Another day, another trip to the dirty backroom of the pet store. I opened the door and listened to the whines and cries of the fluffies as I looked for my next victim.
“Huuuuuhuuuu nu wike cagsie. Fwuffy am cowd. Wan wawmsies an huggies. Nee woom tu wun an pway huuhuuuuuhuuuuuu. Dis am nu wite huuhuuuu dis am nu gud fo fwuffies huuuhuuuu!”
“PEEP HOOMIN PEEP CHIRP MUNSTAH MUNSTAH PEEP NU HUWT BABBEH PEEP CHIRP OBEN CAGSIE WET BABBEH WUN WAY PEEP CHIRP WUN BAK TU MUMMAH PEEP CHIRP!”
“Mmmm w-whewe am fwuffy? Wai am su dawkies an cowd? W-whewe speshul fwen? Wa numming skettis an gu sweepies! Nee tak west ob nummies tu speshul fwen! Wa habben! Wai am fwuffy twapped! D-dis am nu habbenen! Am soon daddeh huuhuuu! WAI HUUUHUUU WAI TAK SOON DADDEH HUUHUUU NEE NUMMIES FO SPESHUL FWEN! NEE FO BESSESS BABBEHS AN BESSESS MIWKIES HUUUHUUUUU! WAI NUM SWEEPY SKETTIS HUUHUUUUU WAN OU’ WAN OU’!”
“Huuhuuuhuuuu nu mo woom fo gud poopies huuuuhuuuu. Nummie wady neba cum bak fo fwuffy. Fwuffy nu wan be in cagsie nu mo. Wai nu wet fwuffy gu? Wai keeb in cagsie? Nu wan gu fo’eba sweepies hewe! N-nu wan be fo’godden! Wai nummie wady wet fwuffy gu fo’eba sweepies? Jus wet fwuffy gu! Nu nee be in cagsie! Nee wun an pway! Nee wub an huggies! Huuuhuuuuhuuuuu nununu huuuuu!”
I looked to the bottom row and saw pillows, hugtoys, and fluffies with unimaginably disgusting colors. Only one caught my eye. A gray pillow mare, numming on kibble and milk.
“Hey there, cutiepie!”
“Hewwo nice mistah! Am hewe tu gib fwuffy bak tu mummah?”
“What’s that?”
“Da nice wady dat bwing nummies tu fwuffy sa mummah jus weave fwuffy fo a widdle bid! Mummah weave fwuffy ad fwuffy spa tiww nyu sabewoom am weady! Su cited fo nyu sabewoom! Am mummah bak nao mistah?”
“Yes! I am going to take you to her, just give me one minute!”
“Yaayyyy! Otay mistah! Fwuffy be gud fwuffy!”
I walked out and up to the registers. I asked about the gray mare and they said the mother had no desire to pick the fluffy back up. She dropped the fluffy off, not wanting to pay the exceeding vet bills or deal with a suffering fluffy.
“Oh, that’s terrible! I already love her so much I have to have her! Don’t worry, she won’t be suffering with me!”, I said as we went to the back and got the fluffy.
“Yaayyy nummie wady am backsies! Gun gib fwuffy bak tu mummah! Su cited tu ged huggies fwom mummah! Am nice mistah gun tak fwuffy bak tu mummah?”
“Yes, I am! Let’s go!”
She cheered in my arms as I walked her up to the checkout counter. Once we made it to the car I set her down on the passenger seat, prepped with towel. I got in the drivers seat and began the journey home.
“Yaayyy su cited tu see mummah gain! Nice mistah? How wong tiww mummah?”
“I have no idea! Where does your mummah live?”
“Hmmmmm mummah wive in biggess housie! Id am su pwetty id am da bessess!”
“Alright, well… Lot of houses fit that description. This is becoming a lot of work, I’m just gonna take you home with me.”
“Nice mistah be nyu daddeh? B-bu wan gu bak tu mummah. Wan nyu sabewoom an mummahs huggies.”
“I don’t know where to find your mummah. I am just gonna take you home with me, no debates.”
“N-nu, pwease! Pwease tak bak tu fwuffy spa, nice mistah! Nu wan gu home wit nyu daddeh! Wan be wit mummah! Pwease mistah nu tak homsie nu wan nyu homsie!”
“I’ve already left the parking lot! Look, this isn’t a discussion so I’m just gonna lay it down. That wasn’t a fluffy spa, it was a shelter. Your mummah gave you to them because she didn’t want you anymore. You are old and costing her a lot of money so she gave you to the shelter. The ‘nummie wady’ is co-owner of the shelter and put you in the place where fluffies no one wants go. You are unwanted by all, including your mother.”
“N-nu. F-fw-fwuffy nu unnersand! Mummah jus weave fwuffy fo a widdle bid! Weave ad fwuffy spa! Nu shewtew! Mummah wuv fwuffy! Fwuffy wuv mummah! Huuhuuuhuuuuhuuuu!”
She was confused. Her whole world flipped in an instant. She had her head up and was moving it around as if she was trying to fly away. Trying to escape the horror.
“Wan mummah huuuhuu! Wan huggies! Wai mummah nu wub fwuffy nu mo huuhuuuu! Am stiww same fwuffy huuhuuu stiww wub mummah! Huuuhuuuuu biggess heawt saddies huuuhuuuu! Nice mistah! Pwease tak fwuffy tu mummah huuuhuuu! Mummah wub fwuffy gain huuuuuhuuuuu fwuffy knu id! Pwease nice mistah gib fwuffy chancies! Wet fwuffy twy huuhuuuu!”
“No.”
The single, two-lettered word sent her into a spiral of screaming, crying, and flopping her head around. The towel was soaked in tears and snot. If she could she would probably try to run home.
“OK, we’re home!”
“Sniff Huuuu n-nice mistah tak fwuffy tu mummah?”
“Haha, no. This is my home! You live here now and I guess that makes me your new dad!”
“Huuhuuuu pwease nice mistah! Tak bak tu fwuffy spa huuhuu! Wan mummah! Mummah cum fo fwuffy soon! Nu nee nyu house nu nee nyu daddeh!”
“I just adopted you and brought you home and this is how you repay me! Bad fluffy! As soon as we go in it’s sorry stick time!”
“SCREEEEEE SCA-SCAWEDY POOPIES SCREEEEE! Huuhuuuu mak ba poopies huuuu am wowstest fwuffy huuuhuuu! Nu sowwy stick huuhuuu mummah neba oose sowwy stick huuuuu!”
“Well your mummah ain’t here! Now let’s go in, punish you, then get you cleaned up.”
N-nu, pwease! Nu huwt fwuffy! Am owd huuhuuu nu huwt fwuffy huuuu! Jus wan wub an huggies huu-SCREE ba upsies ba upsies wet fwuffy downsies nu wike huuuu! Nice mistah gun huwt fwuffy huuhuuuu nu wike nu wike huuuhuuu!”
She sobbed as I unlocked the door and carried her in, roughly. I slapped her on my kitchen counter and grabbed a long metal wire whisk.
“Huuuuu tummeh am cowd huuhuuu nu wike cowd fwoor huuuhuuu wai nice mis- N-NU PWEASE! Nu huwt fwu- SCREEEEEeeeee huuhuuuhuuu nu wike huwties! Dis am nu gud fo fwuffy huuuhuu- SCREEEEEeeeeeeee huuuu wai huuuhuuuu wai du dis tu fwuffy? Am owd an innocend huuuhuuuu! Dis am ba huuuhuuuu!”
I smacked her a couple of times with the whisk until she was an incoherent mess. I picked her up and took her to the bathroom, dropping her in the sink and turning on the faucet.
“Huuuu nu! Nu ba upsies huuuhuuuu wai nice mistah du dis! Fwuffies awe fo huggies an wub! Huuhuuuu wan mummah! Mummah hewp fwuffy! Nu wi- huuuhuuu nu pu fwuffy in cowd sinkies huuuhuuuu nu wik-SCREEEE wawa ba wawa ba! Nu gud fo fwuffy! Nice mistah am munstah! Nee tu ged way! Pwease wet ou’ ob housie! Neba wan huuuhuuuuu fwuffy nu wan!”
“Calm down, I’m just cleaning you! You took your punishment like a big girl, I’m so proud of you!”
“Huuuuu wai gib huwties. Wai nice mistah be meanie huuhuu?”
“You were a bad fluffy! I had to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes twice! That’s my job as your new dad!”
“Fwuffies am nu fo huwties huuu jus wub an huggies! Hab soffess fwuff fo bessess huggies! Gib biggess heawt happiess! Mummah neba huwt fwuffy! Onwy wub an huggies huuhuuuuhuuuuuu wan mummah wan mummah!”
“Well your mummah is not here and she is not coming back so you just have to get used to your new dad!”
“Huuuuuuu miss homsie miss mummah huuhuuuhuuuu wai weave fwuffy! Am su owd huuuhuuuuu wan mummah huuuhuuu! Hab mummah sinc widdle babbeh huuuhuuuhuuuu wai mummah nu wub nu mo huuuhuuuu! Su many heawt saddies! Nu can tak huuhuuuu! Id am tu muchies huuuuu nee huggies nee kissies! Nee mummah huuuhuuuhuuu!”
“Well she doesn’t need you nor does she want you. You are my fluffy now! Now calm down and be a good fluffy.”
I picked her up with a towel and began to dry her off. She was still sobbing, unable to do much else to protest the situation. When I was done I threw the towel over the shower and walked us to the kitchen as I carried her in my arms. She had calmed down some but was still crying. I asked her if she was hungry and she hesitantly nodded her head.
I put her down on the counter while I grabbed a pot and filled it with water. The fluffy ‘huuuued’ and softly cried out ‘cowd’ as she lied on the granite counter. Her mood slightly changed when she saw the box of noodles come out.
“Sniffsniff S-sketti? Am daddeh makin skettis fo fwuffy?”
I didn’t respond to her. She sobbed ‘skettis’ every ten or so seconds as they cooked and I plated and sauced them, beginning to eat them in front of her. She looked up at me, a complete mess, sniffling and crying.
“Huuuu skettis. Wan skettis. Huuuuu. Pwease daddeh. Am gud fwuffy wite? Gud fwuffies ged bessess nummies? Can fwuffy jus hab widdle sketti?”
“Fine, here. I’m gonna watch T.V.”, I said putting the plate about 6 inches from her face.
“D-dank ou, daddeh. W-w-wub daddeh huuuuu.”
I walked behind her and just stood there and watched. She tried to collect herself so she could reach out for the skettis. Once she had calmed herself down enough she reached her head forward.
“Skettis am bessess nummies! Nu hab skettis in a fo’eba! Su cited fo skettis! Cum tu fwuffy skettis! Su hungy pwease cum tu fwuffy! N-nu! Ske-skettis am tu faw! Skettis am tu faw! H-hewp! Daddeh hewp fwuffy huuhuuuu! Skettis am tu faw huuhuuu nu can weach huuuuu nee skettis daddeh! Nee pwetty nummies huuuhuuu!”
“Be a good fluffy and get them yourself. You are a grown fluffy, you can get to the plate. I mean it’s right there!”
“Huuhuuuu nu can weach huuuhuuuu nummies am tu faw way! Nee daddeh tu mobe cwosew! Huuuuuuuu skettis! Wai am skettis meanie huuhuuuu! Wai skettis nu cum tu gud fwuffy huuuhuuuhuuuuu!”
“Maybe you aren’t being a good fluffy!”, I said, dramatically stomping behind her.
“N-nu! Am gud fwuffy am bessess fwuffy! Pwease skettis fwuffy am gud! Pwease cum tu tawkie pwace huuuhuuu nee nummies! Nee skettis huuhuuuu wai huuuu! Daddeh pwease nu mak woud noisies huuuhuuuu dey am scawy! Wai am daddeh scawin gud fwuffy huuhuuu! Pwease daddeh! Wub fwuf- SCREEeeeee huuuhuuuu nu nu nu nu pwease daddeh nu huwt fwuffy! Whewe am daddeh takin fwuffy huuhuuu fwuffy am su scawed huuu nu wike nu wike wa am habbenen huuuhuuuu!”
I picked her up and craddled her in my arms, carrying her to my car. She wriggled and screamed as loud as she could with her aging voice. I tossed her in the passenger seat and started the car.
“Huuuu hab huwties huuhuuu! Wai daddeh huwt fwuffy huuhuuu whewe am fwuffy! A-am fwuffy in woom-woom? A-am daddeh gun tak fwuffy tu mummah huuuhuuu? Tak bak tu fwuffy spa?”
“Yeah.”
“HUUUHUUUU dank ou daddeh huuuhuuuu! Su many scawies an heawt saddies witou’ mummah huuhuu! Nee mummahs huggies an kissies huuuhuuu! Nee wub!”
“Alright, where is your mummah?”, I asked again, knowing the answer.
“Huuuu nu knu! Id am big housie! Am pwetty wike mummah an fwuffy! Pwease jus tak bak tu mummah huuuhuuu!”
“I can’t just take you home without knowing where to go. I won’t just find her, there are hundreds of houses in this neighborhood, alone!”
“Huuuhuuuhuuuu gu tu aww ob dem huuu! Daddeh fin mummah! Fwuffy knu daddeh fin mummah huuhuuu!”
“Nah, that’s way too much to do for a fluffy. Look you’re old. I’m just gonna leave you in a field.”
“W-wa daddeh mean?”
“I’m gonna go to this little trail in the small wooded area next to the park. I’m gonna go off the trail and take you far enough in no one will be able to hear you.”
“Fw-fwuffy nu unnersand! Fwuffy am scawed! N-nu wan! T-tak fwuffy tu shewtew! Tak bak tu fwuffy spa! Tak bak tu daddehs homsie! Nu wan be awone in scawy woods huuuuhuuuuuu! Daddeh! Nu du dis! Dis am tu muchies fo owd fwuffy! Nu can tak! Nu weave awone huuhuuuu! Tu scawy huuuhuuuuuu! Neba awone huuhuuu awways sabe huuuu! Wai nu sabe nu mo! Am owd! Gu fo’eba sweepies soon huuhuuu! Wan wub an huggies! Wan mummah! Wan daddehs wub! Nu wan gu fo’eba sweepies awone huuuhuuuu!”
“You’ll die regardless.”
“Huuuuu nee mummah huuhuuu! Spossed tu gu fo’eba sweepies den gu tu skettiwand wit mummah! Spossed tu wie in bed togedder huuhuuu! Wan mummah tu howd fwuffy! Fwuffy nu cawe bou skettiwand huuu stiww scawed huuuhuuu! Nu can be awone huuhuuuu su scawy huuhuuuu pwease daddeh! Tak fwuffy anywhewe huuuuu gib fwuffy chancies huuuhuu!”
“Nah, I’m good.”
She was a shivering, heaving, sobbing lump in my passenger seat. When we arrived I grabbed her by the neck fluff and got out of the car.
“Here we are.”, I said holding her out, facing the last patch of trees in the tri-state.
“S-sc-scawedy poopies! Scawedy peepees!”, she said evacuating her bowels a safe distance from me. When she was done I shook her to clear off the excess and cradled her in my arms.
“Ready?”, I said, looking down at her with a smile and began to walk the trail.
“N-nu daddeh huuu! Fwuffy am nu weady tu be awone! Neba awone huuuhuuu nu wan be awone nao huuu! Tu owd huuuuu pwease daddeh am owd fwuffy huuuu! Nu wan gu tu skettiwand awone huuuhuuuu!”
“Wanna know a little secret? The only way to get to skettiland is to die in the arms of a mummah or daddeh!”
“Huuhuuuu daddeh cum bak? Cum bak fo fwuffy wen weady? Howd fwuffy wen… huuhuuuuuhuuuuuuu fwuffy su scawed huuhuuuhuuuuu wai mummah weave nao huuhuuuu hab fwuffy sinc babbeh wai weave nao huuuhuuu! Scawy scawy!”
“Nothing to be afraid of, happens to every fluffy.”
“Daddeh. P-pwease nu weave fwuffy. Jus gib huggies an wub. Howd fwuffy. Wub fwuffy. Nu wan wast bwite times tu be scawy! Nu wan be awone!”
“No, I’m leaving you and you will be alone until the end. I will not return to hold you.”
“Huuuuuu nu nu nu! Scawy fo’eba sweepies! W-wa habbens tu fwuffies witou’ mummahs or daddehs? Wa habbens wen fwuffies am nu hewd wen… huuuhuuuhuuuuuuu scawy su many saddies!”
“Nothing happens. It’s like sleeping forever with no dreams or thoughts or pretty things or heart happiess or wub or huggies or skettis or mummahs or daddehs or see-places or hear-places.”
“SCAWY SCAWY NU WIke fo’eba sweepies huuhuuuhuuu! Wan skettiwand! Wan weggies bak an hab wingies! Wan num skettis fo’eba an sweep on meadbawws huuuhuuuu! Wan wun an pway wit bwuddas an sissies gain! Nu wan nuting! Nuting am scawy huuhuuuuu onwy one chancie huuuhuuuu wai dis habben wen owd huuuhuuuu wai dis habben su soon huuuhuuuhuuuu!”
“Well, that’s for fluffies with love and mummahs and daddehs. You have nothing anymore. This look like a good spot?”, I said pointing at a small flat part of the ground.
“Nuuuuhuuuhuuuuu id am nu gud fo fwuffy huuuu!”
“Okay… Here we go this is much better!”, I said taking her about a foot to the left where she would be tilted on her side for her last days.
“Nuuuuuuuu dis am ba huuhuuu dis am nu gud fo fwuffy!”, she cried as I set her down.
“I don’t care. This is it for you. Any thing you want to say?”
“Huuuuhuuuu wai! Wai du dis tu owd fwuffy huuhuuu! Wan wub an huggies nu wan be awone huuuhuuu!”
“Aight, cya!”
I began to walk away and she cried for me to come back and stay and not to leave. I ignored her and kept moving. I returned 2 days later and she was still alive. I walked behind where she was so she would see me and listened to her.
“Huuuuuuuuu. Huuuuuuu. Ebwywon fo’go bou fwuffy. Nu won cawes bou owd fwuffy nu mo. Stiww wan wub. Stiww wan huggies. Stiww hab scawdies an heawt saddies huuuhuuuu. Nu wan be awone huuhuuu. Miss ebwyting huuhuuuhuuuuu! Wai dis habben tu fwuffy wai nyu da- hn-hngh huuuu hab huwties huuuu fwuf-fwuffy hab ba huwties! Huuuuhuuuu id am habbenen huuhuuuu nuuuuuu huuuhuuuu nee mummah nee daddeh nee huggies! Nee be hewd! Su many scawdies! Nu wan be awone! Nu wan gu fo’eba sweepies yed huuhuuuu! Wan wive! Wan see mummah gain huuuhuuu! Nee… huggies! W…wan mummah! Nee hu…ggies!”
I watched as she died in an insignificant part of the woods. I went and grabbed her body and tossed it in a trash can on the trail. After making it home I thought about the next old fluffball!
