwuffy?”
“No, you are not a bad fluffy! You lost the game and when you lose the game you have to lose something to! Otherwise there would be no risk and you could just play til you get skettis! Understand?”
“FwoodWoob nu knu dewe wood be huwties huuuhuuu! Nu wan huwties daddeh jus wan tu pway gamsie wit ou! Wub daddeh! Jus wan skettis nu huwties huuuuuu!”
“You already played so you have to lose something! Choose!”
“W-wa?”
“Choose something you want to lose for losing the game!”
“Fw-fwuffy nu unndersan huuuhuuuuu fwuffy nu wan wose anyting huuuuu!”
“Alright, I’ll choose! How about… you’re tail!”, I said, reaching down and grabbing him by the neck and taking him back to the kitchen, putting him on a counter that was too high to jump from.
“Huuuuu su scawed huuuuu nu wan huwties huuuu! Wub pwetty taiw nu wan wose huuuhuuuu wai nyu daddeh du dis tu pwetty owd fwuffy huuuu! Nu gib heawt happiess? Pwease wet fwuffy wub ou huuuhuuu! Sowwy wose gamsie neba wo- SCreeeeeeeee huuuuuu scawedy poopies scawedy peepees huuuuuuuu nuuuuuhuuuhuuu nu wan be ba fwuffy wai poopies cum nao huuuuuuu!”
I had pulled the knife out and he had seen it. He shit and pissed on the counter top and now just lied down on his side, heaving and sobbing. His tail was still.
“Huuuuuu nu wike gamsie nu mo huuuuu sowwy daddeh jus wan gib heawt happiess! Pwease wub fwuffy! Nu tak pwetty taiw huuuhuuuu anyting ewse huuuuuu nu can wose dis am tu muchies huuuuuuu nu huwt owd fwuffy huuuuhuuuuuuu! Wub nyu daddeh huuuuuu- Screeeeeeeeeee huuuuuhuuuuuuuu wai daddeh wai daddeh huuuhuuuu wub daddeh wai tak pwetty taiw! Wai gib wowstest huwties tu owd fwuffy huuuhuu nu wike nu wike huuuu!”
“KOBE!”, I said, tossing the tail at the trash can and missing, causing FruitLoop to cry harder, “Wanna play again? I bet you’ll get skettis this time!”
“Huuuuuuu nu! Nu wan pway gamsie mo huuuuuu wan mummah miss mummah huuuu! Nee huggies su ba huuuuu! Pwease daddeh fwuffy nee huggies! Nee wub!”
“Not yet. If you don’t want to keep playing then let’s address the bad poopies AND peepees!”
“Huuuuuuuuu su sowwy daddeh! Hab wowstest scawdies and nu can hewp huuuuuu! Teww poopie pwace tu stawp an poopie pwace nu wisten huuuhuuuuu!”
“Well that’s no love or hugs for one day. Now dance while I clean your mess up! Show me you love me and actually want to give me heart happiess because all you’ve done is give me heawt saddies!”
“Huuuuuu nu wan daddeh tu hab saddies! Nu can du dancies huuuhuuuu! Taiw pawce hab wowstest huwties huuuhuuuu fwuffy hab huwties aww obew huuuuuu!”
“That’s twice you’ve been a bad fluffy! You are really trying to set a record, huh?”
“Nu nu nu huuuhuuu fwuffy nu wan be ba fwuffy huuuu! Nu can du dancies hab tu many huwties huuuu owd fwuffy am sowwy!”, he cried still lying on his side, “Pwease daddeh! Knu am ba fwuffy bu pwease gub huggies! Su many huwties huuuu huggies mak aww beddew huuuu pwease daddeh fwuffy nee wub!”
“No hug or love for two days! Now come!”
I lifted him by the neck and carried him to the bathroom as he cried. I dropped him in the sink where he collapsed into even more tears. Starting the bath got his attention and he watched as I filled the tub.
“Huuuuu wai fwuffy wose taiw? Am su owd huuuhuuuu am nu pwetty fwuffy nu mo huuuu. Whewe mummah huuuhuu wan mummah nee huggies huuuu wan mummahs wub an huggies huuuhuuuuuuhuuuuuu! Wai wun way huuuuu jus wan be wit mummah nu cawe bou fo’eba sweepies huuuuuhuuuu miss mummah nee mummah!”
“OK, little buddy! Time for cleanies!”, I said grabbing him and putting him in the shallow water in the tub.
“Huuuuu otay daddeh. Pwease be gendew wit owd fwuffy huuuu had aww obew huwties huuuuuu wai fwuffy hab huwties ebwywhewe huuuuu. Can fwuffy pwease hab huggies? Nee su ba huuuhuuu.”
“Nu huggies or love for bad fluffies! Now sit upright so I can clean you.”
“Huuuuu otay daddeh. Fwuffy wub nyu daddeh. Wub tu hab homsie an no be ousidsies. Nu wan be ba fwuffy fo daddeh huuuu wan onwy gib heawt happiess su ged bessess huggies huuhuu.”
“It’s OK! But you are on strike two. You do not want to be a bad fluffy three times in my house!”
“W-wa habben tu ba fwuffy in daddehs housie?”
“They get made into hugtoys!”
“W-wa am dat daddeh? A-am huggietoy gud fo fwuffy? Be wots ob huggies an wub fo fwuffy?”
“No.” I said, getting up and leaving him in the tub. His eyes followed me as I walked to the sink and opened the medicine cabinet, grabbing the needle from a first aid kit, “When you are a bad fluffy three times I will take this needle and shove it into the back of your neck. You will be paralyzed er… you won’t be able to move your weggies or feel them or feel anything in your whole body. You will be like a stuffed animal. If you had a teddy bear at your old home you will kinda be like that. Unable to move and at the mercy of everyone who can!”
“N-n-nu.”, he said weakly, shaking in fear while covered in soapy suds.
“Well,”, I began, setting the needle on the sink counter, “at least you won’t be a bad fluffy ever again so we have nothing to worry about!”
He was hyperventilating, unable to come to terms with his new life. His mummah must have really been something. He was shaking in place as I scrubbed him down, getting out all the filth he accumulated on his little adventure outside. As I washed him he would occasionally squeak out ‘owie’ or ‘nu’. I got all the soap off, wrapped him in a towel and dried him off. As I did he would again quietly let out an ‘owie’ or ‘nu’ as I rubbed him gently.
“There, all clean!”, I said setting him down on the bathroom floor, “Feel better?”
“Y-yiss daddeh. Fwuffy wubs cweanies. Wub daddeh.”, he said flatly and out of fear.
“Great! Follow me then!”
FruitLoop stumbled behind me, trying his best to keep up. He was determined to make me happy and was prepared to do anything now. He wouldn’t let his sick, old body stop him from avoiding the worst fate for a fluffy. I sat down on the couch in the living room and he sat in front of me as proper as he could without a tail. I put out both closed fists.
“Pick.”
He had a look of unmatched horror on his face. He knew that if he didn’t pick, he’d be a bad fluffy. If he picked wrong he would have worstest hurties again. He looked up at me.
“Fw-fwu-fwuffy am scawed daddeh huuhuuuhuuuu! Nu wan wose mo tings huuuuuu!”
“But you might get skettis!”
“Huuuuuuu o-otay daddeh huuu d-did one.”, he pressed his head into my left hand.
“Awwwwww so close! Alright, what do you want to lose this time?”
“Huuuuuuu nu daddeh pwease huuuu! Aweady hab wowstest huwties huuuuu nu tak mo ob fwuffys tings huuuu!”
“Give me your leg! I want that!”
He looked up at me crying then looked down crying. His mind was chaos. How could this happen? Why run from mummah? Why accept the new home? Why have the worstest hurties?
“Huuu sowwy daddeh.”
FruitLoop turned around and bolted. To where I haven’t a fuckin clue. He had no where to go at all. He ran to the door then tried to jump up to the window. He would hide then start running around again. How did this thing escape it’s mother?
“Huuuuuu scawy scawy huuuuu nu wike! Wai nu wisten tu mummah huuuu mummah wite! Onwy munstahs ou’si huuuhuuuuu wai fwuffy wet munstah tak homsie huuuuu! Pwease mistah doow oben fo fwuffy huuuu munstah am in dis housie! Gun ged fwuffy! Huuuhuuuuu su scawed huuu nu wan nu wan jus wan be homsie huuu wan mummah huuuu! Nu can mak id tu window huuuuuu nu way ou’ ob housie huuuuuuu! Su tiwed huuuuu su scawed! Jus wan sweepies an wak in mummahs fwon weggies huuuuu nu wan be in munstah homsie nu mo huuu! Wai dis habben tu owd fwuffy? Am pwetty huuuu am jus fwuffy huuuu wai gib huwties nu wan nu wa- SCREEEEeeee huuuu nu nu nu nu nu huuuuu nu pwease nu mean be ba fwuffy nu mean huuuu!”
I grabbed him by the neck fluff after letting him run around for a while. I spoke not a word as I carried him to the kitchen counter, left him for the needle and returned with it.
“Nu daddeh! Nu huwt fwuffy huuuu nee weggies nee wun an pway nee fo huggies huuuu nee huggies su ba huuuu! Pwease daddeh nu huwties jus huggies huuuu nee wub huuu! Nu pwease nu weave huuuu pwace am tu high huuu nu can wun way! Wiww huwt weggies huuuu! Mus be way dow huuuhuuuu GASP nunununununu huuuuhuuuhuuu pwease daddeh! Fwuffy nu wan be huggietoy huuuhuuu! Jus wan be fwuffy wan wub an huggies! Wan gib heawt happiess huuu! Pwease am owd fwuffy huuu nu huwt owd fwuffy huuuu pwease wub fw- SCREEEeeeee NUNU nu huuuuu pwease daddeh wet fwuffy gu wet fwuffy gu! Fwuffy wub ou wan gib biggess heawt happiess pwease nu mak huggytoy jus gib wub! Jus wan huggies!”
I had grabbed him and held him down against the counter. I slowly pressed the needle into the back of his neck.
“Pwease daddeh! Fwuffy jus wan wub jus wan huggies am nu fo huggietoy huuuhuuu! MUMMAH SABE BABBEH HUUUUUUU! SCAWY! NU WAN NU WA-”
He passed out when the needle went in. His body was limp and unresponsive. I waited for him to wake, sitting directly in front of him.
“Mmm- wa? N-nu hab huwties nu mo? Da-daddeh gib wub an huggies an mak huwties gu way? Huuuu fwuffy wub daddeh! Knu daddeh nu am munstah! Gun gib bes- N-n-nu-nu w-weggies! WEGGIES HUUUUUUUU NU CAN FEEW WEGgies huuuuuuu! Wai daddeh! Wai du dis tu pwetty fwuffy? Am jus owd fwuffy huuuhuuu!”
“You have been a very bad fluffy since I adopted you off the street! And now you try to run away?!? That is unforgivable! This is not the end of your punishment. Open your see-places!”
“Huuu pwease nu mo huwties huuuu wiww be gud huuuuuuuu!”, his eyes were shut tight as he heavily sobbed.
“You need to open your eyes! Right now!”
“O-o-otay daddeh huuuuu fwuffys see-pwaces am o- SCREeeeeeeee huuuuuu wai daddeh wai daddeh! Wai gib see pwace wowstest huwties! See pwace nu wowk nu mo huuuuuhuuuuu!”
“Other eye! Come on!”
“Nu! Nu oben odda see-pwace fo munstah! Munstah wan tak wast see-p- SCREeeeeeeee huuuhuuuuuu wastest see-pwace gu byebye huuuhuuuu! Wai daddeh tak see-pwaces huuuu nee see-pwaces huuuu nu wike dawkies huuuuu id am su dawk huuuhuuuuu nee huggies whewe mummah!”
I had stabbed out both its eyes with the needle used to paralyze it. I had to shove it through his eyelid for the last one.
“Dis nu habbenen huuuu ba dweam ba dweam huuuu pwease wakies hab su many scawies! Wai wun way huuuhuuuu miss mummah nee mummah! Wai fin munstah daddeh huuhuuu! Wan mummah huuuu su sowwy fo wunnin way huuuhuuuu nu cawe bou fo’eba sweepies jus wan be wit mummah gain huuuuu wan mummah huggies huuuuhuuuuu sowwy mummah pwease nu be angwy wit fwuffy jus wan wub huuhuuu!”
I began to slide the needle into his left ear.
“Huuuuu nu wan dis nu mo! Wan be homsie! Wan wawm fwuffy sweepie pwace! Wan skettis and miwkie kibbew! Wan taiw! Wan weggies! Wan see-pwaces! Wan huggies! Wan wub! Huuuuuuuuu wa habben tu fwuffy huu- SCREEEEeeeeeee heaw-pwace am woud an hab huwties huuuhuuuuu nu knu wa habbenen huuuu nu can see wa habbenen huuuuuuu wai nu heaw ou’ ob huwtie heaw-pwace!”
And started with the right ear.
“Huuuuu wai di habbenen tu fwuffy huuuu wai du dis tu owd fwuffy! Wai nu wub huuuuu wai nu huggies! Fwuffy am ma fo wub an huggies du bessess huggies an wub huuuuu! Fwuffy am nu fo huggietoy huuuu! Fwuffy nee see-pwaces hu- SCreeeeeeeee huuuuuuu nu! Nu nu nu nu! Nu can heaw nu mo huuuuhuuuuu heaw-pwaces am gun huuuuuhuuuuuu nuuuuuuuuuu wai wet habben huuuuu wai nu wun fwom munstah housie wai wet tak taiw huuuu! Wai wet mak huggietoy huuuuhuuuuu wai wet tak see-pwaces an heaw-pwaces huuuuu nu wan nu wan! Mummah hewp fwuffy! ‘Our owd man hab wowstest huwties huuuhuuuu pwease mummah sabe fwuffy! Su many tings am wong huuuhuuuuu su sowwy wun way huuuu nu hab maddies huuuuuhuuuu pwease stiww wub fwuffy!”
I picked him up and carried him to the bathroom, opening the toilet lid.
“Huuuu wa habbenen tu fwuffy! Nu can see nu can heaw huuuuuuu! Whewe am munstah takin fwuffy huuuhuuu su scawed huuu! Id am su dawk huuuhuuuuuu scawy scawy huuuu whewe am fwuffy huuuhuuuuu scawy scawy am owd fwuffy wai gib wowstest huwties huuhuuuuu! Nu wan nu mo huuuuu wan mummah wan hu- SCreeeee huuuu wawa am cowd huuuuhuuu nu wike wawa huuuu- nu- NU NU PWEASE MUNSTAH DADDEH NU PUS’ FWUFFY DOWN IN WAWA NU WAN NU WA- blrbb”
He could feel himself sinking. Feel himself being pushed. He knew exactly what was happening and who was doing it and I couldn’t have been happier. He ‘huuhuued’ and ran out of breath very quickly. As he gasped in water he shook his head violently as his legs floated up towards me. His last thoughts would probably be of me and what I did to him, wishing he would have ran to begin with or said no to my offer. They might also be of his mother. I assume she was a loving woman who cared very much for fluffies. He had a fantastic life and now it ends in my toilet.
I held him under the water for a few minutes just to make sure he was dead. I fished him out and took him to the garage. The trash can was already open.
“KOBE!”, I shouted, yeeting the fluffy into the trash. He hit the back and went straight in the can. I left the garage proud of my accomplishments today and looked forward to the next old fluffy!