Pegasus' Last Birthday FINALE (Tuuletark05)

All were quiet, except Zephyr who kept huu huuing

He stepped inside the house. The carpet still had blood in it, but he walked past it and placed the carrier on the table. He then went to the saferoom with Marmalade.

“huu HUU CHIRP WAI DADDEH BWING MUNSTAH CHIRP TU SAFEWOOM HUHU DADDEH DADDEH!!!”

“Don’t mind him Marmalade. This is your new saferoom. Here you have some blockies and other toys, here’s your food and water bowl (he’ll need to replace them with new ones that don’t have “Zephyr” written on them). Here’s your litterbox, you know how to make good poopies, right?”

“YUS, DADDEH! Fwuffy am su happies! Hab safewoom nao! Bu’ wat am dat Daddeh?” He pointed his hoof at the Fluffstation

“Oh, it’s a fluffstation… I’ll show you what it can do when I’ll come back. In the meantime, watch some FluffyTV and uh… here’s a Sketty Snax for you”


“Alright, Zephyr” He picked up the carrier.

“HUHU DADDEH WAI BWING MUNSTAH TU SAFEWOOM DADDEH CHIRP HUU HUU”

“Don’t worry about it, Zephyr. Daddeh will deal with him”

“HUU DADDEH DEWE AM CHIRP MUNSTAH IN SAFEWOOMSIE HUU HUU DADDEH PWEASE HEWP HUU” He cried as they walked past the closed saferoom door.

Steven took him to the bathroom and placed the carrier on the table. The fluffy had been marinating in it’s scaredy-peepees and poopies for the past three excruciating hours. He decided that cleaning the fluffy wasn’t worth it. He took the fluffy out and placed it on the bathroom table

“huu OWIEE OWIEE CHIRP HUU HUU SU MANY HUWTIES DADDEH HUU GIB HUGGIES PWEASE DADDEH HUU HUU NU WAN MOWE HUWTIES DADDEH HUU HUU”

He gave it a nice long pat on it’s head and the fluffy desperately leaned into it.

“Don’t worry, Daddeh will give you medicine that will make the hurties go away. You’ll go to sleep and…”

“NUUU huu huu nu wan sweepies nao daddeh it am stiww biwfdei huu huu nu pway fwuffstashion yet huu daddeh pwomis huu huu HUU AN’ DEWE AM MUNSTAH IN SAFEWOOM DADDEH CHIRP HUU HUU SEFIW AM SU SCAWED HUU HUU PWEASE DADDEH HOWD FWUFFY HUU HUU IT AM AWW SU SCAWY HUU HUU”

Steven opened the euthanasia kit package and continued to pet the bio-toy.

“Don’t worry, you’re going to feel a little owie, then you’ll go to sleep and the owies and hurties will go away”

“Otay daddeh… huu huu Fwuffy twust daddeh huu daddeh gib bestest meddysun tu Sefiw an’ make huwties gu away huu huu”

Steven kept his hand on the Hasbio product and inserted the needle into it.

“huu OWWIE CHIRP HUU huu Sefiw gu sweepies nao? huu nu hab huwties nu mowe? huu huu Sefiw am su sweepy… gudnite daddeh… wub…”

“Daddeh… loves you too”

He cried.


“Daddeh? DADDEH! Sefiw nu hab owies an’ huwties anymowe YAY! An-EEEEEK FWUFFY AM FWYIN’! Bu’… SEFIW AM FWYIN’ DADDEH FOW WEAWSIES NAO HEHE! Daddeh? DADDEH WOOK AT SEFIW DADDEH HUHU WAI DADDEH HAB SADDIE-WAWAS DADDEH? NU WIKE HUU HUU. WAI DADDEH GU ‘WAY NAO WAIT FOW SEFIW DADDEH. SCREEE DADDEH CHIRP MUNSTAH AM NUMMIN’ SEFIWS KIBBWE HUU huu SCREEEE DADDEH MUNSTAH AM IN SEFIWS BEDDIE-SCREEEEE DADDEH DADDEH NU GIB MUNSTAH PETTIES HUU HUU WAI DADDEH GIB MUNSTAH PETTIES HUU HUU WA’ AM HABBENIN’ HUU HUU DADDEH WOOK AT SEFIW PWEASE DADDEH WOOK AT SEFIW GIB SEFIW HUGGIES HUU HUU SCAWY SU SCAWY CHIRP NUUU HUU HUU”

Zephyr saw everything around him getting further away. He was being pulled away from his daddeh, his toysies, his saferoom, everything.

“HUU HUU WA’ AM HABBENIN’ HUU HUU SEFIW NU UNNASTAN’ HUU SCAWY SCAWY HUU”

In the end Skettyland isn’t real and the pits of Hell and the gates of Heaven aren’t for bioengineered souls.

Zephyr went to nothingland.


As for Marmalade, Daddeh showed him how to play his new Fluffstation, though he had to sell “Fluffy Flight Simulator”, because it scared the Alicorn too much. He got him new stylized bowls and he got numerous Sketty Snax treats a day for a few months. Alicorns were indeed smarter, he had no special interests in birds (which was actually to the dismay of Steven) and he never wanted to fly. He knew much larger numbers than Zephyr ever did (like seven) and could even “read” a little (recognize simple words and brand names).

Zephyr was buried in the backyard and his grave is marked by an engraved rock.

About two years later, Steven met an amazing woman, who would eventually become his girlfriend and wife. As luck would have it, she also loved fluffies and had an Alicorn mare. When they moved in together and were planning their first child, they decided to let the two fluffies make babbehs two after constant begging. Most of them were sold off as, first of all, most of the litter wasn’t made up of Alicorns and they were actually very scared to their parents and siblings. Also they sold one of the Alicorns, a not-so-pretty green, who was still worth a fortune. They kept the pretties Alicorn in the family though, a white filly with a light blue mane and tail, who Steven named Zephyra after an old friend.

Steven had some problems with his old Iphone. Apparently, when you don’t update your Iphone for a long time and you don’t have the available space, it forces the update, and because you don’t have the space to update it, it locks the phone up until you do a factory reset. Apple cloud didn’t save anything, so he had lost almost all photos he had made in the last 7 years, including his graduation photos, photos of Zephyr and countless memories. He fell into a depression and cursed Apple and pledged to fight against it until it’s downfall. He started by getting an Android.

He thought he didn’t have any photos of Zephyr to remember him by and that all evidence of his existence (sans his decomposed body) had been erased, until he found his old camera his uncle had gifted him in his photography phase. Most of the photos were amateur photographs of nature, the city and wildlife, but in the very beginning was a photo…

A photo of Zephyr posing with a big bright smile. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get him to look at the camera. In the photo he was looking up at his Daddeh.


PART 1

PART 4

So this is it. My first fluffy story completed. I really want to know what you all think. I originally planned it to be a much more cold and apathetic abuse story where the owner just becomes a total psycho when Zephyr injures himself (arguably, this is still the case), but I couldn’t help, but put the flashbacks in and it turned out a Sadbox story.

Also credit where credit is due. This story is heavily inspired by this comic by Artist-kun (even though I wanted the fluffy to die accidentally by it’s own action)

The name Zephyr comes both from the name of the Greek god of the west wind Zephyros and the confectionary named Zefir.

I don’t know when I’ll post another story, but it’ll be much more abuse-based.

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One point of critique is that Steven attitude toward Zephyr after acquiring the euthanasia kit and Marmalade shifts very suddenly that it feels jarring and unlike his previous characterization. It may be worth writing more on his frustration towards Zephyr in at least a paragraph or two, maybe right before he gets back to or when he reaches the car so that Steven would read as more congruent a character.

You captured the bond between Steven and Zephyr in the first three chapters very well, the flashbacks you wrote for them felt like these slice-of-life moments of joy. I do personally feel that you could’ve dove deeper into Steven’s grief and feelings of conflict after putting down Zephyr. I liked the part where Steven is actually dismayed that Marmalade doesn’t share Zephyr’s interest in birds, one potential angle you could definitely expand on is how, even though Steven comes to love Marmalade, he still projects aspects of Zephyr he misses onto him, and perhaps that may or may not make Marmalade feel conflicted or uncomfortable as well.

It’s harder to get into the rest of the ending where it kind of just tells not shows about Steven and Marmalade’s lives. Maybe include a bit of dialogue between Steven and his beau, as well as between Marmalade and her fluffy? Cause as it stands without actively showing how they all interact with one another they feel tacked on compared to the rest of the cast and it makes epilogue fall flat.

Ultimately, you do a great job of writing the little moments of happiness, but I do feel like if you take your time fleshing out character thought and inner conflict within the more tragic scenes it’d be even more poignant sadbox. If you’re looking to angle your upcoming abuse story to deliver emotional gut punches this may be stuff to keep in mind as well.

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Yeah, I was worried about the shift being too jarring myself. Unfortunately I didn’t think of anything to smoothen the transition. Maybe it could’ve worked out better without the flashbacks, but I couldn’t write it without them.

The reason I clossed over Marmalade’s life and personality is actually because Marmalade is not supposed to be a character in and of itself. He is more of a vehicle of Zephyr’s horror and torment. Marmalade also symbolizes what Zephyr’s life would’ve ended up as if he hadn’t got that fateful idea on his birthday, or if he hadn’t gotten his flying and bird obsession in the first place (notice how Marmalade specifically doesn’t care for birds and hates the Flight Simulator game). The obsession costs Zephyr everything he cares about, through no inherent wrongdoing on his part. He simply does what he knows and feels based on his knowledge and programming. Zephyr is a victim of Hasbio’s planned obsolence. If he was an Alicorn or an Earthie/Unicorn, he’d be playing Fluffstation on Daddeh’s lap right now and getting back scratchies.

But I think your criticism on the lack of Steven’s inner conflict is absolutely valid and something I worried about a lot.

Thanks for replying!

Edit: Now that I think about it Steven should’ve told Zephyr he was sorry in the end when he’s crying about it still being his birthday and give him a last hug. I can’t edit it anymore though.

“I’m sorry… but don’t worry, you’re going to feel a little owie, then you’ll go to sleep and the owies and hurties will go away”

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the crying is really funny esp right after he fell

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And what about Valhalla, Elysium/Asphodel Meadows/Tarturus, the Field of Reeds, Tuonela, Nav, and all the other tons of other afterlives?

Ugh, this trope again.

I honestly hope Marmalade dies an even more horrific death than Zephyr solely because Marmalade is just so bland.

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Why not? If you ran into the site’s edit limit, you can still edit it again at a later date.

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In my headcannon fluffies simply don’t have an afterlife. They may be comforted by talks of Skettyland or abused by telling a fluffy it’ll go to a bad place, but nothing actually happens to biotoys.

Also, a fluffy isn’t going to go to Valhalla lol.

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That makes sense. It’s the insinuation that the Christian afterlives exist with nothing said about the rest of religions’ afterlives that struck me as odd.

Oh, definitely not. lol

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Yeah, I mean, it’s not like there’s a major faith devoted to the idea that the Christian afterlife is more real than other religions’ afterlives, or anything.

I’m sorry-- I know what you meant to say here, but it was too tempting to intentionally misunderstand it, lol. For a more serious response, I think it’s pretty normal to base your depiction of the afterlife on what version of it is most common in your culture. This seems to hold true even with atheists in my experience.

@Tuuletark05 Regarding your story, and having just read through it, I think it’s pretty good overall. It does feel like there was some emotional whiplash between the stuff with Marmalade and the stuff with Zephyr, as well as Steven’s general attitude. Nothing seemed particularly fleshed out. It also just sort of… ends, in terms of Zephyr dying. I know there’s stuff after that, but that felt very anticlimactic.

Still, it’s a solid piece of work overall. I really liked the last line, the one about Zephyr looking at his owner in the picture. Reading this makes me realize how much you’ve improved since you started, too. Good job!

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