I walked into the front door of the pet store and was immediatly greeted by one of the women at the front desk.
“STOP RIGHT THERE!”, she said with a faint smile while walking to the room of undesirables.
That was it. I was made. They fucking know. She’s walking back right now to grab the waiting sheriff to arrest me and take me to jail for torturing talking, retarded horses. I was a split second away from turning out the door, running to my car, and driving north to Canada. I was stopped by the kind voice of the other woman that stayed at the front desk.
“She’s got a great one for you! He never had a home before. He spent most of his life in his own cage after being rejected by every group of fluffies we tried to keep him with. He’s been back in that room for, dang, at least ten years.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!”, I said, calming down, “Does he have a horn or something?”
“He had one. We removed it thinking that the other fluffies would accept him and we could keep him out here. He is brown colored so I really don’t think he would have any other chance than right now.”
“People are such a-holes! Just because he’s a brown colored fluffy he’s suddenly undesirable! So many other animals have brown fur but because there is a bright purple one OOOOOHHHH!”
“Yeah, it is really sad. You think they would have gone all in with fun colors but they had to make some look- Oh, she’s coming back! Look at how excited he is! We told him all about you!”
“All about me, huh? Well, I’ll make sure not to disappoint the old man!”, I said looking over to the fluffy.
It had gone completely gray now which made it extra undesirable. The horn removal was also a botched job. I could still see the flat of the horn on his head with fluff growing around it. His face was pure joy as he looked up at the woman holding him. He asked excitedly about me.
“Am weawwy gun hab homsie? Am gun hab bessess daddeh eba? Finawwy hab wub? Gun ged huggies an sketties?”
“Yes, you sweet little thing!”, She said, pushing her face close to his making him flail his legs in happiness.
“Yaaayyyyy! Su happi tu finawwy hab daddeh! Su wonewy fo su wong! Fwuffy onwy eba ged wub fwom ou bu dat am onwy sumtimes! Su cited tu hab pedsies an wawmsies an huggies an sketties an toysies a- gasp A-a-a-am dat n-nyu d-d-daddeh?”, he said, noticing me.
“Yes I am!”, I said, not ready to reveal my cards just yet.
“gasp YAYYYyyyyy fwuffy su cited! Neba hab daddeh! C-c-can nummie wady wet daddeh howd fwuffy nao?”
“Give that cutie here, right now!”, I said, happily as I carefully grabbed the fluffy from the woman.
“YAAAyyyyyyy fwuffy hab bessess daddeh eba! Wub tu hab wub! Dis am bessess bwight time eba! Fwuffy su wowwied nu hab homsie an daddeh eba! Wowwy su muchies dat fwuffy gu fo’eba sweepies witou eba habin home! Nao fwuffy onwy hab heawt happiess fo’eba an eba! YAAAaayyyyyy!”
I gently move him to the crook of one arm and paid for the fluffy. The fluffy was busy tiring itself out as it flailed around in happiness and constantly spoke of love and hugs and all the normal things every fluffy gets. Well, MOST of them get.
“Alright, time to take this guy to his new home! Thank you so much for this! He is absolutely perfect for me!”
“F-fwuffy gu homsie wit nyu daddeh nao? SU MANY HEawt happiess! Yaaayyyy! Gudbye nummies wadies! Fwuffy am gun hab bessess wife eba nao! Wub ou!”
“Love you, too!”, both the women said and thanked me for the amazing thing I was doing.
The relief I felt walking out was immense. I am free to keep inflicting horrors on these things and I was handed the most innocent fluffy someone like me could ask for. When we stepped out into the sunlight he closed his eyes and held his hooves over his face.
“Id am su bwight ousi. Nu wike see pwace huwties. Daddeh pwease gib bessess huggies fo feew beddew!”
“You just aren’t used to the sunlight. Don’t worry! Before you know it you’ll be exploring outside and enjoying all the fun! Let’s get in the car and I’ll take you to your new home.”
“YAAAYYyyyyyy! Su cited! Tuu cited! Fwuffy howd on fow su wong! Id am aww wowth id! Fwuffy hab biggess heawt happiess an nu mowe smol cagsie!”
I set him down on the passenger seat of the car that was prepped with two thick towels and got in on the drivers side. When I got in I started to lay it down.
“What did they say about me?”
“D-da nummie wadies? Dey say bessess tings bou nyu daddeh! Say am bessess eba an wub aww owd fwuffies! Ou tak cawe ob fwuffies an gib bessess wife eba! Dank ou fo adobsies! Wub nyu daddeh eben mowe den nummie wadies say fwuffy would!”, he said, trying to crawl over the center console to hug me.
“That’s is so nice of them but they were wrong.”
“W-w-wa nyu daddeh mean?”, he said beginning to back away while trying to make himself small on the seat.
“I’m a monster.”, I said, plainly.
His eyes went wide. He was old so the poop just kinda fell out of him and the pee went straight down on the towel. After trying to mouth a few words he began to panic.
“N-n-nu! F-fwuffy nu wike joksie daddeh! Nummie wadies am neba wong! Neba gib fwuffy tu munstah! Pwease nu be weaw munstah, daddeh!”
“I lie to them. I tell them I take care of old fluffies so in a way I’m not actually a liar. I adopt old fluffies that no one will want anyways and do monster stuff with them!”
“N-n-nu! NU! N-n-n-nummie wadies neba gib fwuffies tu ba munstah! A-a-awway cawe fo fwuffies! Awways pwotect fwom munstahs! Neba jus gib fwuffy tu munstah!”
“I couldn’t believe it myself. They just put you right in my arms. They talked me up to you. It actually makes me a little sick thinking about the full picture.”
“Nu hab sickies! Hab huggies! H-huggies mak munstah bessess daddeh! Munstah nu wan be munstah if hab wub an huggies! Fwuffy wiww mak munstah indo bessess daddeh fo aww fwuffies!”
“Oh, no. That is not how the world works. I know you’ve spent your whole life in there but the real world works a little bit different. Your routine, your daily pets, your weekly hugs, the kibble and milk, and the slim chance of having a nice daddeh don’t exist out here. You are with me now and nothing can change that. Try to relax while I take us home so I can be the bestest monster I can for you.”
“N-nu! NU PWEase! T-t-tak fwuffy bak! Nu wan nyu daddeh nu mowe! Jus wan be safe an wubbed! Nu wan be wit munstah! P-p-pwease tak bak! Wan gu bak in cagsie! Pwease munstah! Nu tak wit ou! Fwuffy nu wan!”
“No. There is nothing you can do now. It’s over. This is your life now.”
“NUUHUUuuhuuhuuuu! Nu wike! Nummie wadies! Cum bak! Ou wewe wong! Daddeh am weawwy munstah! Sabe fwuffy! Fwuffy su scawed! Nu wan adobsies nu mowe! Wan wive in cagsie!”, he said as he slowly pushed his front legs into the passenger door.
“Damn, you were really gonna sell me out. That’s another reason I won’t be taking you back. I can’t have you ruining everything!”
“Nu nu nu! Fwuffy neba teww! Pwease tak bak insi! Nu tak homsie! Neba fin way baksie! Nee tu stay!”
“Not gonna happen.”, I said starting the car and taking off.
“Huuhuuu nuuuuuuu!”, He whined and laid out on the seat, lying on the pee and poop, “Nu wan! Nu wike! Wai! Wai fwuffy ged munstah daddeh? Wai twick fwuffy? Am gud fwuffy! Hab pwetty gwey fwuff an gib bessess huggies! Nummies wadies say fwuffy am bessess hugga! Waaahhhhh! Dis am wowstest! Neba hab daddeh ow homsie ow heawt happiess an nao neba hab! Spen whowe wife in cagsie! Onwy ged daddeh fo huwties! NU WIKE! NU Wan! Jus wan gud daddeh! Jus wan be wike nowmaw fwuffy! Aww fwuffies am fo huggies an wub! Onwy wan huggies an wub! Wai am dewe munstahs fo fwuffies?! Fwuffy nu wan munstah daddeh! Wan nowmaw daddeh! Wan happi daddeh! Wan ged huggies an wub an sketties an-”
“Oh my good lord! QUIET!”
He let out a sharp squeak and wrapped his front legs around his head as he pooped and peed more. He whimpered and shook the rest of the way home. Once I parked he looked up with his wet face, terrified.
“Alright, we are home!”
“NU! Fwuffy am nu homsie! Fwuffy am wit munstah huuhuuuhuuuu!”
“Yeah, you are. This is still home, though. Stay put and I’ll get you out and inside right away!”
He protested as I got out and slammed the door. I walked over and opened the passenger door.
“Huuuhuuuuhuuuuu! Nu! Fwuffy nu can be wit munstah! Dis am ba! Dis am weawwy ba! SABE FWUffy! Fwuffy been caughd by munstah! HEWP! Fwuffy nu wan dis! Nu wan munstah fo daddeh!”
“Quiet down and come here.”, I said, reaching for him.
“N-n-n-n-NU! Nee wun fwom munstah! Nee tu sabe sewf!”, he cried and jumped out of the car, landing on his legs and falling over, “OWWie! Weggies hab wowstest owies! Neba hab owchie weggies befo! Pwease weggies! Pwease wet fwuffy up an wun way! Nee tu wun nao! Munstah gun ged fwuffy!”
“Yeah! Come on weggies! There is a monster right here! RUN! Save the fluffy you are attached to! Come on. Run. Are you gonna… C-come on weggies. Seriously. There is a very real and present danger here. Don’t you want to run the fluffy around and play with toys and hug a nice daddeh or mummah? You won’t get any of that with me. You don’t actually want to stay with me, do you? OK, weggies, if you insist.”, I said reaching down to the horrified fluffy.
“Nu weggies! Munstah am ba fo fwuffy an weggies! Nu gud fo nuffin! Wan huwt weggies, tuu! Pwease weggies! Munstah am nu gud fo anyting! Neba ged tu wive wife! Neba ged tu hab huggies! Neba ged tu wun an pway! Pwease weggies! Hewp fwuffy fin heawt happiess! Pwease nu hab huwties nu mowe huuuhuu- SCREEEeeeee! Nu! Nu! Ba upsies! Wowstest upsies! MUNSTAH UPSIes!”
“Guess your legs really like me. Maybe I’ll treat them to something nice later. Now let’s get you inside. You’re filthy.”
“Nuuhuuuuhuuuuu! Wai nummie wadies du dis! Wai! Awways wub dem! Wan be bak wit dem! MISS Dem!”
“It’s not their fault. I’m sure they are the only ones who ever loved you. They will love you until I return for another old fluffy and then all their attention will be on that one. They think you’re living it up right now if anything. They’ll never know what actually became of you.”, I said, carrying him inside and taking him to the bathroom sink and placing him in.
“Nuuhuuuu! P-pwease munstah! Wiww munstah pwease teww dem? W-w-wan dem tu knuuhuuuhuuuu! Dey nee tu knu wa habben! Dey wowwy fo fwuffy!”
“They aren’t worried about you at all. You were there for everything they said about me. It was nothing but positives. They think you are being hugged while eating sketties and watching FluffyTV. They have nothing to fear. I mean, they should but what they don’t know can’t hurt them. Do you really want them to know? Do you want them to know that, after everything y’all had been through, you were taken by a monster? Do you want them to be sad for you?”
“Huuu wai munstah gib heawt saddies? Wai be munstah? Wai fwuffy nu ged gud daddeh? Am gud fwuffy. Howd on fo whowe wife fo daddeh an onwy ged munstah! Su scawed ob munstahs aww da time! Nummie wadies awways keeb munstahs way fo fwuffy! Keeb fwuffy safe! Wai gib tu munstah? Waaahhhhh!”
“Again, they didn’t know. Now stop, you are making me feel things.”
“S-s-sowwy munstah. Nu mean tu huwt munstahs feewins. M-maybe fwuffy g-gib huggies? Mak aww beddew.”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m still your very own monster!”, I said, turning on the water.
“SCREEEeeeeee huuhuuu! Cowd! Fwuffy cowd an hab wowstest scawdies! Fwuffy nee huggies! Pwease munstah! Gib huggies tu fwuffy! Su cowd an scawed!”
“I have to clean you. I can’t dry clean an animal. Now stay still and let the monster clean you. I know they cleaned you at the pet store.”
“Nummie wadies am nu munstahs! Dey nu gib scawdies tu fwuffy! Dey wub fwuffy! Pway wit fwuffy wen cweanie times! Tickew fwuffy an say am bessess! Nu gib fwuffy cowd wawas an wowstest munstah scawdies!”
“Well, that’s how it is now so try and stay still for me.”
His fluff was completely soaked. I rubbed soap on him and scrubbed the really dirty parts, mostly where he landed on the poop and pee. He whimpered and whined out ‘nummie wadies’ every few seconds. once he was clean I turned off the water and swaddled him in a towel, rubbing him dry.
“Huuu tuu wuff! Tuu wuff fo fwuffy! Gib aww obew huwties! Wai fwuffy hab huwties? Neba hab befo! Cweanies am nu supposs tu be huwtin! Pwease stawp munstah! Tak bak tu fwuffy stowe! Pwease! Nu wan dis! FWUFFY NU Wan! Huuhuuuu! Fwuffy nu can du nuffin! Am jus fwuffy! Onwy fo huggies an wub! Nu fo huwties! Pwease gib huggies fo wowstest aww obew huwties!”
“No.”, I said as I finished drying him.
The heaving mass in my arms was as dry as I could get him so I set him on the floor. He looked shocked to be let go and looked up at me in fear.
“A-am munstah dun wit fwuffy? Can f-fwuffy gu bak tu fwuffy stowe nao? Am munstah dun nao huuhuuuhuuuu!”
“Monsters don’t stop. We haven’t even started.”
“Waaahhhhh!”, he cried and ran, “Weggies wun! Wun fwom ba munstah! Nee nyu homsie! Eben cagsie! Nu wan munstah fo daddeh! Tuu scawy! Weggies! Nu huwt weggies, fwuffy nee tu wun way! Wai weggies huwtin? Nu wan wun? Nee tu! Wite Nao! Wai weggies? Fwuffy nu wike munstah! Wai weggies wike munstah? Huuhuuuu wun mowe! Jus widdew bid!”
He had slowly made his way out of the bathroom and into the living room. He frantically looked around for an escape, finding none.
“Scawy! Scawy! Housie am su big! Nu can fin way ou’! Hab su many huwties! Wai hab huwties? Nu hab huwties wast wun an pway time! Fwuffy couwd wun an du jumpies an du dancies! Wai fwuffy jus hab huwties wit munstah? Nu wan huwties fo nyu daddeh ow mummah! Nee be otay wen fin dem! Wan tu wun an pway gain! Wan gib biggess huggies an du bessess dancies!”
“Well, you are old.”, I said, right behind the oblivious fluffy.
“SCREEEeee!”, he yelped and fell over on his back, hugging his tail with all his legs, “Nu huwt nu mowe! Onwy hab huwties wit munstah! Munstah gib huwties huuhuuuu!”
“I don’t think that was me. I don’t think the jump out of the car would mess you up that bad either. You are just old.”
“W-w-wa munstah mean huuu?”
“When was your last play time?”
“Huu sniff huuhuuu su many fo’ebas ‘gu! Nu ged ousidsies time fo su wong!”
“You haven’t gotten the chance to move much with your old body. You are remembering how things were when you were young. When you’re old you just hurt from moving and there is no cure. Not even for humans, which is horseshit at this point I mean come the fuck on.”
“F-fwuffy am owd? B-bu neba ged tu hab homsie! Neba hab wub an daddeh! Nu wan be owd witou aww dat! Fwuffy nu wan be owd! Nu wan be cwose tu fo’eba sweepies! Neba ged tu wive! Wan wun an pway wit toysies! Wan be bwave spwowew! Wan du dancies an gib biggess an bessess huggies! Nu wan hab owd huwties! Nu wan huwties ad aww! Am fwuffy! Am onwy f-”
“Yeah, yeah. You were busy trying to escape, right?”
“gasp Fwuffy memba! Huuuhuuuu weggies am tiwed! Weggies hab wowstest huwties an nu wike mobin nu mowe! Munstah am wite! Fwuffy am owd huuhuuuhuuuuuu! Nu wan! Nu wike! Wai? Wai wet fwuffy ged owd witou eba habin heawt happiess?”
“It happens more than you think. You are just another drop in the bucket. You stay right here and I’ll go get some monster stuff ready!”
“Nuuhuuuu! Nu munstah stuffies! Nu wike munstah anyting! Aweady owd! Hab huwties aww obew an neba wun an pway gain! Pwease gib wub an huggies! Tuu owd do anyting ewse! Pwease gib fwuffy heawt happiess fo wast bwite times! Wan huggies an sketties an wub! Dats aww!”
I listened to all this while I grabbed the only knife I bother to sharpen. I walked over as he finished his list of wants. His eyes were shut tight as he cried and whined. I knelt next to him holding the knife in front of his face. As my knee hit the ground his eyes shot open.
“sniff an cuddews wen sweepies an wawm cweanies an- gasp SCREEEeeee dat am big shawpie stick huuhuuu! Nu huwt fwuffy wit dat! Dat wook su scawy! Can see cwying face huuuhuuuu!”, he wailed, holding tighter to his precious tail.
I grabbed the tip of his tail next to his chin and gently pulled it away from him.
“Huuu nu! Nu nu nu! Nu tak taiw fwom fwuffy! Nee fo huggin! Nee fo waggin! Mak fwuffy feew safe! Pwease nu tak fwom fwuffy!”
“I’m gonna do a bit more than take it out of your arms. I’m going to use this sharp stick to cut it off.”
“NUUUuuuu! Nu tak taiw! Am onwy fwen weft! Weggies wike munstah an fwuffy hab aww obew huwties! Taiw am onwy ting dat wike fwuffy! Am aww fwuffy hab weft! Nu tak way!”
I pressed the tip of the tail against the floor, keeping it at full length. The fluffy curled all its legs up on its torso and sobbed.
“Say goodbye. Your tail is going away forever.”
“Huuhuu sniff huuu gudbye taiw. F-f-fwuffy wiww miss ou.”
I held the knife on the tail as close to his butt as I could get and made a quick slash. Vertically.
“OWWIES! WOwstest owwies! Tail am huwtin su muchies huuhuuu!”, he said, flapping his two tails around, weakly, “Owchies! Huwt wen waggin! Biggest owies eba! Wai dis habben tu fwuffy? Knu nu fwuffy wub bu tink hooman wood wub! Wai hooman nu wub fwuffy! Am nu pwetty? Am tuu owd? Pwease munstah! Teww fwuffy wa fwuffy duuhuuuhuuuu!”
“You did nothing. I’m just a monster and this is what monsters do to fluffies.”
“Neba see munstah whowe wife! Onwy ged huwties fwom odda fwuffies! Nummie wadies pwotect fwuffy fwom huwties! Pwotect fwom munstahs! Neba eben see munstah! Nao fwuffy hab munstah fo daddeh huuhuuu! Wa habben tu fwuffy! Nummie wadies! Sabe fwuffy! Fwuffy am in biggess twubew eba!”
“That time has passed.”
“C-can fwuffy gu baksies? Bak tu befo meet munstah? Teww nummie wadies wan tu stay ad fwuffy stowe? Nu hab munstah daddeh?”
“That’s… not how time works but it doesn’t matter. You are here now. Stop with the pleading already.”
“Nu can! Dewe has tu be chancie! Dewe mus be way ou’! Fwuffy can nu be stuckies hewe! Nu can tak dis! Nu wike dis! Dewe mus be way tu gu bak! Dis can nu be id! Pwease munstah! Teww fwuffy dewe am way ou’ ob dis!”
“You are a fluffy. You are a toy designed to be cute and adorable. You were made for little kids that have parents with too much money. At this age you’re worthless though. You just sat in a cage aging for years and years and now this is happening. There is no way back. There is no way out. This must be your destiny. You were literally handed to me at the end of your life. This was meant to happen.”
“B-b-bu… N-nu… Nu… D-d-dewe… … WAAAHHHHHhhhhhhhhh!”
“Yeah, I know.”
“WAAHHhhhhhh WAAHHhhhhhhhh Nuuuhuuuuhuuuuu! F-f-fwuffy nu can hab onwy huwties! Nee wub an huggies! Nee wun an pway! Wan be towd stowies wen sweepies an cuddew wen scawed! Su scawed wite nao! Pwease cuddew fwuffy!”
“No hugs or love from monsters. Don’t know if I have to tell you again.”
N-nu! Munstah nu wemind fwuffy! F-fwuffy knuuhuuuhuuuu! Pwease! J-j-jus be g-g-gendew wit fwuffy! Nu wan wowstest huwties nu mowe! Jus widdew ones huuhuuuu! Wai am dis nyu wife? Wai dis habben tu fwuffy?”
“Alright, I’ll be gentle. To b gentle I need to know what scares you the most.”
“F-fwuffy sniff fwuffy am weawwy scawed ob dawkies. Nummie wadies gib fwuffy dawk time wight fo scawies. W-wiww munstah gib fwuffy wight fo dawk time? Dawk time am su scawy huuhuuu! Neba du dat tu fwuffy!”
“I know a permanent solution to that, actually. Don’t worry about anything.”
“W-weawwy sniff munstah nu mak fwuffy be in dawkies?”
“Yeah, stay still alright.”
“O-otay, munstah. D-dank ou fo bein nice tu fwuffy. Su scawed munstah pu fwuffy in dawk woom an scawy munstah come wen fwuffy nu can see.”
I sat in front of the fluffy. He whimpered on the floor and looked up at me. His tail no longer wagged which I guess meant he couldn’t move or feel it anymore. It was time for something new. I quickly reached out and pinched the side of one of his eyes, pulling it out with a sickening tearing and squelching sound.
“Su scawed. Pwease be gendew. Nu gib fwuffy da wows- SCREEEeeeeeee wa munstah duuhuuuhuuuu! See pwace hab owies! Wowstest owies! Huuuu n-nu… FWUFfy nu can see ou’ ob see pwace! SCREEEeeeee huuuhuuuuu nuuuhuuuhuuuu! Wai take see pwace fwom fwuffy?”
Before he could react to much I took the next opportunity to pinch the other eye and rip it out.
“Owchies huuhuuuu wai munstah du di- SCREEEEeeeee nuuuuuuu! NUUuuuuuu! Wai? Nu nu nu can see nu mowe! ONWY DAWkies! Scawy scawy! Su scawy! Munstahs am gun ged fwuffy nao! Nu munstahs! Aweady hab munstah fo daddeh! Nu wan mowe! Huuuhuuuu scawy! Whewe am fwuffy? Wan see gain! Hab see pwaces fo aww fo’ebas! Wai tak way? Nummies wadies wood neba tak way fwuffys see pwaces!”
“Well, they aren’t monsters.”
“Huuuu! Huuuu! Huuuuuuuuuuu WAAAHHHHhhhhhhh! Wan see pwaces! Wan taiw! Wan be bak wit nummie wadies! Dis am su ba fo fwuffies! Dis am wowstest! Neba tink dis cood habben! Wai dis habben!”
He rolled around at first and finally managed to stand. He started running, ignoring the pain he must have been in, and rammed right into a table leg.
“Huuu nee wun! Nao mowe den eba! Dis am scawiess! Nu can see! Onwy daw- oof! OWIE Owie! W-w-whewe am fwuffy? Wai smeww pwace hab huwties? Wa habben huuhuuuu! Nu wan nu mowe! Gib huggies! Gib wub! Fwuffy wan nu mowe!”
“Not done yet. Without eyes you are just gonna hurt yourself. It’s time for me and your legs to get more well acquainted!”
The fluffy lied on the ground, not fully understanding what I said. As I got close he panicked. He could hear me getting closer and knew what it meant.
“Nu! NU TAK WEggies!”
He got up and stumbled on his first step. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and brought him to the kitchen counter.
“Huuu nu can mobe witou se- SCREEeeee ba upsies ba upsies! Nu wan! Nu tak weggies! Pwease! Nee fo ebewyting!”
“You’ll just hurt yourself.”
“Nu! Fwuffy be stiww! Fwuffy onwy gib huggies an wub! Nu wun woun nu mowe! Jus nu tak weggies! Stiww wub dem eben knu dey wub munstah!”
I put him on the counter and prepared the knife.
“Huuu coundew am cowd. Nu wike cowd. G-ged up weggies. Fwuffy nee tu wu- SCREEEeeeee nu! Nu nu nu nu! Munstah am takin weggies! HEWP! NUMmie wadies! Munstah hab fwuffy! Sabe fwuffy! Awways sabe fwuffy! Pwe- SCREEeeeee huuhuuuu nu mowe nu mowe! Pwease munstah! Stawp! Stiww hab sum weggies! Can sti- SCREeeeeee huuuu! Owie owie! Wai am su huwties! Nu nee tu tak weggies! Huuuu tawkies huwt huuuhuuuuu tuu many heawt saddies! Nu wa- Screeeeee huuuuhuuuuu owie owie owie! Nu mowe nu mowe! Tuu many huwties! Fwuffy am nu fo su many huwties! Fwuffy nu can tak su many huwties!”
“There, all done. All four legs, removed with the skill of someone who watched one video on some sketchy website showing how to do it. How do you feel?”
“H-h-howwibew! Nu feew wite! F-f-feew su many huwties! Nu feew weggies! Wa habben! Nu can see wa habben!”
“I took your legs away. All of them. I guess the legs and I should catch up since they like me so much.”
“N-nu! Huuhuuuu pu weggies bak! Pwease! Nu can hab nu weggies! Pwease weggies! Cum bak tu fwuffy! Nu stay wit munstah!”
“So, weggies? What is your favorite food?”
“W-w-weggies favowite am fwuffy favowite! S-s-sketties! Pwease gib fwuffy sketties an den gib weggies bak!”
“I was asking the legs but thanks I guess.”
I started making spaghetti as the fluffy sobbed and whined about his legs, the ‘nummie wadies’, and his tail but most of all the whole situation he was in.
“sniff Pwease nummie wadies! Pwease sabe fwuffy! Am awways dewe fo fwuffy! Wai nu hewe wen nee mossess! Huuuu! F-f-fwuffy smeww… s-sk-sketties! A-am sketties fo fwuffy? Pwease! A-am sketties in fwon ob fwuffy? N-nu can see sketties huuhuuuu! Nu can wawk tu sketties! Nu can feew sketties! Wan sketties! Su hungy! Sketties an huggies mak ebewyting beddew! Pwease! Huuuhuuuuu!”
He continued and I kept working on the spaghetti. Once done and plated I put it next to the fluffy where it wouldn’t be able to reach.
“gasp Am dat… SKETTies! Wan sketties! Munstah weawwy gib sketties tu fwuffy? F-fwuffy gun hab huggies an wub tuu? Huuuhuuuu dank ou munstah! Can pwease hab see pwa-”
“Alright, weggies! Here we are! Dig in!”
“W-wa? N-n-nu. N-nu. W-weggies ged sketties b-bu nu fwuffy. W-wa am dis? W-wa am habbenen? Su scawy! Jus wan wub an sketties! Jus wan huggies! Wai! Wai! Pwease gib fwuffy sketties! Jus widdew sketties! Smeww su nummie! Nu can see sketties huuhuuu! Sketties wook su pwetty! Wan see dem su muchies! Can smeww dem! Can feew dey awe hawt! Fwuffy wub fwesh sketties huuhuuuu! Pwease gib sum! Pwease! D-dis am nu wite huuhuuu! Fwuffy am gud! Fwuffy wet munstah gib taiw wowstest huwties! Wet tak see pwaces! W-wet tak w-w-weggies! Am gud fwuffy! Pwease gib sketties!”
“Dang, weggies! We really nummed all those sketties, didn’t we?”
“S-s-sketties am… gone? WAAHHHhhhhhhh wan sketties! Am gud fwuffy! Wan sketties! Wan huggies an wub! Wet munstah du ebewyting! Wai nu gib sketties? Desewbe sketties!”
“You didn’t LET me do anything. You tried to run multiple times and were very adamant about not wanting me to do anything to you. Now you think you deserve sketties. I think we are done here.”
“M-munstah am dunsies? T-tak fwuffy bak tu nummie wadies? Huuuhuuuu dank ou daddeh! Wan dewe huggies su muchies! Wan see dem an hug dem tuu! Wan wwap taiw woun nummie wadies fwon weggies! Pwease gib bak ebewyting an tak bak nao!”
“That is not at all what I meant. I meant I am done with YOU. No going back to the pet store, no getting your legs and eyes back, no more tail wagging. It is over now.”
“W-w-wa? N-nu! NU! PWEase nu munstah! Fwuffy nu wan fo’eba sweepies! Wan wive! Wan huggies! Wan heaw nummies wadies sing tu fwuffy!”
“Maybe I’ll take your hear places, then.”
“NU! Nu tak mowe fwom fwuffy! Aweady wose enuff! No wan wose nu mowe!”
“Alright, then.”, I said, picking him up and taking him to the backyard.
“sniff Weawwy? Nu tak heaw pwaces an nu tak wife fwom Fwuffy? Fwuffy can gu baksies nao?!”
“No. I am giving you forever sleepies.”
“Nuuuhuuuhuuuuu pwease! Nu du dis! Anyting but dis! Jus wan huggies an wub! Nu be ba fwuffy! Be bessess! Be gud! Can stiww gib wub! Pwease!”
“Not gonna happen. You’re just a fluffy anyways. It’s like stomping an ant.”
“Nuuhuu am mowe den dat! Am awive! Am gud fwuffy! Hab feewins! Wan wub an huggies! Can feew wub! Pwease! N-nu! Nu downsies! Nu downsies pwease huuhuuu! G-g-gwoun am cowd huuhuuuu! sniff A-am ousidsies? C-can smeww gwass an diwt! Nu smeww in su many fo’ebas! Nu see gwassies in fo’eba! Onwy pway time in awwey at fwuffy stowe! Wan see! Wan see gwass an pwetty twees! Huuhuuuuu su saddies!”
I set him down under a tarp awning at the unoccupied house next to mine. No one would take care of the hornets nest over there and I was going to be the one to do it. Under the dirty awning was a ceiling made out of a hornets nest. One rock landing on top would knock it around and piss them off really good.
The fluffy continued to mourn his eyes and legs, paying little attention to his tail. He sniffed the whole ground as he sobbed. He seemed to actually be enjoying this moment. I grabbed a few big rocks and went back in my house. I opened a window facing the abandoned house and leaned out. I had a perfect angle and if I was fast I wouldn’t even get stung.
I could still hear him whining. I chucked a rock. It went way past my mark. Another toss went no where close. The third was more than just right. The third toss knocked most of the hornets nest off the awning and raining down on the fluffy. Next the hornets would swarm the crying fluffy.
“Huuhuuuu. Wan see pwetty ousi. Wub smewws an souns bu wan see. Wan wook ad da pwetty buddewfwys an bootyful twees. Miss ousi su muchies. Wan tu wun an pway. Wan tu gu peepees on bessess twee an num bewwies. Wai fwuffy nu h- wa? cough wa habb- cough am id wainin? W-wa? H-h-heaw buzzin. N-nu wike buzzin! Buzzin am ba fo fwuffies! W-whewe am fwuffy! N-n-n-n-NUMMIE WADIES! HEWP! FWU- cough owies! Tawkies gib wow- n-nu! Nu! Sc-scr-SCREEeeeeee waaahhhhhh hewp fwuffy! Fwuffy am stingin! Nu wike shawp huwties! Hewp fwuffy! Fwuffy nu can du nu- hack owie! N-nu mowe stingin in mouf! Sta- hllkkk OWIES OWIES! Aww obew stingin! Huwts su much! Nu wi- ptooey Pwease stawp! Nu mowe! Nu wike stingin! Wa habbenen? Whewe am f- ha-kkkpplltt NU! HEWP! Su many owies! SCREeeeee! Nummies wadies! Fwuffy am in twu- plbbttt if fwuffy in twubbew teww nummie wadies! Dey awways cum tu sabe f- Hurkkhuck m-m-mouf huwties! Thinkie pwace huwties! EBEWYTING HUWT- hackplbthurck Nuuhuuuhuuuu! Dis am fo’eba sweepies! Dis how id gunna habben! Munstah am wowstest! Su many owies! Nu feew gud! F-feew sickies! H-h-hewppppp! Fwuffy am jus fwuffy! Nee hewp! Nu hab see pwaces ow we- Huthck Waiaiaia! Nu wike! Dis am nu gud! Wan gu wen bein hewd by nummie wadies! Wan dem dewe! Dis am tuu scawy! Tuu many huwties! Nee sumone! M-m-munstah! Hewp! Cum tu fwuffy! Tuu scawed tu be awone! Nu!”
He slowly faded out and I saw him go limp. All that time locked away led to this. He thought he was still a spry young fluffy. When he learned he was old he still felt as though there was hope. Even in the face of a monster he thought there was a way out. That he’d see the girls he’d spent his whole life with. That he’d get everything back. It was finally over. I sat and thought about if I’d go get another. After being handed such a perfect innocent fluffy it felt different. Could I really show my face in that store again? Could I really tell them everything went normally next time I showed? Maybe I would stop.
Who am I kidding. Of course I’ll get another!